02-Aug-2004
(Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. Lyrics belong to the Eurythmics song "Beautiful Child." Alternate Universe.)
Something that I said
Made you wear a frown
The way you hang your head
Has made the tears come down
But don't you wear a sigh
My beautiful child
She remembered watching her as a child. Straight blonde hair mostly held back in a braid with a few loose wisps that refused to be shackled by the ribbons. Her eyes were smoke shadowed blue in which a sly good humor could immediately be overcast by a violent hatred. But her emotions were held captive in those same eyes. The faint pink lips on the pale face were always half smiling with confidence. Even when she faced the steel bars of her home bound cage, Dorothy Catalonia stood straight and kept her chin firmly lifted.
Not unlike the expression she was watching on Dorothy's face just then. The women of the Catalonia court sat separated from the men and to one side of the hall. The one courtesy of that table was its nearness to the fireplace that heated the entire chamber. The family tutor also was privileged to sit at that table, and she watched, as Dorothy stood alone before her father. The girl was taller, her figure almost as slight as a lad's even for the skirts that she wore, but her hair was just as restless. The hall was silent, all other eyes were fixed on their lord and waiting for his response to answer the dying echoes of Dorothy's accusation.
"Father," The first voice, in passing unexpected, was Nichol, the heir and first born. While Nichol was known for voicing his opinions loudly in the soldier's quarters, she was surprised to hear him start to speak out in front of his father. Nichol's voice faltered however, and he turned away to stare blindly at the far wall. If Nichol could not petition for Dorothy, the girl was truly alone.
And, as Dorothy's tutor, Une couldn't have felt more pride and more helplessness.
Finally, the answer came in a tone thick with condemnation and dismissal, "As you undoubtedly intended, step-daughter, your words have been recorded and heard. Nevertheless, nothing changes. You will go to your quarters until summoned." The lord swiveled his dark eyes to pick out Une from the other women, "Lady Tutor, take your charge and make sure she does not stray from her destination." Unspoken insults toward Dorothy hovered in the silences between his sentences.
Une counted it fortunate that unlike her student, she herself had exercised enough subtlety that he did not suspect any discontent was fostered from the court's tutor. Une stood and walked out to where Dorothy continued to stand. She reached out and put her fingers against the cloth at Dorothy's arm and could feel the trembling heat that was not at first noticed by the eyes. Dorothy snapped her head to fix a stare on her teacher. Une read the perceived betrayal, but ignored the girl's reactionary feelings.
"Come, lady," Une spoke softly, but used the title to restore somewhat to Dorothy's bruised ego.
Without a second look at her father, Dorothy turned and Une walked quickly to keep up with the girl's improper stride. Watching Dorothy's clenched fists, Une felt a small measure of responsibility. She had encouraged Dorothy's strength. Wisdom, however, was more slowly taught.
Dorothy did not break step until she had climbed to her room in the west tower. Une closed the heavy wooden door behind her and stood with her fingers still pressed against the grain of the texture.
"He gains so little by having me marry Wufei Chang," Dorothy paced letting her thoughts spill free as the strange feeling of defeat overtook the desperate, frail hope she'd built up to her moment of confrontation. "And having me take vows at the temple would still build an oath bound bond between our kingdom and the Goddess of the Wood. Also a valuable ally. Why doesn't he see that?" Dorothy's tongue tripped over her logic and she ended her pacing to fall face down on her bed.
"Dorothy," Une took a step into the room, cautious as she wanted Dorothy to really listen, "In all honesty, you were never intended to serve the Goddess. Do not choose your escape so recklessly." She watched as Dorothy's body froze from it's trembling, "Why didn't you confide in me? Or to anyone else for that matter? You surprised that brother of yours into betraying his well disguised fondness for you in front of his father. And I dare say that you've given him reason to hold more stubbornly to your engagement arrangements."
"I thought it would work," Dorothy's voice was muffled against the blankets, "And I didn't want you to stop me."
Une sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to pull back Dorothy's wild blond hair from her flushed cheek and put it behind her ear, "No one wins in this sort of situation. You simply work through it and make the best of it when you're settled on the other side. I've taught you better."
