Title: Embracing The Darkness - 4/?
Author: tkmaxwell777 & Iniquity
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2, 1x2x1/3x4x3 implied, 2+5 (slight)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: I only own them in my dreams, where Heero and Duo are always together, and my fics are actually anime movies (Gundam Porn?) that I can sit around and watch all day long without having to do any menial tasks such as go to work, do laundry, or go to the grocery store :)
Warnings: Angst, Language, Lime
Archived: Yep! Thanks Lev :)
"One mocha latte with extra whipped cream, please."
"Coming right up," Lisa replied as she smiled and took the exact change the blue-eyed boy handed her. "You haven't been around here lately. If you're looking for Duo, he's sitting right over there."
Heero followed her pointing finger with his eyes, only to find himself staring at a table on the far side of the cafe. He was aware of two things immediately: Duo was sitting with Wufei and Duo had cut his hair. He felt his heart constrict at the sight; he was equally stunned to hear the sound of Duo's laughter float through the air to him. Wufei was smiling back at the braided... no wait, pony-tailed baka. Heero could see that Duo had cut his hair off to just an inch or two below shoulder length, and he screamed on the inside. He would never feel that mass of chestnut glory cover his skin again, never feel its silken waves brush his thighs as Duo made love to him, and never see the strands of golden fire swirl around the other boy's waist as Duo stripped for him. Heero couldn't believe it, but then again, Duo had promised... and Duo never lied.
"Here you go," Lisa said as she handed the boy his order. She shook her head as she watched him gaze longingly at Duo and his companion, Wufei, she thought she remembered Duo saying. She'd seen Duo with the blue-eyed boy (she couldn't remember his name at the moment) in the cafe together so often. It was strange that they hadn't been there together in so long, and Lisa was beginning to wonder if something had happened between the two of them. It might explain why Duo had changed so dramatically, almost destructively, for a while before he'd begun hanging out with the boy that was sitting with him now. Seeing Duo happy with the black-haired boy over the past couple of weeks had made her feel better, but seeing Duo's blue-eyed friend like this made her heart ache as well. It was possible that the two of them could have even been lovers. Lisa blushed. She had just pointed Duo out with someone else to the blue-eyed boy without considering that. Something told her that Duo wasn't with Wufei like that, but she could tell that the boy who was now watching the two across the room didn't seem to see it that way. Lisa sighed. If only she could interfere... if only she knew how to help.
Heero took his latte and moved to where he could see them better but yet remain unnoticed for the most part. He could see Duo's shining smile as he and Wufei talked together. He watched as Duo reached out a hand and placed it upon Wufei's on the table, leaning forward to say something to the Chinese boy in an almost intimate way. Heero felt the jealousy flow through him as he watched Wufei nod at Duo in understanding and say something back to the American that made Duo laugh once again. Anger filled him as he stood there. How could Wufei do this to him? How could Duo? Duo had supposedly loved him! He'd even cut his hair! How could the braided... pony-tailed... boy get over him so easily?
Heero closed his eyes, feeling pain like he'd never known. He had told Quatre that he hadn't loved Duo, but the past two weeks had found him thinking more and more about his former lover. Memories kept coming to him, taking him over until he would collapse on his bed and hold back the tears until he was so exhausted he could sleep. Then dreams would haunt him... dreams of Duo making love to him, dreams of Duo fighting with him, even dreams of Duo dying. Heero didn't know which ones were worse, although at least in dreams he released his tears, even if it was against his will. To see Duo like this only reinforced the fact that Heero had lied not only to Quatre, but also to himself; Heero had loved Duo... and still did.
Suddenly Wufei saw him. Heero noticed how the black-haired boy blinked in recognition. Angry blue locked with surprised kohl. There was no apology in those dark depths, Heero realized, and his anger increased when he saw what was there. Pity? Wufei pitied him? Heero was furious. He didn't need anyone's pity or sympathy, especially that of the person who had claimed what he had stupidly thrown away. Heero had to get out of there before Duo saw him. Part of him wondered if his former lover would look at him with the same pity as Wufei did or with the look of rejection Duo had worn the day Heero had left. Heero didn't want to find out; either one would only serve to bring home the fact that he had let the one person he loved slip through his fingers. No, Heero amended silently, he had opened his hands and forced that person out of them. He didn't deserve Duo for that reason alone. With one more look at the boy who was still oblivious to his presence, Heero stormed out of the cafe.
