02-Oct-2002
Title: Magic Happens Part 18
Author: Ebonydove
Archive: aenai.steelsong.com
Warnings: language, lots of sap, slight angst, yaoi. Also wanted to mention that I have taken great liberties with Duo's past, so for you purists out there... don't hang me.
Spoilers: none
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: still not making any money off anything here...
Story: Heero & Duo are on the run from a group after a code Heero has. Duo struggles with the aftermath of being buried alive as it rekindles memories from his past.
Author's note: Feedback craved more than chocolate covered Duo's... well not really, but it's a close second. ><
My eyes snapped open and for a moment I almost forgot where I was. I tried not to be obvious that I was brushing away imaginary spiders as I bolted up out of my seat, but I think Trowa noticed. The way he was staring at me as I tried to regain some composure told me I might as well give up trying to pretend that everything was all right and that I didn't just wake up from a nasty little walk down memory lane.
After several minutes of me ignoring him hoping he'd just let it go, I shrugged in his general direction and grinned, but he was having none of it. "I didn't scream did I?"
"No."
"It was just a bad dream."
He quirked on elegant eyebrow at me and continued to bore a hole through my skull with those unflinching green eyes of his, and I found myself letting out a shaky breath.
My gaze flickered over to the tiny hallway that led to the pilot's cabin to make sure that Heero was either too distracted, or too far out of earshot to overhear what it was that I was about to admit. But I realized that the lack of sleep and the irritation I was feeling towards Heero about our personal situation, was only going to serve to stress me out more if I didn't get at least a little of what was going on with me off my chest.
"Okay... so it was a really bad dream."
He glanced over to the cabin and then back to me, giving me a slight nod to continue.
"Well, it's simple really. Every time I think I can focus on getting this whole supercode-assassins-out-for-Relena-and-Quatre-to-be-able-to-take-over-the-universe-thing, I get blindsided by the fact that I can't sleep, or even relax, without feeling like... like... "
"You're completely out of control?"
"Like a friggin' carousel from Hell, complete with crazy carnival music and spinning lights." I huffed and collapsed back down into my seat.
"Have you talked about it with Heero?"
That earned him a scathing glare.
"Why not?"
It really wasn't fair to unload on Trowa, but he had been asking for it. "And when exactly would I have been able to talk to him about it? While we running for our lives from L1? Or perhaps after I had my head bashed in and was racing like a lunatic on Wufei's motorcycle to save what few possessions I have in the world. No... wait, how 'bout after my apartment burned down, or when I woke up from a coma speaking in German, after being buried alive and thinking my cat had been left for dead in a pillowcase that I tied? Oh, I got it... I should have mentioned the fact that I feel like my skin is the only thing keeping me together right after Heero finished telling me that he was engaged to Relena!"
Sometime during my little rant; I had risen and began pacing in the small space in front of Trowa as my voice reached a pitch I'm sure would have carried to the front of the cabin, and probably to the moon for that matter. Needless to say I shouldn't have been surprised to turn and see Heero standing in my path. I fell silent and very still.
Trowa took that as his cue to retreat to the front of the cabin and take over the navigation, as I hung my head and shoved my hands in my pockets.
"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"
Heero's voice sounded so small in my ears and it took everything I had not to look up into eyes I knew would be full of concern. "I thought I could handle it. I thought if I could just concentrate on finding the assassin sent from StarQuest, then I could take a breath and concentrate on you and me. I didn't think that I would have so much trouble getting over the whole... you know... being buried... alive thing. Or that you were still engaged to Relena." I was glad Heero couldn't see my shaking hands that were safely tucked away in my pockets.
"Duo, sit down."
He lead me back over to the seat I had fallen asleep in earlier and crouched in front of me. Placing his hands on either side of my face; he kissed me tenderly before speaking to me in hushed tones that I found were able to drain my rising tension like pulling the stopper to an overfilled tub.
"It's all right to be afraid. I was when we found you in that grave. I keep trying to tell you that I'm here for you, but you keep pushing me away. I can't help you if you don't let me in."
I found myself shutting my eyes tightly. I cursed that my self-preservation mode had petered out sometime in the past few hours, because I once again found myself on an emotional cliff wondering if I was going to plummet to my death, or grow wings and fly.
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath and met the tender expression he was wearing with a tiny nod. "I just feel so... small."
