A weird mix of GW meets Shakespeare with a brief mention of Ranma & Xena; major spoof fest PS: Wufei is straight in this one.
"Trowa, Trowa, don't leave me for Heero!"
Trowa looked down at the blonde angel clinging to his legs.
"... "
Both of them were wearing togas, which shows half their chest and shows off their legs as were all the men in the surrounding countryside except Wufei who was wearing baggy pants and a shirt.
"Open your mouth and tell me why!"
"Heero and I are soulmates. We can communicate without words."
Quatre yells, "He ran away with Duo! He doesn't love you anywhere as much as I do."
"I must go and find him." With that, Trowa jumped out of Quatre's grasp and ran into the woods.
Quatre stood up and was silent for a second, then he began to laugh maniacally. "I won't forget this, Trowa. Ha ha ha ha!" Then he too ran into the woods after him.
Meanwhile, a couple miles away, Duo and Heero were walking through the woods. "This is soooo cool eloping," said you know who.
"Baka. Should've killed Trowa."
Duo pinched him on the butt. "Stop talking like that."
"My husband Wufei keeps calling me woman and treats me with utter disrespect." pouted Meiran, Queen of the Fairies and Sprites. "I don't know what to do with that man."
Sally Po, her lady-in-waiting, sighed. "Oh, Meiran, all you have to do is play a practical joke on him. Teach him a lesson."
"What kind of lesson?"
"I have some love potions for situations like this. I could make him fall in love with a man."
Meiran made some worried noises. "I don't want him to fall in love with a man."
"I've got the antidote."
"How about having a man chase after him? That'll piss him off more."
Sally thinks for a minute, then nods. Both women chuckle.
"Of course, I need a favor in return."
Meiran nodded her head. "That's fair."
"You must help me rescue Noin, Queen of the Amazons, from the grasp of King Zechs of Athens."
"Uh, why?" A brief thought of Xena and Gabrielle flashes through Meiran's mind. Shocked, both her eyes pop out of her head, fall on the forest floor, roll around before finally popping back into their orbits.
Sally scowls. "It's not like that. I need someone to shop with, and he takes her for granted."
"OK, I fulfill my obligations." Then they both look down from the tree they're sitting in and see Heero and Duo run by. "Oh, what a cute couple."
Trowa runs by a minute later. "The woods are full of cuties today," says Meiran. Then both women look down to see Quatre run, laughing like a maniac. "Something strange must be going on."
Sally flips open her magical cellular phone and calls fellow sprite Hilde. "Hilde, you know what's going on with the G boys other than Wufei?"
"Oh, Heero and Duo are trying to elope, but Trowa is after Heero. Quatre loves Trowa, but he's been dumped," says Hilde.
"Thanks for the update. Hmmm," says Sally, after flipping her cellular phone off.
"That is so unjust." Meiran says, "We must make everything right. Use your love potion so all of them are happy. If you do so, I'll pay for a whole day shopping spree and you can charge Noin's purchases as well."
Sally beamed.
Wufei was sitting under a tree reading a book of Shakespeare plays when a handsome, powerful wizard rode by. Ah, tis Wu-baby, I mean Wufei, thought Treize. He had to dab at his nose with his scented handkerchief at the little drop of blood that came whenever he saw kawaii Chinese duelists who had attitude to match. Once I capture him, I shall achieve Wufei domination, er, world domination.
Wufei, sensing an enema, er, enemy, stood up and growled, "Kisama, who are you to intrude on my leisure time? Do you want to taste the end of my sword?"
"I am Treize Khushrenada and the answer is YES!"
Wufei stopped to think then smacked himself on the forehead at saying something so easily misconstrued. Then he saw he didn't have his sword. "Damn."
"Come into my arms and let me ravish... "
Before he could finish that sentence, Wufei had run away into the woods.
Seeing Quatre about to catch up with Trowa, Sally sprinkled a little of her potion on both of them. The first guy they see will be the one they fall in love with, she thought. That should take care of that.
However, Trowa suddenly ran quickly through the woods when he heard a squawk and a growl. Silently, he jumped over the bushes, did a triple axle and was about to kick Duo in the stomach when he reversed himself in mid-air. The first guy he saw was Duo, therefore...
"Duo!" said Trowa. "I had no idea you were so sexy." What was I thinking, he thought. Going after Heero, that sullen psychopath and Quatre, that sweet but boring boy. The new god of my idolatry is Duo Maxwell, he of the chestnut braid and kissable mouth.
"Nani!" said Duo. "Trowa, I'm Duo. Heero's the one you want, isn't he?" A sweatdrop forms at his forehead. Oh, I hope Trowa hasn't been eating any of the forest's magic mushrooms. "This is completely unheard of, crazy... "
The green eyed man smiled mysteriously and was about to snatch his braid when Heero growled, "Omae o korosu" and began pounding the hell out of Trowa.