Wufei watched as Heero rushed out the door. His heart ached for his friend, especially since he'd seen in Heero's eyes the accusation that Wufei was actually with Heero's lover. Wufei looked at the chestnut-haired boy chatting happily across from him and knew that he would never see Duo as not belonging to Heero. Somehow, Wufei knew that the two would find a way back to each other; they belonged together. Wufei sighed. Heero could be so dense sometimes.
"Fei? Are you listening to me, man?" came Duo's voice as he waved a hand in front of the Chinese boy's face.
Wufei focused back on his companion. "Sorry, Maxwell. I didn't mean to zone out like that."
Duo smiled. "It's okay. Not like I was sayin' anything important anyway."
Wufei noticed the tone in Duo's voice in spite of the facial expression. Wufei had realized lately that Duo was still suffering from the rejection Heero had made him feel. It had really affected Duo's self-esteem, and the Chinese boy was trying to reverse the damage Heero's disapproval had done. Wufei was determined to make Duo see what a wonderful person he was regardless of what Heero had said.
"Duo, everything you say is important, even if only to you. I was preoccupied for a moment when I thought I saw someone I knew leaving the cafe."
Duo turned around to look at the door. "Anyone I know? Who didja think you saw, Fei?"
Wufei frowned. He hated to lie, but he was not going to say that he had just seen Heero to only have Duo sink into depression again. "Someone I knew during the war," he replied, not really lying, but not really giving Duo a complete answer either. He decided to change the subject, or more importantly, revert to the former one. "I didn't mean to make you think I didn't want to listen to you, Duo. I know I used to chide you for talking so much, but that was before I got to know you and began to understand that there is more to you than what you show everyone."
Duo's grin returned full force then. "Thanks, Fei. That means a lot to me for you to say that. I was just saying that I've really enjoyed doing the Tai Chi thing in the mornings. I feel a lot better since I quit smoking, and I look a helluva lot better now that I'm eating regularly again. I owe a lot of that to you, and I just wanted to say thanks."
Wufei smiled, his eyes shining with affection for the other boy. "I'm glad I could help. Besides, Quatre would have killed me if I hadn't."
"Oh, blame it on Q-man!" Duo responded, slapping Wufei on the arm in mock affront. "I see how things are. You were just trying to pacify the insistent blonde."
"Are you kidding?" Wufei asked with an incredulous tone. "He can be a force to reckon with when he's upset. Just ask Trowa. Quatre made him sleep on the couch last week for not putting the socks together after doing the laundry."
Both boys smiled at each other for a moment before collapsing into a fit of laughter. While Duo was wiping the tears out of his eyes, Wufei surveyed the other boy, taking in how much better Duo did look since they had begun their workouts together. He was pleased that his efforts had paid off. Now that Duo's body was recovering, and his mind was becoming more peaceful, the American's heart would soon be able to mend. It might take a while, but Wufei knew one thing for sure; Duo Maxwell was healing.
Quatre answered the door and smiled at the person standing on the other side.
"Q! Thought I'd drop by to see what you're up to. Got a minute?"
"Of course, Duo," the blonde replied happily. "Come on in."
Duo walked inside and plopped down onto the couch. Quatre took the other boy in. Duo was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a red tee shirt. His hair was in its now customary ponytail. In fact, Duo looked great. Quatre had to give Wufei credit; the other boy had found a way to help Duo in a way he and Trowa hadn't been able to. Together, they all had rescued their friend, and Quatre was so relieved. A world without Duo Maxwell would be something the blonde wouldn't have dealt with very well. Duo had always been their emotional release, someone to help them forget the horrors of war while they were fighting, and the self-proclaimed keeper of morale among them. His antics had kept them sane more times than once.
"Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"
Duo smiled. "Actually, yeah. I was wondering... do you and Trowa think you could... go out with me?"
Quatre sat down next to the chestnut-haired boy. "What do mean, Duo?"
"I want you guys to go with me to a club. I want to dance and... well... meet people, yanno? I think it's time, Q. I really need to get out. I'm not going to take anyone home with me, or anything like that, but it would be nice to have a little fun. I really... need this, Quatre... do you think you could? I know it's kinda sudden, but will you talk with Trowa about it and let me know?"
Quatre nodded, understanding how Duo was feeling, yet worrying about his friend. "I don't see why not. When did you want to go?"
"Well, I was kinda hopin' for this Friday night." Duo glanced at his watch then stood abruptly. "I don't mean to ask and run, but I'm meeting Fei for lunch in an hour, and I need to run a couple more errands. I just wanted to stop by and see if you'd be willing to go."
"I'll talk with Trowa and call you later tonight."
Duo gave one of his trademark grins. "Thanks, Quatre." He looked around the room for a moment then asked casually, "Where is Trowa anyway?"
"At the grocery store," the blonde chuckled lightly. "It's amazing how he finds such pleasure in doing such domestic activities like that. Cooking, shopping, laundry..." Quatre broke off his sentence as Duo began laughing heartily. "What?"
"Nothing," Duo managed between gasps for air. "It's just that Wufei and I were talking at the cafe yesterday, and he told me how you had made Trowa sleep on the couch when he didn't match up the socks. I thought he was kidding about Trowa doing the laundry, but I guess there was some truth to it, huh?"
"I did NOT make him sleep on the couch!" the blonde almost shouted, his face flushed. "He mismatched all of my socks on purpose, and I'd had a really bad day at work, and I told him that he had to match them up correctly before he could come to bed. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, and he thought I was really angry with him, and I wasn't. He fell asleep on the couch before he had finished." Tears were in Quatre's eyes just from the memory of it.
Duo took in his friend's upset and sat back down. "Hey Quatre, it's okay, man. Wufei was just making a joke about it. We all know that you'd never do anything mean to Trowa. And you certainly love him more than you do any damn socks that's for sure."
Quatre nodded, his eyes downcast. "I'm sorry. It's just that it wasn't really about the socks. What I said meant something completely differently to him. He's so sensitive sometimes. He slept on the couch for the rest of the week because I hurt his feelings, and I finally had to throw all of those socks out to make him see that I didn't care about them more than I did him. It was so stupid, but I hurt him without meaning to."
"I guess all couples have things happen like that," Duo said as he placed a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder. "Heero didn't understand that silk boxers needed to be washed on the delicate cycle, not on regular cycle with his cotton clothes. I had a favorite pair that I had pilfered while we were on that first mission together as Gundam pilots. He threw them in with his tank tops one day, thinking he was doing something nice. It was my turn to do laundry, but he wanted to surprise me." Duo smiled sadly at the memory. "He surprised me all right. My favorite pair was ruined by the time I came home."
Quatre's eyes widened. "What happened?"
"I yelled at him like you wouldn't believe," Duo replied with a slight chuckle. "I don't think he'd ever had someone go off on him like I did then. I told him that he could do his own damn laundry, but to leave mine the hell alone. It really hurt his feelings, but I was so angry. Later, I realized that I was hurting the person I loved over a couple of pieces of silk."
"What did you do then?" Quatre asked. It was nice to know that someone else could make the same kind of mistake he had.
Duo sighed. "I remember he was sitting in front of his computer, working on one of his programs. I came into the room and sat down on the bed. We just sat there for a few minutes, him not acknowledging me, me not saying anything to him. Finally, I just couldn't take it. I started crying. I told him why those stupid boxers had meant so much to me, that they reminded me of when I couldn't touch him, when I couldn't love him, when all I could do was be with him and want more. They reminded me of what I would have if I ever lost him."
Quatre had calmed down considerably by listening to Duo's story. "What did he say?"
