26-Mar-2001
Good GOD, it's my first het fic. Run! Run for your lives! *ahem* Well, there's also a healthy helping of yaoi. Come on, you can't expect me to go cold turkey, can you? I mean, *really.*
This is also my first answer to the 91 Pairings Challenge. I know you're all thinking, "Um, didn't that happen, like, *years* ago?" Well it's done now, isn't it? So there ;)
Rating: NC-17
Archive: Please! If I've given you permission, go nuts. If not, just drop me a line and let me know where it's going.
Genre: Angst, yaoi, het (eep!), lemon, 91 Pairings Fic [13x6, 13xR]
Warnings: Yaoi, het, angst, lemon, Treize possibly acting like a sissy boy.
Spoilers: Eps 3, 6, and, 11.
Summary: When Treize unexpectedly encounters Relena at a meeting of Romefeller, all of his dreams of a life with Zechs finally come crashing down. But in pursuing Relena, is he punishing Zechs or himself?
Disclaimer: Do I own them? Of course not. Will you sue me? I hope not. All characters, names, places, etc. belong to Bandai, Sunrise, and Sotsu Agency. I'm not making any money off of them, please don't sue me, and so on.
Note: I love Granddaddy! Aim Towards the Sky is the beautiful, last track from The Sophtware Slump.
Thanks: To Chrissy, for being patient with me, as always. She assured me that Treize wasn't coming off like "some sissy nancy-man". Look, he's just cultured, dammit. *Cultured*
Feedback: All comments, criticisms, flames, marriage proposals, and death threats should be sent, with care, to sparcck@hotmail.com.
So you'll aim towards the sky
and you'll rise high today;
fly away, far away,
far from pain...-"Aim Towards the Sky", Granddaddy
Even through that damn mask I could always tell what Milliard was thinking.
I apologize. Zechs. He would never let me call him by his given name.
Once, he did. But I suspect it was only because he wasn't in a position where he could argue with me. Of course, I did pay dearly for the transgression: he didn't visit my bed again for a full two weeks.
And I thought that was as lonely as it could get. I didn't anticipate what his full, voluntary absence would do. I'm not sure if it was because I underestimated my feelings for him, or if I underestimated the extremes to which he would go to find his own peace.
That mask -- I understood why he wore it, but it was a constant reminder that he would not be by my side forever. Still, when he said he would leave when his mask broke, I had managed to convince myself that he meant the man known as Zechs would leave, and I would finally know the true Milliard with no conditions.
"Forgive me sir," Une had said. "This can come to no good end."
She was right, of course. She is always right, when it comes to me, anyway. She knows me better than I know myself, and she didn't have any foolish misconceptions about my relationship with Zechs. And she was always there, to pick up the pieces when he left my room at night.
How did I get so weak? I just wanted everything to be beautiful.
He was beautiful. So I gave him everything, until I had nothing left he wanted.
That morning he called to confirm the Gundams, I pretended he was going into battle for me, when I knew very well it was because he couldn't stay away. Not when he was finally confronted by an enemy he could fight honorably. He always hated the subtle way I fought -- he believed in actual battles, while I tired to win with words.
And with deceit. No, Zechs, I didn't always fight fairly. But I never pretended I did.
"Do you want to go?" I asked him, cutting him off during his analysis of a battle plan.
There was a stunned silence on the other end of the call while he processed that, and I tore my eyes away from his, sighting down the barrel of my gun at the small targets in front of me. I was thinking of him when I went out there that morning, bringing along the comm unit to wait for his call.
He always teased me for my morning target practice.
"Antiquated weapons," he said. "Next thing you know, you'll be getting a mobile suit fitted with one."
"Ah, Zechs, always the modernist; no taste for the old ways," I sighed.
He leaned down to gently kiss me, his tongue running along my lower lip. "Too many tastes spoil life, Treize. I would rather savor only one."
And who was I to argue with him?
He still hadn't spoken, but his lips moved, a sound something like a question spilling out.
"It's written all over your face," I said softly.
A pheasant, coaxed into believing it was safe, flew from behind the rows of targets, and I sighted and pulled the trigger in one move. I watched as it fell to the earth with barely a sound, its feathers drifting lazily in its wake.
"Shoot them down for me, Zechs."
"Treize."
I turned to look at him. It wasn't a question, it was a confirmation.
You understand, don't you lover?