"Stop, Heero!"
Both of the fighting G boys paused to see Quatre standing at the edge of the clearing. "Heero, forget Duo and have tea with me before I go completely crazy and start killing tons of people."
Sally shook her head. "Oh, this is bad," she said.
Meiran sat down next to her. "How's it going?"
"I need to try again. Something went wrong."
"Oh by the way, Sally, I saw Wufei running away from his admirer. Good work."
"I haven't picked anyone yet. I've been too busy with the G boys."
Meiran's face went totally ashen. "You mean he's really after my husband."
"I guess so."
"Then I must save him." She rushed home.
"I hope this plan works," said Meiran. She was dressed in her husband's clothes and had pulled all her long hair into a ponytail. "If it doesn't, I might end up having to outduel one of the best swordsman in the world." She saw her husband run by.
She stepped forward and waited for Treize. When she saw Treize riding towards her, she yelled, "Treize, your obsession with me is useless."
"But why, Wufei?"
I hate how much this plan is working. I can't look that much like him, can I? thought Meiran. "I, Wufei Chang, am a woman."
"What?"
"That's right." She took off her shirt to show her sports bra with just enough cleavage to show Treize that it wasn't padding, then quickly put it back on. "So, you see, you must forget all about me."
Treize wept, then thought, She's hot. "Wufei, even if you're a woman, I still desire you."
"What?" She pulled out the sword and dueled to the best of her ability, but Treize quickly disarmed her. He walked towards her with a feral smile. She stepped back a few steps, reached into her husband's baggy pants and then...
Within a few seconds, Treize was on the ground, clutching his eyes, howling in pain. Meiran ran, carrying the sword, thinking, Thank God for mace.
Sally shook her head. Why aren't things going right? Duo had grabbed Quatre to drag him off Heero when she accidentally spilled some of the potion on both of them. Quatre had turned to look at Duo and Duo had been looking at Quatre at the time. "Ah, kawaii!" they both cry suddenly. A look of rapture comes across both their faces. She sighed, then spilled some on the other two G boys pounding each other on the ground.
Quatre carried off Duo in his arms, little hearts floating around the two of them while Trowa had momentarily managed to push Heero to the ground, whispering something about very strange foreplay that involved whips, wearing masks and being very, very quiet. Hmmm, maybe I should leave things the way they are. Lets see 1&3, 2&4, they could work, she thought
Sally watched as Quatre was happily chatting with Duo while putting the kettle on the fire.
Quatre thought, Oh, what was I thinking, falling for men who do not express their feelings? Duo's the man for me.
Meanwhile, Duo was thinking, Quatre's so cute and maybe in this relationship I can finally be on top.
Trowa was thinking, At last.
Heero was thinking, Quatre, omae o korosu. Then he booted Trowa half way across the forest.
Sally sighed to herself. Heero would be immune to the potion.
Quatre and Duo were drinking tea when Wufei ran right into them and got tea all over his shirt.
"Ow!" he screamed at the impact of the hot water, then threw off his stained shirt and kept on running. Treize was right behind him and saw his chest.
Wufei's a guy, but that sports bra were holding real... Then it came to him. China, hot water... of course, the cursed Jusenkyo springs. Wufei must've fallen into one of the cursed pools and suffers from the curse of turning into a woman when cold water falls on him. Tears of pity and compassion trickle down his cheeks. At last, I understand why you've been running away from me. You need not fear, Treize will do all he can to help you. However, if we stay in the hot tub, you needn't worry.
Meanwhile, Meiran gasped for breath on a nearby hill. Running from Treize was such a pain. Where the hell is my husband?
Then she heard the word Kisama echo from a nearby hill. "That's him!"
There we go, thought Sally. Quatre and Trowa were sitting besides each other looking at the fire, their arms around each other while growls and giggles were emanating from the tent Heero and Duo were occupying. Finally, she thought. Phew. Hmm, I wonder what Meiran is doing.
Wufei was catching his breath in a nearby tree when he saw Treize with a shoeprint on his face chasing Meiran. What, he is chasing after my wife as well! I must do something about this!
Wufei jumped down from the tree and stood between Treize and his wife. Then he turned around to look at his wife. "Are you OK? What are you doing wearing my clothes?"
"Trying to save your butt, Wufei."
"I do not need saving!"
"I guess you don't need this sword then," she said dangling the sword in front of him.
He snatched it from her. "Meiran!"
"What?"
Wufei sighs. "Thank you." They flash each other a little smile.
Treize stared at the couple, dumbfounded. There's two Wufeis in the world, he thought. Be still my heart. Obscene threesome scenarios whirled through his head.
Meiran and Wufei look at him and can tell by his expression what he is thinking. Both start to look very, very peeved.
"Wife!"
"Husband!"
"Let us beat him up together!"
The End
(:./mk/taming)
