27-Oct-2004
Title: Nothing Left To Weather - 5/5
Author: tkmaxwell777
Blood Type: Amaretto Sour
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2/1x2, past 2xH
Rating: NC-17
Warnings (Overall): Angst, Duo POV, Language, Lemon, and Sap
Archived: Yep! Fanfiction Section at GWA - www.gwaddiction.com
TK Maxwell Original Christian and Yaoi Fiction at: http://writing.com/authors/tkmaxwell
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise, and the original Japanese creators do. This story is a parody of their defined universe and is in no way an official continuation of the original story. I consider all underage characters engaging in sexual activity to be Emancipated Minors or social equivalents under military service. This story is for entertainment purposes only. It is a fantasy and should not be read as a realistic representation of actual romantic relationships. Content is not intended to condone or condemn any of the lifestyles or viewpoints portrayed through the characters. I make no money at this. I write only for the pleasure of feedback! This story was inspired by the song 'You'll Think Of Me' by Keith Urban and is dedicated to Sunhawk.
Notes: Well... this is the final part, folks! I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. Once again, this little ficcy is dedicated to Sunhawk *huggles* and is written in her style, so some phrases, plots, characterizations, and hamsters *cough* may seem familiar :) I wanted to thank all of you for your continued support and feedback even though it's taken so much longer than I'd planned to finish this. Sometimes you guys are the only thing that keeps me making the effort to write in spite of the headaches and fatigue, but I refuse to let this condition keep me from enjoying the GW yaoi fandom. Please keep praying for me! *huggles* Now... on with the ending
I made my way to the door in nothing but my pajama bottoms, muttering under my breath as a knock sounded instead of another ring. Well, whoever it was didn't seem willing to give up. I took a deep calming breath and opened the door. Standing there, looking like she'd been rolling around in a coal bin was Chloe from the diner. Her eyes lit up as they rested on me, and I had a feeling it wasn't because I was answering my door half-naked.
"Duo! Oh, thank God I found you!" She cried as she practically threw herself at me.
Well, okay, maybe it was because I was half-naked. I pushed that thought away as I took in how she was shaking like a leaf. "What's going on?" I asked as I carefully pulled away and led her inside. It wasn't a good idea to leave a hysterical woman on my doorstep. I'm sure my neighbors were already complaining about my loud behavior earlier.
Chloe sat down on the edge of the armchair, trying not to get the black stuff I recognized as soot on the furniture. I gave her a questioning look and she answered it by saying, "There was a fire at the diner tonight."
I felt my heart clench in my chest, but before I could say anything, Heero was there beside me, inquiring in a calm voice as he put a hand on my small of my back, "What happened?"
Tears filled Chloe's eyes. "It started in the kitchen. Before we could do anything, it spread through the place. It was completely gutted by the time the firemen arrived." She shook her head. "We thought that the smoke was just from something Conrad burned on the grill. The flames managed to spread from the wall to the door before we could get out. We finally broke a window, but Mavis..."
"What about Mavis?" I asked quickly, fearing the worst. Oh no, please God, no. Not Mavis. I could take just about anything else, but please, not her. It would be like losing Sister Helen all over again. My mind went back to charred remains of Maxwell Church, bodies in the ashes, and I could actually smell the smoke. A hamster pointed out that the scent was probably coming from Chloe, and I had to quell the urge to backhand the little sucker. A vision of Mavis lying in burnt rubble just about sent me towards the bathroom to throw up.
Chloe looked at me and must have realized what I was thinking. "Oh, no, she's okay, Duo! She noticed that Conrad wasn't coming out on his own and went into the kitchen to get him out. The medics think he had a stroke, which may have caused the fire to begin with. Another guy helped her get him out. Conrad is stable, and Mavis was admitted for smoke inhalation, second-degree burns on her arms, and a bump on the head from a light fixture that fell, but other than that, she's going to be fine. They're keeping her for observation overnight, just in case."
I don't know if I swayed or what, but suddenly Heero had a steadying arm around my shoulders. "What hospital, Chloe?" He asked, knowing that would have been my next question if I could have swallowed the lump in my throat.
"She's at St. Elizabeth," Chloe replied, giving me a concerned look. "I knew you'd want to go see her. That's why I took the time to find you. Besides, I didn't want you to show up at the diner and find it burned down without knowing that everyone was all right."
I smiled back, but I knew it was a little shaky. Damn. Dealing with this kind of emotional stuff left me feeling wobbly anymore. I needed to learn how to roll with the punches again, not fall to pieces. "Thanks, Chloe."
She seemed to be calming down, which was good since I wasn't in any shape to offer comfort. "It's okay. I'm just glad I could do it. It's a good thing so many people know you around here. I never would have found you if you weren't such a nice guy."
I blinked at her, surprised by her assertion. "What?"