Yes, Milliard, I do.
I nodded and a small grin quirked his lips. He lifted one hand to his forehead. "Sir," he said crisply, and cut the connection.
There was a strange tightening in my chest, and my trigger finger trembled slightly. The pheasant had landed on one of the target platforms, and the thin metal targets continued to raise and lower, two of them smeared with blood.
A heard a noise behind me, a twig snapping. "Lady," I said.
"Yes, Your Excellency?"
"I believe you were right. This situation..."
"Sir?"
I turned to face her and smiled. "Nothing, Lady. I have tea ready in the parlor." I stepped closer and raised a hand to her face, brushing over her cheek lightly. "Join me?'
Her face softened minutely. "Sir."
I suppose I expected Zechs would get in contact with me when I sent Une to kill Relena Darlian. I am one of only two who know Zechs' true identity, and I never turn a deaf ear to rumors, especially rumors that have the name "Peacecraft" attached to them.
And I seem to recall, in a rare moment of candor, Zechs mentioning that Milliard had a sister once, a long time ago, when the Sanq kingdom flourished.
It was a simple matter of putting two and two together, and as I've stated, I am not above using deceit to achieve my goals. Not even when it comes to Zechs.
When Lieutenant Noin called to ask me to spare Relena's life, I felt half-vindicated and half-betrayed. I held my hand to stop her words as my first reaction coursed through my body, anger racing through my veins.
How dare he send someone else to ask me something like this?
It seemed Zechs was not above a modicum of foul play himself.
"Go ahead, Noin. You were saying?"
She continued, a little softer now. "He asked me to get into contact with you. I know this is a large favor, but it's really important to him." She paused.
I smiled knowingly, but without mirth. "Lieutenant?"
"I don't know if you knew, Your Excellency, but there is one other Peacecraft alive. And I'm sure he wouldn't want her killed just when he's found her again."
"I understand, Noin. If you'll hold on just one moment?"
"Yes, sir."
I changed the frequency, tuning into Une's craft just as she was giving the order to go out after the girl herself. "Lady Une, cancel your mission. Return to base immediately"
Her eyes were wide behind her rimmed glasses. "But Colonel Treize--"
"I've decided to let Darlian's daughter live." I expected a bit of resistance. But just as I would do anything for Zechs, Une would do anything for me, good excuse or no.
Are these the battles you dislike so?
"But Colonel, the mission was to--"
"Lady, we were met by an unexpected enemy. Don't think of it as a failure; return immediately." I smiled at her now, but she saw through it.
So many masks, no, Milliard? Can you not see through mine like she can, like I can see through yours?
"Right." She closed her eyes, her mouth tightening. There would be more pieces for her to pick up tonight when she got back. "I understand."
As always, she waited for me to sign off first.
I went back to Noin and stood, looking away so she couldn't see my face.
"Thank you very much, Colonel Treize," she said, lifting her hand to her head. "I'm sure Lieutenant Zechs will be pleased." Her eyes softened at the mention of his name and a smile curved her lips.
Do you also have someone to pick up the pieces then, Milliard? How are we so much alike yet continue to fail to find common ground?
I looked out the window. "Zechs has always gone out of his way to help me out."
I wonder Noin, how much Zechs has told you. Do you know about me, as I know about you?
I continued, my voice trained to be even by years of smooth talking. Despicable, Zechs, don't you think? Even now, I can't show my anger. "Saving Relena is the very least I can do to thank him for all his efforts."
Is that the ground we stumble on? Your passion versus my reserve? Could we not reconcile it?
"Please," I said, turning now to face her. "Give my regards to Lieutenant Zechs."
Was that a flicker in your eyes, Noin?
"Yes, sir." She cut the connection.
The anger roiled just below the surface, but I pushed it away. I opened the French windows and sat on the ledge, my hands clenching and unclenching in my lap. "So," I said out loud. "The rumors were true. He still has a remaining blood relative." I paused and stared unblinking into a sky that was the same color as his eyes. "He could have said something."
There was a flutter of wings and I instinctively held out a finger as the two lovebirds that I had let go that morning came back. They landed and nuzzled each other, one letting go of a few trilling notes.
"I see. You'd rather stay here, then?" I asked. I turned and urged them to fly further into the room, watching as they circled the room once -- smoothly, together -- before perching on a chair back.
