23-Oct-2000
Title: Life. Listed Alphabetically
Author: Lady Murasaki
Disclaimer: Not mine, but a girl can dream...
Warnings: AU, OOC(?), dark, angsty, death
Notes: Emily, this one is for you - seeing as you asked for an angsty deathfic...
Hey guys,
After a lengthy break, I've finally had an idea for a major multi-part ficcie ^__^ Just a word of warning: don't read if you're depressed! It's gonna be dark, angsty, violent, and depressing. Some parts also feature death of main characters, soo... Consider yourself forewarned!
**Author's Notes
The idea for writing this came to me when I was in one of my particularly bad moods, so expect it to be very dark and depressing.
I tried to imagine what would happen if the characters of GW were regular kids acting their age in a regular urban environment. As a result, they are probably wildly OOC. I tried my best to keep the characterizations to the original, but I have no idea whether I've succeeded. This is going to be a series of seven or eight parts, loosely connected by a common thread, but each is a stand-alone story.
An inner city public school. A notorious neighborhood. A bunch of kids that everyone has given up on. What happens when teenagers are considered guilty without a chance of proving themselves innocent - ever? When the police, the teachers, the counselors leave them to their own devices and the families of some turn out to be their worst enemies? Beyond the lists of attendance in school, beyond names mentioned in the local papers - there are lives. Lives that are as precious as everyone else's. Consumed by their own problems, the well-to-do adults choose to ignore the tragedies that take place under their very noses. The results are often devastating, but most people don't notice. To them, those kids never become anything more than lists of names. That's all there is. Life. Listed alphabetically.
Relena slammed her math book closed in frustration. She hated algebra with a passion, and this week's homework was not making her feel better. At least she was almost done with it now. Maybe mother would allow her to go out tonight. The only daughter of an ultra-conservative family, Relena Darlian enjoyed few freedoms. Her parents were both Baptists, and very religious; they regarded any sort of entertainment as one of the deadly sins. Relena wasn't allowed to go to parties, or even hang out with her friends too often. Her parents didn't trust her friends, even though they'd never met them. Not that anything would change if they did Relena mused grimly. Her friends weren't exactly members of the elite, what with the neighborhood her family lived in and all. But they were still friends, and Relena liked being with them, even if they didn't share much in common.
Relena's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of front door opening. Her mother was home. The girl went to greet her, an austere-looking woman with prematurely graying hair. A slight nod of recognition, a perfunctory peck on the cheek - the extent of mother-daughter greeting. After answering the usual questions about school and homework, Relena cautiously asked whether she could go see a movie with a friend tonight. The look her mother gave her told Relena she was out of luck. Sighing, she went back to her room.
"Hey, Relena!" The sound made her turn around. Hilde, her friend, was coming toward her through the morning crowd. She seemed excited about something and Relena got curious. She waited for the other girl to come over before asking her what was up.
Relena looked around the room, blinking to adjust to the lighting. The club looked everything she'd expected it to be, and yet not. Dozens of bodies gyrating, undulating, grinding against one another. Music, or rather an insistent collection of rhythms, that grabbed one's mind and pierced it to the core. Dimmed lights, with occasional splashes of color sent the girl's head reeling with dizziness. She stepped back involuntarily, reluctant to plunge into the scene that was playing out before her. Another minute and she would have turned around and fled, but at that moment Hilde appeared out of the crowd, eyes sparkling with an unhealthy excitement. She grinned when she saw her friend.
"You made it! Isn't this the coolest place?" The other girl babbled, grabbing Relena's hand and beginning to drag her somewhere. Having never been to a nightclub before, Relena allowed to be drawn along, imagining what her mother would say if she saw this place. She had agreed to come more as a way of doing something contrary to her parents, than because she had really wanted to. Hilde led her to a table tucked in a corner where a moody-looking guy was waiting. Hurriedly, Hilde introduced the guy as Bob, before letting go of Relena and latching on to the aforementioned male specimen. Relena was left by herself in the corner as a new dance started. She sat down on a high bar stool, mood getting darker with every second.
She didn't see why Hilde had insisted on her coming along - the other girl seemed to be doing quite well here. The stale air of the room was making Relena dizzy, making her disoriented. It smelled of tobacco and alcohol fumes, and human bodies, and of the sins of flesh. Some drunken youth lurched into her, nearly knocking her off the chair, making the girl recoil in disgust. From her perch, Relena could see glimpses of Hilde hanging off her newest boy toy. The girl was ready to leave when a sultry male voice spoke up next to her. She turned, coming face to face with a darkly handsome guy of about 20. She felt strangely fascinated.