Dorothy let her cheek turn into Une's touch, "I'm so embarrassed."
"He meant to shame you, Dotto," Une put a thumb against Dorothy's lip, "He would silence you forever rather than listen to a woman. Although, in his case, he doesn't really listen to anyone."
The smile on the girl's lips was genuine and she pressed the grin to Une's thumb, "This never would have happened to Relena."
Une chuckled, "Yes, but Relena's fortune and yours were always meant to be different. She's walking the path given to her more easily because she's accepted it."
"I won't accept my path," Dorothy let bitterness drip into her tone, but reached up to lace her fingers behind Une's neck pulling them closer, "I won't be the loser."
"What is winning?" Une whispered the question she never could answer because she was losing herself in the taste of Dorothy's smirk.
"Teach me something," Dorothy's youthful desires would always drown out her moments of despair and Une found she couldn't resist the embrace of those pale limbs. Dorothy's hands moved first and lightly onto Une's hips and then back to work the buttons of the skirt.
"You stopped listening to me a long time ago," Une let her weight fall onto the girl, torn between admitting the fear she felt for Dorothy and indulging in every other emotion she felt toward the girl, "But the heavens help me, I wouldn't let the goddess lock you up in her temples and away from me."
Dorothy's fingers stopped, and the only movement between them was Une's lips on the blonde girl's throat.
"What is it, love," Une whispered feeling the heat of her own breath in the crook of Dorothy's neck.
"I hadn't thought about, I hadn't," Dorothy pulled her hands back to rub angrily at the first sign of tears. Dorothy hated to cry more than anything except following her step-father's laws, "I hate to think now that it's a favor he's doing me... "
"Well, now, he doesn't think of it as a favor, does he? You must learn to take every advantage... but without their notice."
"Aaaa," Dorothy's mouth dropped open in response to Une's unexpected touch, "As you have?" They shared a soft, confidential laugh because in all things, they had to be undiscovered.
You know it doesn't burn
When you touch the sun
So don't be concerned
My golden one
You're gonna reach the sky
Fly...
beautiful child
As planned, Dorothy's step-father and his personal guard left to visit the Nataku Kingdom. Dorothy had never been there before, but her brother had told her about the peculiar angles and design of their buildings, the exotic customs of their culture and the eccentric costumes that both genders would wear. Dorothy had also be intrigued that her tutor had only read about the kingdom, having never traveled there.
The sharp contrast in the tensions of the castle after the lord had left were immediate and far reaching. Dorothy left her rooms and none of the servants gave her anything but sympathetic smiles and brief nods. She knew that her mother would stay in her waiting room. Dorothy would never call 'love' what she felt for the woman who gave birth to her and she knew that they would never have a relationship as most mothers and daughters. Once, only once, Dorothy felt stung when her mother had made a passing comment to a visiting nobleman's wife that she regretted her daughter was not more like the Princess in matters of courtly properness. Then, most surely, Dorothy saw her mother's only desire was social status in her marriage and any other affiliation.
Dorothy counted it lucky that her mother wanted to impress society by hiring a tutor for her only child.
Dorothy seldom went outside, except when the lord was gone and the garrison stayed behind. She liked to talk to the soldiers and when in a season of peace found their rowdy tales and boastful personalities amusing. She respected those men more than any at court.
Knocking on the main door, she was received by the Captain of the common guard, Heero Yuy, of normal birth but with extraordinary skill that had earned his rank. "My lady," Heero inclined his head and smiled with a flash of white against the shadows on his face.
Dorothy offered a mock curtsey and said glibly, "We'll see how long 'my lady' lasts, won't we? Has someone set up a game?"
"Not yet, too early," Heero stepped aside to let her in and Dorothy paused to let her eyes adjust to the darker lighting inside. He continued, "Nichol is here. You two are predictable children."
"I'm nearly the same age you are," Dorothy scowled but she could feel the laughter betraying itself in her eyes that refused to stay stern, "Although, I suppose certain company has missed Nichol's opportunity to visit at leisure."