Not passionate enough for you, was I?
The anger finally boiled over and a hoarse cry erupted from my throat as I swung an arm out, knocking over the vase of white roses on my desk.
"White roses, Treize?"
"In some cultures, white roses symbolize an eternal bond."
"And in some, they are for death."
The vase smashed on the floor, shards exploding outwards in a perfect circle.
The lovebirds, startled, took flight and went out the window, parting ways just past the sill.
"I think it may be our death, Milliard."
I crushed a bloom under my boot heel and settled back into the chair behind my desk again, waiting for Une to arrive.
Days later, I was still thinking of Relena, so it was quite a shock when she showed up at a meeting of the Romefellar Foundation.
If I had any doubts that she was Milliard's sister, they were expelled when she bounded up on stage.
"All of you are very mistaken. And the Gundams will soon come to rectify your mistakes... as ambassadors for those stifled by this whitewash."
It was her hair that got me first. It wasn't as silver as my lover's, but the texture looked the same. My fingers itched to touch it, to see if it felt the same. It had been so long since Zechs and I had been together, so long since I got to wrap a handful of that hair around a fist and tug, exposing the graceful line of his throat.
It was suddenly very warm in the hall, and I pulled on my vest, hoping to circulate some air under the heavy fabric.
Her eyes were next, the color of the sky just when the sun hit its highest peak on a warm spring day.
I could fall into those eyes. I had, on many occasions, and I hoped every night that I could do so again, for the rest of my life.
Noin dragged her off the stage, and -- both to my utter dismay and delight -- over to stand directly in front of me.
The girl's eyes flashed. Just like Milliard's.
The three of us stood rather awkwardly, I thought, although no one else seemed to notice. The five of us -- the three present and the two noticeably absent -- made an interesting quintet. All of us lovers, somehow, and this girl had unknowingly found herself in the middle of it.
God, I wanted to kiss her, right there, right then, to see if she tasted anything like Milliard.
"Thank you, Lieutenant Noin."
Noin seemed to have made herself a permanent appendage to the young Peacecraft, as she had the older one, and I thought snidely that she could have made herself a career of it.
But such thoughts are undignified, aren't they, Milliard?
"You have quite the base streak, don't you, Treize?"
"And what do you mean by that, my dear Lieutenant?"
Zechs smiled and traced a finger along the shell of my ear, making like he was tucking back the frustrating strands of my hair that refused to stay in place. "I hear you sometimes, when you make comments under your breath. And about world leaders, no less." He clucked at me. "Certainly, that's no way for a future ruler of nations to behave."
I frowned. "Future ruler of… you know that's hardly my intention."
He looked genuinely distressed. "I was only teasing."
"I know. But I wish... Sometimes I wonder, Zechs."
"What do you wonder?" He leaned his head lightly on my shoulder, his eyes slipping briefly closed.
I was silent, my hand reaching back, desperately trying to feel his face under that hard mask.
He caught my wrist. "I wonder, too."
"My apologies, Your Excellency."
I blinked. Noin was bowing deeply to me and the two members of Romefellar who flanked me. For a moment, I foundered, looking into Relena's eyes, and I hoped no one noticed.
That color. Milliard.
The destruction of Gundam 01 flashed through my mind as I stared at her, overlapping the picture of Zechs, twining with it, and for a moment, I saw his passion.
In her eyes. In that pilot when he pushed that unforgiving button.
And just as suddenly as she was before me, she was being removed, my silence obviously perceived as a dismissal.
There was a heavy silence that I was, obviously, expected to fill. "You'll have to forgive me," I said. "She's the younger sister of a friend I invited."
Invited. But did not show up. Bitterness warred with intrigue as I was unable to take my mind off of the Peacecraft who was in attendance.
Dermail's grating attempt at a British accent interrupted my thoughts. "What on earth was she trying to get at?"
I had to struggle to come up with an excuse that these half-wits would take as an acceptable answer. I rambled out an answer, talking until they looked pacified.
"Speaking of the Gundams, I wanted to talk to you about Zechs Merquise. I think you're giving him too much freedom."
I looked at Dermail sharply at the mention of Milliard -- of Zechs -- tearing my thoughts away from Relena. "Meaning what?"
"I heard a rumor that he's reconstructing the self-detonated Gundam in Victoria."
