Date: July 3
Pairing: 3x4, 1x2
Warning: Nonsense.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Big Boy.
Flames to: anakerie@cinci.rr.com
"It's MY turn!" Wufei glared across the table at Trowa. "Hand it over!"
"Oh, Trowa, give him the red crayon. The waitress can always bring you another one." Quatre sighed, rolling his eyes.
Trowa sulked and handed it to Wufei. "Now I'll have to color Big Boy's clothes GREEN and that doesn't look right at all!" he complained.
Wufei ignored him as he rubbed the crayon on the paper, disregarding the lines completely, until Big Boy appeared to have gone through a slaughter house.
Heero glanced up from his menu. "What are you having... DUO!!"
Duo gave him an innocent look. "What?"
Heero pointed at Duo's Big boy picture. "What do you mean WHAT!?!"
Duo shrugged. "So, he's VERY Big Boy."
Quatre craned his neck to take a peek. "I'll take fries with that!"
Trowa, bored with coloring, had poured a puddle of ketchup on the table and was busy writing TBXQRW over and over. Wufei was drawing swords sticking out of Big Boy at various points.
Heero and Duo were working on improving Duo's picture; the improvement consisted of Huge Boy standing behind Big Boy wearing little more than a friendly smile. They were both snickering.
"May I take your order?" A teenage girl asked.
"Take it where?" Duo replied.
"Will this all be on one check?"
"Yeah, moneybags there is paying." Duo pointed a blue crayon at Quatre. "I will have 4 butterscotch sundaes and a diet Coke."
"And you sir?"
"I want sushi."
"Sir, I'm afraid we don't sell sushi."
Heero motioned her to lean over the table. "I SAID I want sushi." he hissed, giving her his death glare.
"And I SAID we don't sell it." The waitress returned, glaring back.
"I'll have a grilled cheese sandwich, ma'am." Heero said meekly.
Trowa looked up at the waitress. "I want a piece of toast, 2 pickles, half a scoop of coleslaw, 6 ice cubes, and a pancake shaped like Cuba Gooding, Jr."
"And you?"
Quatre considered for a moment. "Just a cup of tea. And maybe a Big Boy. And the salad bar. And some fries. And onion rings. Oh, bloody hell! I'm rich; I can't make decisions on my own! Just bring me everything on the whole damn menu!"
"And you, sir?"
Wufei pointed at the menu. "The meatloaf. Does that come cooked?"
"Usually, sir."
"Rats. I'll just have a Brawny Lad, then."
Duo opened his mouth and Heero slapped a hand over it. "It's a sandwich!" he hissed.
"It IS?" Wufei was upset. "I suppose you're going to tell me the Big Boy is a sandwich, too?"
"Yes sir."
"Nuts. I'll have a chicken sandwich. That IS real chicken, isn't it?"
"Yes sir. I'll have your orders out in minute."
The waitress went back to the kitchen and the boys were left to their own devices. Trowa made bullets out of straw wrappers and was shooting them at other diners; Wufei was grumbling about the injustice of inappropriately named food items, Quatre was asking a couple at the next table if they had change for a thousand, and Heero and Duo had gone back to the bathroom, which now had a "Out of Service" sign hung from the door. They returned 15 minutes later, smelling strongly of lilac soap and Tidy Bowl, and giggling like fiends.
The food arrived and the boys tucked in. For a while.
Heero decided that he didn't like grilled cheese and gave his sandwich to Duo. Duo opened the sandwich and smeared it with butterscotch sundae, and then took a large bite.
Wufei was poking at his chicken sandwich. "THE NERVE OF THAT ONNA!" he shrieked. "SHE LIED TO ME!"
"Wufei, what are you blabbering about?" Quatre asked. "That's a chicken sandwich."
"Where is the beak? Where are the feathers? It lays there limp and lifeless. It should be going around, saying Buck Buck or whatever chickens say, pecking at the table. THIS IS NOT A REAL CHICKEN!"
"Wufei, darling." Trowa patted his hand. "It's dead. They killed it before they brought it to you."
Wufei paled. "Kill...ed it? They slaughtered it? Without a trial? Without honor? Just like that?"
"Yes, dear. That's where chicken comes from. Dead chickens."
Wufei burst into tears and buried his head in his arms. "Those... poor chickens...." He raised his head. "Does meatloaf come from dead meatloafs?"
Duo was about to reply that it came from dead cows but Heero had a better answer. "No, Wu. No meatloafs are killed to make meatloaf." he said gently.
"Okay, but don't you worry." Wufei said to the sandwich. "I will avenge your death."
Trowa was stewing over the fact that his pancake was shaped more like Denzel Washington than Cuba Gooding Jr but ate it anyway. The pickles he just threw at a bus boy.
Quatre was making a fort out of the food he had been served. "I think I'll need a doggy bag." he replied.
Two hours later, the boys were in Heero's car headed for home. Duo had butterscotch in his hair. Heero was sneaking glances in the mirror, convinced they were being followed by the scary waitress. Wufei was sobbing over chicken genocide, and Trowa and Quatre were in the trunk of the car doing something that required two plates of mashed potatoes and Heero to go over bumps very quickly.
A piece of paper blew through the parking lot an up against the smiling Big Boy statue's face. It was Duo and Heero's picture of Big Boy and Huge Boy.
Big Boy's smile grew much, much wider.
The End
(:./lasha/bigboy)
