Title: To Fly On Broken Wings 1/?
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai
Pairings: 1+2, 3x4x3 (implied)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: I don't own GW; I just borrow the boys and play :) "Shook Me All Night Long" belongs to AC/DC, and "I Wanna Touch U" belongs to Def Leppard.
Warnings: Angst, Humor, Sap
~~~ = flashback
*** = new scene
Heero sat staring out the shuttle window, wondering what the hell he was doing. It had been seven months since the end of the Mariemaia Incident. He had managed to actually create a new life for himself without war, yet here he was moving to Japan without even having an apartment rented. 'I've got to be going crazy,' he thought to himself. 'Why am I doing this? I don't even know anyone there except for... but it's not because he's there... it's not because of Duo!' He didn't believe it even as he thought it.
He had traveled around the colonies for the past six months and discovered that somehow buried inside his cold exterior was the heart of a writer. He had written his first novel in two months time, published it, and released it to find critical acclaim; it was still on the best sellers list. His second work was a book of poetry that he had written concurrently. It had only been out for a month now, but it already looked like it would be joining the other work on the list soon. Heero was pleased that he was actually creating something instead of destroying it. It was somehow like reckoning with his former self, replacing the unfeeling soldier with a passionate storyteller.
Heero sighed out loud, as he wished he could find a reckoning with himself regarding his erratic behavior now. Even though he could lose himself in his fiction, he still wasn't as openly comfortable with his own feelings yet. 'Why would I want to be where Duo is anyway? It's not like there's anything between us. It's been seven months since I saw him last. He's probably forgotten all about me.'
He knew that wasn't true. His mind instantly flashed to the envelope in his laptop case, containing a letter from Duo. The braided boy had given it to Heero the day they had left the hotel where all of pilots had been staying for a while, after the last battle they had all fought together.
Heero stood in the lobby... waiting. He'd told everyone goodbye upstairs... except one person. He couldn't believe he was still there... waiting. "I don't know why it matters,' he told himself as he glanced back at the stairs for the hundredth time. 'We'll probably never see each other again, so why am I still here?' As if in answer to his question, he heard someone running down the stairs behind him. He didn't have to look to know who it was.
"Hey, Heero! You wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to me, would ya?"
Heero turned around to take in the flushed face of the person he'd been waiting for. "Hn," was all he said as he watched Duo bound over to him with his usual grin in place.
"I didn't think so," Duo intoned happily as he stopped right in front of Heero. "I, uh, kinda wanted to talk to you, um, alone anyway."
Heero frowned. 'Why would he want to talk to me alone? Why does he look so... nervous?' Heero just stared at the braided baka silently.
Duo knew Heero well enough to take that as a sign to continue speaking. "I'm going to Tokyo to live."
Heero's brows knitted together in confusion. "I thought you were going to stay with Hilde."
"Oh, I'll still visit her from time to time, ya know, we're friends, and that's what friends do, but I wanna find a life for myself, a chance to forget about my past. I think we all deserve that, don't you?"
Heero ignored the question to ask one of his own. "Why Japan?"
Duo smiled again. "Because you've gotten me hooked on the food, you bastard, that's why." When Heero didn't comment, Duo sighed. "I just wanna go somewhere different. I already have an apartment lined up, and I have some leads on what I wanna do for a living once I get there."
"Hn."
"Is that all you're gonna say? Come on, Heero. The war is over. You need to let go of the 'Perfect Soldier' and just be 'Heero'. You need to find out who you are just like I do. What are you gonna do?"
Heero felt the panic grip him again; it happened every time he asked himself that question. "I don't know. I guess I'll just travel for a while until I figure it out."
Duo nodded, seeming to understand. "Well, if you ever make it to Japan, look me up, okay?" When Heero didn't comment again, Duo stepped closer to him. "I want you to remember something while you're trying to find yourself, Heero." Duo quickly pulled Heero into a fierce embrace.
