10-Apr-2004
Title: Tetractys
Author: Sol, but archived as Zefyr on FF & MM
Chapter 12 "Hod, IV" --- ONGOING
Genre: Semi-AU, AU-in-AU, Drama, Sci Fi
Pairings: Wait and see.
Rated: R for the time being
Archived: fanfiction.net and gwaddiction.com
Warnings: Violence, language, adult situations, butchered scientific theory
Archiving: Ask permission for each story separately, please.
Critiques: Always welcome, especially constructive.
"Buckle up, kids, it's going to be a wild ride." Quatre grinned and hit a button on the keypad, leaning back so the rest could see the training program he'd run in the system. He chuckled at Doro's wide eyes, and Trowa's sharply inhaled breath, as they watched the stats scroll past on the screen. "Pretty amazing, isn't it?"
"It's damn fucking unbelievable," Meiran replied. "Holy shit, Duo only took out two Long on the training program - how the hell did *you* manage six?"
"Great, now she's treating me like you, Wufei," Quatre grumbled, but flashed a grin when Meiran pretended to swat him. "It's ZERO," he explained, patting the monitor almost affectionately. "I've not run it through a full simulation yet, though. This was just for debugging, so what you're seeing is actually only five minutes of use."
"ZERO," Trowa murmured. "What kind of a name is that?"
"J's name, I think," Doro replied, her eyes fixed on the screen's computations of Quatre's decision processes in the simulation program. She absently brushed a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes. "Stands for Zoning & Emotional Range Omitted system."
"According to the notes, H and O wanted to call it Territorial-Shifting and Reflex-Level Deficiency-Altering System," Quatre said with a chuckle.
"T... S... A... R... L... D... A... S... " Duo made a face. "Naw, go with ZERO. Stupid title, awesome name."
"I kinda like Tsar," Trowa said.
"That's spelled Z-a-r," Duo retorted, but he laughed when Trowa elbowed him.
"Shit," Meiran said in an awed voice. "*And* forty-eight Ma? What the hell were you drinking before you ran the program?"
"Can a person handle this?" Lena's question was quiet enough that the room fell silent at her words, startled by the contrast between the men's raucous words and her worried tones. She pointed to the screen. "That's... I've dealt with a lot in ten years, but that's out of my league, and it's only five minutes of running time. If you push your body to the maximum, you can do it, but then your body backlashes and you have to rest. Wouldn't it be the same with the mind?"
"No," Heero said. His eyes, too, were fixed on the screen, avidly watching the numbers scroll past for the third time as the system analyzed Quatre's choices with different parameters to compare to the first results. "The mind is capable of far more than the body, and far more than we can comprehend."
Lena gave him a tiny rueful smile, and nodded, stepping back. "I'm going to go check on Zhiyi, and find out how soon we get into port. Shouldn't be more than an hour or two."
"Alright," Doro said, without looking up.
"Hell, yeah," Meiran whispered, clapping Quatre on the shoulder. "One seriously *awesome* fucking ride."
"Yeah," Duo agreed, but he didn't sound too enthusiastic about it. Heero glanced over, surprised, and Duo just shrugged. There was a fine line between his brows, and he seemed preoccupied, but soon Meiran's enthusiasm and Quatre's joking had him laughing as well.
Wufei ran a hand through his hair and pulled the band out, ruffling his hair and scratching his scalp roughly before pulling his hair back into a ponytail again. It had taken three hours to unload the Gundams from the ship, transporting them with wooden pontoons into an old smuggling cave on the Jersey Island shore. They'd been lucky, not having to wait for high tide, but he was starting to feel a little grumpy about so much time spent either in caves or below deck on a ship.
He rubbed his forehead, and checked his bearings. Quatre had brought their bags to their quarters, and given him directions before heading off to install the system directly into Sandstone. Quatre had made a few comments about finding the original specs, and some moderations he'd wanted to make, undoing some of the tweaking the scientists had done over their years of fiddling with it. Wufei couldn't shake the bad feeling, but he suspected that was mostly due to the fact that Duo seemed to get quieter as the rest discussed the systems feedback loop and its unique design.