Heero glanced over at her as they began to walk down the hall past the sleeping quarters and into the larger common room from where voices could already be heard, including the boasting of the heir, "The rest of us don't care what draws him down here. We respect your brother regardless if his father counts him a failure. Circumstances as they are, we know that around the castle Nichol has to follow his father's orders before anything else."
Dorothy felt the solemn weight in his words and remorse for unintentionally tapping onto the captain's flawless memory of the mistakes made in the past. "I care for him too, I didn't mean any insult to my Nikky," She had been a much younger girl during the times that Heero recalled. He could forgive, but he never forgot. During his first summer campaign, eighteen- year-old Nichol had been leading the garrison to defend the northern border when, from the castle, his father had issued a suicidal charge. Nichol had followed the letter of the order the best that he could, but several good men had died including the previous captain, Treize. Dorothy remembered two things about the former captain that he was the most handsome man she'd ever laid eyes on and that he never forgot the names of the men he lost. Heero had continued with the latter tradition.
Passing through the entrance, Dorothy immediately saw her brother half standing and shaking his finger at everyone else at the table. Nichol had let his curls grow long as the summer turned into autumn. His black wiry hair and dark complexion could not have been any different than his stepsister's, but she felt as close to Nichol as she would to a true brother. Around the table sat Duo Maxwell with his roguish laughter ringing out, Phillip Walker who had lost his brother in that tragic battle, and Trowa Barton who reached out to take Nichol's hand and bring it back down to the table. Trowa had a quiet, calming personality that immediately worked on her brother and brought out his better nature. Trowa's best friend had fought for the first time and also died that summer. Nichol felt a most keen gratitude for Trowa's forgiveness.
"Where is everyone else? Otto? Mullen? Alex?" Dorothy glanced around.
"Using the evening hours to practice, ...my lady." Heero had almost forgotten himself and Dorothy raised an eyebrow at his near slip.
"Here is Dorothy, down from her tower dungeon," Nichol raised his glass in a mock-toast but his expression was concerned, "Father wouldn't let anyone visit you, except your tutor of course."
"I know that," Dorothy smiled debating whether to reassure Nichol or tease him longer. She chose the former for the sake of having a mutual antagonist, "I appreciate that you would have stood up for me."
"Little good I did," Nichol's grip on his cup tightened and he set it down.
"From what I hear, no one could have done much after Dorothy had her say," Phillip chimed in, "When our lord sets his mind to something, it takes away any other choice."
Nichol grunted, "I know that well enough."
"Tssk, Nicky," Dorothy pulled out a chair and sat down, "I couldn't do anything for myself either. We're both powerless to anything but the path he sets before us." And we cling to the few precious things we have left, Dorothy thought to herself, thinking of Une and basking in the warmth of a room full of her adopted brothers.
In her mind, she saw their uniform discontent rising up together and overthrowing her stepfather. Then Nichol could rightly lead the armies and she could deny every suitor that crossed their threshold. But, however simple that sounded in her own thoughts, Dorothy knew that outside the safety of the barracks crouched inevitability.
She stayed and laughed at their tall tales of ancient battles and skirmishes they themselves had fought. She kept quiet as everyone else when her brother and Trowa slipped away from the table. Pooling their eating utensils as bargaining collateral, she played cards until only she and Duo Maxwell were left sliding cards across the table. She even graciously admitted when Duo's hand bested her own attempt at a bluff.
"You've exhausted me," Phillip Walker turned on the stool he was using and stood in order to better stretch out his limbs, "I'm going down to wet my throat at Sally's place, if anyone else is interested." The chorus of cheers from the others made Dorothy smile, but she knew that even with her stepfather lord absent from court she couldn't follow them to the tavern. Easily, she performed a yawn and complained that they'd kept her out too late, earning another round of chuckles.
In the hallway leading back to the street, Heero offered to escort Dorothy back to the main castle just as Nichol slipped out of a room closing the door behind him. "I'll go with Nikky, but you have my thanks."
"Goodnight, my lady," he offered her a sincere bow and rejoined his men.
Dorothy waited for Nichol and the stepsiblings matched their meandering pace back to the castle to which they both were reluctant to return.