Heero froze at the contact. Duo was... holding him! He should have shoved the other boy away, punched his lights out, or maybe even killed him; he placed his hands on Duo's waist instead.
Duo's voice was heavy with emotion. "No matter what you need, Heero, that's what I am. I know you don't understand that right now, but someday... someday you will. I'll still be waiting for you when you do."
Heero was stunned as Duo pulled away and placed his hand gently on his cheek. Without any warning, Duo leaned forward and brushed his lips against Heero's. It was a soft kiss meant to seal the words Duo had spoken. Heero knew he should pull away, but it felt... good. His heart was racing. When Duo finally stepped back, Heero opened his eyes, not realizing that he'd closed them in the first place.
"Aishiteru, Heero. Always." Duo's gaze was soft and tender as he looked at him.
Heero couldn't say anything. He just stared at Duo, his face completely open to the other boy for the first time. Duo reached into his pocket, pulled out an envelope, and handed it to Heero.
"When you can accept those words, please read this. Not until then, Heero. And don't throw it away either, okay? Even if you never open it, please keep it. All right?"
Heero could hear the pleading in Duo's voice and see the importance of it to the other boy in his shining violet eyes. He reluctantly nodded his head, knowing he was making a promise that would be hard to keep. "Ryoukai."
Duo's smile lit up his face. "Thank you," he said as the mischievous glint returned. "Well, I guess I'd better get goin'. I can smell those damn egg rolls already. Bye, Heero. See ya around." He gave Heero another grin before turning away then looked at Heero one more time before he walked out of the hotel; Heero's eyes followed him out the door then he looked at the envelope. Taking a deep breath, he placed it in his laptop bag where it would be safe. He'd probably never open it.
Heero had retrieved the envelope from its secured place without even realizing it. He hadn't opened it yet. He still couldn't accept what Duo had said to him. It still didn't make any sense. How could Duo love him? He could understand Duo caring for him. Heero knew he cared for the other boy too. His poetry had more than showed him that truth, even forced him to admit his attraction to Duo, but love? He didn't even know if he could love.
"I guess that's why I'm moving to Japan," he admitted to himself, "I'll find out if I can stay away from him knowing he's so close. If I can't then maybe I do love him." Heero was unaware he'd spoken out loud. The sight of his destination suddenly stilled any more thoughts or words for the moment.
"Hello, Duo. Just wanted to send you a quick message to see how you're doing. Oh, Trowa says 'hi' too."
Duo smiled as he looked at the mail, Quatre's image on the screen. 'Good ol' Quatre, always trying to make sure I'm okay. I really do love him. He's the little brother I never had.'
"I saw Wufei and Sally a couple months ago. They stopped off while on a mission. Wu Fei hasn't changed a bit. He's still calling Sally 'onna' just like the old days. I guess some things never change."
"Yeah, like how much he hates being called Wu-man. I'll have to remember to send him a message just to annoy him," Duo said out loud to the screen. It made him feel as if he were carrying on a conversation instead of just receiving a playback.
"Have you read Heero's new poetry book? I think you'd better get it if you don't have it already. It's really good, and... well... I think a lot of the poetry is about you. I don't mean to raise your hopes, but... you know what I mean."
Duo eyed the book in question lying on his nightstand and smiled. "I do know what you mean, Quatre, and yes, I have it." He'd had to pay two prices for it to get a hold of it, but it had been worth it.
"Well, I guess that's all from here. Please send me a reply soon. I just love hearing from you. Your grin always brightens my day, and even Trowa smiles while we watch it together." Quatre's face softened as her spoke his next words. "Hang in there, Duo. Heero will figure it out. It took Trowa a while to accept my feelings for him too, but he eventually realized that we were destined to be lovers because we are soul mates, just like you and Heero are. I know you hate to wait, but it will be worth it. I know it will. Goodbye for now."