The thoughts scattered, though, when Wufei looked up to see the door to their quarters. It was ajar. Dropping instantly into alert, he tensed his muscles, stepping out of the way as he pushed the door open. It swung inward on silent hinges. He waited for a split second, and stepped into the room---
"Zhiyi!"
The girl was sitting cross-legged on the bunk, Quatre's bag next to her as she sorted through the few books he'd packed with him for their vacation. Wufei could only stare, boggled, and then anger took over. Striding forward, he snatched the book away from her.
"What the *hell* are you doing in here?"
"You shouldn't cuss," Zhiyi replied calmly. "Mommy says it's bad."
"Mommy says---" Wufei glared, and dropped the book on the bag, shoving the rest of the stuff into the bag and pushing it off onto the floor. "And just what do you think Mommy's going to say when she finds out you were---"
"I'm *investigating*," Zhiyi told him.
"You're what?" Wufei blinked. "What do---"
"You're the one who's like my daddy," Zhiyi said. She stood up on the bed, and Wufei vaguely noted that she was now taller than him. He started to reach for her, but she sprang backwards, avoiding him easily as she put her hands on her hips and gave him an imperious look. He snorted, and decided he didn't need to see paperwork to know the girl was Meiran's daughter. Zhiyi sniffed. "But you're not my daddy, because he died a long time ago. But you *do* like Mommy."
"I---" Wufei's senses were telling him that Zhiyi believed it to be the truth, but her tone didn't indicate how she felt about it. He gaped, then caught himself, and glared right back at her. "I don't see that it's any of your business if we're friends."
"Then you're an idiot," Zhiyi proclaimed. "In which case, you shouldn't be hanging out with Mommy, anyway." She stepped a little closer, giving him a suspicious look. "If you're *not* an idiot, then you'd know that if you hurt Mommy, I'll hurt you. *Bad*."
Wufei sighed. "I respect that. But I don't plan on hurting M---" He rolled his eyes, wondering how he'd fallen into that Mommy-title trap. "---Meiran," he finished. "You have my word on that."
"Good, because she likes---"
"Wufei?" Quatre's voice startled them both, and Zhiyi yelped as she leaped backwards, out of immediate range. Quatre stepped up beside Wufei, giving him an amused look. "Why is there a monkey on our bed?"
"I'm not a monkey!" Zhiyi put her hands back on her hips and glared at Quatre. "I'm investigating!"
"Investigating," Quatre said, nodding slowly. He glanced down at his bag, hurriedly shoved together. Wufei's bag was open, its contents disorganized and slightly rumpled. "This requires searching for evidence, I presume."
Zhiyi nodded smugly.
Wufei sniffed and crossed his arms. "Zhiyi, get out of our room."
"I can come in if I want to," she retorted.
"And I can throw you out if I want to," Wufei retorted.
"You do that, my Mommy'll kick your ass!" Zhiyi's shout echoed in the small room.
"I'd like to see her try!" Wufei reached for the girl but Quatre yanked him backwards. Wufei snarled, and Quatre laughed in his ear.
"Both of you," Quatre said, raising his voice when neither reacted. "Zhiyi! Wufei! *Sit down*!"
Within seconds, both Wufei and Zhiyi were sitting on the edge of the bed. Wufei tried to ignore the amused gleam in Quatre's eye from seeing Wufei and Zhiyi sitting side-by-side, both with their feet planted firmly, arms crossed, and chins up. Quatre grabbed the room's only chair and pulled it over, turning it around to sit backwards, like Maxwell would. He crossed his arms over the top of the chair back, and gave Zhiyi a long, careful look.
"Zhiyi, you know who we are?"
"You're Quatre Raberba Winner, and Wufei Chang," she recited, in a sullen voice. "From another world, cause if you weren't, you'd be dead. And that'd mean you'd be zombies, and that would be disgusting if zombies liked Mommy."
"Ah, well," Quatre said, obviously a bit startled, "you can relax on that count, because we're not zombies. But in our world, there was a Meiran, and Wufei was married to her."
Zhiyi gave Wufei a scathing look.
Wufei glared right back.
"In our world, Meiran died, before she could have kids," Quatre continued, in a gentle tone. "So... you see... for both of them, it's like meeting someone they've not seen in years, and getting to be friends like they couldn't be, then. Is that okay with you?"
