Title: The Light in Your Eyes - Part 3
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai
Pairings: 1+2
Disclaimers: Sotsu, Sunrise, Bandai... yeah, all those guys, own GW... I just use the characters for my own personal gratification... I don't get paid for it (I should, but I don't), so don't sue me!
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Lime?
Heero opened his eyes slowly. He shifted and realized that something was missing... no, someone. Duo wasn't there in bed with him. Heero frowned, then got up to go find the other boy. He didn't know what Duo might do if he was still in the state of mind he had been in last night.
He made his way into the living room, noticing his laptop still hooked up. He needed to check for Quatre's message, but finding Duo was more important at the moment. He heard noise coming from the kitchen, so he headed there, passing by his beloved laptop without a second thought.
He stopped just inside the door as he spied the object of his search. Duo was standing over the stove, apparently cooking breakfast; Heero could smell bacon frying. He watched the other boy for a moment and decided that he seemed to be all right. Satisfied, Heero walked on over to where Duo was.
Duo knew the moment Heero had stepped through the door, but he just didn't know what to say to him. Last night had been an emotional roller coaster for both of them and he didn't know how Heero would react to him in the morning light. He decided to let Heero be the one to make the first move.
"What are you cooking?" Heero asked as he leaned over Duo's shoulder, trying to peer into the skillet to confirm his suspicions of bacon. He placed his hand on Duo's other shoulder; he wanted Duo to know that everything was okay between them.
Duo took comfort in that simple touch. "Bacon." he replied, his voice wavering slightly. 'Pull it together, Maxwell. Heero obviously isn't going to talk about what happened last night, so just forget about it.'
"That's not exactly what I meant," Heero said as he motioned to the eggs on the counter. There was a bag of frozen peppers and some shredded cheese there as well. He raised an eyebrow at his partner expectantly.
Duo smiled. He could handle this. "Nope. Not gonna tell ya. It's a surprise."
Heero shook his head. "Well, I guess I'll go check for mail then."
Duo looked at him like he'd grown antlers. "You mean you didn't check first thing when you got up? Was the server down?"
Heero gazed steadily into Duo's wide violet eyes. "When I woke up and you weren't there, I was a little worried. Last night wasn't exactly a pleasant experience for you, so I felt that I needed to find you first to make sure you were okay before I logged on."
Duo was speechless. Heero 'The Perfect Soldier' Yuy had placed Duo 'The Braided Baka' Maxwell before the mission? It was unthinkable. Duo just stared at him, unable to form a coherent sentence.
Heero shook his head again, the effect of his own words on the other boy for once not lost on him. "I know it's hard for you to believe, Duo, but I really do care about you. That's not going to change, no matter how many bad dreams you have."
"I guess I just didn't think you would feel the same way this morning that you did last night."
It was a stupid thing to say, but it was how Duo felt. He really didn't expect Heero to remain so protective. 'What's happened to him?' Duo thought, trying to figure it out.
"I meant every word I said to you last night Duo. Didn't you?" Heero's voice was calm and soft. Duo just couldn't get over it.
Heero knew that Duo had meant what he'd said; he just wanted Duo to admit it now that they were in the light of day. Although Heero loved holding the other boy at night, Duo needed to face his fears during the day where he could be objective about it. Heero planned on helping him do that, no matter how inadequate he felt.
"Of course I did," Duo replied, feeling a little self-conscious about the whole thing, but glad that Heero had reaffirmed his promise to help him overcome his nightmares. "I trust you, Heero. I always have."
"Good, because I trust you too, Duo. I know it took me long enough to realize it, but I do. Now that that's settled, I'm going to check the laptop. I'll be right back." He gave Duo a small smile before he walked out.
Duo smiled back, but he was still trying to accept the fact that Heero wasn't reverting back to the cold-hearted bastard he had always been. For the first time in a long time, Duo felt like he had a real friend. It was a wonderful yet frightening thought; he would have to get used to it.
