A Midi story
"I saw you in the audience today," said Trowa, dressed in his jeans and turtleneck.
The blond woman turned around to face the circus acrobat. "You recovered your memory, I'm glad."
"I'm glad as well even if some of the memories are painful. I don't think you were simply watching the show."
"I was checking to see how you were. I didn't have to talk to you to see that you were fine."
"It's been nearly two years since we last met," said Trowa. He gave her a little smile and said, "How about a cup of coffee?"
Midi Une looked at him for a moment, then said, "All right."
Two years Ago
Cold, he thought, I feel so horribly cold. My eyes, they're so heavy. He felt a warm hand on his forehead. Slowly, he forced his eyes open. He saw a girl about his age staring down at him.
"So, you're calling yourself Trowa Barton. I remember a time when you called yourself Nanashi."
"Who are you?"
"I must have changed quite a bit, but I'm sure you'll recognize the name. I'm Midi Une."
The boy shook his head. The girl narrowed her eyes then looked over her shoulder at the man standing behind her.
He shrugged. "I didn't detect any major brain damage but he was out there for hours. His body temperature plummeted below 80 degrees. It's possible that there's brain damage I didn't detect. There's also the possibility of shock and trauma causing momentary amnesia."
The girl bit her lip and turned back to her patient. "He's way too disoriented to be faking it."
"How did you find me?"
Midi smiled. "I'm a scavenger. I strip damaged mobile suits for parts that aren't too damaged, fix them with the help of my friends and sell them back for cut-rate prices. I'm doing fine. We heard there was a fight so we went there as quickly as possible. Imagine my surprise when I saw somebody alive, well, not totally dead."
"... " He frowned, trying to remember her, but drew a blank. Midi watched the confusion flicker through his face.
"You really don't remember me. Well, maybe that's a good thing. We didn't part on the best terms."
"Were we together?" Midi Une's eyes shined. "No, not like that."
He closed his eyes and sank back into bed. Midi walked away from the bed, grabbed the man's arm and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind them. "Midi? Now that he's here, should we return him to OZ?"
"Return? Like this? He'll just get slaughtered next time they send him into battle."
The man then sighed, "Then what!"
"Johnson's still in charge of data management for this region, right?"
"Of course... " "Well, have him find out where he was staying before he joined up."
"Won't it be the first place they will look for him?"
"Well, you're the one who wants him out of here. Besides, they probably think he's dead by now. They're so busy with fighting and keeping everyone in order that I don't think one soldier, presumed dead, is going to be that high a priority. If I'm going to kick him out of here, I at least want him to go to someplace that'll take care of him."
The man glared at her.
"Mikhail," she said. "I... "
"You still feel guilty?"
"Just ask Johnson, OK?"
"Are you sure?" said Trowa.
"Yes, I'm sure! She's right over there! Just walk by her. If she doesn't recognize you, then you can come back."
"Midi, thank you."
"It's nothing." As she watched him walk away, she said, "He still doesn't remember me... "
"Well, you did say that you didn't part on the best of terms last time."
"That's true... " She watched as the girl with the umbrella gasp in recognition and call out his name. "Looks like Johnson's information was right."
"It should be. He's the one who tells us where all the good junk is. Let's go, Midi. There's nothing more to be done here."
"I wanted to say I was sorry but it's no good if he doesn't remember what I'm saying sorry for."
"Well, he knows what you did for him today... Even when he gets back his memory, it won't change what you did today. Perhaps he'll understand then."
"Perhaps." They both walk back to the spaceport.
Present
"It looks like you're putting some meat on your bones. I suppose it's because of your girlfriend," said Midi as they sat at his table in his trailer.
"Girlfriend? Oh, you mean Catherine. No, she's not my girlfriend."
Midi blinked. "But she seemed so... what's the word... shocked and relieved that time she saw you in the rain."