//.I shouldn't be doing this.//
She smiled.
//.Not a good idea.//
"A drink? Sure!"
//.Mother will kill me.//
"Here you go. What's your name?"
She looked at the glass suspiciously, hesitant to take a sip. The guy smiled winningly. Her mother's grating voice telling her she was a rotten child. She took a large gulp.
Blinding colors flashed through her brain, bleeding the music purple. That was all Relena could really remember afterwards - the brilliance of colors. She remembered too someone giggling - her. The smell of bodies pressed together, the feel of someone's hands on her skin. Heat..
It was several hours later when she and Hilde finally left the club. Both girls were still tipsy, but Relena was more in control now. And, with the return of consciousness, came the fear of the impending confrontation with her parents. Relena had gone out claiming she was going to the library, but now was nearly 3am, so her cover was utterly blown. She didn't make it home until an hour later.
Relena unlocked the door to the apartment, then pushed the door open, but it wouldn't open past a few inches. It took the girl a moment to realize that the chain was on from the inside. Confusion set in as she tried to get the chain off. Suddenly, there were footsteps coming from inside the apartment, then a light went on. Her mother's voice, asking who was there. By now, the surreal-ness of the situation was such that Relena didn't care about her mother's rage - she just wanted to be home.
"It's me, mother," she said quietly.
"Relena?"
"Yes, please let me in."
There was silence, then the sound of something being dragged across the floor. The rattling of the chain coming off and then the door was flung open. Her mother was standing in the doorway, still fully dressed. Her eyes cold as ice, her lips in that tight white line Relena had come to know so well over the years. Silence, as mother and daughter gazed at each other. Then the older woman spoke in a low ominous voice.
"You little bitch! You little lying, ungrateful bitch! After all your father and I have done for you, you still turn out a slut. Well, you've made your choice and now we make ours."
With that she threw a bag at Relena.
"Get out of here! I don't want to ever see your face again. Go and die in the gutter where you belong."
And the door slammed shut.
For a moment, the girl stood there, stunned, trying to comprehend what had just transpired. Then understanding dawned. Tears welling, she pounded on the door, screaming, not caring anymore whether the neighbors would hear.
"Mother, please! I'm sorry, please let me in. Please..."
"Go away, or I'll call the police," came the cold reply, then the footsteps retreating. Relena slowly sagged down to the floor, tears blurring her vision.
A small lonely figure walked along the street in the pre-dawn twilight. Not really watching where her legs carried her, the girl eventually wound up in a less than hospitable neighborhood of run-down houses. Torn newspapers drifted around on the breeze. Huddled in her thoughts, she didn't notice the people in her path until she ran into them. Disinterestedly, she looked up with bleary eyes, recognizing a couple of kids from her school that she didn't know all that well.
"Hey, Relena, what gives?" One of the guys spoke cheerfully. Almost too cheerfully, Relena noted vaguely.
"Yeah, never expected to see you around her at this hour," another piped in, laughing.
Relena just shook her head, not feeling like baring her soul to these people. But the combined effects of the alcohol and the drug in it, together with the shock of being suddenly homeless, overwhelmed any shreds of pride she had left, and Relena ended up pouring out all her problems to the group of kids in front of her. The incredible thing was, they did something her parents had never done before - they listened. And they sympathized. They accepted her into their group, unconditionally.
<Several months later>
Mrs. Darlian had just gotten home from work when the phone rang. She took off her shoes, luxuriating in the feeling of cool floor on her toes. She picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
God, can you ever forgive me?
"Hello?"
God, I didn't think about the consequences, I was mad.
"Hello?"
God, I'm sorry.
"Hello?"
If only I could go back in time and change things, I would.
"Hello?"
I love her, I do - I did...
God, no!
"Hello," she spoke in the receiver.
The funeral was a quiet one - just the family of the deceased and a priest. A quick service, umbrellas open, the rain mingling with unshed tears, the fallen leaves a reminded of what might have been. She hadn't suffered, the doctor told her parents. It had probably been very quick - deaths from heroin overdoses always are. A small consolation for the horrible burden these parents would carry for the rest of their lives.
End Part 1
C&C, please?
(:./murasaki/life1)
