"At last, I've made the ultimate pheromone," cried Dr. J in his lab. Then he frowned, "Where did I put that vial?" He looked at the vial on his desk. "This is Heero's super vitamins. Wait, I thought I mailed that sucker already." Then he gasped. "OH, NOOOOOO!!!"
Heero received his monthly little care package from Dr. J. Ah, yes, my supervitamins, he thought. 1 cc as always, he thought, as he injected the liquid in his veins. Then he quickly dressed up and went down to meet with everyone who would be having breakfast.
As he walked down the hallway, he noticed the girls in the hallway smiling at him more hungrily than usual. It's my imagination, he thought, then he narrowed his eyes. Something's different, but what is it?
As he walked in the room, all heads snapped towards him. "What's for breakfast?" he asked simply. Then he noticed the merry twinkles in Quatre's, Wufei's, Trowa's and Duo's eyes.
Quatre thought, What is this feeling in my soul? Could it be love?
Duo thought, Woah, Heero's really hot today.
Trowa thought, Heero is even more perfect than usual. A bit of drool came from his mouth.
Wufei thought about several ancient Chinese poems about divine beauties that came from the heavens.
Heero sat down thinking, I feel like prey for some reason.
"Oh, Heero, let me get you some coffee," said Quatre, who then threw Trowa a conspiratorial look.
"Back off, Quatre," snapped Duo. Quatre and Duo then began snarling at each other.
Wufei, by this time, was profusely bleeding from his nose for what seems to be no reason and his forehead gleamed especially brightly.
"Oh, have you seen Re-- Heero Yuy!" said a girl with mysterious eyebrows.
Heero had a muffin halfway to his mouth when he put it down again. I should go back to my room. He got up when Dorothy got in front of him.
"Heero, won't you fence with me? I'm pretty sure that I could teach you a few new moves with your foil," purred Dorothy, whose eyes were gleaming rather brightly.
"No," said Heero. Hmm, vitamins aren't working today. I shall have to write to Dr. J. and tell him to stop buying those damn generics on sale.
Relena walked in and said, "What's going on here?"
Trowa sidled up to Heero and said, "Want to try a different cockpit? I'll gladly share mine."
"What are you saying, Trowa?" said Heero as he backed towards the door.
Trowa said, "Heero, you must be my uke!" He jumped and began his triple axle jump but had to swerve when Dorothy put up her fencing sword intent on making him a human shish kebab.
"No," she declared. "Heero is my uke."
Quatre immediately pulled out... his blade of steel!!
Relena whirled her head towards her and said, "What IS an uke?"
Duo then yelled, "If anybody's going to make Heero an uke, it's me!!"
Heero then snarled, "Omaetachi o korosu."
"AT LAST JUSTICE!!!" screamed Wufei.
Everybody stared at the madman.
"I will be the seme!" cried Wufei triumphantly.
Am I the only one with common sense here, thought Relena. Everybody's acting quite insane. "Everybody stop what you're doing!"
Everybody ignored her.
Dorothy, however, got in front of him with her sword and said, "Wufei, you must fight me."
"Get out of my way, woman!!!"
Dorothy, incensed, immediately tried to stab him, but he yelled, "I forgot my sword! You dishonorable... "
"Fine, we'll do hand to hand combat." Dorothy swung at his temples.
Wufei went to his knees and began howling in pain. Dorothy looked at her golden brass knuckles on her right hand that promptly fell apart and said, "Wufei-sama, you have one hard skull."
"KISAMA!" snapped Wufei.
Oh, he must be all right if he's saying that word, thought Relena. "Heero, run!"
Heero ran... right into Duo.
Duo smiled at him and said, "Ah, you chose me. How sweet." He immediately picked up Heero and tried to run off with him when Quatre blocked his way.
Quatre stared at him, his eyes unblinking. "Duo, I don't want to kill a friend but you must put Heero down. Are you listening, Duo?"
"Get out of my way, Quatre! I'm going to bonk the living daylights out of Heero!"
"What!!" snarled Heero. Where is a self-destruct button when you need one?
Trowa recovers and runs toward them. He jumps into the air when Dorothy takes a whip from inside her jacket and winds it around his ankle and whirls him into Wufei. Both pilots are knocked unconscious.
Quatre glares at Dorothy and yells, "How dare you treat Trowa like that? Only I am allowed to do that!"
"This is a peaceful kingdom," wails Relena. "You're going to cause a riot!"
Her coterie of clingers and hanger-ons break into the room and begin to hoot as if they're at a pro-wrestling match. They pump their fists into the air and hold signs like "2X1" and "5X1" to show who they want to win.
"Don't make me apologize for something I'm about to commit," said Quatre to Dorothy, turning his back on Duo, which if you think about it was really stupid.
Duo then promptly hit him with a folding chair, which caused him to fall on the ground. Then he looked at the blonde girl whirling a twenty-foot long whip as if it was nothing.
"Huh, a whip?" said Duo.
"Call me Queen," said that blond girl, who immediately tried to lash him.
"Hey!" protested Relena.
Duo jumped out of the way. "You think that would scare me? I LIVED in a Catholic Church, surrounded by ruler-wielding, paddle-happy nuns. I don't think so."
Dorothy smiled and said, "I will have to go into super-dominatrix mode." With a whirl, her uniform was off and instead she was wearing a black leather dress with a thousand buckles, elbow-length gloves, and a spiked collar.
"Hmph," said Duo. "You don't look so tough. DUO FLASH!"
In a gratuitous transformation sequence, he whirled around in the air while one outfit went off and another appeared to take its place. The outfit he ended up with was quite flashy. He had some red ribbon around his neck, a sleeveless black shirt with tons of zippers, chain mail fingerless gloves and finally some tight black jeans. Also, his hair was loose and streaming down his back.
With that transformation done, Duo himself was holding a whip as well. "Lets see who really rules!"
What can one say? TONS of nosebleeds. People began fainting from the gratuitous nudity and leather.
There were even more nosebleeds when some of the buckles on their outfits came undone.
During the fight, people started to hold up signs that said, "DorothyX1."
Unfortunately for Heero, a few more people showed up. "Fei-kun is here?" said an excited voice.
The door opened wide. Treize and Zechs were there in all their glory.
Treize gasped, "What is that exquisite smell? It smells even better than roses."
Zechs saw Heero and said, "We meet again! Let's duel!"
Heero glared at him.
Treize looked at the now unconscious Wufei then the glowering Heero then Wufei. "Hmmm, what can I do? I want them both. Zechs, you get Heero. I'll get Wufei. Then we'll have a quartet."
"Excellent idea, Treize." Treize went to sweep up the unconscious Wufei while Zechs tried to get his hands on Heero.
Heero, finally tired of this, simply jumps out the window and lands in the backseat of someone's car.
He looks up to see a beautiful woman with dark eyes and brown hair. She takes one look at him, then one look at the chorus of the people above her, yelling for Heero. She pulls out a small little bundle and throws it straight at the people above them, then floors the car in reverse. The entire building blew up.
Heero blinked and turned to the woman. "I am Heero Yuy and you are... "
"I am Lady Une."
"You just blew up... "
"The entire building, yes."
Heero smiled and said, "At last, I've found the love of my life."
"Heero-sama!" Une said with tears in her eyes.
Then they both drove merrily away into the sunset.
The End
(:./mk/everybody2)