Chloe laughed. "All I had to do was ask 'Do you know Duo', and people would begin telling me about how you did this or that for them and how you've always been an important member of the neighborhood because of the way you stand by people in need." She smiled, this time much brighter. "They directed me to here, and some nice old lady leaving the building told me which apartment was yours."
"Probably was Mrs. Gilmore," Heero told her, amusement evident in his tone, but something else shining in his eyes that made my heart flutter - pride. It was something I hadn't expected, and all I could do was stare at him in shock as he went on. "Duo fixed her toaster weeks ago, and she keeps thanking him every time she sees him."
"See what I mean? Everyone knows him because he's so nice," she said to Heero, who just nodded in reply. She then turned to me. "You don't know how relieved I was when she pointed out your place, but then when you didn't answer right away, I was worried that you weren't home." She gave me a cheeky look. "If I ever visit again, I'll know to give you more time to get the door... since it appears that you two have better things to do than fight now."
I blushed furiously, noticing for the first time that all Heero had on was a pair of boxers and a tee shirt... that was inside out. He flushed as well and then smiled at me sheepishly. I ducked my head. "W-we went to bed early," I began, but then just shut the hell up because I was only admitting what she'd been hinting at in the first place.
Chloe giggled at me. "It's okay, Duo. We thought you two were together from the beginning, but then we figured out after a few visits that you both had feelings for each other, but neither of you knew how the other felt... and the argument earlier just proved it." She sighed. "Mavis was going to check up on you if you didn't come in tomorrow."
I felt my face get hot. "Mavis needs to quit worrying about me." I saw Heero frown and amended, "About us."
"Well, you can go and tell her that yourself," she said as she stood up. "I'm going home, taking a nice, long, hot bath, and ordering in a large cheese pizza."
I grinned at her, the bit of levity helping me to get a hold of myself. "You do that, and thanks again for finding us."
She waved her hand dismissively. "No problem, Duo. At least we know how to get in touch with you guys now. When the diner re-opens, Mavis or I will let you know. We can't afford to lose the cutest couple we've ever seen in our lives, now can we?" She winked then went over to the door, pausing as she turned to look at us again. "You take care of each other. Looks like you're off to a good start." Then she left, smiling as she closed the door.
I stood there for a moment, caught between embarrassment and... well... I don't know. It felt good to know that there was people who liked seeing Heero and me together like that. Very good. I knew some people who probably wouldn't like it, especially those who'd liked Hide, but I was pretty sure I could handle that if I knew we had others who wanted us around. It shouldn't have come as such a shock that so many people thought I was a 'nice guy', but I guess I'd forgotten about those in the neighborhood I'd been in contact with almost every day when I'd worked at the yard. I'd let my break up with Hilde become a break up with everyone that we'd both known. I made up my mind to not let it be that way anymore. I was ready to take that part of my life back. I would meet the guys from the yard at the bar for drinks instead of avoiding them. I would stop off at Quincy's for some fish and chips like I used to and not worry about running into people. Hilde wasn't in my life now, but that didn't mean they couldn't be.
Warm arms sliding around my waist brought me out of my daze as Heero asked softly, "You okay?"
Closing my eyes, I leaned against him, relishing the contact for just a few moments before pulling away. I couldn't let myself sink into the comfort he was offering then or I'd never make it to the hospital. "Yeah, let's go."
It didn't take long to throw on some tee shirts and jeans. The transit system was the quickest way to the hospital, so we braved the late evening crowd and managed to make it intact, although someone did try to pickpocket Heero. My hands were faster, and the little shit ran, but I laughed all the way out of the station at Heero's disgruntled look. Now he knew how I'd felt that time on our way to the center. Having your butt pawed is not cool unless the one doing it is someone you want doing it. I said as much to Heero, and he glared at me... only making me laugh harder.
We were at St. E's within the half hour. I walked up to the admittance desk to ask about Mavis but then realized that I didn't even know the woman's last name. Chloe's words from earlier about not knowing where I lived came back to me, and I called myself every kind of idiot. All this time, these people had been a part of my daily life, and I knew even less about them than they did about me. Did they even know my last name? I sighed to myself. Well, time to see if my infiltration skills were still as good as they'd been during the war. Pasting on a grin, I told the secretary, "I'm here to see the lady they brought in from the diner that burned down tonight."
"Name?" The woman asked. She was probably in her forties, with bright red hair in a tight bun, and from her tone, she'd been at this job for way too long. She didn't even glance at me.
I winced. So much for my patented Maxwell charm. "Mavis."
She looked up then through her thick glasses, frowning. "Last name?"
I swallowed. "Well, you can try Maxwell, but she might be under her maiden name, and I don't know it." Okay, it was a lame attempt, and a couple hamsters appeared on her desk long enough to roll their eyes at me, but it worked because the woman began punching things into her computer. After a few moments, she gave me another look.