Heero was relieved when a coded message downloaded. His relief lasted briefly. It wasn't exactly bad news for Duo and him, but... he shut down the laptop and went to tell his partner what was going on.
Duo was still standing over the stove, concentrating on his creation when Heero walked back in. Duo didn't bother looking up as he spoke. "Well, when's Howard going to grace us with his presence?" His voice held evidence of the smile Heero couldn't see since Duo had his back to him.
"We won't be seeing Howard for at least a couple more days," Heero began, trying not to make it seem like a bad thing. If this had happened a few days ago, he would have been frustrated, but now...
Duo turned around, his brows furrowing. "What's wrong?"
"Wufei and Sally got into a bit of trouble, so Howard had to pick them up first. They're okay, but they had to get out of the area they were in before something unpleasant happened."
Duo took the news better than Heero had hoped. He had been afraid that Duo would be upset, but Duo surprised him by replying, "I bet Wu-man's pissed. He hates it when missions don't go the way he wants them to. He's worse than you are when it comes to that kind of thing." Duo smiled brightly at that.
Heero had to smile back. "Yeah, and I bet Sally's not exactly happy. She's the one who has to listen to him. I don't envy her that job at all."
Duo snorted as he turned back around to remove the skillet from the burner. "Me neither. I get enough of that with you. I don't know how she maintains her sanity. At least your death glares aren't as bad as Wufei's ranting... well, almost not as bad."
Heero felt something stir inside; he advanced on Duo, a wicked smile curving his lips as he grabbed hold of the braided boy and began tickling him. Duo was so taken off guard that he didn't have a chance to fend off the attack. Heero had him down on the floor in no time, the braided pilot laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
"What was that?" Heero asked as he pinned Duo's arms in one motion and continued torturing him.
"Nothing... I ...ha, ha, ha... Heero... ha, ha, ha... please..." was all the other boy could get out as Heero savored his revenge for the previous comment.
Finally, Heero stopped to let Duo catch his breath. Heero was right on top of Duo, and both of them realized it at the same time. Their eyes locked in one breathless moment. Heero thought that Duo had never looked better than he did at that moment. Duo's hair was partially out of his braid, his eyes were shining from his laughter, and his face was flushed. Heero ached inside. 'Just one taste... just one,' he thought as his mouth descended to claim Duo's.
Duo watched the emotions play over Heero's face. It was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. Heero's eyes were not the cold blue he'd known for so long; no, the eyes staring down at him were alive with desire, longing, even... love? Duo tried to banish that thought, but just as he tried to dismiss it, Heero began closing the distance between their lips. Duo gasped as soft lips met his own, moving so tenderly, so tentatively, that Duo wanted to cry. He reached up and buried his fingers in Heero's hair, pulling the other boy closer to him so he could deepen the kiss.
Heero's mind was screaming at him to stop, but his body told it that all neurological circuits were temporarily out of order and to check back later. He felt Duo pull him closer then gasped as Duo slowly licked his bottom lip. Apparently Duo wanted exactly what Heero did... a taste. Heero moaned when Duo plunged his tongue inside his mouth. He opened his mouth to give him better access, letting Duo plunder it until he thought he would pass out from the intense pleasure.
"Heero... what are we... Heero," was all Duo could say when they broke for air. Duo couldn't even think. Heero was kissing him! Heero! He couldn't believe it. He looked up at the wing pilot, wondering what could possibly be going on in his mind to make him do this.
Heero stared down at Duo, trying to will the words he wanted to say. His body refused to allow his brain to reconnect. He just shook his head and lowered his mouth again. This time, he plunged his tongue into Duo's mouth. Duo tasted as good as he thought he would. He couldn't get enough. He could feel Duo respond again, kissing him back with equal force. He didn't ever want it to end.
They finally pulled away to breathe again. Both of them were panting, sweaty, and flushed. Duo knew they had to stop. As much as he didn't want to, Heero was in a very precarious state of emotional discovery, and Duo refused to take advantage of his friend... no matter how much his body wanted him to.
