April 1998
Standard disclaimers! MKR characters belong to CLAMP, Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Watase Yuu and Flower comics, Gwing belongs to Sunrise & Bandai, and of course YYH belongs to the very talented Yoshihiro Togashi and Shonen Jump comics.
"Everyone is tied! All the couples have seventy points each!" Hikaru exclaimed, frowning. "No one's in the lead!"
"Time for the bonus round, then!" Umi proclaimed. Heero and Hiei brightened visibly.
"Does it involve fighting? Or swords?" Hiei demanded.
"Does it involve explosives? Or guns?" Heero added.
"No!" Hikaru and Umi chorused, appalled.
"It's a bonus question, worth twenty points, for each set of spouses," Hikaru continued. "Umi-chan, would you do the honors for the guys' question?"
"Sure," Umi shrugged, shuffling around the stack of cards until she found a bright gold prizm card with BONUS blazoned over the back. Then she stared in disbelief. "I'm cursed... " Umi groaned.
"Just read it, already!" Heero and Hiei snapped in unison. They eyed each other suspiciously.
"All right... " Umi hedged. "Guys. If your spouse got a tattoo, what would it be, and where?"
"What!?" Heero sputtered. "That's a stupid question!"
Duo chuckled. "You'd better get this one right, Heero!" he said cheerfully. "Or we might lose!"
"Die," Heero glowered.
"See!?" Duo clutched at the spot over his heart. "He said it again! He ALWAYS says that!"
Finally after a long silence, Heero said slowly, "I guess he would get some kind of cross. Probably on his lower back."
Duo snuggled up next to him. "If we win, you are gonna get SO lucky," he informed his spouse, flipping his card up nonchalantly. *A cross tattoo, on my back.*
Umi choked at Duo's verbal answer and started to hyperventilate again.
Wordlessly, Hikaru passed her a paper bag she'd found somewhere. "Uh... twenty points," she conceded. "Hiei-san?"
Hiei regarded his spouse, who looked back with a secretive little smile.
"A rose," Hiei finally said. He considered the question some more, then finished, "On his hip."
Kurama pounced on Hiei and the card fluttered to the ground face-up. *A rose on my hip.* Hiei was growling and swatting at the expressive foxy redhead who swarmed all over his lap.
Umi chose to ignore the actions of the two demons, which were rapidly progressing into what could be considered as foreplay, and turned to the royal couple. "Hotohori-sama?"
Hotohori frowned. "He already *has* what most people would consider a tattoo."
Umi sweatdropped. "Just answer the question."
Hotohori sweatdropped. "Ano... I don't know... a character to match mine, on his neck?"
Nuriko scowled at him. "That would hurt!" he complained. He flipped his card up. *The character for love, on my back.*
"We could lose again!" he wailed, clutching at Hotohori.
"Ano... Nuri... you're cutting off-my-air!" Hotohori gasped, turning blue.
"Ah-hee-hee!" Nuriko tittered, releasing him.
"No points for you!" Umi declared. "Tamahome?"
Tamahome looked wide-eyed. "I think... the characters for my name, on her ankle."
Miaka grinned and held up her card. *Tamahome's name on my ankle.*
They cheered and hugged each other ecstatically.
"Last round of questions," Hikaru said, looking very relieved. Mokona puu-ed softly. "For the - ah, the female-designated halves of the partnership! What is your spouse's worst nightmare?"
Duo grinned cheerfully. "Why, that I'd never shut up, of course!"
Heero glared. "You never DO shut up," he growled, flipping his card up. *That Duo would never stop talking for the rest of our married life.*
"Close enough," Hikaru decided. "Kurama-san?"
Kurama's eyes grew serious and considering. "That he wouldn't be able to protect me, or Yukina, or one of our teammates."
Hiei scowled balefully. His card read, *Not being able to save them.* Hikaru's brow creased. "That's awfully vague... " She and Umi conferred together, then Hikaru straightened. "Okay, twenty points. Next, Nuriko?"
"Losing his looks," Nuriko replied promptly. Then he wailed as Hotohori held up his card.
*Losing my friends and family.*
"I'm sorry Ho-ri-sama! I'm sorry!" Nuriko apologized, hurling himself into his spouse's arms. "I underestimated you!"
"We're going to lose for sure," the Emperor said, crestfallen.
"That's okay, we look great together," Nuriko beamed.
Everyone sweatdropped.
"Miaka?" Hikaru prompted.
The former handmaiden of Suzaku looked puzzled. "This is a lot like the hang-up question," she complained loudly.
"Just answer it," Umi glared.
"Well... weell... ano... I'd have to say... " She faltered. "Having his head pecked off by the Almighty Chicken of Doomtm again!!"
There were a few cheers from the audience, most notably from Kouji no Miko and Priya.
"WHAT!?" Tamahome exclaimed. His face fell and he held up his card. *Miaka's cooking.*
"NANI!?!?" Miaka shrieked. She looked outraged, and started pummeling him as they both went superdeformed and tumbled off the mushroom caps, fighting.
"And that's all for the bonus round!" Hikaru interjected hastily. "Umi, what's the score?"
Umi looked blank. "I was supposed to keep score?"
Hikaru face-vaulted. "Uh... Mokona?"
"PUU!" Mokona voiced exuberantly. "PuupupuupuuPUU!"
"DIE!" Heero growled menacingly, aiming an imaginary gun at the creature. Duo shushed him by the simple expedient of jumping into his lap and plastering him with an enthusiastic kiss.
"Puu PUU pu," Mokona finished, wiggling its ears defiantly at Heero. It seemed well-acquainted with the known anime law that the most annoying characters of the show can never be killed off.
"There you have it, folks!" Hikaru beamed.
Everyone sweatdropped.
