26-Jan-2006
Title: Doofus
Author: Lasha Lee
Pairing: 2x?
Series: All The Way to There Arc
Warnings: Very bad child
Note: This is another short little fic set about six or seven months before Heero returns to L2.
Geesh. Try and do a guy a favor, and look what it got you. Grounded for a whole month, and without television too!
Jazz flopped back on his bed, deliberately putting his sneakers against the wall. He could hear his father still stomping around the house, muttering to himself. Oh well, he'd get over it. It wasn't as if he had a choice in the matter. The law clearly stated that for the next 10 ½ years Duo had to feed and cloth him. It also set some pretty clear limits on what mortified fathers could and could not do to their sons. Not that Jazz felt they were needed: Pops wouldn't ever really hurt him. Still (the boy winced at the sound of something metal clanking to the floor) it didn't hurt to have some insurance.
The boy pawed a comic book out from under his pillow, and tried to read, but found he couldn't stay focused on the adventures of Krazy Kid Koshimari. He tossed the comic to the floor and climbed out of bed, carefully opening the door to his room. Coast was clear.
He made it all the way to the back door when a voice behind him growled. "That is NOT your room. Just where do you think you're going?"
Jazz grinned at his father, but Duo's eyes narrowed even more. "Back.In.Your.Room.Now."
"Pops... "
"NOW!"
"I had to do it, Pops!" Jazz stood his ground. "He was a jerk! I had to get rid of him!"
"That's not... "
"It is my business! You always say that! If you're gonna end up married to someone else, it's my business!"
"We'd only been on 3 dates! 3! Damn it, Jazz! Maybe he wasn't perfect but I really liked that one!"
"Well, I didn't!"
Duo sat down in his usual kitchen chair and rubbed his eyes. "Okay. What did you not like about him? He was always really nice to you. Did he say or do something to you when I wasn't around?"
"No. He was just... a doofus."
"Doofus. As opposed to the 'witch' I dated before that, the 'smelly guy', the 'lady with the ugly hair' and the 'woman who kept calling you Tootsie'. Exactly who am I supposed to date that meets with your lofty standards, Your Highness?"
"I don't know. You haven't brought um home yet."
"Jazz..." Duo reached out and pulled the boy close to him, looking to his eyes. "Someday, you're going to be all grown up, and married, and have kids of your own. And you won't be living here with me when all that happens. It's going to be really lonely here all by myself. You know how much I loved your Mom, right?"
Jazz nodded.
"Well, she wouldn't want me to be all by myself either. What that means is that if I want someone to be here with me when that time comes, I need to find them. There's no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect love. Sometimes people smell. Sometimes they have ugly hair. Sometimes... sometimes they're just a doofus. But you can overlook all of that if you love them enough. You have to learn to overlook that. You really think someone's going to be all happy and thrilled about finding my hair all over the place?"
"I like your hair."
"That's not my point. For someone who isn't used to it, it would be a real nuisance. And then, my little demon, there's the you factor."
"What about me?"
"Men with babies are considered fine catches. Men with older kids, not so much. Dating me means accepting that you're my number one priority. Not everyone can deal with that. So see, they have to adjust to some things about me that they might not be too certain about."
Jazz blew his bangs upwards. "Pops, I love you, but you sure don't get it."
"Well, enlighten me."
"You're too nice to them. You let them tell you want to do and boss you around. You act like a wimp when you're dating someone, and you're not."
"It's called being a gentleman." Duo thought for a moment. "But maybe you're right. I do seem to be a magnet for losers, don't I? Your Mom not included. Think I'm totally hopeless?"
"Nah, Pops. You just need to be a little pickier, that's all."
"We'll compromise. I'll try and be a little more discriminating, but you have to promise that we'll never have a repeat of what happened earlier today. If you don't like the person I'm seeing we'll talk about why. And I promise you right now I will never, ever marry someone you don't like and approve of. Date, maybe. But not marry."
"I promise too." Jazz hugged his father.
"Good boy. Now, go back to your room."
"Pops!"
"Hey, you're the one who wants me to stop being a pushover, remember?"
"Not with me!"
"Room, Jazz."
"Alright, alright. "
The little boy clomped back down the hal sjhotttowp lway, leaving Duo to shake his head in silent laughter.
Someday, maybe, he'd find someone both he and Jazz could both agree on. The idea of growing old alone really did suck. But someone being worthy of him was one thing. That person being worthy of his little boy was quite another. Not that he could let Jazz get away with his little stunts and pranks, but... it was kind of nice to know that someone had his back.
He sighed and went to the cupboard, removing a bucket and a mop, and headed outside for the front walk. The mess was starting to harden, a mixture of eggs, feathers, and lord only knew what else. In the middle was the very clear impression of a prone man.
"And here, class, we have the most rare of fossil imprints, Doofius Maximus, or the Great Doofus. Once found to roam in great numbers around this very house."
Duo laughed until he cried.
The End
(:./lasha/doofus)