Zhiyi considered that. She nodded slowly, and narrowed her eyes at Quatre. "One condition. No kissing."
Quatre made a choking sound.
"Heero an' Lena knew the other Heero and Lena, too," Zhiyi continued implacably. "And I've seen 'em on the ship, when they thought nobody else was around." She twisted around on the bed so her back was to the two men. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she ran her fingers up and down her back while wriggling in place. "Oh, Lena," she cried, in the lowest register she could manage. "Oh, Heero," she said in a high-pitched moan, wriggling her lean little body a few extra times for good measure. She dropped her arms and turned around. "They make all these sucking noises, until something falls off the ceiling or a door slams and they get all embarrassed and run off somewhere else." She sniffed. "It's repulsive."
"Ah... " Quatre's face was completely red, and Wufei wasn't feeling much more composed either. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, and he suddenly had ten times the respect for Meiran if she'd been able to put up with Zhiyi for so long. Quatre coughed politely, and shook his head. "I assure you, Zhiyi, that if either of us ever decides to kiss your mother, we will be certain to inform you and ask your permission first."
Wufei gave Quatre a bewildered look, and Quatre winked at him. Zhiyi didn't seem to notice. She was considering it very carefully, and the two men waited for several minutes as she studied each in turn.
"I don't think you need to do that," she finally said, a little reluctantly. "But as long as you ask Mommy first, I think that's okay with me." She glared at Quatre, and shook her finger. "And no kissing in the hallway and making things fall from the ceiling!"
"Not my area of expertise," Quatre replied with a straight face.
Zhiyi gave him a puzzled look. He shrugged, and then nodded when it became clear she was waiting. Zhiyi glanced at Wufei, who nodded as well. Apparently satisfied, Zhiyi hopped off the bed and headed for the door. She turned in the open doorway, her nose in the air as she pulled herself up to her full height - just past the doorknob - and gave them both a sweeping glance.
"I'm glad we had this little conversation, gentlemen," she announced, and strode off.
The room was silent for several seconds.
"I think," Quatre finally said, a bit tentatively, "that now would be a good time to pack our bags and change our names. I don't want to be around when that girl hits puberty."
"Take me with you," Wufei grumbled. "I was *married* to it once already, remember?"
"We've gotten word from Clothos," Doro said as she walked up. Meiran nodded absently, busy watching Quatre sitting in the cockpit of Sandstone, hooking up the system. He looked up, his fingers pausing over the connections.
"Clothos?"
"One of the three fates," Doro said. Quatre gave her an irritated shake of his head, and went back to work. Doro turned to Meiran. "She should be here by tomorrow afternoon. She's picking up Lachesis in Greece on the way."
"Success?" Meiran handed Quatre the next circuit board when he held out a hand.
"Eighty percent on requirements. At least the warning systems are disabled, but Lachesis couldn't get much closer than that." Doro sighed, and brushed her bangs out of her face. "I'm going to... " She glanced across the large cavern, her eyes falling on something in the distance, and then she seemed to shake herself. "I'm going to get a few hours of sleep, and then I'll come assist."
Meiran nodded, already preoccupied finding the next circuit board for Quatre.
Trowa found Lena by Talon at the far end of the hangar, the guts of the apogee motor on the ground at her feet. She was crouched over it with a wrench, grunting as she loosened the motor rod. He watched for a minute, relieved that Heero was nowhere around, and waited for Lena to realize he was there. It took several seconds for him to remember she wasn't nearly as highly strung as his teammates and probably wouldn't pull a gun on him, now that she'd accepted them. He sighed, and squatted down next to her.
"Fixing it, or just taking it apart to kill time?"
"Fixing, actually," she said, and pulled the motor rod out, studying the mechanism carefully before setting it aside. Reaching into the barrel, she began unscrewing the butterflies. "You're the one that's killing time. Shouldn't you be going over everything?"
Trowa shrugged. "I've gone over the plans twice."
"We usually go over things five, six times... until we can say 'em in our sleep," Lena replied. She set one of the butterflies down by the motor rod and began on the second one. "Unless you like flying-by-your-pants... "
"I prefer flying by a good radar system." Trowa shifted, and pulled his knees up under his chin, wrapping his arms around his legs. "Going over it twice amounts to total memorization."