"He turned around and told me that he didn't need anything to remind him of those days because he lived in constant fear that I would decide I didn't really want him and leave. That's when we made the pact."
Quatre was completely stunned. "What pact, Duo?"
Duo looked at Quatre, his eyes conveying his pain. "I vowed that if he ever left me, I would cut my hair. He vowed if I ever left him, he would destroy his computer. He started washing his tank tops with my boxers... on the delicate cycle. Go figure. The Perfect Soldier never made the same mistake twice."
Quatre felt guilty for causing Duo to bring up his and Heero's past, but Duo telling him about it had made the blonde feel better about his situation. "Thank you, Duo. I know it wasn't easy for you to..."
Duo stood again, waving his hand nonchalantly. "Don't mention it, Q. Just glad I could make up for... well... for what I said. I know you and Trowa love each other. I also know that we are all people first and lovers second. It's not easy sometimes. Don't be so hard on yourself, Quatre. We're all just human, man."
Quatre followed Duo to the door. "I'll try to remember that, Duo, if you promise you will too."
Duo turned to give the blonde one last smile before going. "Of course. I don't have an obsessed sock fiend for a lover. It's easy when you look at things from that perspective." With a final wink, the pony-tailed boy hurried away before Quatre could smack him.
"Trowa just made a passing comment about it, Duo. I had no idea that it had been that serious."
Duo had relayed his and Quatre's conversation to Wufei as they moved through the various forms that made up their workout. Duo was surprised at how much calmer he felt while he did these simple motions. It was amazing how much of the anger and hurt he had managed to face and conquer since he'd begun doing this discipline with Wufei. His body had never felt better either. He knew he looked better than he ever had too, which would come in handy when he, Quatre and Trowa went out the following night. Duo was really looking forward to it.
"It's okay, Fei. I think there's a deeper issue with them, but they'll work it out. They love each other too much not to. I think Quatre is just worried that everyone will think badly about him if they know that he and Trowa had a disagreement. I don't know why."
"Winner would never purposefully hurt someone's feelings unless they hurt him pretty badly, and even then it would be purely from a defense mechanism, not out of malice," Wufei said calmly. "Misunderstandings happen all the time when it comes to relationships, especially between people who have been through what we all have. It's hard enough when you're normal. I'm surprised any of us can be lovers."
Duo looked at the black-haired boy. A fine sheen of sweat covered Wufei's graceful frame. They both were shirtless, and Duo noticed how well defined Wufei's chest was. In fact, as he let his eyes roam over the other boy's body as they moved together into the next to last form, Duo noticed how incredible Wufei's body was in general. The Chinese boy was built much like Heero in that he had compact muscles that were toned, not overly developed, but holding strength that could be used whenever needed. Duo suddenly wondered what it would feel like to be pressed against that body and feel that strength. He shook his head; he definitely needed to meet someone before his body began dictating his actions.
"Yeah, but we all understand each other, Fei. I think that's the only way we could ever be lovers. If any of us tried to be with someone who didn't know what it's like to be a soldier, I think it would be doomed from the beginning. Maybe that's part of the reason why we paired off. Except for you, of course. Why aren't you seeing anyone, Wufei?"
Wufei tensed. "Guess I haven't found someone who can understand me the way you guys can."
Unbidden, Duo's eyes returned to Wufei's body once more, and Duo felt the beginnings of an arousal. He looked at the other boy's face; Wufei's eyes were closed in concentration, and Duo let his gaze drop to the other boy's lips. What would Wufei taste like? He shook his head again. He couldn't let himself think like this. It was just because he was alone now, right? Duo could tell that Wufei needed someone too, but Wufei would never want him like that, no matter how lonely the black-haired boy was. Of course, Wufei understood him, and he certainly understood Wufei, so why couldn't it work? Why not at least try?
They finished the final form, Wufei's face calm and impassive... just like Heero's used to be when he was concentrating on a mission. Before Duo could stop himself, he swept Wufei's legs out from underneath him, eliciting a shriek of surprise out of the other boy as Duo followed him to the floor to pin him down.
"Maxwell! What the hell are you doing?"
