03-Mar-2002
Email: anakerie@cinci.rr.com
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.
Part: 36/??
Warning: Bad words.
When you grow up with someone, when they are a part of your life every day from the second of your birth, you grow to know them in ways no one else can understand. You know things about them no one else knows, and you are bonded by those things.
For example, I know that when Luke was fourteen years old, he became curious about his biological father. This was something he couldn't ever talk to Heero and Duo about; he was terrified that they'd think he was rejecting them. But he said he needed to know; if his birth father had other children, then he was a part of them as well, and he wanted a relationship with them. Family was vital to him; siblings were something never to be taken for granted.
So I helped him. We traced his DNA, his records.
We found a match all right. For a man currently in prison on six different counts of sexual assault. Luke's mother was not listed in the names of the victims, but she didn't have to be. We both knew the truth, reading the story, of how Luke had been conceived. In pain and terror and fear instead of love and tenderness. I saw the devastation in his eyes, the way his hands trembled.
I held him when he wept, and we never spoke of it again.
And he knew my secrets. He knew of my glorious idea last year of contacting my mother's estranged parents and trying to bridge the gap between them and her. He knew of my excitement to finally meet my grandparents. Shan supported me, but wasn't hopeful. I did as I pleased anyway. I wrote to them, sending them pictures of Shan and I throughout our lives, sharing stories of our family. Of Mom's blindness and our happiness when she was healed and saw us for the first time. Her exasperation with and love for our Baba, who was her perfect counter-part.
And he was there when I got the response back from my grandmother; a short note stating that she had no desire to associate with her unacceptable daughter, or her daughter's half-breed children. My pictures had been returned, and I was asked to please never contact them again.
We never talked about that either, other than Luke issuing a statement that should my grandmother ever decide to contact me, he wanted first dibs on knocking her on her wrinkled ass for the half-breed comment.
Luke was like that. I didn't need him to look after me, but sometimes I let him simply because he enjoyed it. He considered it his responsibility to keep an eye on Shan and I at school, a responsibility he complained about constantly and never shirked. Most of his energy was spent dragging me away from fights, because there was always something to fight about.
The other kids... sometimes they didn't understand. Shan and I were different than they were; our names were odd, our eyes were 'funny'. We weren't outcasts; it was only one or two people that had problems with us, but when you are unique, sometimes it feels like the entire world is against you. So it felt good to have Luke's love and support.
And he needed ours as well. Jazz cast a rather large shadow for his little brother to follow in. Jazz was breathtakingly handsome; Luke was merely cute. Jazz had been funny and outgoing and popular; Luke enjoyed peace and his own company. HE never had any desire to outshine Jazz, or live up to his reputation, but others expected him to. He was always being asked to help with this or that project because 'the year your brother helped we won first place'.
He never talked to anyone else about that either.
I had to get out of the house that day. Nadia had been cranky, and both Jazz and Linra were on edge from that and the stress of the situation with Gage and Shan.
I walked to the fields and stood there, letting the stalks of ashersia, Deran wheat, close over my head. I was restless and bored and lonely. I missed my twin, my parents, my life. I hadn't even had a real chance to talk to anyone about my trip to China. About all the things I had seen and felt. How powerfully connected I felt to the place and the history and the people, and yet how strongly I was reminded of my Deran half at the same time. Rather than making me feel torn or confused, it made me feel good, special. I was a child of two worlds, two universes, two cultures. I knew that I had to bring Shan there one day, let him experience the same things.
"Are you okay?" I heard a voice behind me ask.
Luke came through the stalks, and I almost giggled. When a body meets a body, coming through the ashersia.
"Why do you ask?" I shrugged.
"Because." He winked. "This is where you come when you're feeling blue."
"I do not."
"Yes you do. Everything you're sad, you come here and lose yourself in the field."
I had to laugh. "I didn't even know I did that. What else do you know about me that I don't?"
"Everything." He echoed my earlier thoughts. "We got a call earlier. They think they'll find Gage and Shan soon."
"Ducky." I muttered.
"No, this is a good thing. They've come up with a plan that will make everyone happy, including the guys. They're not going to be separated."
I squealed and jumped into Luke's arms, and he swung me around. "WE WON!" I threw my head back, staring up at the green sky as he held me tightly.
He continued to hold me, to my surprise, and his face was serious. "Meishel... even when Shan gets back, it's not going to be the same as it was. You know that, don't you?"
I looked away, blinking.
"Yeah, you do. Are you okay with that?"
"Do I have a choice?" I asked. "I love Shan. I want him to be happy. It's not like I'm never going to see him again." But I knew what Luke was saying. For fifteen years, Shan had been mine. Completely in body and spirit and soul, joined at my hip. But there was only so far a sister could take him and guide him, and now I would have to step aside, give up my place and position to Gage. And I was willing, but there was a sense of loss as well, like reading the end of an incredibly good book. Even happy endings were still endings.