Umi facevaulted. "Ano... Hikaru, you're the only one who can understand that overgrown marshmallow." Mokona puu-ed indignantly.
"Oh yeah!" Hikaru grinned sheepishly. "Mokona says that Duo and Heero are tied with Kurama and Hiei; both couples have 110 points. Nuriko and Hotohori-sama - sorry, but you didn't win any questions in the bonus round, so you have the lowest score at 70 points."
"Waaah!" Nuriko wailed. "I spoiled our chances, didn't I?"
"That's okay," Hotohori assured him. "You're right, we DO look great together."
BIGGER sweatdrop.
"And Miaka and Tamahome have ninety points!" Hikaru finished with a flourish, nervously eyeing the hetero couple who were still arguing fiercely and tussling.
"I guess we need a tie breaker, don't we, Hikaru?" Umi said in bafflement.
"NOW can we fight with swords?" Hiei demanded.
"With explosives or small firearms?" Heero added eagerly.
"NO!" Umi and Hikaru yelled back, upset. "We're the protectors of this Cephiro *trumpet flare in the background* and we will not permit you to harm this land!"
"Well how else are we supposed to break a tie?" Heero grumbled.
Duo brightened. "I know an easy way to get out of a slipknot without breaking it... "
"Not THAT tie, you idiot!" Heero glared.
Umi had clapped her hands over her ears and was humming the Rayearth opening theme song with determined vigor. "I didn't hear that!" Heero glared over at Hiei, sizing him up.
Hiei glared right back at Heero, baring his fangs slightly.
"Oh dear... don't fight... " Hikaru fluttered. "Where's that tie-breaker?" She shuffled through her cue cards, coming up with a silver prizm card labeled PHYSICAL CHALLENGE.
"Oh NO!" Umi yelped, spotting it. She tugged at handfuls of her long blue hair, gnashing her teeth.
"Uh... " Hikaru held it up by her fingertips, reading it, then goggled.
"Demo... Umi, where on earth would we get a hundred pounds of lime jello?"
Umi keeled over.
"All RIGHT!" Duo exclaimed enthusiastically. "A physical challenge!" He glomped onto Heero happily.
Heero remained immobile. "I will not fail," he intoned.
Kurama smirked. "Don't bet on it," he told them, winding a possessive arm around his impassive spouse.
"Hn," Hiei snorted.
"Get on with it," Umi said weakly, getting up. "Just read the f#&*ing question."
"Umi-chan!" Hikaru exclaimed, shocked. "Besides, it's not a question, it's a physical challenge."
"Whatever... " Umi groaned. "They ain't paying me enough for this gig."
"For this physical challenge hosted by Cefirotm, we are having a pair of Spiritual Beasts haul in a pair of two hundred-gallon swimming tanks!" Hikaru announced brightly, waving her arm.
Two immense Spiritual Beasts appeared, one a huge bird-like creature, the other looking a lot like a cross between a dragon and a peacock. They clutched two immense swimming tanks in their talons, dropping them with a resounding thud onto the turf not far from the contestants.
Everyone bounced up and down from the shockwave.
Duo took advantage of falling into Heero's lap to plant some kisses and his hands in strategic places, while the Japanese pilot shoved determinedly at his amorous mate. Kurama leaped on Hiei at about the same time.
"Stop groping!" Umi yelled, her patience becoming frayed.
"And now!" Hikaru continued, ignoring her friend. "The tanks will be filled to the brim with lime jello!"
"Yay!" Duo and Kurama cheered.
"But first!" Hikaru continued. "One spouse of each pair of the contestants will go into the tank, and have a little cherry stuck in their bellybutton!" She sweatdropped.
Umi scowled. "WHO WRITES THIS CRAP!?" she bellowed.
"The... the spouse that retrieves the cherry from his uh, partner's bellybutton and gets back to the edge of the tank first is the winner," Hikaru continued, beginning to look a bit green around the gills. "This is really weird... "
Duo looked at Heero. Heero looked at Duo, a wicked little smile curving his lips.
"ME?" Duo gasped. He clutched defensively at his braid. "Do you know what green jello will do to my hair?"
"It won't compare to what I'll do to you if you don't get in that tank," Heero growled.
Duo gulped, then pulled his shirt off. He squared his shoulders.
Hiei glared up at Kurama, his arms folded resolutely. "We both know which one of us is faster," he informed his mate.
Kurama didn't even argue; he just unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off.
"I'm so glad we don't have to do that," Miaka commented, snuggling up to Tamahome.
Duo and Kurama glared evilly.
Gingerly, Hikaru handed them both a cherry produced from hammerspace.
"Is this going to stick?" Kurama inquired doubtfully.
"Just hold it against your bellybutton until the jello's in place," Hikaru advised.
"I can't believe I'm doing this!" Duo wailed, as they marched towards the tanks.
"I can't believe I'm SEEING this," Umi replied. Mokona puu-ed enthusiastically.
The two boys climbed into the tanks, and then magically the lime jello began to appear. Eventually, the jiggling, greenly translucent mass filled both tanks.
"Ready?" Hikaru asked Heero and Hiei, poised shirtless on the edge of their respective tanks. Both of them nodded resolutely, giving each other flat, deadly glares.
"Set... GO!" Hikaru shouted.
Two slender bodies dove into the heaving mass of green jello.
The audience waited tensely.
There was a LOOONG silence.
The birds of Cefiro chirped and sang.
The jello in the tank bobbed gently, gelatinously.
A slight breeze whispered through the clearing.
A few bees buzzed amongst some flowers.
The audience started to titter.
Umi groaned and covered her eyes with her hands. "TELL me they're not... "
Hikaru shrugged philosophically. "What do you expect? They're newlyweds!"
The End
(:./talya/newlyweds3)
