6 Sep 2002
(Sorry to be dumping so many fics in such a short time! -_-;; I'm about to be gone for a bit, so I'm sort of cleaning house.)
Title: Beyond the Limit of the World - part one
Author: Lilias (Liliascrescens @ cs.com)<--remove spaces
Pairings: 1+2+R, 1xR
Rating: R
What to expect: Shounen-ai, hetero-ai, lime of the boy/girl variety. Takes place in the canon universe, but set so far past the series and EW that it can be considered speculative future.
Disclaimer: The boys and the girl belong to Sunrise, the Sotsu Agency, and Bandai, and I intend no infringement upon their rights. Epigraphs are the property of their respective authors and/or publishers (where copyrights haven't expired altogether), and are wildly out of context.
Notes: Part of the Complicated Arc, this takes place between Part 10 and the Postlude of "Complicated" itself--and portions of it will probably be confusing if you haven't read the larger fic, I'm afraid.
This story is a present for Ryoko-meimei, because she asked. ^_____^ (Almost two years ago! Ack!)
And it would not have been possible without additional prodding and support from Beck, Becky, D.I., Dalton, Demeter, Haemi, Iris, Lady Saffir, Peygan, Q-sama, Rachel, Rose, Sachie, and the entire fantabulous OAFml. (Special thanks to Becky, Dalton, and the Q, who performed the beta dance at various times over the many months.)
Opening the window'Would ye, madam,' said Sir Launcelot, 'with your heart that I were with you?'
'Yea, truly,' said the queen.
'Now shall I prove my might,' said Sir Launcelot, 'for your love.'--Thomas Malory, Le Morte d'Arthur. Book XIX, Ch.7.
Gravel crunched under their feet as they came up the main path. Her neat little boots made only small slipping noises against the pebbles, but his heavier tread made a satisfying marching sound. A triumphant sort of sound--which made sense, since this exercise was a defiant statement in its own right. Every morning, rain or shine, they were out here for an early constitutional: the man who had been Death, and the woman no one had expected to live.
Most people had expected the worst, anyway, but others had watched hopefully over Relena during the months she spent lying still and silent in a hospital bed. And for those people, perhaps especially the man at her side, it was nothing short of a miracle to see her moving confidently through her own gardens. Blonde hair gathered into an efficient ponytail, small body bundled in a huge yellow anorak, Relena swung along the familiar route as easily as if she'd never been injured at all. In fact, this morning she was feeling fit enough to suggest an alteration to the usual workout, rather against her companion's better judgment.
"Can we go back through the hollies, instead?"
Duo followed her pointing hand, then shook his head. "It's an awfully steep path. Do you really think you should--?"
Relena sighed in impatience. "It's barely a hill! And even if it were at all steep--which it isn't--I believe I could manage. I'm better now. Stop worrying and come on!" She caught Duo's hand and started dragging him along, ignoring his continued protests.
They were mostly just joking words of worry now, anyway--Duo was operating on automatic, all of the thinking parts of his brain occupied with the feeling of holding her hand again. The sheer joy of seeing her laughing, glowing with life. Fortunately, she didn't notice his absorption, distracted as she was by the gardens around them.
"This whole arrangement is just so lovely--the way they're placed together, so the lighter ones show up against the dark." Relena sighed happily. "Who designed all this?" She knew this ought to be familiar, but it seemed to be one of the bits of memory that still eluded her.
Duo had only slightly better recall on this one, it appeared. "The master-gardener guy. Twiggy-something."
She frowned slightly, rubbing her forehead as she tried to remember. "Twickenham?"
"That's it." Duo glanced down at her, a pleased, proud smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Every little thing she could remember was another step forward, another milestone on her way back to the person she used to be. He looked back up, waving to indicate the rows and clusters of holly trees. "He had them sent from all over the place. Made you a wreath every Christmas, out of all the different kinds."
"I remember." And she did. It felt so good, just having the picture of Mr. Twickenham's face stored neatly in her mind next to the hollies he had loved. There was something else, though: "He's gone, isn't he?"
"Yeah. He died a year or so ago, I think."
"While I was--" Relena broke off, reaching out with regretful fingers to touch one of the prickly leaves. "I don't even know the names of these any more."
Her face fell in discouragement, and Duo cast about for some way to fix it. "Hey, hey." He tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, waiting for her to look up. "It doesn't matter. I don't know if you ever did have these memorized, anyway. Tell you what--" Reaching over his head, he broke off a generous sprig from the nearest bush and handed it to her. "We'll take this one inside and look it up. The handbooks and stuff are probably still in the study, right?"
"Right." The determination in her answering smile clutched at his heart.