The other members within earshot chose that moment to speak up, expressing their dismay as well. I grit my teeth and tuned them out, waiting until they seemed done and excusing myself with a promise to do what was in their best interests.
Gundams be damned. Romefellar be damned. Zechs be damned.
Relena and I had things to discuss.
Surprisingly, Noin was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps she wasn't as good a bodyguard as I had once thought. Or she underestimated my feelings for Milliard.
Have you ever seen Milliard, Noin? Have you asked him to remove the mask, too, or do you prefer the man known as Zechs Merquise?
"Miss Noin, is that you?"
The door opened before I even had a chance to knock.
"Miss Noin, I- Oh."
Yes. Oh.
Again, I was momentarily taken aback as I looked into those eyes that I had spent so much time building a future in.
"C-Colonel Treize?"
She was stunned as well, but recovered far quicker than I.
"What can I do for you?" she asked stiffly.
"I was wondering if we could talk."
"I have nothing to discuss with you, Your Excellency."
Just the same as you, Milliard -- it's as though you taught her the exact syllable to stress.
"You certainly had plenty to say before, Miss Darlian."
She had the grace to blush.
"I'm not faulting you..." I gestured inside her room. "Although I think you may need to brush up on your manners."
She was rigid for a moment, until she stepped aside and bowed low, her arm sweeping inside. "How rude of me."
Without thinking, I tilted her chin up, and defiant steel blue met my eyes. A faint stain of red flushed over her high cheekbones.
She's beautiful. You're beautiful.
"No need to apologize," I said gently and I allowed my hand to drift slowly to her hair, two fingers ghosting over the strands behind her ear. She seemed rooted in place, her eyes wide.
Oh, Milliard...
Warmth flushed through me and my breath caught in my throat.
Suddenly, she tore her face from my hand. "I said I would speak with you, Mr. Treize. I did not say anything about consorting."
"I've offended you."
"It will take a lot more than that to offend me."
I laughed and could almost feel her glare against my back.
She indicated a table and chairs in the far corner of the room. "I was just about to have some tea. Please, sit."
I nodded, looking around the room for any personal effects. Other than her suitcase, which lay open on a bed done in rich blue and silver, I couldn't find any.
She sat opposite from me, and her hand shook slightly when she poured two cups of tea.
I reached out for one, but she stopped me, catching my wrist with deceptively delicate fingers; I watched with wide eyes as she sipped from first one, then the other. "I do have some manners, Colonel."
There was stunned silence in the room for a second longer before I burst out laughing.
Testing for poison. She could be no one else other than your sister, Milliard. You would be proud.
She cracked a small, lopsided smile and I wasn't surprised in the slightest to find that it mirrored Milliard's.
My blood ran hot and I sipped the tea to cover my growing discomfort.
"What was it you wished to speak to me about, Colonel?"
"Please, Miss Darlian, just Treize will be fine."
"What was it wished to speak with me about, then... Treize?"
I tried to control my body's response to her. She had so much passion in her, and I felt I would drown in her eyes. In his eyes.
I reclined in my chair. "I was curious about your apparent fascination with the Gundams. Surely you know they're nothing more than terrorists."
"I know no such thing, anymore than I know you're a pacifist." Lightning flashed in those eyes, pupils huge and black in pools of midnight.
Poetry.
"Ah, but I never claimed to be one, Miss Darlian."
"Then maybe you need to reevaluate your ideals."
"Perhaps it is you who must reevaluate."
"I am not thirsty for the blood of nations to further my own-"
"You forget yourself," I said sharply. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I felt the familiar heat of anger and arousal deep in my belly; it was sparring like this that had once led Zechs to my bed.
I remember the first taste of him like it was yesterday.
"On the contrary." Her voice rose, and was trembling with anger. "I know exactly who I am."
I chuckled mirthlessly, no doubt infuriating her even further. "Is that right, Miss Darlian?"
Just the right stress, just the right pressure on all the right buttons. She stood hastily, jarring the table, the two teacups thumping harmlessly to the Persian rug. "I think it's time you took your leave."
"And if I'm not ready to go?"
"I have nothing further to discuss with you, Colonel."
"I thought we were beyond these formalities," I purred. Oh yes, I wanted her. Wanted him, to drown in those blue orbs, to fly away, lost, possibly found...
"Is this a game to you?" Her voice quavered. "Is this how you fight your battles, while others go off to kill and die?"
