28-Jul-2004
Title: Echoes and Postscripts, No. 2: Reason to Believe
Author: Sol 1056
Warnings: mild language, angst
Pairings: mention of past 1+R, 1+2
Disclaimer: in eight-part harmony: don't own, don't sue, thank you.
Notes: Ah, I know I said No. 1 was going to be the only one for quite some
time (if not the only one at all)... but apparently I lied.
I'm mostly doing orig-fic right now, and focused on that, but this is
another postscript that's been waiting since I wrote the one for Jeet.
Again, it's only sort of chronological, and not entirely contiguous
with the other postscript. Mild overlapping, but like the other, if you
haven't read Drums, it won't make much sense.
And it's been a long December
and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
--- Adam Duritz
"We'll dock in ten," Hilde said, flipping several switches. The scrolling numbers on the viewscreen, moving too fast for Relena to catch, didn't seem to bother Hilde in the least. She grinned at Relena, and leaned back in her seat, her hands on the shuttle's throttle. "This is the fun part."
It was only the glimpse of her white knuckles, and the slightest hitch in her voice that told Relena that perhaps the fun-and-games attitude Hilde had - so much like Duo's - was just as much for show.
Or, Relena thought, it wasn't that it was for show. It was merely the same bravado. Perhaps all pilots had it, to some degree.
"See, the colony's rotating, at a certain speed," Hilde said, grunting a bit. She tilted the throttle, and punched a few more buttons. She smiled as the numbers changed slightly on the screen, displayed across the image of the colony hanging in the darkness of space. "And we have to rotate along with them, or it's...splat!" She laughed, and twisted her right wrist, then sighed. "Home free."
"We're not even there yet," Relena said, confused.
"No, but when you've got it, you know it." Hilde shrugged. "You might as well make sure all the stuff's okay back there. It'll have moved about during take-off, and security will inspect back there while I'm still going through shut-down procedures once we dock."
"I figured I'd wait for you."
"It's going to take me a half-hour to arrange for the pick-up on my delivery. We're a bit early." Hilde checked the time display, and adjusted the shuttle's angle minutely. She tapped the 'comm to the colony docking station. "Station T099834, Hellfire requesting entrance."
"Hellfire, you're coming early. Thought we had until AC 300," a man's deep voice replied. "Isn't the world supposed to end on a zero-year?"
"I come sooner for smart-asses, Jack," Hilde cracked. "Give me the docking codes and clear me for landing."
"Your angle's good---"
"Of course," Hilde muttered.
"Decrease to one-point-seven. Gonna put you in bay nineteen," Jack replied, as though he'd not heard her response. "Ready to fire back-thrusters---"
"Ready on *my* mark," Hilde interrupted. "I can do this blindfolded, Jack. Gimme a break."
"Precious cargo, ma'am," Jack said, a teasing hint of sarcasm in his tone.
"Geez," Hilde said, making a face. "Word travels fast." She glanced at Relena, who raised her eyebrows and pointed at herself. Hilde nodded. "She's not that frickin' precious, Jack."
"Says you, Miss Delinquent. Shut up and bring in that infernal machine."
"Roger," Hilde replied, and smirked. The engines flared up, and the shuttle eased down into a lower speed, then drifted momentarily while Hilde lined up the shuttle with the docking station. The airlock doors opened, and the slim red shuttle floated inside with inches to spare. Hilde laughed, and Relena sighed, releasing her hold on the co-pilots armrests. Hilde quirked an eyebrow. "You've flown with Duo, y'know."
"And you learned from him," Relena said, tartly. "Hence the holding on."
"Bitch, bitch."
"You're welcome."
Relena straightened her coat, and paced from the station lobby over to the bench seats, then back to the window onto the station. She could see Hilde chatting with a Sweeper client, and the petite woman's stance was confident and brash. Relena sighed, and twiddled the ring on her finger, then straightened the necklace around her neck, then tugged at her shoulder-length hair, regretting her impulsive haircut just before she'd left Earth. She kept cutting her hair, and then promising herself she'd grow it out again, but... she took a breath and smoothed down her jacket and slacks, but the motion didn't calm her.
