19-Jun-2003
Title: Seasonal Drift Part V
Author: Ebonydove
Archived: aenai.steelsong.com & Team Rocket at Shinigami's Castle.
Spoilers: yes some vaguely from the series
Rating: PG
Warnings: Violence, language, shonen-ai, sap, slight OOC, mild angst.
Pairings: 2+1
Author's Notes: Told in Duo's POV. Thanks to Anne for the quick beta!
I should have known that my little outburst would result in the full-blown escort up to the third floor after we had hashed through all the testing and medications they wanted to have Heero on. I knew I was being hyper sensitive, but they were speaking about him like he was some kind of performing circus animal. Jump here. Sit there. Leap through this flaming hoop.
At least the smell didn't hit me as hard this time as we got off the elevators, but it was still there. Certain scents do amazing things to your memory. That particular stench conjured up all kinds of dark things and I found my hand trembling again as flashes of cell blocks and hospital beds flashed through my mind's eye. I glanced to Trowa, who like Wufei, was keeping a very close eye on me as we walked down the white hall towards the double doors. The orderly punched in the four-digit passcode which I filed away in my mental rolodex for later. It might come in handy and would definitely be quieter than blowing the damn doors open with a hunk of C4 or something else as effective.
They swung wide with a hiss of hydraulics and lead into another set of doors. Unlocked, and off white to match the walls. Here the doctor and orderly paused and I was confused to the sudden rise in tension. I glanced to Wufei for guidance and watched with childlike interest as he carefully unlaced and removed his shoes. It seemed to spark the rest of them to do the same as I stood dumbfounded watching them.
"Duo. You need to remove your footwear." Wufei's quiet voice seemed so loud in the tiny hall to my ears and I must have seemed confused because he rolled his eyes and gave a soft snort of aggravation at my lack of response. He removed both his shoes and tucked them neatly beside Trowa and Quatre's and proceeded to remove his belt as well.
"Duo?" Quatre was waiting for me to do anything and I glanced to each of them before it finally came together.
Damn it. The laces... the belt...
I felt the little shutter go through me, but quickly covered up my rising distress with roughly tugging off my boots and tossing them against the nearest wall with a loud thunk. "You realize off course how ridiculous this is." I snarled to no one in particular and crossed my arms over my chest in a gesture of contempt.
"But albeit necessary." Wufei shot back deflating my anger like letting the air out of a balloon.
He was right after all. Mental patients could often become hostile or even suicidal depending on the medications or treatments they were on, and I supposed that given Heero's background, it was only sensible. In a depressing, desperate kind of way.
The orderly then handed each of us a pair of blue-green slippers, which I held in my two fingers like some kind of creature that was going to jump out of my grip and bite me. I put them on and stood with my hands at my sides and waited for them to indicate what I was to do next. The orderly pushed open the door, letting Dr. McNeill walk past and then held it for the rest of us as we shuffled through with our little fuzzy slippers on.
It was surreal. I just stood and stared down the hall not sure of what I was supposed to be doing when Wufei came up to stand beside me.
"He's the third door on the right. We'll wait here. He's still sleeping, but should be coming out of the sedatives soon." I could feel his gaze on me, but continued to stare straight-ahead not saying anything but focusing on the third door down. "Do you wish me to go with you?" He finally added softly when I continued to allow the tense silence to stretch out between us.
I couldn't have found my voice if I had wanted to. So I just swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded no. Then with no little effort I forced my feet to move and walked slowly down the hall and stood outside the open door to Heero's room. I glanced over my shoulder to where the others were standing near the exit doors. They looked positively silly sporting their green slippers. Trowa was very close to Quatre and speaking softly to him as Wufei looked to be consulting the doctor. The big man in the white coat, who was our "security", just stared at me with this blank expression. It was unnerving.
I finally mustered up the courage to look into the room and was relieved to find that a curtain had been drawn around Heero's bed, giving him some shelter from prying eyes of passers-by. I stepped in and moved around it to stand at the foot of Heero's too-big bed and just tried to remember what it was like to breathe.