Duo pressed the stop button and sighed. "I know, Quatre, but it's not easy. I miss him." Duo looked over at the poetry book and smiled again. "Of course, I think he misses me too. And I promised him... with a kiss." Duo let his mind go back to that day, remembering how it had felt, how Heero's mask had shattered in front of him revealing the frightened and lonely person inside those eyes. He could still taste Heero's lips. Those eyes though, they were what h ad captured his heart and soul. He was lost to anyone but Heero. Duo knew it, and although it was killing him, he would be patient. He looked at the book again. Someday…
Heero stood in the bookstore, looking at the 'self help' section, not finding anything on "How to tell if you're in love with a braided baka". It had been a month since he'd come to Japan, and he wasn't any closer to finding out how he felt about Duo. What was worse was that all of his creativity had run dry at the moment, and he wasn't finished yet with the sequel to his first book that he'd been writing. All he could think about was the fact that Duo was only a half hour away, and Heero still couldn't get up enough nerve to go see him; he knew he couldn't until he read the letter. He also knew he couldn't read the letter until he accepted that Duo loved him. The fact that the man at the check out desk was currently staring at him did not help him at all. More upset with his current dilemma than with the clerk, Heero turned suddenly, pinning the man with a glare that paled in comparison with his old death glare, but still frightened any recipient all the same.
"Is there a particular reason why you are staring at me?" he asked coldly.
The clerk's face reddened. "I'm sorry, sir. It's just that you remind me of someone. I didn't mean to just keep looking at you, but the likeness is uncanny."
Heero frowned. "I'm an author. Maybe you saw my face on the back of one of my books." It sounded like a reasonable explanation. The clerk shook his head to Heero's dismay.
"No. That's not it. You look like one of the characters on a doujinshi I'm reading."
Heero walked over to him. "Show me." It wasn't a request, and the clerk knew it. He quickly pulled out the adult comic book from under a stack of inventory reports, pushing it to where Heero could see the front cover. Heero gasped as his eyes were met with the image of two partially clad males intertwined in a passionate embrace; one looked just like Duo, the other just like him. The title was "Broken Wings", scrawled in flowing script across the top. He looked for the artist signature and felt his anger begin to rise as he found it... Dmax. It could only be Duo.
"Where did you get this?" he asked, his voice calm in spite of his upset.
The clerk swallowed. "There's an anime store that sells manga and doujinshi a couple streets over. This one is fairly new, but they're having trouble keeping it in stock. Jac told me that she's had to keep ordering them by the thousands just to meet the demand. There's even a list some people get on to get the first new releases. Tell her that Kyro sent you. She'll give you a discount."
Heero didn't even say 'thank you' as he walked away.
He found the store easily. When he questioned the woman behind the counter, who turned out to be Jac, she told him that there were five issues in the series so far and that issue six was due out that Friday. Heero asked if she had copies of each issue. She started to tell him no, then remembered that there had been an order that someone had not picked up yet. She told Heero that since he wanted them so badly, she would sell them to him if he would promise to go on the list for future issues in case she lost the other customer. Heero agreed since he'd planned on getting on the list anyway just in case he didn't kill Duo when he read them; he would want to get the next issues if he let his friend live. He thanked her and walked back to his hotel room. Once inside he ordered takeout and began reading.
Several hours later, he read the last page of the last one in his possession. He sat there looking at the cover again for several minutes; it was a soft layout with Duo holding him, his head against Duo's chest, a look of utter contentment on his face, tears flowing down Duo's. Actually, the characters were named Dey and Rayne. Dey was the one who looked like Heero. They were both lone warriors fighting for peace in a land of war and disillusionment. There were other characters such as Kirel who looked like Quatre, Simar who looked like Trowa, and Fei who looked like Wufei. Heero knew Duo had used part of Wufei's name on purpose to piss the Chinese boy off just in case he ever did come across the comics. Heero wondered if Quatre and Trowa knew that Duo was using them for his character designs. He guessed that they did or Duo wouldn't have done it. Although he didn't draw them together in intimate detail like Dey and Rayne, there was still a definite relationship other than friendship displayed in the stories.