"Miss Relena?"
"Excuse... " Relena turned around, and blinked. Auda was leaning against the door, his arms crossed, and he grinned at her. Behind him, Abdul was polishing his sunglasses, and the two men looked quite pleased with themselves. Relena glanced behind her; down in the station, Hilde was waving to the client and heading towards the waiting area. "What brings you two to L1?"
"We heard you'd need bodyguards," Auda said. Abdul nodded seriously.
"I'm a private citizen now," Relena said, smiling. "I don't need---"
"Miss Relena," Auda cut her off, his tone gentle. "You'll never be a private citizen."
"Hey!" Hilde burst through the doors. "All ready, and thanks for---oh!" She stopped short next to Relena, and stared at the two men, then looked past them. "Quatre's here?"
"Nope. Just us." Abdul pushed his sunglasses up his nose, and shrugged. "Master Quatre sends his greetings from L3."
"I'm hurt," Auda said, his hand to his chest. "We're not good enough."
"Naw," Hilde told them, scooting past Relena to give the two men hugs. "Just... it's a bit unexpected. What brings you to L1?"
"Bodyguard duty," Relena muttered, strolling past the three. "So I guess that means a cab big enough for four."
"We have a car," Abdul said, and brought out a set of keys. "The car's right out here."
He led the way out of the station, into L1's artificial daylight. It was the late winter angle of rotation for the colony, and Relena shivered. On Earth, March was warming up, but L1's position put it a half-month behind Sanq. Hilde was chatting with Auda about the Hellfire, and Abdul kept pace with Relena, opening the door for her with a low bow. She sighed in her best put-upon manner; he winked, and she smiled, getting into the car. Hilde joined her a minute later.
"So," Abdul said. "Sector Seven, I presume?"
"The usual," Hilde replied, waving one hand in a vague motion. "Drive on, Barnaby."
Auda laughed loudly. "You need to work on your delivery."
"Deliver this." Hilde stuck out her tongue.
Relena watched, and tried to smile, but she couldn't joke with the words tumbling in her head. Sixteen hours of travel, and she'd not slept a wink, sitting in the copilot's seat, watching the depths of space while Hilde napped. There was something reassuring about the fact that the universe would expand, or contract, and it had no need of her to sign papers, give speeches, or rush about in her little world frantically holding everything together. It simply was, and she wondered why more couldn't be like that.
The laughter and joking faded in the background, and before Relena knew it, her eyes were closing.
"We're here, Rel," Hilde said, shaking Relena awake. "I don't see Heero's motorcycle, but Duo's expecting us."
Relena nodded and got out of the car. Auda and Abdul stood at attention on either side, and Relena sighed, following Hilde to the door. Into the apartment building, up the elevator, down the hallway, and Relena counted her steps rather than rehearse her words one more time.
The door opened to reveal Duo, dressed in old jeans and a half-buttoned shirt. Hilde threw herself at him, and he hugged her tightly, swinging her around. Relena hung back, letting them converse in low tones for a moment, then Duo released Hilde and approached Relena.
"You're not getting out of a hug," he warned, and wrapped his arms around Relena. He smirked. "See?"
"I'm your height," she replied, for lack of anything better to say. He was strong and warm, and she held on, burying her face in his neck.
"It's the heels," Duo replied, and one hand held her by the waist, but the other one rubbed up and down her spine. He didn't let go, but turned to whisper in her ear. "I know, Rel. And Heero does, too. You didn't have to come."
"I did," she said, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades: a momentary desperation, a passing apology. "I'm sorry."
"No hard feelings between war heroes," Duo teased, and his grip loosened. Relena took the hint and stepped backwards, lowering her head. He buttoned his shirt the rest of the way, and slipped his feet into a pair of old boots sitting by the door. "Heero's out dropping off the latest batch of prints and negatives. We've got nothing to offer you to drink or eat."
