Another story about Trowa and Ralph. It's a stand alone story, not attached to any of the the others
The song "Voices" comes from the Macross Plus OVAs and the song at the end is by Sting called Fortress Around Your Heart.
Trowa sat at his desk, finishing up the forms for his enlistment in the Preventers. The green uniform he wore felt a little stiff, but then it was brand new. I hope Catherine's still not mad I left the circus, he thought. But when Wufei and Sally invited me to work here, I felt it was time.
"Trowa, long time no see... "
He stiffened slightly at the sound of that voice. It couldn't be... He looked up.
A smile that was ever so slightly roguish and sinister greeted him below a pair of blue eyes. It was Ralph Kurt, half leaning, half sitting on his desk Trowa looked at him. "You're a Preventer, too?" he said, noting the green uniform Ralph was wearing.
"Yes."
Trowa silently cursed to himself, but let his face remain still. If I had known, I would never have come here, he thought.
"Not exactly happy I'm here, huh," said Ralph, still smiling in that way of his.
Trowa thought for second, trying to figure out what to say. "I thought you'd gone to Mars with Chris."
"I did for a while. It didn't work out," Ralph said lightly.
"I thought that you had said that you were through with interfering with my life."
"Well, if you don't want me to bother you, then I won't. I'm here to work as a Preventer," Ralph said, emphasizing the word "work."
Trowa frowned. It wasn't like Ralph to give up that easily...
But before he could say anything, Ralph said, "Well, see you later." He turned around and walked out of the room.
Trowa watched him and thought, What is it about him that affects me like this. He closed his eyes, but Ralph's eyes gleaming down at him persisted in burning their way into his mind.
That face still bothered even when he took a hot bath to relax after he went back to his apartment. Damn him, Trowa thought. I thought I'd gotten over him. I thought... He shook his head, then stepped out of the tub, snatched a towel and began vigorously drying his hair as if it would shake that vision out of his head..
Still, he thought, it's good to see him. He began wiping off his body. Then he thought, He hasn't changed much. If anything, he got better looking. Then he found to his annoyance that his body had reacted visibly to his thoughts of Ralph. He banged the wall with his fist in frustration.
The next day, Trowa buried himself in his work. He was undisturbed in his room until the lunch hour came around.
There was a little rap on the door, that old signal they'd worked out during their mercenary days. "I'm busy," said Trowa.
Ralph opened the door and closed the door behind him. "You've got to eat lunch. I mean you wouldn't want to lose weight and go back to being used to clean people's teeth, do you?"
Trowa tried not to fume, but the mild clenching of his jaw allowed Ralph to know that his comments really irritated him, which made him smile.
"Oh, well, if you're not interested in lunch, I'll guess I'll have to have lunch with someone else."
"I suppose there are many people who'd enjoy having lunch with you," Trowa said.
Ralph shrugged. "Perhaps, but there aren't many people I'd enjoy having lunch with."
Trowa looked at him, willing his eyes not to show the turmoil that lay within.
"There are many things to talk about." The expression on Ralph's face was serious this time.
"The only thing I want to talk to you about is work," said Trowa.
Ralph then smiled and said, "Well, I won't press you. See you later." He turned back towards the door and walked out.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on his door. "Who is it?" he said. Marcy, an office manager, walked in and said, "Hi, Trowa."
"Anything I can help you with."
"Yes. Um, you seem to be friends with Ralph Kurt."
"Friends." Said Trowa flatly. That doesn't cover even a fraction of all the things he's been, he thought.
"Well, I just wanted to know one thing. Is he available?"
"Available." Trowa blinked.
"He doesn't have a girlfriend, does he?"
"No. I have to finish my work." With that, he turned back to his paperwork.
"Ah, good," said Marcy.
After fiddling with his electronic pen, he got up and decided to go to the cafeteria. I can't avoid him forever, he thought. The least I can do is be cordial. He picked up his lunch bag and walked down the hall.
However, when he walked in, he found Ralph talking with Heero & Duo. When he approached their table, Ralph Kurt looked up, smiled, then said, "Excuse me, I have work to do." Then he got up and walked away.
Trowa frowned. What is this man up to, he thought.
"Hey, Trowa, good to see you," said Duo.
