16-Aug-2003
Title: Seasonal Drift Part VII
Author: Ebonydove
Archived: aenai.steelsong.com & Team Rocket at Shinigami's Castle.
Spoilers: yes, some vaguely from the series
Rating: PG
Warnings: Violence, language, shonen-ai, sap, slight OOC, mild angst.
Pairings: 2+1
Author's Notes: Told in Duo's POV.
Sleep was indeed an elusive thing for me as the hours waned through the night. One of the guys; my bets were on Quatre, had apparently done some pretty fancy diplomatic work in getting the hospital staff to leave us alone, because after midnight they just stopped coming to check on Heero every hour and told me that if I needed anything I was to buzz them at the nurses station downstairs on the second floor.
Heero slept soundly within a handgrasp of me in those dark hours, as I sat watching the shadows play along the walls and tried desperately to think of how it was I came to be there. I had plenty of time in the quiet hours of the night to think about the circumstances leading up to it, but was still quite unsure of what I was going to do about getting us out. I couldn't help feeling like some elusive, internal clock was ticking and that Heero was quickly running out of time. I heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed at my tired eyes.
It had started to rain around 3 am. The heavy drops thrummed against the only window in the room, keeping what few thoughts of sleep I was entertaining away as I watched through the mesh of metal grating ribbons of water stream their way down the gray panes of glass. I chuckled darkly to myself at I realized how secure the screen was bolted; there'd be no jumping from that window tonight without the aid of plastic explosives and a very large rotary umbrella.
My mood quickly shifted from nostalgic to discomfort and I had to shut my eyes when the rush of memories flooded my brain about that day. He had been bleeding and broken, but I had never once feared for him back then because I saw him as an unstoppable, driven machine. If anything I was in awe of him. But now, when I opened my eyes and found myself hovering by his side in the darkness of the hospital room, I realized once again how wrong I had been to ever think of him that way. He was no more a machine than I was.
After sitting cramped in the chair for too many hours and dreading the conjuring of worse memories, I finally opted to go downstairs and get some coffee or a caffeine rich cola; anything that could give me enough of a kick to get me through until morning. I stretched hugely and gave in to a jaw cracking yawn as I massaged my left foot awake and looked down at Heero where he was curled asleep on his side. His features were relaxed despite the slight pouty frown that caused my small smile. As I turned towards the door he shifted in his sleep; rolling over onto his back and kicking the thin, cotton sheet off. I gently tugged the IV line out from under his elbow where he had rolled over on it, and pulled the covers up a bit more.
It was as my fingers gently grazed over the bare skin of his arm that my sudden desire for him hit me like cannon fire. I instantly had an overwhelming need to touch him where ever I could. I stood fixed, trembling where I was and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, wondering what his lips would feel like against mine. My groin stirred with thoughts of the feel of his smooth skin under my hands, the flat planes of his stomach, the subtle curve of his shoulder... and I was about to reach out and caress his face when I realized just what a sick thing it was I was about to do. I nearly fell over the chair in my attempt to back away from his peaceful drug-induced sleep.
I staggered in to the bathroom and shut the door, leaving the lights out and taking huge, gulping breaths as my heart threatened to beat its way out of my chest. Turning the lock, I sat on the toilet and tried to wrestle my libido back into check; absolutely stunned at how I was willing to take advantage of him while he slept unaware. I was supposed to be looking out for him while he was recovering from his episode, not lusting after him because of it. I suppose that I could blame it on the hour, our circumstances, or the crushing knowledge that it was only him I really ever wanted to be with, then cursed my weak resolve as I realized that it was simple desire that drove me to even consider such a thing. And they thought he was the monster.
I let out a slight whimper in the dark as I willed my pants not to be as tight and constricting as they were. But despite how wrong it was of me, the intense feelings I felt rushing through my system only grew at the thought of him being so vulnerable. I sat trying to get my raging hormones in check with my stomach churning and no little amount of guilt, as I unsnapped the button to my pants and let my fly down to ease the pressure. The movement from the fabric only intensified the urge for relief so with a shuddering breath, I eased my hand into my shorts and gently massaged my erection, stimulating it more as I began to stroke it. I could feel the prick of sweat on my neck as I squeezed and massaged, and after some time with shaking, but knowing fingers, was finally able to work myself up into enough of a frenzy for my completion to come quick and violently before sliding down off the seat and onto the cool tile floor.
My tears fell hot and unbidden down my face as I sat in the dark panting and thinking about how I was able to get aroused by Heero now despite the condition he was in and after all the time we've been together and fighting it. But I just found something very base in seeing him vulnerable and now that the sexual rush was over; shuttered at how quickly my lust for him had turned into an overwhelming need to protect him from anything that could ever hurt him again. Including myself if need be. My heart rate picked up again as the panicked idea of getting caught in the bathroom like that swept over me. I hadn't gotten a chance to explain how I felt to him yet. He wouldn't understand this if he found me like this.
I needed to get out of there. Now.
My pants were as mess, and there was just no way I was going to be able to hide what I had done once I left the dark seclusion of the tiny bathroom, so I collected myself as best I could and started by washing the stickiness from my hands. After that, I splashed some water on my face and glanced up into the mirror at my haggard, flushed appearance. I had to bite my lip pretty hard to keep the choking sob that threatened to burst from my mouth from escaping. I should've had better control over myself than that. There was simply no excuse. No excuse for any of it.