Heero's anger had subsided. He knew that even if Duo had asked his permission, Heero would have said yes, not realizing what Duo would be drawing. Of course, Heero had to admit that the drawing was excellent. He hadn't known that Duo was so talented. He drew Heero's body so well; Heero wondered when the boy had actually observed him intently enough to memorize him like that. It made Heero think about all the times they had shared rooms and communal showers. Had Duo been attracted to him then? Could his teasing words, heated glances, and casual touches have meant more than Heero had realized?
Heero looked at the cover again, tracing the outline of Duo's face with his finger. He didn't just want to read about what Duo wanted; he wanted to find out for himself. Duo loved him. He didn't know why, but he knew that Duo did. It was time to open the envelope to see what was waiting for him inside.
Heero reached into his computer case and pulled the letter out. He felt a rush of excitement when he ripped it open. Unfolding the paper, he read it intently:
Heero,
Well, I guess you finally accepted "Aishiteru" from me. I'm glad. I don't know how much time has elapsed, whether 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, or 2 decades, but at least you've finally come to terms with my feelings, and that means that you have found yourself. I knew you would. I knew the "Perfect Soldier" would lose his hold on you someday.... someday. I hope you are doing well. Hell, I hope I'm doing well. I mean I've had to be without you for however long it's been, and whether 2 days or 2 decades, I know I've missed you. I've missed the way you can silence me with just a glare. I've missed the way you call me 'baka' and make it seem like the same as calling me 'friend'. I've missed the way I used to bug you incessantly just to get some reaction out of you. But mostly, I've missed seeing your eyes. You see, some people would say that your eyes were always distant and cold, but not me. I could see so many things in those brilliant blue depths that no one else could. I knew locked deep inside your heart was a person just longing to break free. That's the person I fell in love with. I saw glimpses of him now and then, and I knew I would never be complete until he was mine. If you are reading this now, then that means he's found a way to escape, and he has found a way to reconcile you to him. The only question now is how do you feel about me? Now that you can be honest with yourself, can you admit your feelings for me if you have them? That's a question that only you can answer. If you've missed me, if you think that you want to see if there's a future for us, if you find yourself needing someone to love you for all the amazing things that you were and have become, then you need to come and see me. You still know where I am. I'm still waiting. And no matter what you need, that's what I am... still.
Aishiteru, Always
Duo
Duo stood in the middle of his studio and lost himself in a pair of cobalt blue eyes. He felt his heart ache as he looked at the expression on the other boy's exquisite face, the curve of his mouth, the softness of his hair, and the muscled body that called to Duo to touch it. Duo felt torn between intense compassion and extreme arousal. He just let himself drink it all in, wondering what the real subject of his drawing would say if he could see it.
"He would probably say 'Duo, what the hell are you doing?' That's what he'd say," Duo said as he sighed loudly. He glanced over at the unfinished layout for his next issue, shaking his head. He needed to be working on it, but one of Heero's poems had inspired him, and he was completely captured by the portrait he'd drawn of his never-ending obsession.
"It's not like he's ever going to see it," Duo continued talking to himself out loud, still gazing adoringly at the canvas. "He's probably already found someone else. Probably already moved in with her. Probably living a contented happy life while I wait for him to realize that he loves me. Hell, he probably never even really liked me!"
Duo tried to calm himself down. Every day it was harder to keep believing that Heero would ever show up at his front door to proclaim his undying devotion. It had been almost ten months.
"How long does it take to find yourself anyway?" Duo mumbled to himself, out loud again. He was either becoming an eccentric artist or an insane ex-soldier; he liked to think it was the former and not the latter.
The vidphone beeped, and Duo received.
"Hey, Duo, how about joining us tonight at the 'Shaker'?"
"Hey, Kyle. Love to, man, but I've got an issue deadline."
"Oh, come on, D," the boy pleaded, his green eyes trying to do the patented 'Maxwell Look', but Duo wasn't buying it for a second; he was the one who'd taught it to the crew in the first place.
"Come, on, K, you know I've got to get this done, man."