I could tell from the way he cocked his head slightly and drew his eyebrows together that he was trying to figure that one out so I tried to elaborate. "When I returned to L2 to help Hilde after the wars, I took life for granted. I forgot all those times we had managed to narrowly escape destruction, and even laughed them off. I grew lazy and complacent. Then... after a lot of harassment from Wu, I finally woke up and joined the Preventers." I took his hands in mine and looked at him in earnest. "After you and I finally came out with how we felt for one another and then... I almost lost everything I ever loved and cared for again, it was different than before."
I pulled the dog-eared photo of Heero and me from my inside shirt pocket and tried to smooth out the worn edges. I watched his eyes fill with wonder at how I still had come to have it. But he should know by now, I could be a tenacious little bastard when I put my mind to it. No fire, or muddy grave, was going to take it from me. "I realized that life is fleeting and we have to make the very best of our time in this world while we can. I don't want to waste any more time running from life. I don't want to feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop." I took another shuttering breath and whispered out the last bit. "I don't want to dance this dance anymore. I just want... "
"To live unafraid."
I tried to smile but it didn't quite reach my eyes. "Living would be good. Unafraid would be better."
"I'm sorry this ever happened, Duo. I'm sorry I got you dragged into this mess. But I promise, when this is over, it's going to be just you and me. We will quit the Preventers and live on a damn farm if that's what you want. I don't care as long as we do it together."
He kissed me again expressing the promise he made and I felt oddly relieved I had finally gotten some of what I had been struggling with off my chest. "I love you, ya know."
"I know. But do you really know how much I love you?"
I nodded my head slowly and smiled. "No more doubts."
"I think Wufei is going to be disappointed with our decision."
I laughed and wiped my nose with my sleeve as I began to feel the stirrings of tears. "Even more so when I tell him that he can't keep my cat either."
We both laughed at that and decided we would have to find him one of his own before we left the Preventers. It was the right choice. I knew it in my heart that I couldn't have it both ways. I couldn't have heart stopping assignments and carry on any kind of stable life with Heero. We needed peace. We needed time.
We needed magic.
I felt so much better having come clean with some of what had been weighing on me. I had skirted around the issue of Relena, and he had let me, but I don't think either of us had it in us to deal with that bridge until we had to cross it.
Trowa finished the flight out for us, which gave Heero and I a chance to just be with one another. We had been running for what seemed to be weeks and were both bone tired. I fell asleep almost immediately after our conversation. I didn't give a damn that it was while I was cradled like a babe in Heero's arms either. He simply lay the seat all the way back as far as it would possibly go and I crawled into his lap and let the strong thump of his heartbeat under my ear lull me to sleep.
I woke to the sensation of featherlight kisses along my forehead and temple and smiled hugely at the tender expression on Heero's face. He still had that still sleepy look about him, but was well aware of the landing gear being lowered signaling the end to our flight. By the time we had landed I felt human again... almost.
"I wish we could just fly away. That we could go somewhere that the only concern we had is where we wanted to make love and what we were going to eat each day." I couldn't help the tinge of a whine that laced my voice and shrugged when Heero threw me that look of his.
"Life doesn't work that way, Duo. You can run from your fears. They'll never stop hunting you no matter how hard you try. And quite often only become worse."
"You sound like you know this from experience, 'Ro." I kissed his neck and slid down off him, purposely grinding my groin against him as I did.
He completely ignored my subtle gesture and stretched as he rose up out of the chair. "I've learned so many things the hard way, Duo. Which is why I'm going to need your help from now on."
"I've always been there for you, 'Ro. Remember when I said I'd have your back? I meant it then and I still mean it now."
"I'm not talking about watching my back, Duo. I mean when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to make you angry and even hurt your feelings. But I will never stop loving you. I need you to believe that and trust me."
He did that sweet thing he does when he cups my cheek with his palm and kissed me tenderly. If it hadn't been for Trowa stepping into the main compartment of the shuttle, I daresay that I would have thrown him to the floor and screwed his brains out right there. But Trowa cleared his throat in the doorway where he stood with his bag in tow so I knew that such things would have to wait for a later time. Heero knew it too as he gave me a last lingering kiss, completely ignoring Trowa, and squeezed my hip before moving past me to head out the cabin door to the tarmac below.