"Hello," said Trowa.
Heero and Trowa gave each other a nod.
Trowa then said, "What were you talking about?"
Duo raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh, he was just saying hi and that he was curious what we'd been doing after that incident. Just small talk."
"I see."
Duo then smiled and said, "Hey, you wanted to know if he was talking about you, huh."
"... "
"Duo, be quiet," said Heero.
Then they noticed that Marcy walking up to Ralph and engaging in small talk. She was brushing his shoulder with her hand and looking very coquettish as she put her hands behind her back, looked down, then looked up at him. Her lips were moving as if she was asking him something. He shook his head and walked away. Marcy pouted.
Duo and Heero saw the small little smile on Trowa's face and gave each other knowing glances, but decided to say nothing. Duo then took a breath and said, "Quatre still asks about you."
Trowa said, "He does? I thought he was engaged to someone his sisters had picked out for him."
"Well he was, but then he broke it off. His sisters picked another girl, then he broke that off too. Right now they're hunting for another girl." Duo sighed. "He still misses you, though."
"I thought he'd be over me by now," said Trowa.
"I guess some people are hard to get over," said Duo.
Trowa thought to himself, He's implying something. "I'm surprised that you two are still together."
"Well, Heero and I... just can't do without each other, huh?" Duo said, putting his hand on top of Heero's.
"Hn," said Heero, but he didn't remove his hand.
Trowa looked at the two of them and felt a little envious.
That night, he had a dream where he was stepping out on a tightrope like he'd always done at the climax of his act. He did his triple-axle and was about to land right back on the rope when he noticed a pair of blue eyes looking at him intently from the crowd. His footing slipped and he began to fall...
He woke up, his heart pounding. What is wrong with me, he thought. He wiped his face with his hands. He glanced at the window and noticed that it was well after dawn. He got up and went to the kitchen. I'm going to brew myself some tea this time. Coffee would only make me jittery. Mint tea, he thought.
While he was waiting for the tea to finish steeping, he heard a knock on his apartment door. He went to the door, hesitated, then opened the door.
"Trowa."
"Heero, what are you doing here?"
"Duo thought you might want someone to talk to and that I was the one you'd talk to."
Trowa stepped aside to let him in. "Tea should be ready by now."
Heero sat down. Trowa poured him a cup, then poured himself some of tea. They sat down in silence.
Without preamble, Heero said, "What exactly is going on between you and Ralph? You're not acting like yourself."
Trowa took a sip of tea and looked at the man who was so like yet so unlike Ralph. "There's nothing going on between us."
"Perhaps that's the problem."
There was an appreciable silence.
"What about Ralph affects you so much?" said Heero.
Trowa thought about it then said, "He's part of a past I want to forget. There was a time when I was a lot like you, living from mission to mission. I was raised by a group of mercenaries, but they were wiped out because I made a mistake of trusting the wrong person. I ended up closing my heart because of that. It was only later that I joined the same mercenary group that Ralph was a part of."
Trowa finished off his cup of tea, then continued. "He was one of the few people who didn't see me as cannon fodder or someone to take advantage of. We went on quite a few missions together and he always watched my back. It was frightening back then though I didn't feel fear at the time. He used to joke about how impressed that a little kid like me could outfight most of the others."
"A couple years later, our mercenary group went on a mission that wiped 80% of us out. We ended up going our separate ways... I didn't see or hear of him until... "
"Yes, I remember. It wasn't exactly the great way to have reunion."
"Afterwards, though, he told me that he was going to try to make his way in a world that didn't have war. Something about him changed. Catherine noticed it, too. When I heard that he'd gone to Mars with Chris, I thought it would be the last I'd see of him. I thought he'd found a purpose. It was a shock to see him here."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm not sure."
"Go with what you feel."
"Feel... "
"I think I know a little bit about how he feels," said Heero. "After the war, I felt lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. I knew how to survive, but I wanted more than that... I had two choices."
"Relena or Duo?"
"Yes. A life with her would mean stability, wealth, influence, family, a normal life. She represented the type of things one longs for when you've never experienced them. I even tried to force myself into feeling things for her."
"Then why did you choose Duo?"
"Because I love him. All those other things didn't matter once I realized that. They wouldn't have done me any good if I didn't have him to share them with."