"A game?" I stood and moved closer to her.
"I'm not a child!" she spat. "I know a game when I see one, and I know what you're playing at."
"I'm sorry?" White noise was roaring through my ears, and I took another step, the heat of her fury rolling off of her.
Her cheeks flushed. Is it more than fury, then, Relena?
"You know what I'm saying. You - you use words to your advantage. You never set foot on a true battlefield, but you mock the bravery of soldiers by fighting your war with manipulation and deceit." She took a step forward, and now she was practically nose to nose with me.
Body to body. God.
"You would rather that I use force, that I kill?" My voice had dropped in both pitch and volume, and, if possible, she strained closer.
"What would you say if I said yes?"
"I would say, practice what you preach." It was impossibly close in the room, suffocating almost, and all I wanted to do was reach out and take her.
I just barely reacted when she moved to hit me, grabbing her wrist as her hand was mere breaths away from my cheek. My control snapped, and I dragged her against me.
"This is not a game," I ground out.
"And I'm not a child," she whispered.
"No." I traced her cheek with one finger. "No, you're not."
At the same time we both lunged forward, mouths clashing hotly, hands grabbing at whatever we could. I plunged my hands into that hair, and with my eyes closed, I imagined that it was his. I tugged her head back and she gasped as I drew my lips down the line of her throat.
"T-Treize," she moaned when I laved the hollow between her collarbones.
Her voice inflamed me, twisted in my head to be lower and rougher.
She brutally tangled her hands in my hair and jerked my head up, bringing my lips back into contact with hers. Domination must run in the family, I thought hazily, becoming impossibly more aroused when I thought of the few times Milliard had played the submissive role.
I grabbed her around the waist -- a slim waist, the beginnings of tone and definition there -- and lifted her to her toes, moving until the backs of my knees hit the mattress. We tumbled down quite ungracefully, and she broke away only a moment to sweep the suitcase off the bed, the sound of it hitting the floor barely covering my gasp as she pulled my shirt from my waistband and slid those cool, competent fingers over my stomach.
I grabbed her wrist. "Wait," I breathed, feeling like my victory had to be complete, although by this point, I was wondering whose victory it actually was.
"Please..." Her fingers dipped into my navel, drawing a slight moan from my throat even as I tightened my hold on her.
"Wait. Are you sure you want this?"
She pulled back slightly, her eyes -- his eyes -- bright with lust. She smiled again, and I saw him in it, and for a second my chest constricted. "I thought we had decided there was no need for formalities." She lowered her head to my stomach and nipped at the skin she had uncovered, going back to soothe the rough marks with her tongue.
My head swam, needing to take control, lost without my grip on that hair, the look in those eyes. I turned us over, pinning her beneath me as I casually opened the top buttons of her blouse.
"Hurry," she gasped, her fingers already struggling with the catches on my vest.
"If the lady insists." And I ripped the rest of her blouse open, pulling it from her trousers. Her body, it gave me pause. This was no longer a part of my fantasy, the sight of the soft flesh of her breasts.
But the skin, his skin, it was like alabaster, like fine china, it reminded me of the ivory handle of a sword I kept in my study. It was Milliard's skin, and my mouth burned to taste it. I lowered my head to the tip of her breast, teasing only the nipple until it rolled hard under my tongue and she was making the most interesting noises.
Now I pulled back. Her trousers were unbuttoned, her blouse pooling around her wrists which had fallen limp tot he bedspread. "Now, now, Relena. Where are those manners we were just talking about?"
She narrowed her eyes at me, surging up to push me back under her, tearing my clothes from my body and tossing them to join the suitcase on the floor. It wasn't until I was naked that she stopped, slowing down to raise herself on her knees to undo the rest of her trousers, slowly, slowly, pushing them down her legs until she was naked as well.
I watched her hair, the skin of her stomach, the fine hairs on her arms.
"What
do you want?"
"You know. You know what I want."
"Do I?"
"Please, Milliard..."
He
grabbed my face, forcing me to look at her. "Now who needs work on his manners?"
"Pardon me," I purred, and I rose up over her, lowering her slowly to the mattress, hearing her contented sigh as flesh met flesh. I held my upper body away from hers, not ready to let go of the fantasy of Milliard under me.
Her hands were everywhere at once, sliding over my shoulders, down the line of my back. When she finally touched my aching arousal, I nearly shouted with relief.
