28-Jul-2000
revised: 11-Jul-2005
Title: Surviving These Walls by Draco
Author: Draco
Notes: Seraph suggested someone write funny and fluffy stories where the GWing boys have affective disorders, so I did. I don't think this is funny, but at least it's not very sad ^^.
Warnings: Sap. Angst.
Reposted (see notes at the end)
Characters: 1+2, 3+4, and 5 is referenced somewhere in there too.
Notes: Seraph suggested someone write funny and fluffy stories where the GWing boys have affective disorders...
Heero was staring at the broken glass on the ground when Duo saw him in the living room. The tension in his shoulders told Duo more than he wanted to know.
Slowly and deliberately so that Heero could see him move, Duo placed his hand over Heero's shoulder. "It's okay, Heero. It can be replaced."
Heero didn't turn to look at him. Instead, he leaned down to pick up the damaged photo from the shattered skeleton of the frame, "It's us, right after the war."
Duo resisted the urge to cringe visibly, and took the picture from Heero. "Yeah, well, we look like we're twelve in that photo."
"I'm sorry," Heero said after a moment. The silence had been long enough that Duo wondered if Heero broke the damn thing intentionally.
"It's okay," Duo said again. He steered Heero away from the shattered glass. "We can clean that up later. We're about to be late for our visit to Trowa and Quatre today, remember?"
Heero nodded.
Duo drove as he always did when they made their way to the Winner mansion. They visited Trowa and Quatre at least twice a week.
Duo told Heero that they owed Trowa at least that much, but Duo knew that he needed the visits as much as Trowa needed it.
The familiar scenary flew by like a Monet painting. The trees twirled into a single pattern. The road itself stretched out into the distance like a giant ribbon.
"Do you think Quatre will ever recover?" Heero asked suddenly and broke the silence.
"Of course he will," Duo said, looking at the road ahead. "That's what people do."
"Is it?" Heero's eyes were focused on something outside the window. "Sometimes it just feels like slow decay. . . Sometimes I want to just cut everything off from the root."
"We can't exercise our demons by machetes, Heero," Duo said as he folded Heero's hand into his own, "Wufei's already tried that, and he got a night in jail and a 300 pound boyfriend named Moe out of the experience."
When Heero didn‘t reply--when he didn't even make an attempt to smile at Duo's joke-- Duo tightened his grip on Heero's hand. "We'll be okay, Heero. We've survived worse."
"Have we? What we have survived have always been short. A mission, a plan, an execution. In and out. It's always been so simple. Even when it would hurt, the hurt never lasted very long," Heero said, his voice shaking. And Duo was surprised that hearing Heero's voice shake no longer surprised him. "It hurts constantly now, and I can't fight it at all. It's..." Heero stopped himself in the middle of the sentence, but Duo heard the unspoken word.
Pathetic. Heero was going to say pathetic, but he stopped himself because he remembered how upset Duo became the last time he used that adjective.
And knowing that Heero had stopped saying what he wanted to say to protect him from getting upset just made it worse--Duo had to brake and stop the car on the side of the road.
He couldn't bring himself to face Heero--not just yet-- but he held on to Heero's hand. "Heero, it's okay to be weak."
Heero grabbed his hand back in disgust, "I am an emotional wreck, Duo. I wanted to scream and shout over broken glass. I wanted to fucking cut myself. I can't... I don't know how to be this weak--" Duo knocked the rest of the sentence out of him as he pulled Heero into a tight embrace.
"Duo... "
"Shut up and listen to me," Duo said. "You're going to get through this. No matter how long this is going to take, *we* are going to get through this. Until then, we're going to go through a lot of crap, and we'll also be pathetic for a long while, but we *will* get through this. Understood?"
Still caught in Duo's embrace, Heero didn't respond. So Duo just held him until he nodded into Duo's shoulders. Duo held him a little longer after that before he started driving again.
