01-Oct-2000
Title: Unforgiven II (Chapter 2, Part 1 of "Masochist" Arc)
Author: Asuka
Category: Arc, Songfics
Feedback: Always appreciated
Pairings: 1xR, 1x2 so far
Warnings: Yaoi, Het, Angst, POV, Lemon
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the storyline... Please don't sue
'cause I'm poor... yadayadayada... "Unforgiven II" is by Metallica.
Notes: Lyrics in [blah], emphasis/italics in *blah*, thoughts in /blah/.
Takes place after the war. Massive thanks to Lizard-neechan for betaing! My
second lemon... sorry if it sucks - I'm trying!! ^; Ugh...since this song
is so -hideously- long, I'm gonna break it up into different parts, but
they're all gonna be part of chapter 2.
[ Lay beside me ]
"So you left her, huh?"
"...Aa." Right then I found that it was the only thing I could say.
"Why?"
[ Tell me what they've done ]
But I knew he wouldn't take such a simple answer. He always needed a reason, an explanation.
But I could think of none to give him.
[ Speak the words I wanna hear ]
I know he wanted me to tell him that I loved him, or even relatively cared for him. Yet I knew I didn't have the courage to say that. I didn't even know if it was *possible* for me to utter such words of affection. I'd never known it - couldn't even distinguish for myself what I *did* feel for this beauty laying next to me.
Endearment just wasn't something that had been a part of my life. I could only cause and experience hurt. There was no room for love or affection. And if there was, it'd be consumed by the devastation that seems to follow me around.
[ To make my demons run ]
In all honesty, I didn't really know *why* I had left Relena. I knew I wasn't happy with her. Then again, did I really know what happiness was? From this twisted point of view, joy seemed the unattainable gift I'd never be presented with. The longing was there, the desire for it. But what really was happiness, anyways?
[ The door is locked now ]
I don't remember the time that had slipped between that simple question and our moment of silence. Maybe a few seconds. Perhaps even minutes. But it all felt like an eternity to me.
I wonder what was going on in his mind, then...
"Heero...?" I heard the soft whisper, snapping myself out of my reverie.
[ But it's open if you're true ]
"I don't know... Maybe because I wasn't...content... Why waste your life feeling unfulfilled? I guess... I didn't...feel...much for her."
The confession only made me feel more empty, but in other ways, it wasn't such a bad thing. With that emptiness, I felt freedom. Freedom with the vast posibilities of what could fill the void.
[ If you can understand the me ]
I saw the comprehension written on his face. I knew, and he knew, what I had really meant. It felt...good...for someone to be able to understand you. For there to be some common bond between you and another. I felt his arms wrap around my body, his breath mingling with mine.
We never had that bond. She never could've reasoned with whatever was happening in my head.
[ Then I can understand the you ]
Perhaps that was why I had chosen him over her.
And while being held by Duo, I thought that maybe love *could* be a part of my life. Maybe for once in my life something was right, and I could avert the inevitable destruction that had claimed so many around me.
[ Lay beside me ]
Two months had past since I left Relena. Seems so long ago, now. I ended up moving in with Duo, taking nothing with me but the clothes on my back. None of my possessions were sent over. I didn't want them, nor did I need them.
[ Under wicked sky ]
I had no desire for material possessions. I grew up having nothing, and didn't expect anything, either. Even the divorce papers staked that claim.
Besides, all that I had thought that I needed was there...with Duo.
[ The black of day ]
Sometimes I catch myself wondering how she's doing. How *they're* doing. After the Eve war, everyone parted ways, and I ended up marrying Relena. And then, in my state of...displeasure, I sought refuge in Duo, whom I had only considered as a war comfort.
Guess things can change over time.
I wonder why she hasn't sought me out this time. It's quite evident where - or *who*, I should say - I fled to. Whether or not anyone can find this place is another story. But perhaps she's learned to move on, and that this time, it really is over.
[ Dark of night ]
I'm sure the damned media is devouring this scandal of ours, if it ever did get out. About how Heero Yuy left the almighty Relena Peacecraft in favor for a street rat.
But he never was a "street rat" in my eyes. He was one of the most considerate, kind, and compassionate people I've ever know. And if I, above all people, could see that, why couldn't they?
[ We share this paralyze ]
I just thank whatever God there is that this place is somewhat secluded. When I left her, he and I moved from the apartment he used to own. It was a run-down place, and not necessarily in the best of locations. There, anyone could've seen us. In the past, I had made sure that my 'visits' to Duo were totally secretive. That was a part-time deal, but now that I lived with him, things would've been hard to conceal our relationship. So we moved to the forest areas of L1, living in an old cabin safe-house the five of us had used during the war. And thankfully, the Gundam pilots were the only ones who knew of it.
Here, it's like everything around us is a dream, and we're the spectators. It's just the two of us. No television, newpapers, radio, tabloids, or any other form of outside contact. We're isolated - our own microcosm.
I don't know why I feel this strange compulsion to protect him. Protect him from all this madness in a futile attempt to save his innocence. It's already gone. If not from the wars, then by my own two hands.
I want to shield him from the rumors, the lies, from exposing him and our situation to the millions it doesn't concern. I feel it's part of my duty to him. I brought him into this predicament - it's only fitting that I bring him out. Or maybe I just *want* to protect him.
