22-Aug-2000
Title: Magnet and Steel (Sequel to "Silencing The Soldier")
Category: Songfic
Author: Asuka
Pairing: 2x1
Archive: Soon to be at GW Addiction (thank you, Tyr-san!!! ^), and anyone
else who wants it, just ask!
Warnings: Yaoi, Angst, Sap, POV
Feedback: Hands are always outstretched for any feedback!!
Disclaimers: Nothing's mine but the storyline... No profit, therefore, please no sueing! I'm too poor... And "Magnet and Steel" is by Walter Egan. Lyrics have been slightly modified.
Notes: *grins* This one's for KwyckSylver, who requested a sequel to my fic
and even gave me a song for this one!! Special thanks to Lizard-neechan for
beta-ing this. And although I was hesitant to do it, here it is...
*steps out of lurker mode* Uhm~ here it is, the rather reluctant sequel to
"Silencing The Soldier." A million thankies to everyone who replied to my
last fic!! ^ As always, any feedback is wholly welcome! And without
further ado...
Now I told you, so you ought to know
Two years. Two long years full of emotional rollercoaster rides, vengeful fighting, and eventful progress...
It takes some time for our feelings to grow
Progress. It's probably one of the sweetest words to ever grace these patient ears. Even though it has taken so long and sent me through Hell and back, I think - no, I *know* - it all was worth it.
All those battles we fought against each other and in the end, our demons came out almost victorious.
You're so close now, I can't let you go...
Almost. I've come to loathe that word. Sometimes it's enough to rip my heart out and all the hope and faith I've ever had.
Why? Because the war's not over, yet. Not by far... And I fear that Heero may be on the losing edge.
And I can't let go
All of the improvements he's made seem to have faultered in one way or another. After all my digging to bring out the human inside of him, he will still, at times, return to cover it again. After slowly prying him open, he will close up again. After even breaking his soldier mask, he will still try to piece the broken parts back together.
But I know I can't give up on him. He's come too far - *we've* come too far - to stop now.
With you I'm not shy
I know that even *I* haven't defeated everything that has haunted me in the past. Not by a long-shot. But I've learned to push them aside, to almost forget about them...
To show the way I feel
And there's that word again. If I could, I'd obliterate it from every single language on this god-forsaken world, and if it wasn't enough, beyond. 'Almost' just takes away too many dreams, some even before they've been spun. I've had too many taken away from me to offer it redemption.
With you I might try
I've tried so hard to hush his nightmares, to pacify the toil raging within his soul. God knows I've tried so hard. I've lost count of all the empty prayers I've said, empty because I know whatever god there is can never send the salvation I've been asking for him. It was never given to me, no matter how long I requested it. Those prayers have just become mindless repetitions, voiced to whoever hears and ignores them.
My secrets to reveal
I want to tell him what's in my heart so badly, but I'm not sure if he's ready for it. If *we're* ready for it. I don't want to strike too soon, but if I wait any longer, it might be too late.
For you are a magnet
I've tried to think of life without him. That maybe it would be different for me, that maybe we'd both be better off if we went our seperate ways.
And I am steel
And everytime I think of it, it makes me sick to my stomach. I know I could never live without him - if not a lover, then at least a friend. I need him to be a part of my life, even if it's in the slightest way.
And I think that he needs me, too.
I can't hope that I'll hold you for long
I don't want to put any expectations upon Heero. I know well enough not to set myself up for a big letdown. I'm not saying that I think he'd fail or give up, but he's flirted with the borderlines countless of instances.
Cause you're a man who's lost to your song
I know if I told him this was a mission to complete, the soldier lurking in him would leech onto it, making him more determined. But that's not how I wanted it to be. I'm trying to remove the evilness the soldier has corrupted us both with, right? I know traces of that damned soldier still reside in him - that shattered mask rebounded some shards in him, leaving a ruin. One that will probably never go away.
But the love that I feel is so strong
But I can live with that. I'm sure we both can, if we just set our minds and hearts to it. It's not impossible, but it won't be easy to attain. The ghouls of the darkness still visit us at night, stirring a cauldron of painful memories better left in the past.
And it can't be wrong
I know my feelings are right about him. I know I do.....love.....him, even if I haven't admitted it to his face. And I know we'll make it through this whole ordeal. I'd bet my life on it, but it's already been pledged to Heero.
With you I'm not shy
We're lying in bed again, strangley reminiscent of the first time I tried to tell him my feelings. The time I'd realized he meant so much to me. The time I saw part of his soldier die.
To show the way I feel
Something in my heart tells me it's time - time to let it all out. I'm willing to take the chance, even if it may cost me the most precious thing in my life.
The thought makes my head spin, my muscles tense. He senses it, and he shifts to face me.
With you I might try
"Duo? Daijoubu ka?"
Oh god... Those beautiful sapphire eyes are staring into mine, and I fear he can see right through me.
But I'm not going to lie. I never have before, so why start now?
My secrets to reveal
I gulp, starting to release the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "Heero... I... I love you," I barely whisper.
For you are a magnet
His eyes continue to gaze into mine, and I think he registers the truth behind my words. We lay there, locked in that moment of time that changed our lives forever. There is silence in the air, but a different kind. There's no demons murmuring in the background, no wicked soldier's laugh echoing throughout.
Pure, untainted silence.
After what seems an eternity, I could see a light fiercer than ever arise in those cobalt depths, all the barricades crumbling to dust settling clear against his cheeks.
"Aa, aishiteru..."
But this time, those tears aren't any resulting of pain.
And I am steel
The End
Back to 'Silencing The Soldier'
(:./asuka/magnet)