I scrubbed at my tears ferociously and pulled my shirt all the way out of my pants hoping that it would cover me enough to get out the main lobby doors without anyone noticing what I had done. I quickly wiped up my pants, the floor, and part of the wall with some toilet paper as best I could before sneaking out of the bathroom. Then as quiet as death, I stole across the floor and was just about to put my hand on the doorknob that would allow me to escape into the hall, when I heard the quiet ruffle of bedsheets from behind the curtain.
"Duo?"
I felt my stomach twist as I tried to pretend like I didn't hear him and turned the knob to go. But the sleepiness in his voice didn't hide his apprehension of waking up and finding himself alone in the dark and my heart nearly broke at the thought of leaving him like that. I tugged the hem of my shirt down and made my way around the curtain to find him awake and blinking tired eyes at me.
"Duo?"
"Yeah, Heero. I'm here. I just needed... to use the bathroom." I snatched the blanket from the chair I had abandoned and quickly threw it over my lap as I sat back down. "Are you alright? Do you need me to get you anything?"
He quirked his head at me and gave me that assessing look of his. This time, even despite his sleepy eyes, I had the urge to pull at my shirt collar and avoid his eyes completely instead of blowing him off unfazed by it like I normally would have done.
He shifted to sit up a little, closing his eyes quickly, causing me to start to stand with concern, but then he settled back down and spoke to me quietly with reasserting that same assessing gaze returning to his face. "You look... flushed. And your eyes are red. Are you... all right?"
I could feel a prickle of sweat as I lightly fingered the material of the blanket and looked away from him again. "No. I mean, yes. I'm just... tired."
"There's no reason... for you to stay awake... while I'm sleeping." He was trying not to drift off again, but his words thick with sleep and I could see how hard he was fighting to keep his eyes open.
"You're right, partner. You go back to sleep, and I'll take a nap, k?" He nodded as best he could and finally let his eyes close again, settling back into the covers. With the blanket still wrapped around my waist I tucked him in and sat back down.
"Duo?"
I was about to sit myself back down when I heard him quietly speak my name again. "Yeah partner?"
"When are you getting me out of here?"
His eyes were closed, so I couldn't guess at what was going through his mind. I tried to concentrate on the soft sound of the rain as it hit the window behind me, but it was of little use as butterflies burst to life in my gut and threatened to spew out of my mouth with the many unspoken questions hidden with that simple one. Did I believe he didn't do what everyone thought he did? What the evidence so far was pointing to? Was I going to abandon him?
Not a snowball's chance in hell would I leave him to figure this out on his own. "Soon, partner. Soon. I promise." He was quiet for a few long moments and I was fairly certain he was asleep again, though with him it was always hard to tell. I gently tugged his blankets up where he continued to kick them off as he shifted from his back to his side, so when he spoke my name I was distracted and it was in a whisper so low, I barely caught it.
"Duo?"
"Yeah."
"You're not... leaving are you?"
I gave him a little snort at the question, dismissing it as a silly to even ask me and satisfied, he finally slipped back asleep completely. I barely had time to dash back into the bathroom before I puked. It was just too much. He trusted me and I had almost run away. He believed in me and I had used him for my own desperate release.
For the third time in so many days as I rested my hot cheek against the cool side of the porcelain bowl, I realized again how terribly I loved him and how very stupid I was for letting myself get distracted from my self imposed mission to protect and prove Heero's innocence at whatever cost. If that meant my heart and soul got trashed on the way; so be it.
I pulled myself together, grabbed my blanket and rinsed my mouth then stepped confidently back into Heero's room. As soon as the gift shop on the first floor opened at 6 a.m. I would leave Heero to have his meds and IV checked, while I quickly bought myself a fresh change of clothes. Then I needed to come up with our plan. It was like bells were going off and I knew my time was up. We were getting out.
The girl behind the counter gave me a happy smile as she snapped her gum and rang my items up; not even noticing my bedraggled appearance. The sweats really weren't my style, but would have to do considering the limited choices. I tried for neutral and went with solid gray, which also happened to be the same color that the cleaning crew wore on the overnight shift on the second floor. I had to hurry back upstairs before the other guys showed up knowing that I'd have a hard enough time explaining to Wufei why I didn't call him to pick me up something from my apartment this morning, instead of buying the overpriced items I just had. Worse still, he'd be bound to wonder why the hell I didn't want to leave and go home for a nap and shower when he got there instead of me racing around to complete the tasks before they all arrived. It screamed suspicious. Even for me.
I stopped on the second floor at the nurses station and gave the woman there my most prized puppy dog eyes as I asked for a place to shower and change. She already had been told who I was and why I was here apparently, and practically blushed to her toes as she handed me a small bar of soap, two towels, and a clean pair of plain white boxer shorts and pointed to the hospital staff's lounge.
I hurried with the shower, not even bothering with my hair, brushed my teeth with my new PowerPuff Girl's toothbrush, and was able to ditch my dirty clothes and get upstairs in my white t-shirt and gray sweat pants before Heero had been given breakfast. As I walked into the room and met his cool, calm gaze I smiled hugely. I had a plan.
End Part 7
(:./ebony/drift7)