"No 'Maxwell', but there is a Mavis Thompson listed. She was brought in for burns and smoke inhalation."
"That's her!" I almost shouted then calmed when Heero placed a hand on my shoulder. "What room?"
She peered at me again. "Are you family?"
"He's her adopted nephew," Heero cut in smoothly, and I could have kissed him for it. I still had a problem with lying, though I probably could have managed it to get in to see Mavis, but Heero knew it would have made me feel guilty later on. Doing something like that to keep me from feeling bad showed how much he cared about me, and it was all I could do to keep the goofy grin off of my face as he continued explaining, "We ran into one of the other girls from the diner who told us what happened. Aunt Mavis isn't expecting us."
"Oh, I see. Well, she's in room 2033. That's the second floor. Just follow the signs."
I thanked her, and then allowed Heero to pull me to the elevators. Once the doors closed, I hugged him, feeling an upwelling of emotion that almost frightened me. "Thank you. I could have come up with something, but this wasn't a mission, so I would have felt funny afterwards, but what you said is kind of true, because she does think of us like that, and I know that feelings mean more than blood sometimes anyway... "
His arms tightened around me. "I know. I'm glad I could do something to help... though I never thought you'd be happy about me being creative with the truth again." He pulled away to give me a mischievous smile.
I chuckled at him, kissing his nose in a spontaneous moment of, well... I'm not inclined to say 'giddiness' so we'll just call it happiness. "Me neither, but you know how it is. Sometimes the least expected things happen to us."
We broke apart rather sheepishly when the elevator dinged. Following the signs, we made it to room 2033. The door was open, but I knocked anyway, not wanting to startle Mavis since she really wasn't expecting us. "Come in," came from inside, and my concern returned at how raspy the voice sounded. I knew how smoke inhalation could affect the vocal cords, but that didn't keep me from being worried about 'My Aunt Mavis'.
"It's just me and Heero, Mavis," I greeted as I approached the bed, but then faltered as I got a good look at her.
She had stark white bandages on her head and arms, and her face looked so tired, even though she tried to hide it with a wan smile. "Duo. I'm so glad someone told you." She gave Heero a warm look then. "I was so worried about the both of you."
"Chloe told us what happened," I managed to get out, trying to not let her appearance upset me. She was all right. Chloe had said the burns were minor, and the bump to the head wasn't serious. I kept telling myself that, but my heart was going a mile-a-minute anyway. I hadn't realized how important this woman was to me until then.
Mavis may have been sitting in a hospital bed, but the woman was just as sharp as ever. "I'm all right, sweetie. Just some burns and a slight concussion. They've already taken x-rays and such. Everything is okay."
I sat on the side of the bed. "You sure?" I asked, my voice trembling. Well shit! Didn't I just sound pathetic?
She reached her hand out to me, and I took it like it was a lifeline. "I'm sure, Duo. Everything is going to be all right. Do you honestly think I could let you two take care of yourselves? You need me. I'm not going anywhere."
The next thing I knew, I was crying like a damn baby, and she pulled me towards her. "Oh, for goodness sakes. Come here, baby boy."
Mavis then took me in her arms carefully, being mindful of her injuries. She stroked my hair and spoke soothing words as I tried to get a grip on myself, but the tears just kept coming. I was going to be mortified when I calmed down, but I couldn't help my reaction. Mavis had been the closest thing to a mother since Sister Helen. I couldn't deny that losing her would have been more than I could have taken, even with Heero there. I sobbed my heart out, and Mavis comforted me in a way I hadn't known since Maxwell Church. It was ironic since she was the one who was hurt, and in the end, the reality of that helped me regain control. Well, that and another visitor.
"Mavis? You in there, hon?"
I quickly sat up and wiped my face, feeling it redden considerably, but Mavis just patted my leg and called out, "Yeah, Lenny. Come on in. I have some boys here I'd like you to meet."
A big, burly man, probably in his forties and wearing a greasy pair of overalls, came striding into the room. He stopped a few feet away, giving Heero and me a good once-over. "Friends of yours, Mav?"
Mavis smiled at him in a way that let me know this man was important to her. "This is Duo and Heero. They come to the diner a lot." She then focused back on me. "This is Lenny. He owns the garage over on Elm."
I looked back at him. He had dark curly brown hair, brown eyes, and a friendly way about him. I remembered a couple of the guys at the yard saying they took their cars over on Elm. It had to be the same place. "Nice to meet you," I said as I stood and offered my hand. "I've heard good things about your garage from some friends."
Lenny grinned. "Thanks. We do pretty well, though three of my mechanics quit on me within the past week." The man rolled his eyes. "They're going off to college."
"Now, Lenny, don't begrudge them a chance at something better than living under the hood of a car," Mavis scolded him, but I could hear the teasing note to her words.
Lenny sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, what better way to spend a day? Grease, the purr of an engine, and the feel of cool metal under your fingers - that's the life. Them boys don't know what they're missing." He winked.