"Heero, I know how good this feels, but we need to... to stop... before we can't."
Heero looked into Duo's eyes. He could tell Duo didn't want to stop any more than he did. He also knew that what Duo was saying was true. As much as he was enjoying himself, he had noticed certain physical reactions caused by their kissing that he definitely wasn't ready to explore just yet. He nodded reluctantly then helped Duo up off the floor. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes as Duo finished placing breakfast on the table.
Heero eyed the food curiously. Some kind of egg dish and buttered toast graced his plate. When he took a bite, he was pleasantly surprised. "Duo, this is great! What is it?"
Duo smiled at the compliment. "It's kind of like an omelet, only scrambled." He debated with himself whether or not he should say more. When he looked over at Heero and saw the other boy smile at him, Duo knew he wanted to tell him why it was so special. "Sister Helen used to make it for me... when I had bad dreams." Duo lowered his gaze; unsure of what Heero would think about him making it for them.
Heero took note of the apprehension on Duo's face and how the other boy had averted his eyes. His heart swelled with emotion for him. Thoughts of the kisses from earlier went through his mind, making him want to take Duo in his arms again and... actually, Heero didn't know what the 'and' would be, so he pushed those thoughts aside... for the time being. "I'm glad you wanted to share it with me. That means a lot to me, Duo."
Duo looked back up into sincere blue eyes. He couldn't help but think about the kisses they had just shared moments ago, but he quickly dismissed it. Heero had just reacted purely out of emotion; Duo would not destroy this new friendship by acting like a lovesick idiot... even if he was one.
"I'm glad, Heero," he said, his voice husky from the feelings coursing through him. 'Let's move onto a neutral topic, Maxwell.' Duo swallowed. "Is Quatre going to contact us again when Howard gets back with Wufei and Sally?"
Heero took the hint. "Yes. He said he'd let us know when Howard leaves to get us. We'll have so many hours to get to the pick up point. I don't think there'll be any problem."
Duo sighed. "Well, at least we'll get some more rest."
Both boys suddenly looked at each other with the same question written on their faces: 'What are we going to do now about the sleeping arrangements?'
Heero knew he was being ridiculous, but the idea of sleeping without Duo was... unacceptable. "I think we should continue to share the bed since you keep having nightmares. We'll both get more rest that way." He felt annoyed by the sudden realization that he didn't want to ever sleep without the boy again.
Duo wanted to disagree, but he couldn't. He wanted nothing more than to lay in Heero's arms every night for the rest of his life. He knew it would be difficult, considering what had happened, but it wasn't impossible. They were Gundam pilots; they had more willpower than that, right? 'Yeah, and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound too,' Duo thought, amused at how quickly things were becoming so complicated. He then realized he hadn't answered Heero.
"Yeah, I agree. We both need the rest."
Heero had been holding his breath while he waited for Duo to respond. He slowly exhaled, trying not to let the other boy see how important it was to him. He then smiled, something Duo was still trying to get used to seeing. "Good. We'll be so rested that we'll be bouncing off the walls when we get back. The guys think it's bad enough with just you. Wait until they have both of us to deal with."
Duo laughed. "I can't wait. Wufei won't know what hit him."
Heero snorted. "Wufei needs an attitude adjustment. He's too serious."
"Wufei needs to get laid," Duo stated, a smile on his lips at the very thought of the Chinese boy being thrown down on a bed. "Of course, I don't know if Sally can wait much longer for the 'lone dragon' to get a clue, but she certainly would be good for him if he'd let her be."
Heero sat there in shock. "Wufei and Sally? I never would have thought..."
Duo snickered. "Apparently Wufei is oblivious as well. I don't know how he could resist Sally if he wasn't. She is an amazing woman. If I wasn't..." Duo broke off the sentence when he realized what he was getting ready to say. 'Maxwell, you can't tell Heero that! Are you out of your mind?'