"That's okay, I don't---" Relena's protest died when Duo held up a hand.
"It's no trouble," he said, and caught Hilde by the wrist, tugging her gently towards the door. "Just a quick bit of grocery shopping, and we'll be back before you know it. You can wait here. Make yourselves at home."
Hilde frowned at Duo, but he jerked his head towards the door, and a minute later the steel door clanged shut behind the pair. Relena stared, bemused, and turned to Auda and Abdul.
"Well. I guess we wait."
There were clotheslines strung across the loft, with a few clothespins attached here and there. Relena ducked under one line, and caught herself smoothing down her jacket again. She clasped her hands instead, only to realize she was wringing them. Disgusted, she crossed to the sofa sitting in the middle of the open space, and sat down, trying to at least pretend that she was comfortable.
The loft apartment was a good size, but it seemed almost desolate with so few furnishings: a large table with two chairs, a vid-phone on the countertop, a sofa, a low table in front of the sofa. The floors were hardwood, and there wasn't a single carpet in sight. Abdul stayed by the door, as though listening for Heero's return, while Auda wandered around the open space, peering over the shoji screens blocking off the far end of the loft. He ended up by the sofa, and perched on the arm, looking down at Relena.
"Nice place, hunh."
Relena nodded, and rubbed her palms on the knees of her slacks.
"Duo looked well."
"Yeah," she said, when it seemed Auda was going to continue to drop quiet one-liners on her until she answered. "He does. Quatre said they're very happy."
Auda nodded. "And you?"
"Me?" Relena frowned at him, then shook her head. "I'm fine." She sat up straighter on the sofa, and decided to head Auda off at the verbal pass. "Have you talked to Quatre recently?"
"He's coming back from L3 tomorrow."
"Oh." Relena tilted her head at Auda, but the man's expression was impassive. He was studying the skyline of L1, out the window, but then his gaze slid sideways, and he smiled, just a little.
"Trowa Barton will be coming with him."
Relena grinned, wide, and didn't care that she probably looked quite goofy. "Oh," she said, again, and kept grinning. "You should've told me that sooner. I could've used some good news."
"Sorry." Auda didn't look apologetic, however, but his smug expression faded into something a bit more worried. "Master Quatre's doing fine, Miss Relena. Right now you just need to worry about what you're here for."
She glanced past him to the door, and nodded slowly, then backed up and reviewed his words. "You don't need to call me Miss Relena. Just call me Relena. Or Rel, even." She gave him a shy smile. "We've known each other for long enough."
"You'll always be Miss Relena to us."
"And I'll never be a private citizen." She sighed, unable to hide the faint bitterness. "I didn't expect to go about it this way, though." Her fingers plucked at the nubby surface of the sofa, and she gritted her teeth. Where had her legendary calm headed off to, anyway?
"The use of the title of Master means admiration, but above all, respect," Auda murmured, as though speaking to himself. "The same goes for the title of Miss. It is not we who serve Master Quatre, or we who serve you, but the other way around."
She stared down at her lap, puzzling out his words.
"You serve, with your title, for your people, in your role." Auda shrugged. "It's a role that you cannot escape, because it's who you are. The least we can do is respect that."
Relena shook her head. "I'd rather it be mutual."
"It is, but you underestimate that, I think."
She opened her mouth to reply, but the front door to the loft opened, and Heero stepped through. He gave Abdul a puzzled look, then glanced past to see Relena and Auda coming to their feet. Heero's lips curved up minutely, and he took off his jacket, setting it on the countertop in the small kitchen. He toed off his boots at the edge of the tiled entrance area, and came to stand in front of Auda and Relena.
"Auda," Heero said, gravely.
"Master Yuy," Auda replied. He gave Relena a pointed look, and she sighed. Auda chuckled, and patted her on the shoulder. "We'll be outside. Y'know, protecting and stuff."
"Right." Heero had the grace to look amused.