Trowa digested that for a minute.
Heero looked down at his wedding ring. "Our life together... " Heero paused, looking for words. "It's only because I followed my feelings that I have what I have today." There was a smile on his face and his eyes were glowing softly. "We're even considering have a kid together."
"I'm glad for you."
Heero nodded, then said, "Maybe that's what happened. He went with Chris to form a new life because he didn't know what he should do, but realized that his heart wasn't in it."
Trowa looked at Heero and thought, You and him are so alike in so many ways. Sometimes, it hurts just to look at you. "I will keep that in mind."
"Either way, you should talk to him. After all, you know him better."
Suddenly, there was a beep-beep. Heero picked up his pager, then said, "I have to meet Duo for lunch. He wants to go white water rafting for our next vacation. I'm going to try and talk him out of it." He sighed, then said, "Talk to Ralph." Heero then walked out the door.
I wonder who fixed it so Ralph and I were assigned to go together to Earth to stamp out a "small fire," Trowa thought. Heero, Duo or perhaps …
"It's just like old times, huh?" said Ralph as he sat next to Trowa on the express shuttle to Earth.
"I don't think about them much," said Trowa.
"Yeah, those were hard times. Still like crepes?"
Trowa nodded.
"Nutella?"
Trowa felt a little tug at the edge of his mouth.
"I should fire up the pan one of these days."
"... "
"You're still angry with me. I don't blame you."
"I'm not angry, I'm not. I'm confused. You confuse me," said Trowa. "Lets leave it at that."
Ralph tooked at him quietly for a second, then handed him a set of wireless earphones, and said, "Want to listen. It's going to be a long flight."
"What about you?"
"I'm going to sleep."
"What song is playing?"
"Voices."
Trowa cautiously put in right ear and listened to the slow, somewhat melancholy song.
hitotsu me no kotoba wa yume
nemuri n o naka kara
mune no oku no kurayami wo
sotto tsuredasu no
The first word was "dream"
From the middle of sleep
Which secretly accompanies
the darkness in my heart
Trowa looked at Ralph, but he had already closed his eyes. He had the sudden impulse to trace the line of his lips, but restrained himself from doing so. Instead, he continued to listen to the song.
Sitting on the bed in the little hotel room, Ralph clipped on the listening device, easily disguised as a cuff links. "This time I'll be the one to go undercover," said Ralph.
"Why you?"
"You're just a little too famous," said Ralph. "Me, well, I'm not a famous Gundam pilot."
"If you insist," said Trowa. "But keep in contact with me."
"Of course." Ralph frowned. "Trowa, is there something you want to say to me? You seem jumpy for some reason."
"I was just remembering a time a long, long time ago when you left and I didn't see you again for a long time."
"Is this about my leaving with Chris?"
"No, it's about something that happened before that."
Ralph looked surprised.
"When our group was wiped out by that last assignment, I remember that you carried me on your back all the way to town because both my legs were broken. It was a rough hike, going through the woods and over the hills. I told you that I didn't have the money to pay the doctor. You told me that even though you were just a mercenary, that you were still a human being, too. You said that you'd pay the doctor, that I could pay you back later."
"I remember that," said Ralph. He sat down on the bed. "You said that you were tired of fighting, you wanted to see if there was something else that you could do. I remember that it was the most you ever said all the time I ever knew you."
"You insisted on joining another mercenary group but I wanted a different life. After that, I was alone again."
"I'm sorry, Trowa."
"I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. You know that I could take care of myself and I did. I'm just saying this because I had mixed feelings about you. But now... "
"Now?" said Ralph standing up.
"I didn't admit it to myself for years, but I missed you. I've missed you terribly. I even had a crush on someone who reminded me of you. I... "
"Don't say anything more," said Ralph, then he kissed Trowa on the lips and crushed him to him.
Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers in beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the fields I'd known
I recognized the walls that I once laid
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laidAnd if I have built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fireThen I went off to fight some battle
That I'd invented inside my head
Away so long for years and years
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead
While the armies all are sleeping
Beneath the tattered flag we'd made
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laidThis prison has now become your home
A sentence you seem prepared to pay
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laidAnd if I have built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire
The End
(:./mk/rebirth)