Heero didn't miss it. "If you weren't what?" He raised his eyebrow curiously. His pulse quickened with one of the possibilities that Duo could say.
Duo considered his options; he couldn't lie. "If I wasn't into guys, Heero. I mean I've had women lovers too, but I prefer guys for some reason. I hope that doesn't make you feel weird around me."
Heero tried to breathe, but his lungs were not cooperating. Did Duo just say he preferred to have sex with guys? Heero's mind went to the kisses, and he wondered why it didn't bother him. Did he prefer guys too? He decided to think about that more later on. Duo was still waiting for him to say something.
"No, Duo. I won't feel weird around you. Besides, I've never had sex with anyone before, so I don't know what my preferences are." It was true.
Duo blinked. "You've never had sex before? Oh man, Heero, no wonder you're always so frustrated. You need to get laid too." Duo didn't realize the implications of his words in their situation until it was too late.
Heero's eyebrows shot up. Before Duo could say anything else, Heero was laughing. Duo felt the grin spread across his own face and was laughing with him before long. They finally quieted, both of them wishing they could say what was on their minds, but both afraid of what the other would think.
"What are we going to do all day?" Heero suddenly asked, just realizing that they had a lot of free time until Howard got there. He rarely ever had free time, and when he did he spent it on the computer. He didn't want to do that since Duo was with him and they were just beginning to enjoy each other's company.
So many ideas came to Duo in such a short time... none of them were acceptable by any means. He forced himself to think about things you do with friends instead of things you do with guys you kiss. It was very hard to concentrate, but he finally thought of something.
"Why don't we sack out in front of the TV? We can watch some movies, eat some popcorn, drink some soda, and basically become couch potatoes. Sound good?"
Heero thought for a moment then decided it didn't sound too bad. "Do I get to pick some of the movies?"
"Of course," Duo replied happily, wondering what Heero would want to watch. "We'll take turns."
They finished eating, and Duo led Heero to where the disks were kept. Heero contemplated them, wishing he had seen some of them before so he could pick out his favorites like Duo was doing at the moment. Duo had no less than four already when he eyed Heero and saw the other boy's aggravated look.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know what to pick. I've never seen any of these."
Duo sighed. "What kind of movie do you want to see?"
"Something with a lot of emotion," Heero answered quickly.
"What kind of emotion?"
Heero faltered. "I... I don't know. I just want something that will make me... think... and laugh... and maybe even cry."
Duo looked at his pile, noting that all of them were comedies. "Well, we have something to make you laugh. Let's see if we can find something else." He began pulling down different ones, reading the synopsis on back for each of them to Heero. Heero listened intently, then picked three in no time. They were getting ready to head for the living room, when Heero spotted one that intrigued him. He carefully pulled it down from the shelf and read the back. It sounded interesting, so he decided on it too.
They made popcorn with lots of butter, grabbed a couple of sodas apiece, and began with a movie Duo had picked out called "What About Bob". Duo laughed so hard he fell off of the couch. Heero couldn't help but join in, but mostly from watching Duo enjoy the movie so much than from the movie itself; he did find the whole 'death therapy' scenario quite humorous though.
The next movie was a drama that Heero had picked out called "October Sky". It was based on a true story about the beginning of space exploration with rocketry, and since space was such an integral part of their lives, it captured Heero's attention immediately. It wasn't something Duo would have usually watched, but Heero was so into it, it made him pay more attention. By the end of the movie, both boys were cheering out loud for the characters.
They decided to eat lunch before starting another flick. Heero made grilled cheese sandwiches and vegetable soup. Duo went on and on about how good the sandwiches were because Heero put extra cheese on them.
"I mean it, Heero. These are the best damn grilled cheeses I've ever had!"
Heero smiled. "They're even better if you put potato chips in between." Duo looked shocked.
"You do that too? I thought I was the only person who did that." It was Heero's turn to look shocked.
"So did I. You mean we have something in common?"
"Yeah," Duo replied happily. "Of course, there's that whole Gundam pilot thing..."
