18-Aug-2001
Category: humor, stupidity
Rating: PG
Pairings: None (or some you be the judge)
Warnings: A quasi-self-insert... kinda.
Feedback: C&C
Notes: While trying to figure out what to write next, this little gem surfaced instead.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
Trowa walked over to the green Braun coffee maker and poured himself a cup of coffee. As he was reaching for the cream and sugar, Duo walked in.
"Hey Tro," Duo said cheerfully enough. "Left any in the pot for the rest of us?"
Trowa nodded his head, as he walked over to the table and sat.
Quatre walked in looking around the room. "Duo. Trowa. Are you the only ones here?"
"Yep, Quatre. Why?" Duo asked.
"Do we know why we're here?" Quatre asked. "Do you think she'll just use us in her story?"
Duo laughed, "I have no idea."
Heero walked in, acknowledged everyone with a brief nod before heading to the coffee.
"Damn, it's going to be another Heero and Trowa story with you and me in the background, Duo," Quatre said sadly.
"What makes you think so?" Duo asked.
"Come on. She hates 'traditional' pairings, and she's enamored of Trowa and Heero together, so it stands to reason don't you think?" Quatre responded agitated.
Heero looked over at Quatre, "She's pretty flexible. She's written you and me together a few times."
"Yes, she has, but that was a long time ago. She hates me. I just know it."
Trowa looked up from his coffee. "Quatre how can you say that? She likes you well enough."
"Ah but she HATES me with you though," Quatre said as he sat in Trowa's lap. A large South Park pen with Cartman knocked Quatre off of Trowa's lap. As Quatre got up and dusted himself off he glared at the pen that vanished then at his comrades. "SEE! I told you!"
Everyone pretended not to laugh. Heero with a straight face said, "That was probably an accident."
Trowa nodded in agreement, "Yes, an accident."
"Accident my Aunt Fanny! We all know where her affections lie," Quatre said glaring.
"Come on Quatre, she doesn't hate you. If anyone, she hates me. Look how many times she's had Heero leave Trowa for me only to dump me in favor of Trowa again. So to compensate she dumps me on Wufei or anyone else," Duo said with a sad smile.
"Someone said my name?" Wufei said as he walked over to the kettle to heat some water for tea. "What are you people prattling on about?"
"The writer and her plans for us," Heero said.
Wufei looked around the room. "Well since there's a 99 percent chance that it will be a Trowa story, it's just a matter of figuring out who he'll end up with."
"Not me," sighed Quatre.
Trowa spoke up, "I don't know that I'm her favorite subject. The last several stories have been Wufei stories. With Duo and with Quatre if you remember."
"What... are you keeping a running tab?" Duo asked suspiciously.
"She doesn't torture you that much Duo. Remember she gave you Zechs," Trowa reminded him.
"Oh yes," Duo sighed, "How could I forget sexy Zechsy? Wait a minute ... she promised a sequel and it's not finished."
"She never got around to finishing my story with Quatre either," Heero said.
"It's because she hates him," Quatre reiterated.
"Ah, but at least she doesn't make you a perpetual virgin," Wufei huffed. "How many times can I be an innocent in matters of sex? I was married for heaven sakes!"
"Yeah you're quite the hentai," Duo laughed, "It's hard trying to 'play it' sweet and gentle with you when I know you want to pin me against the nearest table, wall, floor, washing machine ..."
"We're straying from the point aren't we?" Heero asked. "We don't know what's next for either of us. Who's been keeping up with her responses to messages? What has she promised recently?"
"Well after the threesome with Trowa and Heero, I think she promised a Duo and Quatre story," Wufei said. "As tough as it was to play sexual virgin again can I just say, it was a pleasure working with both of you on that? None of that horrible angst that she threw at folks when it was Quatre and Trowa and myself."
"It's because she HATES ME. Why doesn't anyone listen to me?" Quatre wailed.
"If she really hated you, don't you think she would kill you off or something?" Trowa asked.
"She's not fond of deathfics. But look how many times she's made me insane though," Quatre said.
"She's made me nuts also, so like I was saying, you're not alone in her dislike," Duo said.
"So the likelihood that she'll pair us together is practically nil don't you think Duo?" Quatre asked.
"That sounds about right."
"You two really need to re-evaluate your perceptions of how she feels about your characters," Heero said, as he sat next to Trowa.
"Sure, Heero," Duo said as he walked over and sat in Heero's lap. Now a large South Park pen with Kyle shoved Duo off Heero's lap. Trowa caught the boy before he hit the ground. "Yeah, she just LOVES me," he said sarcastically. "Thanks Tro, nice save."
"No problem."
"Okay, TROWA, what's she going to write next?" Wufei said. "I would say Heero, but he's usually there because you are."
"I don't know what she's going to write and I still say you are probably her favorite, Wufei," Trowa said defensively. "Geez, it's not like I'm sleeping with her or anything. Wait, I don't get to be straight."
"You're forgetting the lemon with Une," Heero reminded the boy.
"That was the only time."
"You got to sleep with Dorothy," Quatre piped up.
"Yes, but it was just sleeping, she mentioned early in that story that Dorothy was just my beard, or I was her ... what's the female equivalent of that term?"
"I wouldn't even hazard a guess," Wufei said.
"She promised to write a lemon with me and Hilde," Heero said. "But I've noticed unlike your unfinished stories she's never typed a single word yet."
"Welcome to my world," Quatre muttered.
"Okay you," Duo said staring up into nothingness, "What's the next story? Don't keep us in suspense any more."
A piece of paper dropped from the sky, with the words: "YOU'RE SITTING IN IT" written in red.
"You're kidding, right?" Wufei asked.
"I have to agree. It's hardly original," Trowa remarked.
"I concur, what motivated you to use this as a story?" Heero asked.
Another piece of paper dropped down with the words: "LAZINESS. PURE AND SIMPLE."
"Well since you're 'talking' to us, I have to ask," Quatre said, "Do you hate me and Duo?"
A piece of paper floated to Quatre's feet that read: "NO COMMENT."
"Oi!" Duo remarked. "Okay Sparky! If this is your next story. Then what comes after?"
This piece of paper landed on the table. It read: "DON'T KNOW. ARE YOU GUYS BUSY NEXT WEEK? WANT ANOTHER MEETING?"
All five looked up into the sky. "No!" They all said in unison.
A final piece of paper dropped with the words: "CRAP! WELL FINE! JUST YOU WAIT MY LITTLE PRETTIES!"
"Uh-oh," Wufei said, "That doesn't look good."
"She's bluffing," Duo said, not too convincingly.
"Let's hope so for all our sakes," Trowa said.
"Gentlemen, I'll say it again... Welcome to my world," Quatre said with a sigh.
OWARI.
"Really?" Heero asked.
REALLY.
OWARI
(:./babaca/conceit)