No one really knew we were on our way to L1 from earth, so we hailed a cab in front of the shuttle port and headed for the hotel that Quatre was staying in. We'd all meet up there and then go straight for Relena's estate. Surprise was our best option and the clock was ticking.
We arrived at the hotel a short time later and I wasn't at all surprised to find Quatre pacing a path in the carpet of his room. I was however relieved to find him in a very secure room. I had been slightly worried that he could have been harmed before the three of us got a chance to get to him. I know what you're thinking, the whole Gundam thing, but he didn't know who our little assassin was, and we did and we hadn't the chance to call him while on the flight. He could have opened his hotel room door and saw her and said: 'I wasn't expecting you, but please come in... ' then blam! Dead on the floor in the next moment. Irrational, but possible.
I also wasn't surprised by the warm greeting he gave me followed by the questioning look that was first directed at Heero, and then to Trowa, for what I could only assume was because of the traces of bruises and tiny scrapes still visible from the past harrowing days on my person. I didn't get the chance to go through the whole 'I'm okay spiel' as I was too surprised by the other occupant of the room. Quatre grinned at the unnerved expression I must have been wearing, before we moved to stand in front of the man on the puffy maroon colored couch in the adjoining sitting room.
It was the old guy from the Chinese restaurant that had given me the lemon cookies and the coded message for Heero the very first night I had been on L1. He recognized me immediately and rose from his seat to shake my hand with both of his own and give me a warm, if not wrinkled smile. "Agent Maxwell, so good to see you again. I hope you are well?" I was a bit confused, but didn't forget all my manners and gave him a small bow.
"Fong!"
Heero shocked the hell out of me by marching past me and giving the guy a tight hug, almost lifting him from the ground. They spoke so quickly in Mandarin that I missed all but the part where he asked how it was that we had gotten off the colony without coming to harm. We all knew that Heero did in fact escape any injury from our impromptu flight from L1, but I almost had my freakin' head caved in and still had the last traces of sickly yellow bruises to prove it. Trowa beat me to the punch by letting out a small snort. Apparently I hadn't been the only one Wufei had been giving language lessons to as he said something equally as fluent as Heero to Fong. Trowa always did seem to be able to speak, or at the very least, understand a lot of different languages.
Fong turned back to me once Heero set him on his feet and gave me a sympathetic look. "I am sorry for being unable to give you more warning than I was the evening you came into the restaurant. I was in the middle of conducting some... business."
Well then, if that didn't just get your goat I didn't know what would. First of all, the guy could not only understand, but also speak quite fluently I may add, in English. "Do you mean to say that those punks weren't shaking ya down?"
That earned me a round of full, bright laughter from my stout little entrepreneur.
"No my friend. Those young men are in my employ and in fact, kept an eye on you to make sure that you were in no danger getting back to your hotel with the paper I had given you." He smiled and patted me on my right cheek making me blush slightly. "It was very fortunate that you happened into the restaurant that particular night. I saw your jacket and knew you were to attend the festivities at the Vice-Foreign Minister's estate."
I frowned. Apparently Fong here didn't think I was capable of taking care of myself that night, despite him knowing that I was an agent with the Preventers. I had even been arrogant enough to think those little punks needed a better role model. But it also explained why all my senses were on a hair trigger that night. So I just shrugged. "Glad to be of service."
"What were you trying to warn us of that night, Fong?" Heero interrupted.
"That the one you had suspected from the beginning was planning on having you killed that night. But the appearance of your friend here postponed that."
"Not that it could have happened anyway." Trowa added. "You knew that she was involved from the beginning Heero, it was only a matter of time before we got enough information to go after her. Having you killed the night before the festivities would have been too obvious."
"But it is also why I kept her so close to me." Heero nodded thoughtfully.
I watched the exchange between Heero, Fong, and Trowa carefully and finally had to cut in. Heero had allowed that conniving little tart to be around him all that time knowing full well that she could have slipped a knife through his ribs at some little opportune moment and it pissed me right off that he would put himself in harm's way, yet again, for Relena. "I have a pretty good idea who we're talking about here, but it would be freaking lovely if someone would just confirm it for me so I know who to be royally ticked off at!"
All three of them just stared for a few minutes before Trowa finally spoke. And it was who I had thought it was from the very beginning. I was so going to kick her little ass.
End Part 18
(:./ebony/magic18)