"Oh. I *see*," Lena mocked. She flashed a smile, though, to soften the sarcasm. "And now you've decided to come inspect my handiwork?"
"No need... I can see you know what you're doing." He paused, ducking his head to let his hair cover his face, and pondered everything that had been running through his head. Now that he was talking to her, it was harder than he'd realized to focus on his own thoughts, rather than let unexpected nervousness make him doubly aware of the thoughts of everyone in the hangar.
"But... " Lena prompted. She set the second butterfly down, and reached over for the can of solvent, dropping both butterflies in. The small metallic wings fluttered on the plugs as they sank into the cleaning solution. Lena glanced at Trowa, her eyebrows raised. "I *do* know what I'm doing."
He knew she wasn't talking about the balancing system, anymore than he had been. Under her spoken words, he could hear the whispers of her mind, running concurrent. It was a struggle to focus on the face value of her words, rather than impose by listening for her intimate meanings. Trowa twitched his head to get the hair from his eyes, and fixed her with a stare. "Do you? Because he doesn't."
"I'm aware of that," she replied, a little stiffly, then halted. She took a breath, and visibly relaxed. "Sorry, I'm not used to protective siblings."
"Siblings?"
"Brothers... friends... what would you call yourself?" She leaned over the can of solvent, her sandy brown hair falling across her face, masking it from his view. "Friends with benefits, perhaps?"
"Benefits." Trowa frowned, and shook his head. He could feel his face getting hot. "No... "
She turned away from him, and he wondered if she was embarrassed, or was giving him the space to be embarrassed without actually having the space to flee the conversation. Her voice was neutral when she spoke, as she fished the first butterfly from the solvent and began cleaning it off. "Do you want there to be?"
"Do I... " Trowa could only gape, stunned by the question. "I... we've never really discussed it."
"Ten years, and you've never raised the question? You'd rather be lonely---"
"We'd rather be *free*," Trowa interjected. He winced, sure he'd sounded harsh, but she didn't react, and he plunged forward with the rest of his thoughts. "It wasn't like we got a choice in the matter. And maybe he's got a choice now. That's what's important to us, that he gets a choice. I just... I just don't want anyone playing with his hope, like it's a simple thing. His hope wasn't easy, and it wasn't cheap."
"I won't throw it away," Lena whispered. She turned to look at Trowa, and raised one hand, palm outward. As he watched, she gently placed it against his cheek. He gasped at the touch, overwhelmed by the jumble of her thoughts screaming into his head. They swirled with an intensity like tracking Duo's vision, and Trowa's entire body arched under the onslaught of her mind's force.
*When the war ends* --- what if it's something --- *there are doctors who might* --- I've always wanted a house, with a --- *when Talon's beam cannon* --- I worry about them and I wish --- *put your hand down, I love your smile* --- but if you don't, we could --- *when I was a child, I had a puppy named* --- I was thinking architecture, I've always --- *it's possible, and then we wouldn't have* --- sometimes, there was no one in the gardens, I'd --- *shhh, take a deep breath, it'll be* --- normal, y'know? Without --- *on the beach, and he said* --- haven't danced in years, except for formal --- *I'm sure the doctors would be* ---
Trowa pulled away with a ragged breath. "Stop," he ordered, his voice low and uneven. "Just stop that. Stop... *stop* making promises."
"Promises are what we give each other." Her smile was sad, or perhaps regretful that she thought he didn't understand. "That's part of hope."
"They're empty," he protested. "There's no way of knowing---"
"Even Duo doesn't know everything that will happen." Lena pulled the second butterfly from the solvent and began cleaning it carefully. "The whole point of hope is that you don't know, but you're willing to believe. I'm willing. That's what's important."
"But the risk---"
"---Is worth the prize, Barton." Lena set the butterfly down, and picked up the motor rod. "You're willing to follow this crazy, idiotic, suicidal plan with Duo, because you think it'll achieve an end. Is that so different from me?"
