12 December 2000
Type : vidfic
Spoilers : none.
Warnings : dark-ish
Keywords : vidfic
Rating : PG
Disclaimer : Not mine, never will be. Nope none of it,
get me? Don't sue! *pauses, thinks* please?
Feedback : Great good gods, yes!
Note : Song by Linkin Park off the CD 'Hybrid Theory'.
[....] Lyrics
[I cannot take this anymore]
Duo stands in front of his mirror, staring tiredly into his own now-dead blue-violet eyes, as Heero tyrades at him from across the room.
[I'm saying everything I've said before]
He turns to his partner, words on his lips, but stops and his shoulders slump.
[All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance]
Heero continues to yell at him as the boy just stares at the floor.
[Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway]
Heero ends his tirade and goes back to the computer. Duo tries to get the boy to talk to him, but Heero won't speak, obviously seeing no need to speak to the Shinigami pilot.
[Just like before....]
Sighing, defeated, Duo stumbles over to the bed and flops down on it, face burried in the feather pillow.
[Everything you say to me]
Duo thinks about every word Heero'd ever spoken to him.
[Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
Each word recalled sends him further and further into a depression.
[I need a little room to breathe]
He struggles to breathe as the tears well up in his throat, choking him.
['Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
His fight just pushes him further along, but he wills himself not to cry.
[I find the answers aren't so clear]
Duo tries to think of a way to talk to his partner without receiving an insult for his efforts. Fruitless in his search, he chokes on yet another sob.
[Wish I could find a way to disappear]
After a time, Duo looks up to find that Heero has vacated the room. Seeing this he gives into his tears wishing to disappear.
[All these thoughts they make no sense I find bliss in ignorance]
His thoughts are muddled from crying and are erratic. He decides not to think.
[Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again]
His head pounds and one thought runs through his mind. A way to disappear forever.....
[Just like before...]
He looks down a his pale wrist, tracing a faded scar. Remembering another cool, quiet boy whose temperament was like his partner's.
[Everything you say to me]
Everything that boy had said had hurt him, too. Neither boy meant to hurt him, they just did. He supposed they couldn't help it.
[Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
Then, as now, he'd become terribly depressed... but he'd messed up that time, and lived. This time, if he did it, he would do it correctly.
[I need a little room to breathe]
The thought sped his pulse and made his palms sweat. His breathing was coming faster, matching his racing pulse.
['Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
Pulling out the drawer, Duo reached in, wrapping a shaking hand around the cool metal object that lay inside.
[Everything you say to me]
His racing mind fed him with memories of all the hurtful things both boys had ever said to him.
[Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
Each vivid image drew the blade closer to him, closer to his upturned, pale wrist, closer to the blue vein that lay beneath the soft skin.
[I need a little room to breathe]
His breath was ragged through his slightly parted lips.
['Cause I'm one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break]
He placed the steel on the tender flesh, shivering at its coolness against his skin.
[Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up]
His mind produced all the memories it could find of Heero yelling at him to shut up or something of the like.
[Everything you say to me]
Tears spilled down his red cheeks, the pain of the memories making his heart contract.
[Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
He looked at the photo he'd had Howard take of all the pilots. Quatre smiling. Trowa glancing at the blond. Wufei glaring at the camera. Himself with his arm around Heero. Heero glaring at him...
[I need a little room to breathe]
His lungs burned and he squeezed his eyes shut.
['Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
Each memory his mind conjured up from some dark place was slowly crushing his fragile heart.
[Just like before...]
His minded pulled up his oldest and most painful memories. The ones from when he was on the streets.
[Everything you say to me]
The sneers. The insults. The nasty overtures of fellow street-rats. All came back at him in full force. Old wounds long forgotten bled anew under the onslaughter.
[Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break]
He looked back at the blade. It glittered in the light from outside that trapsed in through a slit in the drawn curtain.
[I need a little room to breathe]
He held his breath.
['Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to...]
Placed the blade over the pulsing blue vein and...
[Break]
Broke.
Owari.
Author's Note: Take that as you will. It is up to the reader to decide what is meant by that last line. If you ask me I won't tell you. Sorry, I hate to sound apathetic, but that's just the way it is.
(:./willow/onestep)