Heero just shook his head at the other boy. "Duo, don't make me have to 'omae o korosu' you." It was the first time he'd said it in three days, and this time, it was said with affection instead of annoyance.
They finished eating their lunch, then retired to the couch again. It was Duo's turn, so "Chasing Amy" was next on the agenda. All Duo had remembered about the movie was that the two guys wrote a comic book. He had forgotten how 'explicit' it was on the subject of sex and preferences; consequently, he felt his face flush several times during the movie. He kept looking over at Heero, trying to figure out what the other pilot thought about it. Heero was completely transfixed; he was getting an education.
They watched "Field of Dreams" and "As Good As It Gets" before breaking for dinner, which consisted of pizza rolls and nachos. They decided to watch one more movie, and it was Heero's turn to pick.
"I think I want to watch this one," he said softly, holding it up for Duo's inspection.
"That's a chick flick, Heero. Why do you want to watch that?"
Heero turned slightly so he could lean his elbow on the back of the couch while facing Duo. "I don't know. I just thought it would be interesting. It sounds so... romantic."
Duo tried not to laugh... really, he did. He just couldn't help himself. When he finally got control of himself again, he noticed Heero's frown, and immediately regretted his lack of sensitivity. "Okay, Heero. We'll watch it. It does sound kind of... interesting. What's it called again?"
"'Shakespeare in Love'. It's a... period piece." Duo had to restrain himself from laughing again. He could see that Heero was really serious about it. It wouldn't hurt to let him watch it. Besides, it could be good.
By the time the movie was ending, both of them were in tears. Neither one of them ever cried, but they sat there, sniffling like a couple of girls.
"I can't believe she actually left!" Duo exclaimed, blowing his nose.
"I can't believe he let her go. I would have defied the queen. I would have gone after her." Heero was agitated. "How could he let the one person who had touched his heart walk out of his life? I couldn't do that. No matter what, nothing is worth losing that person in your life. She was his inspiration, his passion, his light."
Duo looked at him, shock and amazement on his face. "His light?"
Heero felt his face flush, but nodded anyway. "Yes. You know, the one person that makes living worth it. The person who can brighten your day no matter how bad you feel or how bad things get; the person who can make you feel better with just a smile." He knew what Duo was thinking about; it was written all over the other boy's beautiful face. He hesitated then decided to add, "A person like you."
"Like me?" Duo felt his heart leap.
Heero was afraid to say it, but he forced himself to anyway. Duo needed to know how much he meant to him. He looked into shimmering violet depths as he spoke. "You're my light, Duo. When you're sad, I can't stand it, because your eyes lose their shine and your smile fades. I feel like I'm drowning in darkness without your happiness. I've grown accustomed to it."
Duo just stared at him, caught completely stunned by his admission; then he smiled. It wasn't the usual wicked grin, mischievous glint, or lopsided smirk; it was a smile of utter contentment.
"Can we go to bed now? I want you to hold me for a while, if that's okay."
Heero nodded. For Duo to admit what he wanted openly like that made Heero feel so good inside. Duo trusted him with his feelings; it was a wonderful gift Heero would never refuse.
They both got up and walked to the bedroom. Neither one said a word as they stripped down to their boxers. As soon as Heero lay down, Duo began unbraiding his hair again. Heero smiled as he watched. He didn't regret what he'd said; Duo was his light, and the other boy had seemed pleased to find that out.
Duo turned to face Heero, his hair flowing around him. "I've never been anyone's light before. I hope that I won't become dim to you someday." There was sadness in Duo's voice, and Heero knew what the other boy was thinking. The darkness Duo had been facing was trying to smother the light Heero loved in him.
Heero pulled Duo to him, enveloping him in a strong but gentle embrace. "Duo, you never have to worry about that. You may be the light, but I am the fire that keeps that light burning. I promise, I will never let that light inside you die." Duo snuggled closer, and they fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.