As Relena looked back down at the holly bough in her hand, Duo leaned over to brush an impulsive kiss against her cheek--only to find himself kissing her mouth, instead, when she turned unsuspectingly toward him. He froze, hardly daring to move--but she didn't seem at all alarmed, and actually seemed to be moving closer. It took a moment for Duo's protesting mind to accept what was happening, to believe that Relena was really kissing him back. He brought one hand up to cup her cheek so he could do this properly, and she relaxed into him, lashes dropping to rest in heavy dark-gold crescents against her cheek. The holly branch, forgotten, sagged in her hand until its berries brushed the ground.
In his office on the second story of the north wing, Heero had been looking up rather absently every few minutes, monitoring their progress with only part of his attention. When they passed out of his line of vision, he found some pretext to rise and move closer to the high windows.
Pulling back the curtain with one hand, Heero scouted along their previous trajectory until he spotted her yellow jacket against the hollies, and then looked closer to find the chestnut head bent close to the golden one in consultation. They seemed to be discussing some aspect of the landscaping, and Heero's provisional assessment was confirmed when Duo reached up for the holly branch. Heero should have stopped watching then--in fact, he never should have started in the first place--but his total inability to walk away left Heero frozen in a perfect position to see what happened next. He saw the brief, accidental kiss--and he saw what it turned into, as well.
Heero knew he should let the curtain drop, that he should step away from the window, but he couldn't quite make himself do it. There were several things he was probably supposed to be feeling: surprise, jealousy, indignation of one kind or another. He was probably not supposed to be fighting off a wave of fierce, almost violent arousal, accompanied by a possessive tenderness intense enough to make breathing difficult. He wanted to build a wall around them, to keep them safe together forever; he wanted to break through that wall and crush both of them to himself tightly enough to make the empty burning feeling go away. Shaken, Heero bowed his forehead against the cool glass and closed his eyes.
He straightened up, several lifetimes later, when a barrage of knocks on his door was followed by Duo almost dancing into the room, shedding coat and gloves as he entered.
"Man, you would not believe what just--" He took in Heero's position by the window, and grinned. "Oh. I guess you would." Duo threw himself into the nearest chair, heaving a deep, happy sigh. "I can't believe it, though. I mean, it's been so long, and then by total accident, and--wow." Duo shook his head, rubbing one thumb across his lips as if to memorize the feeling of her kiss. "I don't even want to make sense any more. This is crazy, and I don't even care. We're actually going to get her back, do you realize that?"
"You are," Heero snapped, and then winced at the bitterness in his own voice.
"What?" Duo had the grace to look startled.
"You heard me," Heero said coldly, voicing the terrible realization even as it came to him. "This isn't going to work. You belong here; I don't. She doesn't--" Gritting his teeth, Heero tried again. "Neither one of you needs me here."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Duo shook his head. "Of course we need you. We're all in this together, Heero. For christ's sake--we talked about this. Don't go loopy on me now, Wing-boy."
"This isn't going to work," Heero repeated, his voice carefully expressionless.
Duo gathered himself up from the chair, stalking across the room to where Heero stood. "You're going to need to explain this to me. Why isn't it going to work?"
Heero looked darkly miserable. "She doesn't feel--that way--about me."
"Are you completely blind?" Duo shut his eyes, waving to cut off any reply. "Wait--don't answer that. You'd have to be blind not to see how much she cares about you--how much she's always cared about you. Have you honestly been paying that little attention for the past seven years?"
Heero wouldn't look at him, staring stubbornly at some point in the distance. "She needed me to protect her--that's all. And she doesn't even need that any more."
"You're kidding, right?
"Iie." Heero shook his head sharply. "I can't get her back--she wasn't ever with me in the first place. And she'll be safer if things stay that way. It'll be better for everybody if I--"
Duo sighed in exasperation. "Cut the shining-armor crap, Yuy. Haven't you spent about enough time worshipping her from afar? The view's even better from up close. Trust me."
That got a response, finally. Heero jerked around to face him, barely managing not to curse; the memory of that kiss burned behind his eyes, making him suddenly hot and lightheaded.
Seizing the advantage, Duo pushed farther. "Can't you admit it? At least to yourself? You don't have to admit it to me, Heero--I know how much you want her." He stepped forward, daring Heero to contradict him. "You called it all kinds of things, didn't you? 'Have to protect the innocent.' 'Fighting to preserve the peace.' But deep down, you knew its real name all along. And so did I, you big dummy. So don't go pretending to be Mr. Platonic--you're not fooling anybody."
Heero set his jaw, his eyes narrowing in a familiar glare. Duo went for a full frontal assault, coming close enough to pour more words into his ear, hot and sweet as molten honey: "I know you've kissed her, Heero--how many times? Not enough, was it? Holding her for a little while--it's not enough, either. You want it all night, over and over and over...she holds on so tight, it's like you're one person, Heero. And then she makes these little noises--almost like she's crying, but she's not, because she's asking you for more, and that little sobbing sound is really your name--and as soon as it's over, you want it to start again, because you never get enough, not ever...."