He looked so small to me. His face was relaxed and all his features were serene in his sleep. I had seen him drugged, drunk, and asleep before, but never really took the time to look at him. He looked so peaceful. I could feel my heart thumping painfully in my chest and took my first deep breath, letting the air all the way deep into my lungs before letting it out in a giant whoosh. His hair was slightly sweat dampened and I knew by looking at it, unwashed. He was dressed in a plain white hospital gown, which I remembered from my own experiences was no more than a small sheet with ties to cover your ass with.
There were no machines buzzing or beeping, and no tubes snaking across him, save the one delicate IV drip hanging unceremoniously near his head. I didn't have to guess what it was. I traced the tube to his arm and saw how they had tucked it under the leather straps of the restraints, which was just about went I lost my composure completely.
He had been restrained.
I quickly made my way to his bedside and unbuckled them, sniffing and wiping at phantom tears as I harshly released him. Then I took the damn things and shoved them into my pockets. I lifted his wrists to make sure the bastards had at least put them on correctly and was glad no see that there were no marks or redness there. They had been careful.
It was then I realized that I had taken his nearest hand and was holding it tightly in mine. I ran my fingertips over the smooth skin of his palm and sunk down in the chair next to the bed. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his face, afraid that I would miss even the slightest of indications that he was regaining his consciousness. But he remained eerily still.
I don't know how long I sat there watching him sleep. He hadn't the slightest clue how many things had changed for me while he had been sleeping. We weren't going to be best friends any more. We weren't lovers, and I doubted that I could stay his partner after all this. I felt like a cork bobbing in an endless expanse of water. I was lost. I knew when he woke that nothing would be the same between us. There was just no going back.
I heaved a great sigh releasing some of my stress with it and laid my forehead on his arm where it was stretched out on the bed. I shut my eyes and listened to him breathe; trying to form a plan of just what I was going to say when he woke up. It was clearing of someone's throat in the room that made me look up from my swirling thoughts.
"Would you like anything to drink?"
Trowa spoke to me but his eyes were firmly glued to Heero's quiet form. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and I gave him a few moments to remember that he had actually addressed a question to me to answer. When he finally looked back at me, I gave him what small smile I could. "No. I don't want to leave him in case he wakes up. Wufei said he should come out of this soon."
"You've been here for five hours, Duo."
I blinked at him in wonder. Five hours? It wasn't possible. I felt as if I just got here.
"Visiting hours are almost over. I thought you should know that they'll be asking us to leave soon. Quatre and I thought we could all go and get something to eat for dinner and come back later on tonight."
I sat back in my chair a bit, taking Heero's hand with me and gave him a hard look. "I'm not leaving. We both know that. So tell whoever it is that sent you to come get me to go to Hell."
"Duo... "
"No." I knew I was letting it creep in. I could feel the rage boiling up from my gut and recognized that it was completely irrational. I wasn't being threatened, especially by Trowa, but my other personally jumped at the chance to stretch its legs and hissed out my retort to his mere suggestion of my going anywhere. "I'm staying, and unless someone would like to try to physically remove me from this room, I would suggest that you all just leave us the fuck alone."
"We just thought... "
"Get out." I snapped and turned my attention away from him to return to my vigil of watching over Heero.
"Alright Duo."
I knew it was wrong of me to take it out on him and almost said so as he turned to go, but in the end I just let him leave the room. Heero hadn't so much as twitched from all the activity and I was almost glad for it. The longer he slept the more time I had to gather my scattered wits.
"What am going to do, Heero? What the hell am I going to do?" I whispered to him conspiratorially. Then I readjusted his sheets and stretched his arm out across his stomach so I could continue to hold his hand before laying my head back down on the edge of the bedframe. The next thing I knew I had dozed off with my hand still clutching his.
I woke with a start some time later as I felt a slight squeeze of my fingertips. When I raised my head and blinked my eyes open, Heero was looking at me with a dark frown and deep, furrowed eyebrows. He glanced first at my face and then to my hand where it was still firmly wrapped around his, and then I felt a slight twitch from his fingers.
I let go of him as if I had been burned; sitting back and stammering out a flood of gibberish. "H-heero... hey buddy, you're finally awake. I thought you were going to sleep forever, man." A look of confusion washed over his face giving me pause. I tried to focus on what I was saying to him and not the way my hand still felt warm from holding his for so long.