"Are you looking for replacements?" Heero asked suddenly, and I gave him a questioning look.
"Yep," Lenny answered, "though I doubt I'll find anyone with the experience I need. I'm kind of in a bind, to be honest. And now this with Mavis..." The man shook his head. "Sometimes all of your ducks go south, you know?"
"What if I told you that you're looking at two guys who can fix just about anything with a motor?" Heero's demeanor was confident, and I felt myself wanting to back him up for believing in us... in me... so much.
Lenny gave us another once-over... would that make it a twice-over? I sighed to myself as his eyes rested on me. "Is what he's saying true?"
"Yeah. I used to own the salvage yard over on fifth," I replied nonchalantly. I had a good idea what Heero had in mind, and even though I wasn't sure if I was up for it, I didn't want to ruin his chances. I added, quickly, "We've worked on everything from cars to shuttles to mobile suits."
The garage owner's eyes lit up as he glanced between us. "Either one of you want a job?"
Before I could open my mouth again, Heero said, "I can't speak for him, but I might be interested." He then walked over to me, putting his arm around my waist. "If you do hire both of us though, you need to know that we're... " He looked at me, seeming to ask for permission. I sighed heavily and then nodded, causing him to give me a smile that made my toes curl before he looked back at Lenny. "We're not just best friends. We're lovers. If you can't handle that then the answer is no for both of us."
I have to give Lenny credit; he thought about it before answering. Smirking at us, he finally drawled out, "As long as you don't screw each other in my garage, I won't have a problem with it."
I must have turned ten different shades of red, and even Heero managed a nice blush as he said, "Then you have at least one mechanic." He then smirked at me. "What do you think? Care to see if you can still dismantle a carburetor blindfolded? Fifty credits says I can get mine done before yours."
I didn't miss the innuendo, but I couldn't help but grin at him, loving the way his eyes glinted with challenge. This I could handle. "You're on, pally."
Lenny slapped us both on the back. "Then welcome aboard, boys!"
I looked back at the bed to see Mavis smiling happily at us. I smiled back, watching her eyes linger on each of us in turn, and felt warmed by it. Maybe we were the family that she'd always wanted, and thinking that made me realize how much I wanted to be part of that. When Heero's hand rubbed my hip, I knew that things had changed between us irrevocably that night. We'd told a perfect stranger that we were involved. If that didn't say 'commitment', I didn't know what did. I felt a little panicked at the thought all of a sudden. I hadn't even told him how I felt yet. I mean, we'd been intimate, but that wasn't saying 'I love you'. I wondered if I'd ever be able to say it the way he had, and I found myself wanting to go home right then and there. I went over to Mavis, gave her our number, and told her to call when she got home. Then I dragged Heero away from Lenny, promising the man that we'd contact him the next day. By the time I walked through the front door of the apartment, I had gone into full-blown 'run and hide' mode.
"Duo, is something wrong?" Heero asked as he threw his coat on the chair.
I turned to look at him and saw that he was frowning. Swallowing hard, I said, "Just tired. Think we can sleep?"
It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete truth either, and I think he knew it. Instead of calling me on it though, he nodded and reached out to take my hand. "Let's go to bed. Things will be better in the morning."
As crazy as it sounds, he was right. I slept all through the night and woke up in his arms, this time without having to be worried about him being upset about it. It was nice. In fact, over the next two weeks, it became the norm. The time passed off before I even noticed, and although Heero and I slept in the same bed at night and brought each other to completion several times, he didn't push me for more. I think he knew that I wasn't ready, and I was grateful for his understanding. Working at Lenny's helped keep him busy, and I found that it filled the void leaving the yard had made inside me. I just couldn't seem to be happy unless I was up to my elbows in grease, and Lenny indulged me.
It was close to three weeks after the fire when Heero and I got home and saw a message flashing on the vid-machine. I grinned, expecting it to be Mavis. Until the diner was rebuilt, we went over to her place at least once a week to have dinner with her and Lenny. Even Quatre and Trowa had come with us when they'd visited a week ago. Things were going pretty well for me now, and even though Heero and I hadn't gotten any further in our relationship, he seemed to be content. I still hadn't told him how I felt, but those things took time, right? Well, sometimes they just needed a little push, and I was about to get a huge shove.
I pressed the play button and blinked when Hilde's face appeared. "Duo... I... this seemed like a good idea when I called, but..." She took a breath and straightened in her chair. "Okay, I have to do this, so here goes. I've thought a lot about what you said, and I realized today that even though you hurt me, it didn't give me the right to hurt you back the way I did. I... I'm sorry, Duo. I really am. Things got out of control, and the more I tried to force you to open up to me, the more you pulled away. I should have known why, but I was so... I wanted to make you want me, and when you didn't seem to, it made me feel like... well, that doesn't matter now, because I know that the problem wasn't your fault. We just weren't compatible sexually, and instead of me trying to talk to you about it, I let my own feelings of... of... inadequacy make me lash out at you. You were always such a giving lover. Some of the things I said... oh, Duo, I'm so sorry. They weren't true, and it was wrong of me. I really..."