"Are you happy?" She asked softly, hoping that he would understand her true concern.
Nichol visibly swallowed, his neck and jawline turning an immediately flushed red, "I've never been closer to anyone than him. I owe him so much, for my acceptance with the others and . . ." his mouth continued to move but no sound came out. "I'm afraid for him a little. Father mentioned in passing how fortunate he was to have a son that hadn't spawned a half dozen bastards in the court. I can't tell if he knows."
Dorothy felt a shiver down her back, "You're his heir, and he'll sink his claws in you deep. But as long as you do what he says, I don't think he'll suspect." She turned to look at him, "I'm glad you have good friends. Your summer campaigns are a peculiar form of freedom."
"But winter is coming," Nichol crossed his arms and quickened his step as if he'd burl and force his way through the entire season and back into spring again. Nichol fumbled for a reciprocal demonstration of sibling concern, "I'm sorry about the... arranged marriage. But while Chang Wufei is only a fourth son and has a bitter edge to him, he's educated and not unattractive. Maybe it'd be better for you to simply escape here even by forced matrimony."
"As long as I get to take my tutor with me," Dorothy said honestly, and waited to see her brother's reaction.
"I don't see why not. They appreciate education for more than a status symbol," Nichol didn't seem to catch the other layers of meaning in her comment, and if he didn't know, then Dorothy felt slightly more certain that her affair was secure and Une was safe.
There is no other place
The human race
Is running out of space
There is no better love
And human love
Is what it takes
Upon her stepfather's return, Dorothy again was confined to her tower with nothing but two meals and the company of Une. And the tutor in particular felt the bittersweet liberty that the lord's oversight allowed them. She listened to make sure that no one had any gossip about her visits with Dorothy and watched for lewd expressions from allies or enemies, but none came. While she took and gave every advantage to their solitude, Une continued with Dorothy's education gradually turning their studies to those of the Nataku Kingdom.
"What is this?" Dorothy had thrown the text on the floor and stubbornly crossed her arms. Only in front of her lover would Dorothy indulge in expressing her true tantrums.
"That," Une said dryly, "Is a book on Nataku culture."
"Well, I don't want it."
"Dorothy," Une said patiently, "If you want to have the advantage you must know your enemy."
"I'd rather arrange Nichol to bring the garrison to rescue me and stab my future husband-never-to-be in his bed," Dorothy plotted with a wicked shine in her eyes.
"Did you know that a wife can only petition her husband for a favor once every solar year?" Une baited, "You might want to know how best to make your request."
"Once?" Dorothy grimaced, "That's barbaric."
"But, my dearest, you can request a woman as your companion," Une knew she had Dorothy's attention.
"You've been preparing, haven't you?" Dorothy's shoulders sagged from her defiant posture, "You've been turning this terrible event into an opportunity."
"Study with me," Une asked, "A woman's wisdom can be so rich that she feels as powerful as the King. You can learn this Dorothy. You have the heart to do so."
"I've been a fool,"
"No," Une picked up the book and offered it again, "I won't call you a fool, not as long as you take every opportunity to conquer your obstacles."
"How did you become so strong?" Dorothy mused to herself, but the words were spoken in a whisper.
"You do it for the people you love," And Une's expression turned blank. She remembered an almost aristocratic laugh and the crooked eyebrows of a man she'd once loved. She remembered watching the weary faces until she was certain beyond a doubt that none of the countenances were his. And she recalled how young Nichol had stumbled to one knee before his father, somehow managing to survive against unprecedented odds and bring even a few of the men home with him. But time had given her perspective on the emotions that she still felt catch her breath. Time had given awkward Nichol the loyalty his father would never earn. Time had brought a forceful but elegant beauty to her young student.
When she turned from her thoughts, she saw Dorothy reading the book at her desk near the tower window. The lighting cast a glow around the young woman, and just visible the landscape of orange and brown was starting to take a coat of first snow. They had one more season to prepare.
And I'll be at your side
When you're falling down
You'll be feeling fine
When you hit the ground
So don't slip away
Stay...