"I'll miss him." I said suddenly. "I'm not used to doing things without him, you know? It's always been 'the Chang twins' and I'm going to have to learn to entertain myself, I guess. The last thing they need is Shan's pathetic sister following them around like a puppy."
"You are not pathetic." Luke corrected. "And you can follow me around instead."
I became aware of his hands under my hips, the sound of his breathing in the eerie stillness of the afternoon. The way he smelled; a little sweaty, a little like that cheap aftershave he liked. The tiny little scar on the tip of his nose from when I had thrown a toy transport at him for knocking down my Lego house.
He didn't say anything else, just stared at me from clear brown eyes. He was my past, and he was my present, and I had wanted him to be my future for a long time now.
"I want to do something." I whispered. "But you have to put me down first."
"Okay." He sat me back on my feet.
I leaned over very close, and his mouth opened slightly. I kissed the scar on his nose. "Can't catch me."
I crashed through the stalks, hearing him trying to follow me. We were both short, but he was bulky and short and I was skinny and short so I had an advantage. I ducked this way and that, sending small birds scattering up into the sky.
Woomp! His full weight hit me and we went down to the ground together, laughing. Any other guy wouldn't have done that; but this was Luke. Luke knew me, knew that I was strong, knew that I could handle rougher games.
"Well, I was wrong, you caught me." I sighed. My head was in the dirt and I was staring up into his slightly red face. "I guess I'm in trouble now."
"Lots of trouble." He agreed. "Why are you always so mean to me?"
"I'm my mother's daughter?" I offered with a grin.
"You're a brat." Was his pronouncement.
"Uh huh."
"More trouble than you're worth."
"Absolutely." I agreed. "And I'm only going to get worse as I get older."
"What am I going to do with you?"
I thought of my brother then, and his courage regarding Gage. "You can love me. Save some other guy the misery." Very few things in my life had ever taken as much nerve as those few words did at that moment.
His eyes locked on mine, as he desperately searched for some signs of teasing. "You can't have me." I added. "I'm not a toy or a computer game, not a piece of property. I won't belong to you; not now or not ever. You won't belong to me. But we'd be ours, if that's what we both wanted."
"Shel..."
"It's okay." I shrugged. "I was just letting you know. For future reference."
"Fuck the future." He snarled, and suddenly his mouth was against mine and we were kissing, rolling in the dirt again, laughing, touching each other.
"We can't..." He was blushing suddenly.
"Of course we can't." I nodded. "Too much risk." I was suddenly very, very glad that I had that excuse. I loved Luke, I always had, but loving him wasn't the same as being ready to make love to him. I wasn't. I wasn't Shan; I wasn't ready for what he had with Gage and I knew Luke wasn't ready either.
"We can do other stuff." He grinned. "Couple stuff."
"Dancing."
"Movies."
"Kissing."
"Kissing while dancing."
"Kissing at the movies."
"Dancing at the movies. While kissing."
"So you wanna be my girlfriend?" He tugged on my hair.
"Shut up and kiss me."
"Why couldn't you tell us any of this?" Heero demanded angrily.
"Because it was none of your business. I haven't told anyone; why do you think I'd tell you before my own family?" Milliardo returned.
"Are they sure?" Duo asked. "You look fine! You look healthier than I do."
"They're sure." Milliardo sighed. "I've been tested, retested, poked, prodded, and it's always the same. That's the way Haringtons's Disease works. No symptoms until the very end. When they do show up, death usually comes in less than a week."
"And there's nothing that can be done? Nothing at all?" Relena asked, barely above a whisper.
"No. It's so rare that no one has every bothered to try and find a cure for it."
"What about your children?" Wufei questioned. "Are they are risk?"
"My daughters are carriers, but they're not at risk themselves. It only affects men."
"And Gage?"
"Gage is fine. I was worried sick about him when I found out I had it, and I immediately had him checked." He laughed. "Come on, my boy has the devil's own luck. You know that."
"Milliardo, even if you do this, it's no guarantee that he'll ever be able to forgive you or accept you." Heero warned.
"There are no guarantees in life." Milliardo bit his lip. "Except that I love him." His eyes grew distant. "I remember the night he was born, in the limo on the way to Relena's house. I held him in my arms, and I told him how much I loved him, how sorry I was, how I hoped that one day he would understand. Just because I have to share him... it doesn't mean he's any less mine."
"They've got us a spot this evening on the news." Denea was hanging up the phone. "If the boys watch, and they believe us, we'll have them back in a few hours."
Wufei put a hand on Denea's shoulder, squeezing down slightly, and she covered his hand with her own. She looked older to him, a little more worn, but still beautiful. She suddenly turned pale.
"Denea?"
"Shan's in trouble."
End Part 36
(:./lasha/two36)