She paused, and I watched as she tried to keep the tears from coming, feeling my own eyes sting. She then went on, "I'm sure that you and Heero will be happy if you just give him a chance. I don't know if you're still angry with him or if you've talked it out, but you shouldn't blame him for not wanting to tell you how he felt under the circumstances. The reason why it upset me when he'd come to see you when we were together was because I couldn't help but envy how he could be around you as your friend when he wanted so much more than that. Admitting that has helped me to see that he was right - I didn't love you the way I should have."
Hilde lost the battle with her tears, the tokens of her grief flowing down her face. I didn't know what to think about this impromptu apology, but I focused my attention back on the screen as she said, "Please, don't push him away just because of what I did, Duo. He deserves the part of you that you could never give me. Don't let your fear keep you from giving into what you really want. Heero won't hurt you the way I did, I'm certain of it. That's what I wanted to tell you. I... I know that it will take some time, but maybe... maybe we can be friends again. I spoke with Mark, and he really would like that. He always liked you, and he's helped me to see your side of things more too. So, someday, when you're ready, and we can talk to each other without it hurting, we can try friendship again. I may not have been 'in love' with you, but I do love you, and I don't want to lose you completely either. So take care, Maxwell. I... just take care. See you around."
I stood there, so stunned I couldn't move. "She said she was sorry." I'd forgotten that Heero was in the room until he put a hesitant hand on my shoulder.
"Yes, she did."
I turned to look at him, still feeling a little lost. "It wasn't my fault. She said she wanted to be friends again. She doesn't... she said she didn't... "
Heero took me in his arms then, and I let him, needing his strength and allowing myself to accept it for once. "It's going to be okay," he said fiercely. "I'm here for you. No matter what happens, I'm going to be here for you."
"I can't let you take care of me, Heero," I mumbled against his shirt. This was a point of contention that I knew we had to discuss if things were ever going to progress. "If we do this, it will be as equals... or not at all."
Heero pulled away to look at me, his brow furrowed. "I know, but I want to be the one you lean on."
I bristled at that. Street rats, former or not, didn't need anyone to lean on. We pulled our own weight. Even though I was on my own now, that didn't mean I could let go of those values. They'd kept me alive for too long. "I'm fine," I said in a clipped tone. "I don't need a mother-hen just because Mavis isn't up to it yet."
Heero frowned. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." He dropped his hands from my shoulders and clenched his fists. "Damn it, Duo! Why do you keep putting up these defenses? I can understand why you kept your distance before, but I thought we'd gotten past that. Knowing how I feel about you should allow you to let me do more for you, not make you pull away from me!"
My eyes met his again. "Heero, I don't depend on anyone but myself when it comes to my own problems. It's just the way I am, and I doubt that will ever change. It's not that I want to push you away. I just don't want to..." I tried to think of a different way to say 'be a weak idiot in front of you', but couldn't find one. I finally settled on, "I don't want to be that needy."
He gave me a pained look. "Part of sharing yourself with someone is sharing your problems, Duo - the bad times as well as the good ones, the dark parts of your soul as well as the beautiful ones. I know it's hard for you to trust someone enough to do that, but you have to believe in my love for you, or this will never work."
I suddenly needed to be elsewhere. I stepped away from him, trying to not appear as shaken as I was. "I'm going to the bedroom for a while..." He started to protest, but I held up my hand to forestall him. "No. I need some time to myself. I'll be all right. I want to..." I didn't know exactly, but it didn't matter.
"Duo, we should talk about this some more..."
I took in the determined look in his stubborn blue eyes and wondered how I'd ever managed to get this man to fall in love with me. He was beautiful even in the midst of an argument, and I had to resist the urge to forget my stupid pride and just give into him. I took a deep breath instead. "Please, Heero. We will, but not now."
He considered me for a moment and then sighed, running a hand through his hair. "All right. I'll be out here if you need me. Don't hesitate if... if you decide being alone isn't what you really want right now."
I nodded and then left the room before I could give into the temptation to stay there with him on the couch. I really needed to think about... stuff. I walked into the bedroom and shut the door, leaning against it. I didn't know where to begin with this mess. This is why I usually ignore my problems until I find a way to deal with them, remember? Well, it looked like those days were over if I let Heero stay in my life. In spite of the annoyance I felt at that, I had to smile. The bastard wasn't even technically my lover yet... well, I mean, we had gotten off together, but that wasn't really... I blinked, realizing that I had felt closer to him like that than I ever had having intercourse with Hilde, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. As soon as he'd touched me, he had become my lover, not only in my body, but also in my heart. He'd already made more progress than Hilde ever had.