[ The door cracks open ]
I stand unnoticed in the doorway, watching him. God, he's beautiful. Sometimes watching him like this makes the stains and impurities fade from him. I'm surprised he hasn't felt my presence, yet. He looks and seems so naive, so unaware. Perhaps this is what he would've been like if not for the wars.
[ But there's no sun shining through ]
He is sitting on our bed, brushing his still dampened hair out in strokes. The streaming sunset refracts off his silken strands, the glints making a halo around him. He is clad in nothing, save for the white towel slung lazily around his waist, another towel crumpled next to him and soaked with the water squeezed from his hair.
[ Black heart scarring darker still ]
I'm corrupting an angel. With my fall from grace, I'm dragging him along, deeper and deeper through the seven layers of Hell. With each passing day, with all the growing attachments, the noose around his neck grows tighter, ready to strangle the very life from him.
And he is blissfully unaware of this.
[ But there's no sun shining through ]
He is done, now, and sets aside the silver brush he's always used - a relic from the past. The way those tresses cascade down his back is strangely seductive. He begins to separate his hair, three equal sections trailing behind him. His hands move to plait it...
[ No, there's no sun shining through ]
...And I stop him, softly grabbing his hands to a halt. He turns, and those sparkling amethysts turn up to mine. For a minute, I am taken aback, but immediately regain my composure.
"Don't," I tell him, slowly unwinding the restraining braid. I bring a handful of glassy chestnut strands to my face, breathing in their intoxicating scent, rubbing its smoothness across my cheek.
He looks to me, curious.
[ No, there's no sun shining ]
Leaning closer, I gaze into those violet eyes. "Hee-" I silence him, planting a soft kiss upon his lips. I feel his body relax against mine, melting against mine. Descending lower, I nip at his neck, trailing kisses elliciting a moan from him.
[ What I've felt ]
I grab at his shoulders, pushing him down on the bed, his body bouncing slightly from the rebound. I slink up him, flitting kisses across his chest, reaching back to his lips with bruising force. His mouth parts, and I eagerly invade its recesses, our tongues sparring passionately.
[ What I've known ]
Our kiss breaks, and I simply watch him. Duo's eyes are lidded, his cheeks flushed, chest rising and falling in long, deep breaths. Suddenly I am feeling over-dressed.
[ Turn the pages ]
Straddling him, I quickly unbotton and strip from my white oxford, a white tanktop following soon after. The shoes and socks are removed, and I find Duo unzipping my pants. They are gone soon after.
[ Turn the stone ]
The temperature in the room begins to rise. Kisses are sent laced with invigorating passion, hands roaming across slick bodies. Moving down, my mouth trails down his torso, teasingly nipping skin here and there, pausing momentarily to suckle a nipple, kiss his supple lips, nibble at his ear.
[ Behind the door ]
My hands find their way to his hardening erection, lightly stroking up and down its length. He writhes underneath me, his body begging for release.
[ Should I open it for you? ]
I kiss him again, using the time to take in the sight before me. His taut body is glistening with sweat, his shiny hair undone and layed out like a curtain on the bed. He looks so helpless and yet completely trusting, his eyes sparkling behind the glaze. We stare at each other, just listening to the heaves of our breaths mingle.
[ What I've felt ]
I break the stare as I journey down his body once again. Taking his member into my mouth, I engulf him, swirling my tongue around it, my head bobbing up and down but not enough to guarantee release. As I am doing this, I guide a lubed finger into him, trying to distract him with my working mouth from the first initial pain of entering him. He gasps, bucking his hips forward, sending me to fully restrain my gag-reflex. A second, and later, a third digit join the first.
[ What I've known ]
Once I feel Duo has been thoroughly prepped, I withdraw from him. After applying a good amount of lubricant to my own aching erection, I lift him up and embrace him, steadily guiding myself into him. For a moment, I am lost in the velvety heat, but then I regain my composure, and begin to thrust. Sweat drenches our bodies, and Duo clutches his arms to my back. His breathing is ragged, his face buried in the crook of my neck. Once again my hands tend to his hard organ, rubbing it in time with my pounding.
[ Sick and tired ]
I can feel myself at the edge, and the thrusts come harder and more urgent, my hand pumping over-time. His arms grasp me tighter, and we both come, screaming each other's names in ecstacy. We sit there, just holding each other, panting. I remove myself from him with a grunt, flopping us both down on the bed.
[ I stand alone ]
He rolls over to me, slinging an arm over my chest while laying his head against my shoulder. We don't say anything, just rest in the comfort of each other's arms.
After a while, he speaks. "Damn, Heero, now I have to take a bath all over again."
I laugh.
Closing his eyes, he gives a tired smile. I can tell that bath won't be coming any time soon. I lazily stroke his hair, trying to get some of the knots and tangles out.
[ Could you be there ]
Just when I think he is asleep, he speaks again.
"Heero?"
"Hn."
"I..." He never finishes his thought. Instead, his eyes blink open, and his hands begin to figit with the bed sheets.
[ 'Cause I'm the one who waits for you ]
"Heero... You know... You know I would stay with you forever, right?"
A faint blush colors his cheeks, barely noticeable. He distracts himself further with fumbling with the sheets. I simply hold him closer, not finding anything to say at the moment.
[ Or are you unforgiven, too? ]
End Chapter 2, Part 1
(:./asuka/masochist2)