But that wouldn't be done, would it? Instead, a strangled gasp left me, and I dug my hands into her hair again, brutally bringing my mouth to hers. Her lips parted and her tongue snaked out to draw mine in.
Oh, Milliard, you don't know how much I miss you.
When I broke away, she brought her hand to her mouth, pressing down almost violently.
I kissed a line down her stomach, nuzzling my nose into the soft curls at the apex of her legs. She smelled of musk and if I inhaled deep enough, I swear I could taste him on my lips, his scent swirling around me.
She sobbed into her hand, her hips squirming in my grasp.
Breathing deeply, I plunged my tongue into her center, and she almost screamed as her hips jerked upwards. She tasted like liquid fire, and excitement stabbed through me thinking about how long it had been since I tasted something like this.
"No, no," she whispered then, tugging futilely on my shoulders.
I lifted me head. "Re-"
Almost frantically, she sat up and covered my mouth with her hand. "No!" At my confused look, she gentled. "It's just... I want something else."
No names, I thought. Not even her name. I wondered exactly of whom she was thinking.
I drew two of her fingers into my mouth and suckled at them, her skin salty against my tongue.
She pulled me up against her, smiling, and I looked deep in those eyes as she withdrew her fingers and trailed them down my back.
Oh, yes, Milliard...
"This is
what I want," he whispered, and parted my buttocks, gently teasing at my entrance.
A moan tore from my throat. "Yes, yes, I want that, too."
"Hm? This?" One finger probed and stretched just the opening, and I pushed back on his hand, trying to force him inside.
"Yes, yes..."
He laughed
and slipped the tip of another finger inside, stretching it more and yet not enough. "Who are you with?" she asked, slowly, too slowly, pushing the fingers further.
"Please, just..." I realized who I was begging and I pulled forward, pulling her hands away. "And just where did a refined young woman like yourself learn that?"
Her eyes darkened, and her features twisted into a study in self-deprecation, but she didn't say anything.
We were frozen for a second, trapped in between the real world and the fantasy world.
And then her hands slid firmly down my stomach to my straining arousal, raking through the hair there. And I was lost, feeling those blunt nails against me, flashing back to my last time with her brother.
She was staring at me intently, weighing my reactions, and so I grinned wickedly, having a flash of insight. I slid my hands around to her bottom, lifting her hips slightly and sliding three fingers into the cleft of her buttocks.
"Turn about is fair-play, after all," I said when she gasped and her head fell back.
"That's it," she hissed between clenched teeth, and I shivered in anticipation.
"Tell me if I hurt you." One digit slipped easily inside, the tight ring of muscle sucking at my finger, impossibly wet already.
"You won't," she ground out.
I added a second finger and thrust gently. She gasped and started pumping my erection in time with the tempo of my fingers.
I closed my eyes, and imagined my platinum-haired lover under me, touching me, eagerly accepting my fingers into his body. I was nearly quivering now, my body thrumming with arousal.
She guided me to her entrance but held my hips still when I instinctively tried to thrust.
"Not here. Just wait." Her other hand drifted to her opening and three fingers slipped just inside, then coated my erection with the moisture they came away with.
I removed my fingers and smoothed her hair back from azure eyes. She knew what I wanted, and, more importantly, I knew what she wanted. And I knew why.
She had my sympathy. For who she wanted was far more out of reach than Milliard would ever be.
"Here," she whispered, and I felt myself rubbing against that tight little pucker.
I hiked her legs over my shoulders, and her head dropped back again, her eyes drifting closed.
"Relax," I rasped, pushing slightly into her, feeling the ring of muscle contract sharply. "Look at me and relax."
"I-"
"Look at me!"
Her eyes -- his eyes opened, clouded with arousal, and his gaze held mine as I slowly pressed into her. He was so tight, so tight...
As I seated myself fully inside, I let myself have my dream, my life with Milliard, long and full.
She covered her mouth with one hand again and pushed urgently against me, eyes begging me to move.
I pulled almost all the way out, then thrust back in, wanting to savor this, probably the last time I would ever feel this complete. Milliard stared back at me from behind those eyes, and the need to speak his name nearly overwhelmed me.
Her fingers gripping my bottom, urging me on, sliding in to find my own entrance snapped my control, and with a hoarse shout I began to thrust, finding a perfect rhythm inside that body that masqueraded as my Milliard's.