When they had arrived at Quatre's estate, one of the hired help led them to the massive garden where Trowa and Quatre were sitting at a table having tea.
"More tea?" Quatre asked cheerfully as he poured from an empty kettle.
"That's okay, Quatre. Why don't you ask Mr. Humps if he wants any?" Trowa said.
Quatre nodded eagerly as he turned to the other side of the table where no one was sitting, "Mr. Humps. Would you like more tea?"
"Mr. Humps?" Duo asked.
"Mr. Humps is Quatre's pet chibi camel," Trowa informed them as he nodded for them to sit down at the table.
"Didn't I read somewhere that boys with affective disorders aren't allowed to play with imaginary chibis?" Duo said, "Because, if we are, I've got to call my chibi shinigamis back from their vacation."
Trowa smiled, "If you want to, Duo, I'm sure no one would mind."
"Good afternoon, Heero, how are you today?" Quatre asked suddenly.
"I'm fine, Quatre, and you?" Heero replied.
"I'm quite fine, thank you. Would you like some tea?" Quatre picked his kettle back up again.
"Sure. That would be great," Heero said.
"How is the transactions with the Winner Enterprises going?" Duo asked Trowa as he watched Heero dutifully drink from an empty cup.
"Actually, there are some papers I need you to sign as one of the trustees," Trowa answered as he stood up, "I'll get them from the office."
"I'll just come with you," Duo offered and stood up. He quickly looked back at Heero and Quatre.
"Quatre and I will be fine," Heero said.
"And Mr. Humps," Quatre added helpfully.
"And Mr. Humps," Heero corrected himself.
"You look like hell," Duo told Trowa as soon as they were out of earshot.
"I feel like hell," Trowa said, "but at least he's started to recognize you guys now. He's even called Heero by his name just now."
Duo laughed. "Actually, I was beginning to get used to Quatre calling him Mr. Fluffy."
"Mr. Fluffy was Quatre's first cat," Trowa said as they arrived at the mansion.
Duo smiled, but then he felt the smile fade as he saw Trowa‘s outstretched figure holding the door open for him. "I'm glad he's getting better, because you're beginning to look like a skeleton. Really, Trowa, you've got to eat more and get more sleep."
"I'll try," Trowa said simply, "You're not looking so great yourself. Sally reminds me daily that even though we had only piloted the Zero System for a short period we're still affected. We need to take better care of ourselves if we want to help them."
"Holy shit, is it the Zero system that did this to us? And all this time I blamed it on Wufei," Duo said. "That's years of my life that I've spent on misdirected hate."
Trowa smiled. "I'm sure Wufei will be happy to know that you have finally learned the errors of your ways."
Duo smiled back. "Hey you know what my shrink prescribed to me last week? Prozac. I am finally reduced to Prozac. The infamy! At least the stuff before no one's ever heard of."
"You seem to be doing better," Trowa remarked as he handed two pieces of paper to Duo.
"I have my good days and my bad days. But you're right, lately the good days are more numerous than the bad days," Duo said.
"You think we'll make it?"
"If we can survive self destructs, we better as hell be able to make it through this," Duo said.
"Heero's pills, my pills, blue pills, green pills," Duo said to the pill container as he doled out their medications before they went to bed.
Heero stared at one of his pills.
"What's wrong?" Duo asked.
"Have you ever noticed there is tiny writing on these things?" Heero said as he studied his pill.
Duo looked at his pill.
"No. You're right." Duo said in amazement, "I wonder how come we've never noticed them before." A moment of contemplation was in order. "It's kind of cute."
Heero looked at him like he was crazy. And okay he was. Certifiably so, but the thought just made him laugh.
After another few seconds of looking at Duo like he was crazy, Heero joined in the laughing.
When they went to bed that night, Duo was still smiling when he wrapped his arms around Heero.
~ Owari
Author's Notes: Reposted because Tyr won't let his writers give up on stories.
(:./draco/surviving)
