"Welcome to another round of GWWF," said Sally Po. "I'm Sally Po."
"And I'm Lucrecia Noin. Gundam Wing Wrestling Federation has a lot of fans and many of them write letters," said Lucrecia Noin. "Lets take a few moments to read some of those letters."
Noin opened one up and said, "Dear announcers, can you please, please, please, please, please ask the Pierrot to wear buttless chaps. Love, tamer of wild clowns."
Pause.
"Dear wild clown tamer, I'm sorry that decision is strictly up to Pierrot. Next letter."
Sally read, "Dear Ms. Noin and Ms. Po, I just love your announcing. Could you please wear clothes like what the female wrestlers are wearing. Sincerely, Rashid. I'm sorry Rashid, but we must remain professional. Next."
"Dear Noin-sama, Alex and I worship you utterly and pray for your eventual return to the ring as you were the best that ever was. We even have a shrine devoted to you. Please stop by. Love Mueller. PS: we have nekky piccies of the now unmasked Avenger."
Noin said, "I'm shocked, just shocked at this outrageous letter." However, she put the letter in her jacket.
Two men watching the TV go, "YES!"
Sally Po ripped open a package to find a paddle and a letter attached to it. "Dear Po-kun, please take this paddle and use it on the Boy Scout's rear end. He desperately needs every last smack. Sincerely, Meiran." Sally dropped the paddle and said, "OK, I'm scared."
"Last letter," said Noin. "Dear announcers, please, please, please let there be a rematch between Shinigami and Soldier Boy. Love, 21/12."
"Sorry not this session, but we do have a fight coming up that pits Soldier Boy and Zechs, but that will be later. Now lets cut to commercial."
Commercial
This one is totally in black and white. Trowa is running in slow motion in a black, short-sleeved shirt that ends three inches below his nipples and tight jeans. His expression is almost dreamy despite a huge horde of admirers chasing behind him, also running in slow mo. "Jeans by Trowa Barton. Nothing more need be said."
Pargan Butler Services: Pargan looks in the camera then says, "We are the ultimate butler service. Our butlers can double as pilots, Nascar race drivers and advisers to the rich and powerful all while brewing the perfect cup of tea. Call if you desperately need our skills. Our specialty is helping those without brain cells."
"Our first round is Dorothy and Catherine versus Alex and Mueller," announced Sally. "Lets see how those two do against the brand new female tag team?"
From one side, Alex and Mueller strutted to the stage with the song "Staying Alive" playing.
Dorothy and Catherine look at each other. "That is one ironic song, isn't it, Dorothy?"
Dorothy arched an eyebrow and smiled. "Oh, very, Catherine. Considering that they'll soon be singing that high. Let's show them who's going to remain alive at the end of this battle."
With that, Une, Dorothy and Catherine start to do a fashion-style strut down the hall.
The male and a significant number of the women's section roar their approval as they see the Dominatrix, the Blade Mistress and "Colonel" Une slowly strut underneath the glare of the lights. "Pain has never been so pleasurable," says one sign while another sign has "Stick it to Alex and Mueller!" Still another said, "Forever your slave!" Other signs were so graphic and had actual diagrams about... well, they had to be confiscated.
Noin looked on with some distress on her face. "Alex and Mueller are going to be beaten black and blue, aren't they? No, they learned from me, they'll be OK!"
Sally sweatdropped.
Up against each other was Alex and Dorothy. Dorothy hit Alex in the crotch. "Ha!" he laughed. "I'm wearing a cup!"
So she bounced his head off the turnbuckle, then did a dropkick.
The extremely hentai men (or virtually all the men) in the audience started to chant "Ghost in the Shell, Ghost in the Shell!" thinking of the heroine who was tough but naked like 90% of the time.
The extremely hentai women (or virtually all the women) in the audience wracked their brains for a similar anime with a naked hero, couldn't think of one, then just started to chant, "Barton Jeans! Barton Jeans!" They began to clap in unison to a steady beat.