The brown haired boy sighed. "Well, I guess Kev will get all the attention tonight. He's back in town, and we were all hoping you'd show him why you are known as 'The Rhythm'. Come on, D. If you go with us, we promise to have you back before one."
Duo felt himself caving in. His pride had always been his downfall. He knew it. Kyle knew it. He looked once more at the layout, then back at the cobalt eyes watching him.
"What do you say, Heero? Should I dance my ass off to protect my rep or finish Dey and Rayne's steamy scene?"
"Someone there, D? Who you talking to?"
Duo sighed as he looked back at the screen. "No one, K. I'll see ya there."
"All right! That's what I wanted to hear, man. See you there. And hey, wear those leather pants."
Duo watched the screen go blank then looked back sadly at the representation of the boy he loved as he whispered, "Sure thing."
Heero could actually feel the music pulsing through him. What he was doing at a club, he had no idea. He'd heard someone at Jac's say that the club was the hot spot, so here he was. 'Not that I think Duo might come here,' he told himself. Of course not, he just wanted to get out for the night. Right...
It had been two months since he'd first read Duo's doujinshi's. He had found the inspiration in them to complete his book sequel, which was about to be released in a few days. Even though he'd read the letter, he still couldn't get up enough courage to go to Duo's apartment; so here he was deluding himself that he wasn't just trying to catch a glimpse of the boy to give him enough nerve to face him.
He was sitting at an obscure table so he could see all around him yet go virtually unnoticed. He'd been there for the past three hours, and in spite of everything, he was kind of enjoying himself. Music had become his companion while writing, and he'd even learned how to club dance by envisioning himself moving against a certain braided ex-pilot; it was amazing how quickly one could find rhythm that way.
He suddenly heard a loud commotion as a group came through the front door. He could see about four or five guys greeting various people as they moved toward the dance floor. Heero couldn't see all of them, but he could tell they must be regulars from the way everyone was acting. He watched as one of them hopped up in the DJ booth and yelled into the microphone, "Sweet K and 'The Rhythm D' are in the house!"
A loud shout came from those on the floor. Heero just shook his head. This group was a little two wild for him. He was going home. He started to get up then saw another figure jump into the booth; Heero froze.
"Kev, man, get ready to rock. I'm gonna show you why they call me 'The Rhythm', and you ain't seen nothin' yet, buddy."
Heero couldn't believe it; standing there looking as sexy and mischievous as ever was Duo Maxwell himself in tight black leather pants and an open silky red shirt. Heero sat back down as the music changed from regular techno-dance to old 'Earth' rock music. He smiled in spite of himself. Leave it to Duo to blow into a place and change the whole atmosphere. Joy like Heero had never felt before began to seep into his soul as Duo jumped onto the dance floor in time to the beat. He watched as the boy began to strut across the floor to "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC, releasing his hair as he moved. The crowd had moved to the side of the floor to let him have full access. Apparently, this wasn't out of the ordinary; that realization intrigued Heero. What had Duo been doing for the past ten months? He felt his temperature rise when Duo's hips gyrated to the lyrics "Knocking me out with those American thighs". Heero was transfixed as Duo gracefully maneuvered his body into a visual display of the music. The lyrics "Told me to come, but I was already there" sang through Heero's blood as Duo buried his hands in the chestnut glory of his hair and thrust his hips seductively.
If Heero had ever had any doubt about his attraction to Duo, it was completely put to rest as he watched the other boy become raw sensuality in motion. He felt his arousal press against his blue jeans and groaned softly to himself as Duo did another mind-blowing motion with his hips. Heero thought "Cause the walls were shaking, the earth was quaking" was a pretty good description of what Duo was doing to him. The song was close to being over with, and Duo had pretty much proven why he was called "The Rhythm". Heero vowed that he would find out if the violet-eyed imp lived up to his name in bed as well as he did on the dance floor. He had a feeling he would not be disappointed.