A hamster suddenly appeared with a little sign that said 'shit', and I obliged him by saying it out loud while running my hand through my bangs, wondering if I'd picked up the habit from Heero or if he'd gotten it from me. I sighed at my own wayward thoughts. This was serious, but I really didn't want to think about it right now. My eyes scanned the room, looking for something to do. I spotted my sketchpad, and was soon sitting on the bed, flipping through what I'd drawn over the past couple of months. Some of the sketches were of trees, the ocean, and the twilight sky. Others had been from memory, like Howard's ship and Deathscythe. I hadn't realized how much I'd drawn lately.
As I went from page to page, I noticed quite a few drawings of Heero. Scenes of him sitting in the living room, cooking in the kitchen, sleeping in my bed, and even playing basketball at the center, all came to life on those sheets of paper. I'd sketched him more than once while we sat together on the couch, but my artist's memory had apparently squirreled away some of those other moments, allowing me to capture them when I'd been alone in my room. Each drawing was like a little piece of my life since he'd come here, and more evidence of how Heero had become part of it. Yeah, I knew I loved him - had admitted it to Wufei in that dream - but knowing it and letting Heero know were two different things. Yet, as I thought of how he'd been there for me, how his steadfast friendship and unshakable love had refused to give up, I found my pencil moving across a blank sheet.
My hand moved of its own accord as I remembered how Heero had told me to take my drawing seriously. He'd said that I had an incredible gift. I'd laughed at him, making jokes about 'stick figures', 'blurry landscapes', and 'emotional tirades', but his quiet reassurances had been a balm to my damaged artistic ego. It came to me, as the charcoal lines on my paper began forming more than abstract objects, that Heero had been supportive of whatever I had tried to do, encouraging me no matter how hard it was to get through it. All those times at the gym, feeling my own body betray me, wouldn't have been bearable if it hadn't been for his calm words telling me to not give up. The hours after my nightmares were filled with his voice soothing away my fears. I couldn't remember ever being as content with someone as I was now, and it was so tempting to let this feeling become permanent.
Why was I still hesitating? Was I still waiting for Heero to quit loving me when I did something to piss him off? I shook my head, frowning as I absently erased an errant mark. No, that wasn't quite right. There was more to it than that. I knew that Heero understood my personality. We'd fought about all kinds of stupid shit during both wars, so it wasn't like he hadn't seen me at my worst. So if that wasn't it, then what was I really afraid of? As I looked down at the page across my lap, finally taking in the entire scene with more than the artistic eye I'd had on it while drawing, I saw my answer in black, white, and shades of gray. On that sheet of paper was what I was trying to avoid - and what I wanted more than anything.
It was a simple picture of two figures lying in bed. One had his arm draped over the other's waist, protective yet comforting, while his face was buried in the other's long unbound hair. The other was resting contentedly in that embrace, a small smile on his face as his fingers twined with those of the one he obviously trusted with more than just his body. They were both naked, legs tangled, chest to back, completely exposed, yet completely at ease with being so vulnerable with each other. And that was what I wanted with Heero - that vulnerability.
I saw an old hamster in my mind's eye shuffle up and poke a sign at me that said 'Intimacy is about more than just sex'. I looked back at the drawing and saw that the little bastard was right. Being vulnerable with someone like that was what I feared more than being alone. I couldn't help but think about those months with Hilde. I'd considered the sex to be when we were the closest, but because I hadn't let her in, it hadn't meant anything. That was why she hadn't been satisfied... why I hadn't been satisfied either. Peering at the physical representation of my desires, I knew I couldn't let the fear of being that close to someone keep me from trying with Heero.
He deserved it... and so did the little boy inside me who had always wanted it.
I got up, laying my sketchpad aside, and walked to the mirror on the closet door, stripping off my clothes as I went. Standing there naked, I stared at my reflection, wondering what it was that had made Heero want me so much. My body had regained its definition, and though my muscles were lean, the gaunt look from three months ago was gone. I'd become toned working at Lenny's from carrying parts and tools around the place. It had probably been the best thing I could have done to help me get back my self-respect, and getting to work with Heero all day kept me from missing him. We'd continued our workouts at the center, and we still hung out with the guys from there at the bar some nights. Heero had been there with me every step of the way, and although I was grateful, I knew it wasn't the reason why I loved him. No, it was because of the man he had become... the man who showed me every day that I was the most important thing in his life... the man that I wanted more than anything.
"Duo? Are you all right?"
I whirled around to see Heero staring at me from the door with a concerned look on his face and was reminded of that first day he'd arrived months ago. Shit! How long had I been standing there? Had he knocked before coming in because I hadn't answered him? How many times had he called my name? This was not a good way to convince him that I was ready to take that next step. "I'm... " I started to say 'fine', but I'd said that so much even I didn't believe it when I said it now. I reached behind me and undid my hair instead, letting it flow around me as I lifted my chin. "Tell me what you see when you look at me?"