He watched my nervous movements in silence with the same dark frown on his face making me suddenly very uncomfortable. Like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar or something equally childish. I felt my face flame under his piercing gaze and tried to cover my discomfort with a flurry of words. "There was an accident... you were late to work so I had come to find you, and you're never late, so when I got to your apartment, well... the place just looked like... " and then I stopped with my mouth just working without any sound coming out. I didn't want to explain to him what that room had looked like. I didn't even want to think about it and stood gaping like a landed fish instead. I stood up abruptly and just waited for my poor brain to tell me what I could say or do to make this crushing feeling go away.
He let his eyes slide shut and took a deep breath during my distraction. When he opened them again the look of confusion remained but the glassy, angry look had lessened, despite the frown still firm on his face. "W-what... happened?"
His voice sounded as if he hadn't used it in a million years and it brought me back to sit next to him. I ran a shaky hand through my hair and sighed trying to project a sense of calm, even though I felt nothing close to it. "There was an accident... at your apartment." I felt my heart trip-hammering in my chest again and tried to slow down my rambling of words. "What is the last thing you remember?"
He shut his eyes again and practically vibrated with frustration as he tried to come up with an answer for me. After several long moments he opened his eyes to look at me with an expression of pure confusion. "I remember calling your number... the line was busy... I... I... "
I didn't know what he was talking about. He hadn't called me that morning which was part of why I was aggravated enough to truck my ass all the way to his apartment that morning to find out why he was running so late. "It's alright partner. Take your time." I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I reached out and took his hand in mine again giving it a soft squeeze and was about to speak when Quatre practically burst into the room with Trowa and Wufei right on his heels.
"He's awake!"
I rolled my eyes and glared hard at them. Then I looked back to Heero and found that same odd expression on his face he had been wearing when he first woke up. It was just about then that I realized he was staring at our entwined hands where they were resting on the bed. I went to pull mine back and felt him squeeze, trapping my hand where it was. It was an awkward moment that seemed to go on for days before Quatre was suddenly there next to me and fussing over him. It gave me the chance to slip my hand out of his grip and practically run from the room.
Once in the hallway I cursed myself for being so dumb. I was pacing back and forth lost in thought when I just about slammed into Wufei. "Wha... oh. Sorry man. I... "
"You are out of control Maxwell."
I just froze and stared at him. Of course I was. What a stupid thing to say to me right then.
"Dr. McNeill is on his way up to check on Heero. Go downstairs and bring him something to drink. The sedatives will make his mouth feel like cotton and it is most unpleasant." He was right about that and I quickly nodded my agreement. He seemed to know exactly what I needed just then. A task. Something to do. And I was about to say thanks when he reached over and pulled a strap that I had removed from Heero's bed out of my pocket and glared hard at me. "Explain."
I hadn't even realized that it had been dangling half out of it and could do nothing more than meet his accusing look with a contemptuous look of my own. "He's not a fucking animal. He doesn't need to be restrained like one."
"I don't think you understand... "
"I got the picture clear enough Wu. They're afraid of him. So they think they're going to keep him under lock and key, strapped to a damn bed until they can figure out how he works."
"That's not true... "
"Bullshit! And I tell you now Chang, if someone doesn't do something soon to get Heero out of here, I will."
"You're acting like a... "
"That's right! I am. Don't you fucking get it? He's my whole god damn life!"
My voice had echoed off the walls and bounced back with alarming resonance. I had been practically screaming in his face and had unintentionally brought Trowa and Quatre out to the hall to see what the commotion was all about. I felt my face heat as I thought about what I had just been ranting about and hoped that Heero didn't hear it. I don't know how he couldn't have though. I shoved my hands hard into my pockets and stalked to the first set of doors, ignoring the twin stares I was getting from Trowa and Quatre from where they stood in Heero's doorway. Wufei was struggling to find anything to say that wouldn't set me off again and the orderly who had been waiting in the area between the doors gave me a wide berth as I stormed past him.
I didn't bother putting my shoes back on, knowing I was going to be right back here once I had found the beverage I had been asked to fetch. I gave the man in the white coat a harsh glare and he immediately buzzed the lock open. I'd file that away too that he kept a remote in his front left breast pocket. I stomped through the double locked doors in my blue-green fuzzy slippers and slammed my fist against the wall as I waited for the elevator. They all had the good sense not to follow me this time.
End Part 5
(:./ebony/drift5)