"Yes," he answered staunchly. He couldn't breathe, still feeling the thoughts and whispers from her mind, dancing in the shadows of his head. He shuddered, and clenched his hands tighter around his legs. "If anything happens to us, the worst that'll happen is we'll die. We--- I've known that for years. That's the price, but---"
Lena set the motor rod down on the concrete with a resounding slap. Her blue eyes were flashing as she stared Trowa down. "Don't you dare even imply that your deaths would be mourned less than a broken heart--- Don't you dare tell me death is *easier* than a broken heart!"
"It is," he told her, in a broken voice. Her mind was silent; her flash of irritation was so concentrated there was no room for secondary paths. Trowa leaned away from her gaze. "Death is something we're used to. We give it, and we live with it. But if---"
"He'll live with the pain, heal, and move on," she said, simply, with a hint of bitterness. "Better than he might if he lost both of you. You're his *entire world*, damn it. If I didn't understand, I'd be too jealous to see straight," Lena spat, her fists clenched on her thighs. She took a deep breath and shook her head. "But I'm not, no. You're all he talks about. Which of us is worse, for risking his love? Me, for hurting his heart, or you, for maiming his soul?"
"I'll come back alive," Trowa promised, quietly.
"See that you do, because I don't intend to give up, either," Lena replied. She bent over the motor, replacing the first butterfly valve, and for a second, Trowa thought he'd been dismissed. But her mind was beginning to murmur again, and he had to pull himself away to keep from intruding. She sat back, and picked up the second butterfly, twirling it in her fingers. "Y'know, Trowa, being hurt is part of growing up."
"I know that," he said. He wanted to sound offended at the presumptuous statement, but he was certain he just sounded miserable.
"I think you know it, but you don't feel it," she replied, shrugging a bit. "Someone hurt you, really badly, didn't they... "
"It was a long---"
"---And you made promises, and couldn't keep them, and had to live with knowing that you'd dreamed something beautiful and then woke up."
Trowa buried his face against his knees. He wasn't sure what to say, but nothing in her mind's murmurs had indicated she was about to say something quite so perceptive. He felt like laughing, suddenly, wondering if she might have some innate skills herself, but couldn't manage the sound past the tightness in his throat. He heard metal clattering as she began replacing the second butterfly. He raised his head, and stared across the hangar at the other Gundams.
"Do you love him?" He wasn't sure if she could hear him, he'd asked so quietly.
There was a long pause, and the sound of the motor rod being slid into the casing. "I don't know," she said.
Trowa frowned. "I don't---"
"---I'm not fifteen anymore," Lena said sharply. "I've done the love at first sight thing, and now... I think it's better to be friends at first sight. The rest... comes in its own time."
"*Could* you love him?" Trowa's hands tightened, his fingernails digging into his jeans.
"Absolutely," Lena said, with a smile. "But if it doesn't work - for any reason - I won't stop being his friend." She raised her head, fixing him with her great blue eyes, intently. "And the same goes for you, as well, if you'll let me."
Trowa dropped his gaze, uneasy. "I don't know," he whispered.
"I know you don't," Lena said. "That's okay."
He nodded, and stood. Trowa paused, his fingers twitching at his sides, but couldn't think of what else to say. He left without a word, and Lena let him go.
"Tower, Sandstone preparing for departure, test one-seven-point-alpha, live time." Quatre's voice came over the intercom.
"Roger that," Wufei answered. "Docking bay door unlock procedure starting, running confirmation on distance recording."
"Tracking confirmed," Quatre answered. Sandstone powered up, the jets screaming in the enclosed area. The Gundam rocked gracefully to its feet, the shotels gleaming in the high beams overhead. "Damn, slow doors, Wufei."
"Blame Yuy," Wufei replied. "He's busy talking with Michaels about the flight pattern shifts due to the weather. Michaels and Kaplan won't authorize until they've triple-checked the reports coming in from the support stations."
Doro leaned against the console, listening to the chatter with half her mind. The other half was pondering what she'd seen in the hangar, where Trowa and Lena had been involved in some sort of discussion that clearly upset them both, although Lena had been calm and dry-eyed when Doro approached her a few minutes after Trowa's departure. Doro wasn't sure of Trowa's state of mind, though he'd walked with hunched shoulders, and his hands shoved in his pockets. Whatever Lena had said, it was something that put him deep enough into thought he didn't even flinch when Doro focused all her mental strength on visualizing Professor G dancing with the Russian Ballet.