A few people spontaneously stood up and started to sing, "We will, we will rock you!"
Dorothy tagged Catherine in. She then faced Mueller and proceeded to use his body as a punching bag. .
Noin turned away from the wing, saying, "I... can't... watch anymore. No more!" She ran away from the announcer's desk.
Sally continued to sweatdrop, then noticed an intern handing her a slip of paper. "Oh, this has just come in. The Chupacabra has slipped into a coma and won't be back for a while. They did manage to save his man thing, however. What the... Who wrote this?!"
The Boy Scout slipped the intern $50.00.
Meanwhile, a masked woman riding on a motorcycle came roaring up to the ring, nearly running over Une in the process. She was notable for the fact that she had dark hair that resembled the Pierrot's in shape.
Une stepped in front of her and said, "What is the meaning of this?"
"Out of my way!" said masked woman.
Une stood in front of her and said, "I don't know who you are, but you're not interfering with this fight!"
She then slapped Une.
Une's glasses came flying off and broke. She gasped, then said, "My glasses! They're broken!!! Oh, now you've REALLY pissed me off!" They immediately started to try to beat each other up with folding chairs.
Dorothy and Catherine finish tying up the defeated men to the turnbuckles and run to save their manager.
Meanwhile, Relena the referee yells, "You must respect my authority! HEEEROOOO, come back and kill them all!!!"
Soldier Boy shakes his head ruefully.
Dorothy and Catherine walk towards the masked woman. Dorothy was holding a fencing sword. Catherine was holding a pair of the "knitting needles of death." Noin aka masked woman was about to skewered when suddenly a rose flew down from above. All the women frown and look up to see a man standing on the turnbuckle.
He was tall, wearing an eye mask, a cape, white gloves and hmmm... was there anything else? Ah, yes, blue tights and the upper half of a tuxedo. He had ginger hair and a very amused smile.
"Oh, my God, it's Captain Sword," said Sally.
"My arch nemesis has returned from the dead," cried the Boy Scout. "I now have a storyline worthy of me!"
"Captain Sword, oh, I have missed you!" cried Une when suddenly a motorized wheelchair nearly ran her over.
"Outta my way," yelled Mariemeia. She glared up at the man and yelled, "Treize, you are my father!"
"Nooooooooo!" he screamed, falling backwards towards the mat.
He fell quite elegantly by the way.
Sally turned to the camera and said, "Let's go to a commercial."
Commercial
Dr. J smiled at the camera. "Hi, I'm Dr. J of the J,G,H,O and S clinic. We have the lastest advances in head trauma surgery and other horrible injuries that one may sustain from being too near various types of explosion. I hop you don't have to come, but if you do, well, we're the guys you want with the scalpel in his mechanical hand."
"This is the Po clinic for people who need quiet and professional help with various crises in their lives, run by trained professionals who immediately understand everything in your heart. Let's talk to one of the clients." The client's face is however, blocked by those really annoying squares and the voice is altered to hide the crazy, er, guilty, er, whatever.
"Before I went to the Po clinic, I thought only of justice and fighting my way to the top. I thought I had to do it all and win all the time. However, here in the quiet valley with nothing to do but meditate upon the error of my ways, I have discovered that one must choose a balanced approach to life and not wear tight hair bands, and take these wonderful blue pills which block the voices in my head."
"You missed some great fighting, Noin," said Sally.
"Oh, really?" said Noin.
"During commercial, Une had thrown Mariemeia out of the chair and into the audience, scooped up the unconscious Captain Sword and put him into the wheelchair. I think they were going at least 20 miles an hour on that thing. They were last seen going to the parking lot . . ."
"What do you think she's going to do?" said Noin.
"Who knows?"
"Meanwhile, Alex and Mueller have declared that they will temporarily resign from the GWWF until they have become strong enough to defeat the Dominatrix-Blade Mistress tag team."
"Weaklings!" said a voice offstage.
Noin stands up and yells, "NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION, BOY SCOUT! You want a piece of me, come on!"