Beautiful child
The groom would come in the spring to marry his bride and take her back with him. The castle was stretched to find enough provisions after the long winter to make enough room and food for the prince and his entourage. Dorothy knew that after the traditional wedding, she would go back to her new husband's kingdom and there they would have another ceremony to honor the union under the gods of his own people. He would not touch her until then, and Dorothy grimaced at the thought. Irrationally, she hoped to find that the fourth prince kept a mistress and they might want a mutual façade from their legal union. The hope was slim, and Dorothy hated how she returned to it and indulged it in her quiet moments alone in the tower.
Nichol had risked asking a boon of his father during a rare moment of pleasantry, so he was able to visit Dorothy occasionally. His presence was welcome and the barrack stories that he brought with him warmed her thoughts after all her visitors were sent away.
"I've actually," Nichol stumbled over his speech during his last visit before the wedding, "I've thought long on your situation and have wondered why my father hasn't taken a thought to my future."
Dorothy had been so preoccupied in herself that she wasn't certain what he was referring to, "Oh, Nikky. You can't think he knows about Trowa?"
"No," Nichol seemed as if he were voicing the concern for the first time, "but Trowa wonders somewhat."
Dorothy had seen Trowa's quiet protectiveness of her brother and reflected to see what the reserved soldier might have observed, "He was glad you didn't spawn bastards, if I remember correctly. But, he hasn't pursued a marriage for you either... "
"Trowa thinks he's trying to get another son," Nichol seemed pained to speak the thought, "That he heard somewhat that your mother lost a baby that summer." She didn't need to ask which summer her meant. "Trowa heard so much from a traveling herb woman who came then and has been summoned again."
Dorothy heard something unspoken in his theories, "Why wouldn't you do as an heir, Nikky?" She asked bluntly.
Nichol's laugh was frozen, "I haven't indulged the thought since I was a boy, but if Trowa says them there must be merit." At Trowa's mention, his tone turned earnest, "We think my mother was set aside because our lord figured out I wasn't his son. He's been keeping me as a tool to command the garrison and waiting for me to have a timely accident."
Dorothy didn't know what to say, it had the ring of truth behind it, "A relief to know he didn't get you off your mother, though. I never could see how your kind heart and his lack of such were related."
Surprised, Nichol laughed, "It gladdens me to hear you say it that way,"
"Keep your wits, Nikky," Dorothy added, "I'll think on this, and aren't we glad you have your Trowa to think for you in the meantime."
She wondered, after Nichol left, if she had the desire to summon the herb woman herself. If the woman was in on a conspiracy but unafraid to gossip, perhaps she would sell Dorothy a fast acting poison thinking that she wanted a suicide rather than a murder. Dorothy let the idea sit in her mind for the better part of the evening before finally letting it go. Her options were limited, but now she could see her brother's danger. She hoped that even from the distance of the barracks that the loyal garrison could help Nichol. Like she had Une to help her.
She paced the familiar carpet that she had watched under her feet for many nights, and she stopped at the window to catch a first sight of the Nataku Caravan. They had arrived, a line of horses, carriages and a few larger animals she recognized as elephants from sketches in her books about the Nataku Kingdom. Even at the distance, she could see the glimmer of jewels against the sun's light. Her bride price set by the statutes of the Nataku Court. As potential mothers, women were considered valuable trade for the new family and a loss to be compensated for her old family.
In her lighter moods, Dorothy considered explaining the concept of a dowry to her new husband. She was certain that her father learning of the Nataku custom conveniently forgot his own country's customs for his financial gain.
A few hours later, Une came to fetch Dorothy. Her stepfather had summoned her. Une was officially dressed as Dorothy's tutor, wearing a uniform that was half suit top and half dress. With her hair done up, Une looked perplexingly unfamiliar. They performed the formalities and then entertained a long silence looking at one another.
"Everything will be different," Dorothy lamented, breaking the silent communication.
"We do not know how everything will be, but some things will remain the same," Une put a chaste kiss on Dorothy's cheek. Then she whispered, "We will be together."
The End
(:./jillian/nobetter)