Meiran entered the command center, and tapped Heero on the shoulder. He gave up the spot without argument, and Doro raised her eyebrows at that. She'd been led to understand that Heero and Wufei would be running the surveillance on the systems' processes, and she flagged Heero down as he left the room.
"Where are you---"
"Wing," he said curtly, and left.
Doro blinked at the closing door behind him, and turned to Meiran with a frustrated snort. "Why doesn't anyone---"
"Sudden change," Meiran said over her shoulder, and pulled the headgear on, adjusting the mike to the right angle. "Maxwell asked that Yuy and Barton be on standby."
"He did?" Doro felt a sudden twinge run down her spine, like a trickle of cold water on a hot day. "Where's Maxwell now?"
"Quarters," Meiran replied, flipping several switches, and speaking into the mike. "Winner, you've got clearance. The mainland's Foundation runs are called off for fog, so you've got cover as well. Keep your radar on; it gets thick as pea soup out there."
"Our worlds must have different definitions of pea soup," Quatre grumbled.
Meiran turned to look at Doro, while Wufei began monitoring the ZERO system's processes. Doro could hear the roar of Sandstone's jets as it transformed to bird-mode and took off, spiraling into the air over the North Sea. Meiran gave Doro a half-shrug.
"Said he didn't want the interference, whatever that means."
"Oh." Doro frowned. "I'll be... heading towards the hangar," she finally said, aware that it was close enough to the truth that it shouldn't alert Wufei. Meiran gave her a distracted wave, and Doro left the command center, uneasy but not entirely certain why.
Five minutes later, she found herself in front of the quarters the guys had chosen, and picked a door at random. Tapping on it, she was surprised to find she'd picked the right one. Cautiously she opened the door, sticking her head around, to see Duo sprawled across the bed. He had a book open on the pillow, but was twisted around, his gun aimed for her head.
"Nice to see you, too," she told him.
"Habit," he responded, and slid the gun under his pillow. He closed the book and turned on his side, propping his elbow up on the pillow, his cheek against his fist. "What's up?"
"Just wanted to talk," Doro said. She closed the door behind her, and sat down at the chair by the bed. "Are you positive you want to do this? Your plan is... a bit risky."
"A bit?"
"Exceedingly risky," she amended. "I can't speak for Quatre, but I don't like sending people into something I think might be certain death."
"Nothing's certain." He grinned. "And I'd be one to know."
"How *do* you know?" Doro studied him carefully, frowning just a little. "What's it like?"
"What, seeing?" Duo shrugged, and rolled over on his back, clasping his hands behind his head. "It's like... like if you look at a vid-screen at night, with the lights off. When you turn off the vid-screen, you can still see it against the inside of your eyelids, replaying in shadowy form. That's what it's like, all the time. Everyone I see, touch, talk to... their various futures and moments are flashing on top of them. I just follow the images, trying to connect one to the next, like stringing up individual frames in a movie."
"Sounds distracting."
"It used to be. Like watching sixteen vid-screens at once, but they're all on top of each other. Thank the stars the sight comes without an audio track!" He tilted his head to grin at her. "But I got used to it, after awhile. As long as I have time to recharge... y'know, not have to deal with it... I can handle it just fine."
"The other night, I'm sorry for what I said... how I said it, too. I don't think it came out right." Doro pulled her hair around to lay across her chest, and leaned back in the chair.
"It's true, though. It is handy." Duo stared up at the ceiling, his expression thoughtful. "But it's a power-game, too. Who can see farther, has the knowledge, and has the power. Problem is... everything's faulty. You can't rely on it."
"Why not? Isn't it a possible future?"
Duo laughed. "Sure, of a hundred, a thousand. Maybe, in this instance, you have a future of dying in a hailstorm for stepping outside in the next ten minutes. But on your way to the door, you realize there's a rock in your shoe, and you make that split second decision to stop and get it out. The big future - the likely one - is that you won't stop. A split-second, an instinct, is harder to gauge. The image is momentary, so it's a thread I can't always follow." He tilted his head again, to look up at her, and she thought for a second that he looked rather forlorn. "Does that make sense?"
