30-Jun-2000
Okay, this started as a short story, but it keeps getting bigger. Rather than present the thing in one big lump, I've broken it up. The first two parts are done, I'm still working on the third.
Category: Angst, Shounen-ai
Rating: PG
Pairings: 3+5
Spoilers: None exactly, but later parts may dip into Endless Waltz
territory
Feedback: C&C
Notes: This follows the timeline of later episodes of GW when they are in space, but with a difference, I took the liberty of making things that happen in hours on the show happen in days. It's called CREATIVE LICENSE! ^_^ It's also my first attempt to write a Trowa/Wufei story. So if it sucks, feel free to tell me so. They may be a little OOC. Apologies. Oh yeah, another note, remember when Trowa had that little panic attack when he first heard the word Gundam at the circus? I decided to play up that factor times ten. Why would that be the only time he would have an attack?
Oh yeah,
'-denotes thoughts-'
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
Trowa was cold. Oh so very cold. No amount of hugs from Quatre or blankets could help. He was in his own private hell. So alone. So isolated. Human contact felt like a faint, distant memory. He couldn't stop shivering. He wanted to be "normal" so he could make the boy who he knew for some reason was more than his friend feel better but he couldn't. As quickly as the "seizure" began it ended.
"Trowa, are you okay now?" Quatre asked with tears in his eyes.
Trowa looked at the boy. "Yes. Why are you crying?"
Quarte debated whether to tell him that he was the cause of his friend's amnesia. 'Would that be too much information for him to handle?' "You look like you're in so much pain. I hate that there's nothing I can do to help," he said truthfully.
"Aa. Don't worry, little one. I'll beat this somehow," he said now noticing that Quarte was smiling and blushing a little. "What?"
"Nothing, Trowa. It's just you haven't called me _little one_ in quite a while. It used to irritate me, but now I find that I miss it."
Noin was walking down the hallway of the Peacemillion when she saw the two pilots sitting on the floor. "Hi guys. Is everything okay?"
Trowa said, while rising from the floor, "We're fine. Just having a trip down memory lane."
"Have you recovered your memory, Trowa?" Noin asked excitedly.
"Not really."
"Oh I'm sorry," she smiled sympathetically. "I just got a communique from Sally Po. It seems she has good news for you Trowa, and some old friends that she's bringing on board. Shall we?"
They headed to the loading dock of the Peacemillion. Sally was the first out of the ship, followed by Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei. Then Gundam Heavyarms was unloaded. Trowa barely registered the new people in his mind, he didn't remember any of them. He was sure if they were really important to him they would tell him like Quatre had. He was staring at Heavyarms.
"Don't worry Trowa, we'll make the modifications to your gundam right away," said Howard.
"My gundam," Trowa hadn't realized he said that out loud. His mind tried racing through a mental checklist of any memory he had of the mecha. He sighed. Nothing came to mind. But he knew innately that this was his machine.
He half-heard the comment of the Chinese boy propped against the wall. 'What did he say again? I'd be a sitting duck?' "Aa, perhaps you're right," Trowa replied before moving away from the boy with the small pony tail. 'What have I done to anger him?' he wondered.
Chang Wufei was frankly shocked at the sight of Trowa. He never saw a person look so lost before. So weak. Sure he had only encountered the quiet boy with the bangs a few times in the past and found him to be pleasant company. But this was like lookng at a small child.
"You'd be nothing but a sitting duck. You should not return to the battlefield." Wufei was a little ashamed of himself. He didn't mean to make the words sound so nasty. But they were true and he was angry. He just didn't know why he was angry.
Wufei later got to observe Trowa fighting in the Taurus mobile suit, in a minor skirmish. He did an admirable job keeping mobile dolls occupied as Duo and Quatre fought as many as they could handle. 'He still has the proper fighting instincts, but what happens when the battle gets to be too much?' he wondered.
Everyone had returned from their battle exhausted. Quatre walked up to Wufei later when they were alone.
"Why were you being so mean to Trowa earlier?" the blonde boy asked.
