08-Nov-2000
i don't think this is technically a songfic, because it doesn't have any lyrics. but it *does* follow the story of the song, so. . .
also, i tried a new narrative style which is a little, well, --you'll see.
finally, this is a much-belated birthday fic for the wonderous angel ikari. enjoy, sweetie!!
Disclaimer: Sunrise, Bandai et al own GW, Lynyrd Skynyrd owns "Gimme Three Steps", and I own nothing. Suing would be pointless.
Warning: POV, barely 1+2, LOTS of bad language. (Sorry, Mom!)
* = emphasis
God, I would *love* a beer! Thanks, man! What? My face? Yeah, it's one hell of a black eye, isn't it? And guess what? Those dumbass doctors say my cheekbone's 'concussed'. What the hell does *that* mean?! It means doctors are damn idiots, that's what it means.
What happened? Oh, man, it was *horrible*! No, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, I'm sure. Just let it slide, man. What? Sure, I'll have another beer. On you? Thanks, dude!
Quit asking me, I'm *not* going to tell you. No. No! Oh, all right, fine, I'll tell you. Just promise not to tell the guys at work, okay? I mean it, dude-- this is *personal*, okay? Or else I won't tell you.
You promise? Okay. So: I'm at that bar, over by the interstate. You know, the Jug? And I'm feeling pretty fine. I mean, I'm looking sharp, it's payday, I've already got a few brews in me. And I'm kind of flirting with the waitress when this *hot* babe wanders in.
Damn, dude, you should have *seen* her! Legs clear up to here, hair down to there, and the tightest jeans you ever saw. And that ass! High and round and perfect. She was *fine*!
Well, you know me. I'm not the kind to leave a lady lonely for long. So I walk over, introduce myself, buy her a drink. Man! She was even better up close. A heart-shaped face, brown hair all wavy with gold streaks, and eyes so blue they almost looked purple. And she smelled great! Like some kind of old-lady flower. You know, magnolia, honeysuckle, something like that.
Fuck off, dude! Poet, my ass! I'm telling you, you didn't see her. She was *beyond* fine. Shut up! Do you want to hear this or not? Yeah, I'll take another beer. Thanks.
Anyway, things are going pretty well, and soon we're out on the dance floor. Stop laughing! I can dance, if I have to. Well, I can dirty dance, and that's just what I was doing. Sort of moving behind her, rubbing up against her, letting her know how much my 'friend' liked her. Oh, she wanted me, dude.
So we're dancing, and this runt walks into the bar. Skinny little thing, all arms and legs and messy brown hair. Even though I'm kind of occupied, I notice him right away, because of the look in his eyes. Sort of cold and deadly, like a pit bull with a mission. And my eyes meet his across the room and I about piss myself, he scares me that badly.
Why? I don't know why! I mean, he's short and *at least* half my weight and he's wearing spandex, for God's sake! Yeah, *spandex*, I kid you not. Black spandex shorts, I swear.
Well, I was right to be scared, 'cause now he's coming right towards me and suddenly he's got a gun in his hand. Where he was packing it, I *don't* know. So I turn to the girl and she's got this little smirk on her face, and I just want to slap her. 'Cause there I was, trapped in the middle of a fucking domestic.
Of *course* they knew each other, stupid! That cock tease set the whole thing up to make him jealous. So I start to back away, hands up, kind of like "Peace, dude", but it's too late. The little fuck hits me in the face with his gun. Really! I think that's what did the cheekbone damage.
So I *literally* go flying through the air, he hit me that hard. I am actually *not touching* the ground. Yeah, just like a Jet Li movie. Cool, my ass! It's not cool when it's happening to you. Yeah, whatever, dude.
So I hit the wall and slide down and the spandex punk is right over me. He's waving his gun and yelling some stupid shit at me like "Omo Komo" or something, who the hell knows what.
I really thought I was going to die. I mean, he looked ready to kill. So I'm just like "Chill, dude! I didn't even *kiss* her! Hell, I barely touched her! Just give me a head start, just three steps to the door, and you won't see me anymore!"
And he just stares at me, and I'm thinking "Damn, I am *so* dead!", but then that bitch comes up and puts her hand on his shoulder and says "My Hero!" or something stupid like that, and he turns to yell at her and I get up and just *run*. Probably broke an Olympic record.
No, he didn't hurt her. I get to the door and look back, to see if he's following, and you know what? They're standing there, making out on the dance floor. Oh, man, they were *all* over each other! Like French sailors on leave. They were like all tongues and spit.
No, no! You haven't heard the *worst* part! I don't know if it was the angle or just having one working eye or what, but I suddenly noticed something about the girl. Something I should have noticed right off. What? I'll *tell* you what! She was a goddamned *man*, that's what!
No, I'm not kidding! He was some kind of freaky long-haired poofy boy. Stop laughing! You didn't *see* him! I mean it dude, you would have been fooled too. Yeah, whatever. It just goes to show, though-- never think with your dick. You *always* get into trouble.
Yeah, I'll have another beer. Man, my head hurts! It's still throbbing. I can't *believe* how hard that punkass hit me. Thanks.
Damn, he made a *fine* looking girl, though.
What? Fuck you! Well, maybe I think *you're* gay, what do you think about that, asshole? Huh? Just shut up!
I mean it, loser! Stop laughing!
END END END
that's it. what do you think?
told you it was an experimental style. ::coughs:: i'll leave now.
(:./hyuy/3steps)