Alex and Mueller suddenly appear and grovel at her feet.
"That's not what I meant!" said Noin.
Alex and Mueller slink away.
"Let's go to our next round, shall we?" said Sally. "I think this will be a crowd pleaser. Pargan and Dr. J."
Rocks and beer cans begin to rain down on her.
"I'm just kidding!" screams Sally. "It's Zechs Marquise and Soldier Boy!" The shower of trash abruptly stops. "Geez, the audience has even less of a sense of humor than the Boy Scout."
A huge roar explodes from the crowd as the opening theme to "Sakura Taisen" plays. Zechs walks down the passage wearing a uniform reminiscent of Utena, followed by Howard, wearing a new Hawaiian shirt complete with gold chains and designer shades. Zechs-lovers scream, "We're not worthy, we're not worthy!"
Heero comes from the other side, wearing a green form-fitting military uniform complete with cap and black boots. Hoots of appreciation explode from the Heero-lovers. "YUY-CHAN! GANBARE!!!!" Sylvia Noventa and a few of the bodyguards accompany him.
The opponents get in the ring and start to take off most of their clothes until both of them were only wearing shorts. Heero's shorts were spandex however Zech's shorts was actually... a thong.
Sally sponges the desk clean of Noin's drool.
"Weak woman!" says a voice off stage.
"Bite my ass!" says Noin.
Zechs looks at Heero and heart bubbles erupt above his head. "Your ass is mine, Soldier Boy!"
"THOSE HEART BUBBLES ARE MINE!" roars Noin.
Sally frowns and says, "This isn't in the script. Noin? Where the hell did she go?"
Zechs and Heero were busy kicking and punching each other like crazy, well, actually Zechs kept trying to body slam Heero but Heero kept dodging him.
Relena screamed, "Kill him, Heero! Kill him!"
Sylvia whispered to Relena, "Zechs is your brother!"
"He is?" said Relena. She paused, then said, "Kill him, Heero! Kill him!"
Zechs suddenly stopped, then bursts into tears. "HIDOI!!! My own sister wants me dead!"
The Zechs lovers boo at such a malevolent sister.
Sylvia and Howard sweatdrop, then Howard says, "Want me to make you a tropical drink?"
"No, thank you. I never drink while working," said Sylvia.
Zechs quickly recovers then redoubles his efforts to get Heero's ass when suddenly Noin appears on the scene, emitting a really scary blue aura.
Sally breaks out the anime encyclopedia. "Blue aura, blue aura. Ah, hah, blue aura is usually a sign that a character is at peak levels of power. Uh, oh!"
Noin jumps into the ring, bites through the ropes holding one of the turnbuckles and rips it out of the mat. A Godzilla-like roar comes out of her mouth.
Alex and Mueller scream, "Her Gloriousness has come back!"
"Um, technical difficulties," announces Sally.
Commercial
"Hi, this is Howard. You just can't get away to Hawaii because you either don't have enough money or time's a problem. Well, drink a little bit of Hawaii with my alcoholic mixers like Tiki surprise and Blonde bombshell. It's amazing what one can accomplish once you've got the one you love drunk." There's a hentai glint in those shades of his.
Trowa stands in his jeans, then he unzips his pants, lets them slide to his knees and shows that he wears boxers. He turns to show his butt and looks over his shoulder to say, "Fascination: A line of underwear by T. Barton. You know you want it!"
Sally sweatdrops. "Ah, it appears that my now former co-announcer got Alex and Muller to tie Zechs to a turnbuckle. They then left the arena with him in tow. Soldier Boy wins yet again due to these bizarre circumstances. Shinigami showed up and they had to again be carted to a soundproof room. Oh, dear, who will be my co-announcer?"
"This is Wufei Chang. Please come back next week for more of GWWF," said the person in Noin's chair.
Sally gasps.
Wufei sniffs. "The woman was too weak to be a co-announcer. I HAD to take her place."
They wave at the camera and smile.
The End
(:./mk/gwwf2)