"Mean? I was only stating facts, Quatre," he replied simply. "Trowa can become a liability to us in this diminished state that he's in."
"You saw him out there, when he's fighting there's nothing _diminished_ about him!" he yelled.
"Perhaps," Wufei shrugged as he left the room. He wandered down the hall and found a room he felt would be a good place to meditate in peace without the noising musings of Duo or the argumentative nature of Quatre for the moment. If he understood everything that Heero mentioned to him on the trip to the Peacemillion, Quatre was the one who caused Trowa to be the way he is now. He knew the boy was probably feeling immense guilt especially since those two were really close, or maybe just on the verge of getting closer to something other than friendship.
'Trowa,' Wufei's thoughts wandered, 'Kisama! He gets to forget the horrors of war and start off everything with a clean slate.'
As Wufei entered the darkened room, he felt something was wrong. He was not alone in the room. "Hello? Who's in here?" he asked as he reached for the lights. He saw Trowa huddled and shaking in a tight fetal ball in the far corner of the room. "Trowa?"
Trowa couldn't hear him. All he could do was repeat what was now a mantra to him, "So cold. So cold."
Wufei saw a blanket in a neighboring corner. He picked it up and wrapped it around the boy. He forced Trowa to sit up and he held him tight and began to say soothingly into his ear, "Trowa, you're okay. You're on the Peacemillion. You're safe. Can you hear me Trowa? You're safe ..."
Trowa couldn't hear anything. Space is so quiet. So cold. "So cold."
"You're on the Peacemillion, Trowa. You're with me Trowa. You're safe. Can you hear me?" Wufei started to say still soothingly but with a little more urgency.
"C-c-cold."
"Trowa, it's Wufei. You're safe. You're with me. Do you hear me? You're safe."
"W-w-wufei?" Trowa asked hesitantly.
"Yes, it's Wufei. You are on the Peacemillion. You're safe. Do you understand?"
"I'm safe?" not a statement, still a question.
"Yes, you're safe. You're with me and you're safe," Wufei said.
The clouded expression that had been in Trowa's eyes went away. He turned his focus to pony-tailed young man, "Wufei."
"Yes. It's Wufei."
"Thank you."
Wufei didn't know what to say to that. "Umm, you're welcome."
"I'm sorry if I scared you. It seems I have these ... I don't know ... attacks?" Trowa began.
"Yes. I was told of them when I arrived here."
"It usually scares people, so when I feel them coming on I've started hiding out from ..."
"Quatre."
"And the others. Everyone usually look so sad when I snap out of them. I hate those looks. You don't seem to have that look in your eye. I appreciate that. Quatre's look is always the worse. He looks so haunted."
"Well, that's natural since he–"
"He what?" Trowa asked.
'Had Quatre not told Trowa about the incident? Maybe I should tiptoe over the issue like everyone else,' he wondered. "He feels responsible for your present state." 'Was that neutral enough?'
"He shouldn't blame himself. I tell him that all the time, but he refuses to do so."
"Well, it's sometimes hard to forgive oneself," Wufei said thinking back to his unnerving defeat to Treize Krushanada. He still hadn't forgiven himself for being so easily defeated. But Trowa helped him out then. It's only fitting that he helped Trowa out now. "Are you okay now, Trowa?"
Trowa shrugged the blanket off his shoulders and looked at Wufei. "I'm fine now. Thank you again," he said as he leaned over and kissed Wufei softly on the mouth. Wufei was more than a little surprised but said nothing.
He watched the tall boy shakily get up but by the time he reached the door he was steadier and moving with purpose. As the brown haired boy left the room, Wufei was silently cursing himself. 'How could I have been jealous of him being able to block out the hell that is war? I thought he would be in a blissful state, but there was nothing blissful about what I encountered when I came into this room.'
End Part One
Let me have it. I'm sure you'll argue Trowa is OOC but remember his full memory isn't back yet. People with memory loss have been known to behave in ways contrary to how they normally act.
(:./babaca/memory1)