Doro thought for a long second, before realizing the true question lurking within his words. "Does it not make sense to most people?"
"Well... " He raised one shoulder and dropped it, in an abbreviated casual shrug. "Most people don't even ask, really. They just... " His voice dropped to a whisper. "They just don't want to come near me. Or Trowa, really."
"Are you two going to be okay?"
"What, us? Yeah, why?" Duo gave her a wide grin, but she could see the lines around his eyes, and she wasn't fooled.
"A week," she said. "You're leaving in the morning, and Yuy's going there separately. I thought you---"
"We would, but we've been through it before, a few times." He chuckled. "I won't say it was a day at the bowling alley... well, maybe I would," he added in a thoughtful tone. "Because, for some inexplicable reason, I absolutely suck at bowling."
Doro was startled. "You've been bowling?"
"Once," he said. "Back when I first came to Earth. There was a school field trip, and we went bowling. Here I was, undercover mighty Gundam pilot, and I couldn't hit a frickin' strike to save my goddamned life. It *sucked*."
"Ah... I'll keep that in mind," she said, laughing softly. Sobering up, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Clothos and Lachesis are going with Heero, as back-up. Lachesis has been doing infiltration with the tribunal for the past two months, and... " Doro halted, seeing Duo's blue eyes fixed on her. She sighed. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that while you two are gone, I'll do the best I can to make sure Heero's okay. I know... I mean, I've heard you're rather protective of him."
Duo rolled his eyes. "He's not a kid. He's a ruthless, bloodthirsty killer. Don't underestimate his abilities because you're too busy thinking he needs to be coddled during the second great crush of his life."
"I never forget that," she retorted, but without malice. "Question is, do *you*?"
"What do you mean by that?" Duo twisted around on the bed, sitting up to face Doro. "You got something to say---"
"I'll say it," Doro replied, instinctively switching tacks in mid-stream. "You've been giving Lena looks, and it's got her on edge. You need to chill out."
"I haven't been giving anyone *looks*," he said, grumbling a little, but then grinned, and she could see his tongue flicking at the inside of his cheek. She wondered if he were turning the 'com system on, or possibly off. "Unless you're talking about me checking out her ass? I'm allowed. She's been sucking face with Heero for five days now, and I just wanted to see if... " He shrugged, and leaned back on his hands. "*You* chill out. Uptight much?"
Doro grinned, but the expression faded as a sharp pain hit her in the chest. There was something hiding in Duo's tone, or his words, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. But she hadn't gotten to be the tactician of the group without being perceptive, Doro reminded herself. She steeled herself and followed her instincts.
"This is new for all of you," she told him, as though she knew it for a fact. "Except, I think, one of you. Is it you? Or... Trowa?" Immediately she knew the second guess was correct, when Duo's body tensed. His eyes darted away from her before reluctantly coming back to meet her gaze.
"Trowa," he mumbled, and dropped his chin, watching his feet kick at the floor. "Five years ago... he met a girl who worked in the administrative offices."
Doro said nothing, but waited, sensing it would get more results than coaxing. When Duo began speaking again, she knew she was right.
"She was cute," Duo whispered. He stared at the floor, his shoulders slumped. "They were both cute... and Heero an' I kept telling Trowa to go for it. Y'see, Trowa and Quatre... well, they were kinda... " He sighed, and made that one-shouldered shrug again, like he couldn't even manage the energy to move more. "They'd not done anything, but they spent time together during Operation Meteor, and it was kinda obvious they were seriously crushing on each other... but Treize didn't care, didn't ask... he just matched us up together, and bam! There we were, practically married and no say in the matter, at the age of fifteen."
Doro made an understanding sound, but he didn't seem to notice.
"I tried first, actually." He was quiet for a minute, a small smile playing around his lips. "Got as far as a kiss... and it seemed to be okay, but the second we went past that... " He shook his head, his face pale. "I saw all the instincts, all the momentary decisions, laid out in a neat pattern from here to a year into the future. Far as I was concerned, that was it for me." He grinned, but it looked forced. "Hey, that's okay. I'm okay with that, cause, y'know, what you get used to... But Trowa... " He nodded, absently, his gaze inward. "When we were twenty, for Trowa to notice someone new, it was... it was a good sign. Y'know, for so many reasons. Heero and I, well, we had to be the worst! We were such kids. Kept him up every night, telling us what it was like. For a while there, it was like... somehow, we were all *normal*, even if Heero an' I were only living it vicariously. We had such hopes, and they spent so long together, so many hours when we were between missions... "
His voice trailed off, and the room was silent for twenty heartbeats. Doro shifted in her chair. "What happened?"