The two Maganacs let themselves out, and Heero looked down at Relena's feet.
"Oh," she said, startled. "Oops." She hurried to the tiled area by the door, and took a minute to struggle to get her low boots off her feet, leaving them in a pile by Heero's boots. Straightening up, she started to wring her hands, then let them fall, lax, at her sides. "So... you look good."
"You, too," he replied. He dug something out from his back pocket, and moved over to a low table by the kitchen, dropping several things onto the table. Heero kept his back to her while he emptied his pockets, apparently a regular ritual of returning home.
"Duo went with Hilde to the grocery store," Relena said, feeling awkward.
Heero nodded, and didn't turn around.
"Heero," she said, and stopped. "I... "
"Hm?" He sorted through a stack of papers on the desk.
"I had all this planned out, and what I'd say and... " Relena laughed, nervously. "Sorry. You always did unnerve me."
Heero chuckled, turning to lean against the table, several papers in his hand. He glanced down, and marked several of the sheets with quick notations before putting the papers back on the stack. He set the pen on the table, crossing his arms as he watched her from under his bangs.
"You still do it," she said. "Unnerve me, I mean."
"The feeling's mutual," he replied. "I'm just better at hiding it."
"You can't anymore," she blurted out.
From the way Heero's shoulders stiffened, he knew what she meant, and she hurried forward, halting a foot from him, scared and feeling so young again. She was close enough to see the fine wrinkles developing at the corners of his eyes, the line between his brows present even when his expression was calm. His hair was still thick and tousled, but his cheekbones were sharper, his eyes seemed bluer. His body was broader and taller than when he'd been fifteen, but she noted absently that he seemed to be favoring the shoulder injured in the L4 mission.
"They're going to come for you," she whispered, reaching out a hand, then pulling it back. "And I won't be able to do anything about it."
Heero caught her fingers in his, and tugged her close. She barely had time to register the movement, and he was holding her face in his hands, his thumbs resting on her cheekbones. He stared down into her eyes, and sighed before dropping his hands.
"Heero," she said, and put her hand on his chest. "Please. Join the Preventers."
"I don't want to kill again," he said, and moved away from her to stand by the window. He leaned against the sill, his hands resting on the ledge by his hips, and he stared down at the floor. "Never. I broke my oath, Rel," and he turned his face away from her.
"Do you want an apology?" Relena clenched her fists. "I'll say it until I'm red in the face if it makes you feel better."
"No." Heero shrugged one shoulder, a half-hearted gesture. "I've thought about it. I know what... " He swallowed hard, and his hands tightened on the window ledge. "I know what Duo's doing right now. And I wish... "
"What?" Relena gave him a sharp look. "What do you mean?"
"He's at the station with Hilde, signing up for the Preventers." Heero sighed.
"He... " Relena stepped back, stunned. She gazed around the apartment, seeing the place bare of all personal mementoes. Her words rushed out, almost accusing. "He's packed, isn't he--- He's leaving, he's heading---"
"Yeah." Heero lowered his head, looking at her from under his brows.
"No," she breathed.
"Yes." He closed his eyes. "I always knew peace came first. I came to Earth knowing that, and it's never changed, that I'll always come second."
"Heero... "
"But I won't compromise my ideals," he whispered, and his hands clenched on his upper arms. "Not again."
They were silent for several minutes, and Relena searched her mind, trying to think of the right words to say. They came easily, so often, but in the moment where her heart had stopped and begun again, she couldn't think. She could only feel the distinct pain of hearing him so gently state that he would sacrifice, once again. He always would, in his own way, on his own terms.
She realized that, and smiled, sadly.
Relena put her hands on Heero's shoulders, and kept them there, feeling the muscles quiver, then relax. Only then did she push him, slowly but relentlessly, turning him around until they faced the window.
"That's the world, out there," she said into his ear, standing on her tiptoes to whisper into his ear. "If you are part of it, then you are part of the peace, and you will come first, too."