"Gotcha Fei." Duo's voice was husky with need as he tried to keep himself from doing what his body wanted him to do. "You're getting soft, Wu-man. You should have been prepared for an attack."
Wufei snorted, trying to ignore the way Duo was looking at him. "I don't plan on being attacked while doing forms with you, Duo. Now let me up before I have to kill you."
Duo felt his heart beating faster. This was crazy! Wufei was just a friend, but Duo had been so lonely, and the thoughts of feeling someone against him again, someone who cared about him, finally made him give into what his body was screaming for. He watched the dawning of comprehension light up Wufei's face right before his lips met with the black-haired boy's, then he lost all rational thought. Wufei's lips were soft and giving. Duo ran his tongue over the Chinese boy's bottom lip and was surprised when that mouth opened to allow him entrance. Wufei tasted like bitter herbs and honey. It was an amazing combination, and Duo groaned as he deepened the kiss, rocking his body against Wufei's. He could feel the other boy's arousal against his thigh, and it pleased him to know that Wufei was not unaffected; however, he was soon disappointed as Wufei pushed him away, panting for air.
"Duo, no. We can't do this. It's not right, and you know it."
Duo looked down into kohl depths and saw the longing there, but also the pleading to stop. He rolled off of Wufei to lie on the mat next to him, trying to regain control again. The hurt of rejection pierced his heart again, and all he wanted to do was cry.
"Duo," Wufei's calming voice whispered as he turned his friend's face towards him, "I know you're lonely, and believe me, so am I. I know that it would be so easy to find comfort in each other, but you don't love me like that, and although I care for you deeply, I'm not in love with you either. We both deserve more than to just be each other's release, don't we?"
Duo felt the tears fill his eyes. "Oh, Fei, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry..."
Duo turned and buried his face in Wufei's chest, letting himself cry out his pain. Wufei held him close, mumbling words of comfort and encouragement, his fingers running through Duo's unbound hair soothingly. They lay there a while after Duo's sobs subsided, trying to come to terms with what had just happened and what would never happen. Duo was the first to break the silence that had fallen.
"Thank you for being my friend, Wufei. I know how hard it must have been for you to... well... stop me."
Wufei pulled away and smiled at the chestnut-haired boy. "You have no idea, Maxwell. You are one sexy bastard, and I haven't been with anyone in so long I can't remember. I'll probably regret this later when I have to take a cold shower."
Duo grinned brightly through his drying tears. "Aw, Fei, you say the sweetest things."
Wufei leaned down and kissed Duo's forehead, hugging him tighter before he let him go to stand up. "Just remember, Duo. No matter how lonely you are right now, it is far lonelier to be in someone's arms when they don't love you. It may feel good for a time, but once you've truly been loved, nothing else will fill that void inside... no amount of sex can ever take the place of making love."
Duo frowned up at Wufei. "How do you know I was ever loved like that?"
Wufei smiled sadly. "Heero Yuy may be a fool, but he is only fooling himself, Duo. He loved you, still loves you, with everything that he is. I don't mean to give you false hope, but someday he will realize what he's lost, and there won't be any army of mobile suits that can keep him away from you when he does. I just hope that you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive him for his stupidity."
Duo smiled as he hoisted himself up off the mat. "I already have forgiven him, Fei. Even if he never realizes that he loved... loves... me, I've already forgiven him with all my heart and soul."
Wufei placed a hand on his shoulder, a sad smile gracing his lips. "You are an incredible person, Duo Maxwell. I am honored to have you for a friend."
The two boys embraced, friendship reasserting itself between them. Duo pulled away with a wicked grin on his face. "Of course, I never said I wouldn't make him pay for it when he does finally come to his senses. My heart and soul may show mercy, but my body will still demand retribution."
The room echoed with Wufei's laughter as he saw the light of Shinigami fill those violet eyes, sparkling with humor and seriousness at the same time. Wufei knew that the Japanese boy would have a hard road to walk when he did finally realize his folly; he didn't envy Heero Yuy at all.
End Part 4
(:./tk/embracing4)