Duo broke off, clearly overwhelmed by his own memories. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he managed to continue, his voice was rough with determined conviction. "I know you want this, Heero; I am telling you she wanted it too. And she still does--you've just got to give it a little time, and--"
"No time. Not now." Heero practically stumbled away, fighting to catch his breath. "I'm leaving tomorrow, so I'll be out of your way."
"You're what?" Duo stared at him, stunned. "For how long?"
"Two months." Heero's voice was a raw croak, and he swallowed as if that would ease the ache in his throat. "I signed on as a consultant with the Preventers. Wufei set it up."
"Then Wufei can un-set it." Before Heero could stop him, Duo dove for the computer and logged into the Preventers' main network; the arrangements took only a few seconds. "There." He broke the connection, grinning smugly. "You're not the only qualified consultant around here, as it turns out. Guess who's going to be out of the way now?"
Now Heero did curse--not loudly, but fluently, and with an expression of deadly menace that would have sent most people fleeing for the hills.
Duo just crossed his arms, listening calmly. When the tide of words seemed to be ebbing, he said, "Heero, I know this is crazy. I know there's no way in hell this is going to work, but I can't walk away without trying. Because if it does work, if we make this happen--" The hope in his eyes was bright enough to burn. "It would be everything, Heero. Everything in the world."
"Duo, I--how do I--" Heero felt genuinely lost, a sensation he did not enjoy. This was worse than war--he was going in without so much as a topographical analysis, and the stakes were dizzyingly high. He hated this.
"Just try, Heero." Duo leaned his forehead against Heero's. "Relax. See how it goes."
"But you know her--better than I do, anyway. What do I--" Heero pulled away, frowning out the window again. He definitely hated this.
"Oh, no--I'm not giving away all my secrets that easily," Duo insisted, breaking the tension with an exaggerated air of mystery. "You're used to scouting terrain, reading signals. Just pay attention, and she'll give you everything you need to know."
"I wasn't talking about sex," Heero answered dryly.
Duo had turned toward the door; at Heero's words, he looked back over his shoulder. "Neither was I."
Sometime in the next twelve hours, the fact of his impending departure finally seemed to hit Duo--and it hit like a wrecking ball. Even though he was leaving Relena in the safest hands imaginable, Duo kept imagining nightmare scenarios. Once before, he had caught an outbound shuttle. And once before, the world had come damn close to ending.
He found comfort in over-planning, charting out every eventuality and nipping all possible crises in the bud. A little platoon of sticky-back notes, grimly push-pinned in case their glue failed, took over the bulletin board by the phone. He ran over the list of contact numbers with Relena at least fifty times, emphasizing that he would be within reach at every hour of every day, and that if either of them hesitated to call him for any reason, he would personally come back and abuse them with huge sad puppy-dog eyes until the end of their days.
"You say that like it's some kind of punishment," Relena chided him, after enduring the fifty-first runthrough just outside the shuttleport's boarding gate.
"You haven't seen the full extent of my powers," he assured her. "I could turn you to goo right here, without even trying--it's more deadly than Heero's laser glare, even."
Heero snorted, earning himself a trial run of the dreaded sad-eyed stare. "It doesn't work on me, Maxwell."
"It works on you best of all," Duo gloated. "Now tell me again how much fun you guys are going to have while I'm gone."
Heero and Relena looked at each other, then back at him.
"Oh, for pete's sake. You two wouldn't know fun if it walked up and bit you on the nose, would you?"
"I know fun," Heero said stiffly. "And it doesn't involve bitten noses. Or putting you on a shuttle."
Duo looked to Relena for support, and threw up his hands at her forlorn expression.
"It's just that it's so sudden," Relena explained. "I'm still trying to fit my mind around it." She looked lonely already; Heero noted a distinct sinking feeling in his stomach.
"Yeah, well--I only just heard about it myself," Duo told her, throwing Heero a reproachful glance. "Anyway, I'll be back before you even have a chance to miss me."
"Too late," Relena said softly.
Duo slumped, closing his eyes. "You two are not making this easy."
"Good," said Heero.
"Fine, fine," Duo sighed. "They're calling my flight, anyway." He kissed each of them solemnly--and as chastely as he was able--and then shouldered his bag. Waiting for the shuttle agent to process his boarding pass, he turned back to sock Heero in the shoulder. "Get in there, tiger. Win one for the team."
Heero didn't blush. Ever. But just at that moment, trapped between Duo's wave of farewell and Relena's questioning eyes, it would have been almost a relief to have some physical sign of his acute discomfort.
"Team? I didn't know you were on a--"
"He's just--forget it. Let's go home."
--tbc--
(:./lilias/beyond1)