"I'm not going to join Preventers," Heero repeated, stubbornly. It sounded rote. "I won't ever risk killing another innocent person."
"I love you," she said, and he turned abruptly in her arms, his blue eyes wide and unguarded. Relena kissed him on the cheek, then backed up a step, but kept her hands on his shoulders. She let her hands slid down to curve over his, still clasped on his arms. "I always will, y'know. But *damn*, you can be a stubborn bastard."
Heero snorted, and tried to jerk out of her hold.
"But you are also someone I admire, and love, and respect," she told him. "Most of all, I respect you. I wouldn't ask you to compromise your principles, just as you never demanded that of me. But---"
"I'm in love," Heero said, and that thin line appeared between his brows. He wasn't looking at her, wasn't looking at anything; his gaze was turned inwards, startled, troubled. "I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did, and I... I never expected it."
"You sound like you're trying to apologize."
"Maybe." Heero's tiny smile was rueful. "He's leaving, Rel."
"Go with him. He came with you. Now it's your turn." Relena lowered her hands and stepped back. "The Preventers aren't just a military organization with a façade of peacekeeping. There's more to it than that."
"In the war, I wanted to die," Heero said, and he turned sideways against the window, and leaned his forehead against the glass. "End of mission, story over, and I could finally have my own peace, of a sort, the only kind I'd expected to ever know."
Relena waited.
"And now, I don't... I don't want to die. I don't want to get shot. I don't want to see Duo get shot," Heero said, frowning, his tone harsh. "Let someone else do it, this time. Just this once... "
Relena shook her head. "If you don't join Preventers, the investigation team will come for you, arrest you, judge you as a civilian, and execute you."
Heero shook his head. "No, they---"
"I've seen the papers, Heero." Relena crossed her arms, mirroring Heero, and stared down at her socks. "When they divested me of my position on the grounds that my interaction with the Council would be undue influence, I was left alone in the main investigation office for several minutes. I didn't sit there idly. There are warrants for the arrest of all five of you, as well as... the other members of the team. And the attached affidavits press for the death sentence for the parts we played."
"We." Heero moved too quickly for her to react, gripping her arm. "You said, *we*."
"All of us. We conspired in an action that resulted in the deaths of a number of innocent people."
Heero's glare deepened.
"That's those who died on L4, but also a number of other names I didn't recognize, along with Joe and the crew of the Dirty Boy." Relena winced when Heero's hold tightened. "If you are in the Preventers, then the Preventers' Tribunal will judge you, and not the Earth Sphere Council."
"I wasn't in---"
"Une has had paperwork in place for you as an undercover agent ever since you left L1 for L2, eight months ago," Relena added quickly. "But the minute you left that hotel on L4 with the intent to become a private citizen, you lost any protection---"
"I don't---"
"I do!" Relena shoved at Heero's chest. "Stop being a goddamned martyr for one second! Just join. Please, because you are too important to us to lose you now, again, not like this." She pulled away from Heero, until he loosened his grip and she could step out of arm's reach. "You're too important to *me*."
"I'm a soldier. My importance ended with the---"
"Oh, shove it," Relena snapped. "Stop reciting at me and think about it! I bet you've been over this with Duo a hundred times? A thousand?"
"No." Heero's gaze didn't quite meet hers. "He stated his decision, and I said nothing. We're not really the kind that debates for hours, Rel."
Her shoulders slumped. "I see."
"I'm sorry," Heero whispered.
She nodded, and swallowed hard. "There's nothing I can say, is there."
He shook his head.
Relena hesitated, then exhaled slowly. Turning on her heel, she lifted her chin, and paced carefully towards the door. He'd signed his own death warrant, and she could feel her chest aching like it hadn't since she was fifteen. Relena gritted her teeth, and focused on the moment. One foot in front of the other, toes into her shoes, don't bother to tie the laces, hand on the doorknob.
She stepped into the hallway, and closed the door behind her.
End Part 2
(:./sol/echoes2)