He was surprised by the question, I could tell by his expression, but his gaze flowed over my naked body before his eyes met mine. The open hunger I saw made my face flame as he said, "I see someone who is strong and honest and loyal... a man who is captivating and beautiful, not only on the outside, but even more so on the inside... a person who is everything I've always wanted and needed. You're my soul mate, Duo, in every way."
I felt my pulse quicken at his words. This was what I wanted - for him to care for me and want me so much that no one else could ever satisfy him... to be completely consumed by my feelings and let his overwhelm me to the point I could never doubt them in my heart. All I had to do was accept it. I smiled at him, hoping he couldn't see how much I was trembling. "Then make love to me, Heero."
He only hesitated a split second before he strode across the room and pulled me to him, his mouth taking mine in a kiss that lit my soul on fire. I groaned, feeling his undeniable passion in the way his lips and tongue devoured mine. I fumbled with his clothes in between kisses, but before I could do anything else, he took one of my nipples into his mouth, causing me to gasp and completely forget whatever the hell I'd been planning to do to him. We moved to the bed then, and I pulled him down on top of me, my hands delving into his hair as we engaged in another kiss. His hands ran over my body, raising goose bumps on my skin. Then I felt his erection rub against mine.
"Please," I practically begged him, amazed that it was so easy to let him take the lead. I'd always been the one who had focused on bringing my partner pleasure, but Heero was the one making love to me, touching and arousing me, and it was the most incredible thing the way it broke through so many barriers I hadn't even realized I had.
Heero reached over to the drawer and pulled out a tube of what I supposed was lubricant. "Are you sure?"
I nodded, feeling like I would die if he didn't. He leaned in and kissed me again and then began preparing me, his gentle hands carefully stretching the place where he would become a part of me. I cried out each time his fingers penetrated, wanting more and not knowing how to ask. It was a tad bit uncomfortable at first, but I wanted him so badly that it didn't matter. Heero took it slow, making sure I wasn't experiencing any pain. Finally, I felt the evidence of his desire brush against 'there', and it was like something broke free inside me.
"Take me, Heero," I choked out. "Take all of me. Not just the things I want you to see, but everything else too. Take it, and make it yours, because if it's yours, I think I can learn to accept it and not be afraid of loving you... "
Heero's eyes filled with tears. "All of you, baby. I'll take it all, if you give it to me, and you can have all of me in return." He began pushing inside then, his eyes closing. "Not just my body, Duo, but my heart and soul too."
I panted, trying to adjust to him as he kept pressing forward. When he was completely in, I closed my eyes, a feeling of peace stealing over me in the midst of the passion. "Yes," I breathed. "Heart and soul. Always."
The rhythm was slow despite the fire that drove us. We moved together, Heero thrusting in and out as my hips lifted to meet him. Sweat dripped off both of us, our breathing and groans of pleasure loud in the room. The feeling inside of me kept building, in my heart and groin, and as he reached down to begin stroking me, it exploded into a brilliant kaleidoscope of colors behind my eyes. I screamed Heero's name over and over again. My body arched under his, and I came so hard I thought I was going to pass out. Warmth filled me as he found his release right after mine. I'll never forget how he looked - his head thrown back as he cried out my name in answer, dark hair wet against his face and neck - as he was lost to anything but pleasure. My breath hitched at the trust he was showing by being with me like this, and the next thing I knew, I was wrapped around him more than I had been, tears flowing down my face, as words tumbled out of my mouth - unbidden, but not unwelcome.
"Love you... love you, Heero... sorry I didn't tell you... never felt like this before... love you... don't ever leave me... please, don't leave me... need you so much..."
Heero quickly rolled us onto our sides and pulled me into his arms. We were sticky and wet, but he held me close, whispering, "I know, I know. I need you just as much. I love you too. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you, Duo. Just like this. Always, like this. We'll be each other's shelter from the storm. I promise."
I don't know how long we lay there like that, but I finally regained control of my emotions and looked at him from under my bangs. "Guess this means that you're stuck with me then," I said, my voice raspy from recent activities.
Heero smiled, those damn blue eyes of his making my heart flip from the love I saw in them. "Guess so."
I guess it's no surprise that he stayed. Living together turned out to not be as hard as I thought it would be. I mean, we'd been doing it for months, but I was surprised that the physical aspect of our relationship didn't change anything except give us better ways to make up when we argued. I still had problems believing it was real sometimes, but some days it was as easy as saying 'I love you' had become. I realized it was one of those days as I shuffled into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of pajama bottoms, bleary-eyed and with my hair in a rat's nest.