Duo was in an unfamiliar place. He tried to scan his surroundings for signs of danger, but nothing appeared out of the ordinary; that frightened him even more. He always had nightmares. This time would be no exception. He waited for the approaching torture, whatever it would be tonight; none came.
He began walking the streets, looking for the faces that had tormented him for so long, but they weren't anywhere to be found. "What is going on?" he asked aloud to no one.
"Hello there. Are you lost?"
Duo turned to see a little girl standing a few feet away. She was wearing a white dress and had a little puppy with her on a leash, apparently walking it down the street. In her hand was a yellow flower. Duo frowned. He'd never seen this girl before. What was she doing in his dream?
"Who are you?" he asked, still waiting for calamity to happen upon them.
The little girl smiled. Duo noticed how much her eyes were like his. "I'm a friend of Heero's."
Duo was really confused now. "A friend of Heero's? Then what are you doing in MY dream?"
The little girl tilted her head slightly as if to consider his question, then smiled again. "I used to be in Heero's dreams. He used to dream about me all the time. Mary too." She motioned to her dog to indicate who Mary was then continued, "Tonight, he is dreaming about you instead."
"About me? I hope it's a good dream." Duo couldn't stand the thought of Heero suffering through a nightmare; it was bad enough that he had to do that.
"It is. You see, Duo, you gave him the strength to let us go. He's been holding onto us for so long. He finally set us free." The little girl laughed happily. "Mary and I will finally get to join the others, but I had to come here first for you."
"Where are we?" Duo asked, still trying to understand what was happening.
"We are in the place between wake and sleep. Not a dream, something more real. I was sent to tell you that in order to end your nightmares, you have to let all of those in them go. I know it's hard to do that, but you must realize that you are preventing them from resting until you do."
"You have to forgive yourself, Duo," a familiar voice said. When Duo turned, he saw Father Maxwell standing there. He didn't look like he usually did in Duo's nightmares; he was like before the attack, strong and caring. Duo felt like running to him, but he was afraid he would make it all end if he did.
"You are still our angel, Duo." Duo saw Sister Helen appear beside the priest, looking like she had when she used to brush his hair at night. The look on her face was one of pure love, and Duo let the tears fall down his cheeks at the sight of her.
"Yeah, kiddo, no matter what you've done."
"Solo?" Duo wanted to take a step towards him, but he couldn't move. He looked at his former best friend, realizing that he too didn't look at all like he did in Duo's bad dreams; instead, the boy looked like he had when they used to run the streets together... ruggedly handsome and healthy.
"They can't go on until you let them, Duo," the little girl said sadly, her voice compelling Duo to look back at her. "The are trapped in your nightmares, having to relive them over and over again... with you."
Suddenly, there were faces all around him, some familiar, others complete strangers. Children from the orphanage, soldiers in Oz uniforms, even civilians he had never seen before. Some of the faces were of people he had hated, but seeing them in this neutral environment, he noticed how sad and tired they all looked. Could they be sorry for what they had done to him so long ago? He looked into the eyes of the boy from L2 that continually tried to rape him; there was something in his eyes that told Duo that the boy didn't want to have to go through that again.
"It's your choice, Duo," the little girl said as she walked up to him. "Heero can help you, if you will let him. He has learned to forgive himself; let him teach you."
Duo looked around him, memorizing each face, placing them in their respective nightmares. It was a freeing experience; he felt joy fill his heart from the promise of release from his torment.
"I will," he responded, making a promise to all of them by doing so.
The little girl smiled brightly. "Tell Heero that I'm glad he has been found, and that the flower will always bloom for him here. Tell him that Mary and I will be waiting."
Duo awoke abruptly. He looked over at Heero who was still sleeping soundly. He lay there for a moment, trying to take in all that he had just seen and heard; it was incredible. He let his memory recall each precious face. Closing his eyes, Duo prayed for the first time in years, letting the tears fall.
"Our Father which art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." He soon fell asleep whispering, "For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory forever. Amen."
End Part 3
(:./tk/liye3)