We were silent except for the harsh rasping of our breath and the sound of flesh against flesh. That body was so tight around me, so warm, and those eyes took me away.
"You know I've never loved anyone before," he ground out, his hips raising to meet mine.
"Nor I." I faltered in my rhythm then, afraid of what he would say.
He reached up, his arms trembling with the effort, and his hands tugged desperately on his mask.
"Oh..."
"Treize," he whispered, and the mask was removed, his graceful fingers dropping it to the bed. It teetered next to his head for a moment, before falling off the mattress, thumping to the floor.
Oh.
His eyes held mine, and suddenly he threw his head back, his whole body shuddering, his muscles clenching around me.
"Milliard!"
Her eyes closed as she came, and suddenly I was thrown out of the fantasy.
I came almost despairingly, helplessly, my heart falling into my stomach.
Oh, Milliard, what have I...
I held myself up on shaking arms, and her legs slid from my shoulders as we both rapidly fell from the impossible height we had just reached.
She kept her eyes closed as she gently pulled away from me and rolled onto her side, depriving me of the last vestiges of my dreams of blue sky and freedom.
"I think you had better go," she said softly, almost tonelessly.
Slowly, I dressed, unable to look at her nude form curled up on the edge of the bed. I looked everywhere but at her; my eyes fell on the two teacups, feet apart on the lush Persian rug.
It reminded me of a silver matte mask, mocking me from the floor beneath a warm bed, where two lovers lay, deluding themselves for as long as they could.
My stomach clenched.
With poise I hadn't had a true grasp of in weeks, I bowed to her back. She made no move to acknowledge the action, and I didn't really expect one.
So I left. Worse off than when I had sought her out, not really understanding what I had done or why after the haze of passion had cleared from my mind.
Relena didn't stir as the door closed behind me, and again, I suppose I didn't expect her to.
"Really, Your Excellency, you didn't have to entertain Miss Relena personally."
My capacity for shock had been trained out of me at a young age, and I'm sure that's the only thing that saved me when Noin spoke from directly behind me. I turned slowly, a smile firmly in place, to find her sitting in an armchair just outside Relena's door.
"It was no problem at all. It's the least I could have done for Lieutenant Zechs."
Her smirk widened. "I'll make sure to tell the Lieutenant what a gracious host you've been."
"You're too kind, Noin. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must retire. I suggest you do the same. You look a bit peaked, if you don't mind me saying." What possessed me to continue speaking was nothing more than sheer habit to get the last word, to show that I wouldn't crack; Khushrenadas never turn from a verbal dispute.
But at that moment, I wavered on the edge of exhaustion, and I am not so arrogant to think that it was anything but my position that saved me from Noin's wrath.
"Not at all, Your Excellency. I'm sorry for keeping you." And she stood and bowed.
As I turned, I caught the fleeting look of helplessness and almost self-deprecation on Noin's face, but I was too weary to feel triumphant, too weary to feel much of anything.
Une was waiting in a similar position outside my chambers, and I went in wordlessly, knowing she would follow me inside.
"Your Excellency-"
"Please, Une, please don't call me that." It was a moment of weakness that had prompted that particular request, but if she found it odd, she didn't say anything.
She held out a vase of white roses. "I brought you these, to replace the ones that were wilting on your bedside table."
I stared at the flowers, and it seemed that I could pick out every vein in each petal, every red-tinged thorn hidden among the leaves. There was a rushing in my head and in my chest, and my arms felt detached from my body.
Milliard, what am I doing? What have I done?
When I didn't respond, Une placed the vase aside and started to take down her hair. In slow motion, I turned my eyes to her unraveling plaits.
I'm so sorry.
I caught her wrist, still fixed on her hair, too dark, too dark for me to ever love or even want.
I did it for you, didn't I?
"Treize?"
I turned my eyes again, meeting her confused gaze. Slowly, I shook my head.
There was a moment of silence, and just as quickly as they had come down, her plaits were wound back up. "Sir," she said crisply, and turned, the door closing softly behind her.
And just like that, our little quartet, which had been playing together in odd comfort for years, collapsed.
Broken by my impossible love for eyes the color of the sky.
I placed the vase of roses very carefully on my bedside table.
Beyond my window the sky stretched for miles, and I sat on the sill waiting for the sun to rise.
End
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