"He... " Duo's face was flushed, and he avoided her gaze. "Trowa was the first of us to lose his virginity. Supposed to be an amazing thing, right? Yeah, it was fucking amazing, all right. He managed to get up, get dressed, and collapsed in the hallway, in a catatonic state. She called us, and we couldn't get him to snap out of it. We were trying to hide it from Treize... we *wanted* it to work, we *wanted* him to come through and keep going, and we just knew Treize would end it if he found out. He *relied* on our isolation, on our complete dependence, on our need for the barriers he'd created to protect us." Duo's lip curled in a snarl. "Control freak, goddamned sick bastard. But in the end... a mission came through, and Trowa was still in a little ball, shut away from everyone. Treize came and took him from us, for three months. Nearly lost Winner on the next mission, and Yuy on the one after that. Treize finally gave us back Trowa... but the Trowa we got was distracted, unable to focus." Duo's voice fell past a whisper, and Doro had to strain to her him. "Tro had a permanent connection to the girl. Her voice was in his head, twenty-four hours a day, no breaks. He dreamed her dreams, he heard her conversations, he... "
Doro swallowed hard, fighting back a quelling of nausea. "What happened to her?"
"Don't know. She allegedly moved back to live with family." Duo shook his head, and despite the smile, it was clear it was still a painful topic. "And a day or two after she'd left, suddenly... Trowa couldn't hear her anymore. Gone. Just like that."
Treize had her killed, for compromising his weapon, Doro thought. She knew her mouth had fallen open. Her lips were dry, and she swallowed convulsively.
"So... " Duo's head was up, and his eyes were suspiciously bright. "You see now why you don't have to worry about us. We know what's what, and we've been through enough that some stupid one-week mission isn't enough to make us lose our marbles."
"And now I know why you and Trowa watch Heero so carefully," Doro said. "So all that about not protecting him... the Maxwell I knew had a motto of never lying."
Duo's laugh was a bark, and the mood broke with the abrupt sound. "Same here, but it's not like I have a choice. Those four know me well enough I couldn't convince them the sky was green if I didn't believe it with every ounce of my being, have checked nine times and have six eye witnesses to back it up."
"You're exaggerating," Doro teased, adopting an arch tone.
"Yeah, yeah." Duo winked at her. "Okay, so only need to check three times, but the six eye witnesses are non-negotiable."
Doro laughed, and was about to say something, when Duo suddenly sat bolt upright, his eyes glassy, his body stiff. Doro tensed, but he didn't make a sound, his mouth moving wordlessly, his fingers clutching the blanket.
"Duo?" Doro stepped closer, reaching out a hand, tentatively. "Maxwell? Maxwell!" He shook his head, his eyes unfocused, and she frowned. "Maxwell," she barked. "Status!"
"Ah... " Duo sagged, then snapped back upright, launching himself from the bed. He slammed into Doro awkwardly; she caught him by the arms and they swung around in a circle from the momentum. "Let me go," he cried, jerking at her wrists. He was close enough that she could hear a soft clicking sound from his mouth, but his head was turned, staring towards the door.
"Duo, *please*," she begged, "tell me what you see!"
"Death," he moaned. "Death, and death, and death, let me go... " With a sudden wrenching move, he freed himself and ran for the door. His braid swung out behind him as he took the corner, but Doro was right on his heels. She could hear him hollering, as though to himself, but she knew he had to be talking to his teammates. "No, stop it!" There was a desperate tone in his voice she'd not heard since the day Lena got the news Heero had self-destructed, ten years before. "No," Duo yelled, pounding down the corridor towards the hangar. "Stop it, stop it, you've got to stop it... "
Doro could only follow him, swept along in the wake of his terror.
End Part 12
(:./sol/tetra12)
