Title: Sunrise
Author: Lanjelin
The light at the horizon was growing brighter as the night slowly gave way to dawn, and the first rays of the sun gave the forest below a light pink colour. The world was waking up and it was a beautiful sight. The scenery, however, was totally lost on the figure that was carefully making his way up the slope of a small hill.
He had chosen this hideout well, Heero thought as he finished his recognosition of the area. He hadn't been followed, and his gundam was well hidden in a cavern underneath. He allowed himself to relax a little now that he had made sure he was alone.
Now that he wasn't looking for anything in particular, Heero took in the beauty of the sunrise. The sun had risen even more now, painting the sky and forest in bright red, making the last stars fade. People often thought that he couldn't appreciate beauty. It wasn't true though; he could appreciate it just fine, as long as it didn't interfere with his mission.
"Duo would love this", he thought to himself. "He's always dragging me along to watch the sunrise, sunset or when the stars come out."
Now where did that thought come from? Why did he think of Duo now? He had no reason to do that, had he? But Heero knew he had done that often lately, thinking of Duo for no apparent reason. And it made him feel... So...ething.
A frown began to form on his face. How was this affecting him? Clearly he needed to do something about this situation before it started to interfere with the missions. Losing concentration could cause a failure, and that was unthinkable.
The first thing he had to do must be to analyse these strange feelings. To his surprise this resolution brought on a surge of... fear? Something inside told him that whatever he was going to find out went against all his training to be the perfect soldier in this war. But something... someone he respected even more told him to follow his feelings.
Heero sat down on the ground, even more determined to solve this mystery. He ignored the feeling of unease and purposefully began to call forth images of Duo. And was thoroughly surprised at how easily he could do it, how quickly his mind was flooded with memories of his partner. What surprised him even more was the way they made him feel, the warmth he felt throughout his entire body as the pictures of Duo took up his concentration. Duo talking, trying to lighten the mood of his comrades... Duo laughing, eyes glittering with mischief...
Duo smiling, making Heero drown in deep pools of violet... Duo coming out of the shower, little droplets of water following the exquisite lines of his lithely muscled body...
There he stopped himself, blushing at the picture in his mind. Why was this image so clear and detailed? He never watched Duo that closely! Or... did he? He forced himself to relax and decided to go through the feelings the memories had brought with them. He once again concentrated on the smile Duo had greeted him with the last time Heero had come back from a mission.
When Heero had walked through the door, Duo had been sitting with his back to the door joking with Quatre, but he turned around at the sound of the door. When his eyes met Heero's he had broken out in a wide dazzling smile that somehow seemed different from his usual smiles... It had stunned Heero and deprived him of all coherent thought, as well as of speech. Not that anyone noticed. They were used to him greeting their questions with silence, he thought, smirking.
He let the memory of that smile invade his mind, gave himself up to it completely. Then he gasped as the emotions surged through him. He felt... joy. Almost happiness. But at the same time he felt a strange emptiness, a piercing pain accompanying the joy like a lingering shadow. Why was this? He already knew that he liked Duo, that the young boy who called himself Shinigami was one of his very few friends. But why the pain, then? And wasn't this reaction a bit strong? Not that Heero would know. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to feelings.
Again he let the pictures of Duo invade his mind as he tried to relax and just go along with it. He never realized that he had so many memories of his braided companion. The images passed through his mind, each one bringing more or less amount of that strange pleasure/pain. Then... something changed. He was no longer seeing what had been, but what could have been. Instead of ignoring Duo, he reached out to him, touched him, kissed him...
Abruptly Heero shook his head, interrupting the flow of images. So... that was it. Yes, he was sure now, at last the wishes lurking in his subconscious had surfaced. He didn't know where this would lead him, but a strange sort of peace settled on him as he confessed his feelings to himself. "I want to be closer to Duo... Much closer." That wasn't all of it, he knew, but that was as much as he could handle at the moment.
He pondered this realization for a while, continuing his newly found pastime of daydreaming. Then the inevitable happened. "Always follow your feelings... But what if he doesn't want me? Why would he want me? I'm nothing! I'm..."
He stopped himself. This wasn't leading anywhere. Was there any hope at all? He thought about all the times Duo had talked to him, trying to find some hint that his feelings weren't so one-sided as he feared. But it all fell on the fact that he had absolutely no idea what to look for. Maybe he could... talk to Duo about it? Again he was gripped by fear. No, he couldn't do that! What if Duo rejected him? Not only would it be very painful, but he may also lose Duo's friendship and trust. He wasn't sure why Duo put that much trust in him, but he did, and Heero would rather die than lose that. The only thing he could do, Heero decided, was to observe Duo and see if there was any chance his feelings were answered. If they weren't... Well, at least he would have Duo's friendship and trust. And it would be worth it.
End Part 1
(:./lanjelin/sunrise1)