The song ended, and a boy stepped forward holding up his hands in mock defeat. Heero assumed the boy was Kev. Duo laughed and hugged the boy, showing that there wasn't any real animosity between them. Everyone was soon on the dance floor again, and Heero lost sight of Duo for a moment. He scanned the throng until he saw the chestnut tresses flying due to its owner's activities. He watched Duo dance for a long time, completely content to take in the other boy's beautiful form moving to the music. He noticed that various people danced behind Duo, and Duo never turned to look at them as they pressed against him. He quelled the jealousy he felt at those people; they meant nothing to Duo. Suddenly, Heero had a strong desire to become one of those many admirers. If Heero just happened to position himself behind Duo like the others had, Duo would never even know it was Heero who was dancing with him. He just couldn't resist the opportunity.
Heero made his way to the dance floor, being careful to stay out of Duo's line of sight. The music changed, and Heero recognized the song from hearing Duo play it; 'I Wanna Touch U' by Def Leppard blared to life over the speakers. Heero thought there couldn't be a more appropriate song for what he was feeling at that moment. He worked his way through the mill and finally stood mere inches away from his target. He laughed at himself for thinking in those terms; he hadn't thought that way in a long time, but this was a mission, and he intended to complete it successfully at all costs.
Duo didn't seem to notice when Heero moved closer to him; the other boy swayed and gyrated in time to the music, seemingly unaware that someone was dancing behind him. Heero felt the words of the song pound in time to his desire, "I get high on you, I'm on fire over you, and I can't let you go, I can't let you go." Before he could stop himself, he reached around Duo, pulling the chestnut hair boy against him as he moved with him. Duo's body felt so good against his, the violet-eyed boy's firm ass pressed against Heero's increasing arousal. Heero completely lost himself, the feeling taking him over as "I wanna touch u, 'til we stick like glue, I wanna touch u, yeah, baby that is true, I wanna touch u, nobody else will do, I wanna touch u, cause a little too much could never be enough, no" resonated through him. He had never felt anything so good in his life. He wondered if Duo was even affected by him. He didn't have to wonder for long; the other boy leaned back completely against him, his hands resting on the sides of Heero's thighs, pulling him closer against his back. "Give me no reason, give me no rhyme, give me this feeling all of the time" burned through Heero's mind as he felt his control slipping away; he knew he had to go before it was too late. He needed to talk to Duo before anything else could happen between them. Reluctantly, he slowly pulled away, as not to alert Duo that he was actually going; he was out the door before Duo could turn around to look for him.
Duo sat at his workbench, trying to call forth some inspiration. The only thing his mind could focus on was the guy who had been dancing behind him the night before. As much as Duo tried, he couldn't get him out of his mind... and he hadn't even seen him! He had felt him though, and Duo hadn't felt that kind of attraction since...
Duo shook his head. "I love Heero," he said out loud to himself, trying to convince his self that it had just been his body responding to the incredible body that had danced so closely to him. Duo remembered the feel of hard muscle pressed against him; it had been so wonderful to be held in such strong arms. He had always remained impassive when dancing with people, never letting his self feel anything but the motion of their bodies as they swayed to the music, but last night, he had felt the body of the person behind him and had wanted more. Duo had never allowed himself to bump and grind while facing someone, saving that for Heero alone, but he had been so tempted to turn around and do it last night. His body told him that Heero could never ever dance like that, but his heart and mind were determined to ignore his body's comments, even if they were true. Sighing heavily, Duo got up to go get himself something to drink from the kitchen. It was going to be a long evening.
He had just closed the refrigerator door when a knock sounded at the door. 'If that's Yuka from down the street again, I'm going to throttle him.'
Duo strode across the living room, talking loudly. "Yuka, I told you that I'm not making you a fake id until you turn sixteen, and I meant it..." Duo yanked the door open, intent on telling the fifteen-year-old that he was too young to be going out yet. He froze as his eyes met with cobalt blue.
"My name wasn't Yuka the last time I checked, and I certainly don't need a fake id."
End Part 1
(:./tk/fly1)