It was Sunday, so we didn't have to go into the garage. I had slept in late, but my early-rising lover had abandoned me, and I had finally dragged my ass out of bed. The smell of food had played no part in it... really. I smirked as I leaned against the doorway and took in the pleasant sight before me. Standing at the stove was Heero, flipping one of his killer omelets onto a plate. He had on a pair of my pajama bottoms and a ragged tee shirt, and I marveled at how damn sexy he looked in it. He turned as I took a step forward, his amused smile turning into a look of affection that made my face heat up and my heart skip a beat.
"Good morning," he said as he handed my plate to me.
"Morning," I replied setting the plate back on the counter before leaning in and stealing a kiss. Hey, I had brushed my teeth before coming in there, so I knew morning breath wasn't an issue.
It has been one year since he'd shown up on my doorstep, saving me from myself. Through love and patience, not to mention communication, we've managed to develop a relationship that is stable and relatively secure. I still have my moments of doubt, when Heero has to prove he's here for good, but those times always end up leaving me breathless. Yeah, I still have plenty of hamsters running amok too, and guilt beast shows up every time Heero and I argue, but I'm happier than I've ever been, and when I look into his loving blue eyes, I know why - I've found myself in him.
I'd fought against it; even after that first night he'd made love to me. I'd fought, but Heero's love was stronger than my pride, his passion hotter than my anger, and his patience more enduring than my stubbornness. We'd gotten through many nights of me spending time shut up in our bedroom as I'd draw out my anger and frustration, and sometimes my fear, but we'd always end up talking about it. Yeah, that communication thing is really hard, but it really does keep you from messing shit up most of the time.
"What are you standing there thinking about while your eggs get cold?" Heero asked, his eyes glinting with humor.
I grinned. "How we've learned to communicate better so we don't annoy the hell out of each other as much now."
He laughed, a sound I had grown addicted to hearing. Then he moved closer, putting his arms around me and pulling me to him. "You like the way we communicate?" He leaned forward and kissed me, his lips moving over mine lazily, speaking of an afternoon spent under the covers while he shows me how much he loves touching me.
I shivered as his tongue slowly breached my mouth and surrendered immediately with a groan. Before I could get too far-gone, Heero let me go and grabbed both our plates. I dazedly followed him to the table, but when I started to sit down, he shook his head and motioned to his lap. With a smile, I straddled his legs, facing him, and he began to feed me bites of the omelet. I could feel him hard through the thin cotton, but he didn't do more than place a hand on my hip as he moved the fork between our plates, alternately feeding us both. Once the food was gone, he scooted back the chair and put his arms around my waist.
"Legs," is all he mumbled as he got up, still holding me, and I yelped and crossed my ankles behind his back.
"Nice bit of forewarning there, Yuy," I grumbled as he carried me to the bedrrom, but his soft chuckle erased what little aggravation I'd felt. It returned when he tossed me on the bed. "Hey! I'm not a freaking sack of potatoes here!"
Heero pushed his bottoms off, exposing the body I knew as well as my own now - maybe even better. I let my eyes roam over him, the reality of him belonging to me coursing through my body like some kind of liquor. Who needs to get drunk when you can have someone love away your problems? Well, okay, not all of them, but damn near close. We had it as perfect as it gets in this life, and as I looked as him, crawling across the bed towards me, I had to believe in every single sappy thing the man had ever said to me... and all of the sensual things as well.
"No," Heero answered with a smirk as his hands began removing my pajamas, brushing over my awakening erection. "You're my beautiful, willing sex slave, to do with as I please."
I tried to push him away, albeit half-heartedly, but he grabbed my hands, holding them above my head. I glared at him. "Heero, I told you I wasn't going to play that shit anymore with you. You left hickeys last time!" I blushed furiously, remembering how Brian had pointed then out at the bar and asked rather loudly if my girlfriend had any sisters. Role-playing had been put on my 'Not doing again unless I get to tie Heero up' list.
"You're not tying me up," Heero said with a chuckle, and my face flamed even more when I realized I'd said that out loud. He then kissed me, long and hard, before looking down at me with that expression that turns my knees to jelly every single damn time. Thankfully, I was lying down already or I would have collapsed. His next words wiped away any residual thoughts of resistance. "No role playing, Duo. Just you and me, love," he whispered.
I melted as he began kissing my neck and chest. His hands caressed and teased me, bringing me to that place where I'd never been with anyone else. It's a place of peace, of acceptance, and of love, where I am the only person that can be what Heero needs. You see, he's taught me that no amount of experience can take the place of true emotion, and while we may still have our problems, nothing will ever take away how we feel about each other.
We'd weathered the storm together, facing my fears, and even though the skies still turn gray sometimes, we have each other to cling to while the rain falls. Besides, we always know the sun is going to shine again. Yeah, I guess you could say I've become a 'glass-half-full' kind of guy since Heero began loving me. Who would've thought?
The End
(:./tk/nltw5)