"We're family, well sort of. We're both orphans. She lost her family. She says she likes to think of me as the brother that got lost in the accident. He would've been about my age. I find it comforting to have a place I call home, a group of people I call family."
"Oh, I see. I'm surprised you asked me in for coffee."
Trowa looked down at the surface of the brown liquid and watched his image shimmer. "I... still have mixed feelings but I can't ignore the fact that you saved my life and took me back to the circus. If it weren't for you, I would be a dead corpse orbiting the Earth. I would never have gotten back into the fight. I owe you."
"I figure that it just evened things out," said Midi. "I really want to tell you why I did the things I did, back then. I... I really did like you. I really want to explain."
"All right."
"My father had a best friend named Mikhail. They did various missions together. One of the missions didn't turn out as planned and my father got killed. Mikhail was the only one I could turn to. My mother and grandparents were dead. The orphanage I was in was overcrowded and little better than the streets. You had to keep your head down so the other kids wouldn't try to make you a target. The head of the orphanage I was at believed in using the belt and making you go hungry as discipline. I managed not to attract attention but it was hard. When Mikhail offered to take me away from there, I agreed."
Midi continued. "As we traveled, we saw what happened to kids who ran away from the orphanages. A lot of them became part of gangs or beggars. A lot of the girls became hookers. I counted myself lucky that I was with someone I knew who made sure I was taken care of. He trained me to be a soldier. I learned how to be a lookout without being obvious. I was taught how to operate a transmitter, to observe and even how to shoot a gun if I ever needed one. So, when he asked me to do a job for him, how could I say no?"
"Midi... "
"I just felt that I owed him so much... If I betrayed him, where could I go? If I had gone with you... "
"It would be like betraying your father."
Midi nodded. "Of all the missions I undertook, that is the one that has always haunted me. I don't know why you didn't kill me. Could you tell me why?"
Trowa took a sip of coffee. "Why I didn't kill you? I came very, very close to shooting you. It's not something I can put into words. I... That's the past. Since I last saw you, a lot of things have happened. Last year, I was visited by a member of a mercenary group I used to belong to. His visit brought back a lot of memories I would've preferred to forget. He wanted to get me involved in another war. But after he finally learned the truth of what was going on, he decided to turn his back on being a soldier and get on with the business of living. That's a decision I agree with. So, let's not talk any more about the past. What are you doing now?"
"I... am basically taking some time off. Since there is peacetime, the salvaging business just faded away. I had some savings though. Mikhail and Johnson went off to join the Preventers. They wanted me to come, too, but I turned them down. I'm tired of fighting or anything to do with it."
"Then why don't you stay here for a while?"
"I really can't."
"Is there someone waiting for you?"
"Well, no, but... "
"Then stay here for a little while."
Two months later
"Where's Midi?" Trowa asked Catherine as she put up her costumes on the clothesline.
"She's under the tent practicing her trapeze and rope act. She really knows her stuff."
"Yes, I was surprised, too. She asked me if I wanted to be part of her act."
"Hmmm, it would add to the show... " Catherine said. "As long as you act as my target for knife throwing, I don't mind."
Trowa walked into the tent and saw Midi up on the trapeze platform. "Up here," said Midi.
Trowa climbed up and joined her. "What is it you want me to do?"
"How about you stand up on the trapeze and just get it to swing back and forth? I'll show you."
She stood on the trapeze bar. Bending their body back and forth, she swung back and forth until she was nearly perpendicular. Slowly, she slowed the swinging and jumped unto the platform. "You try."
Trowa got on and swung back and forth.
Midi watched him. He was dressed only in jeans and suspenders, his body lean. Why, she thought, is my face turning red? Why is my heart suddenly beating so quickly?
"This is actually fun," he said.
"Let me get on," she said, grabbing the ropes of the trapeze and standing on the bar. They both began swinging back and forth on the trapeze, going higher and higher. Both of them began laughing for absolutely no reason at all except that it was fun.
Meanwhile, Catherine received a knock on her door. She opened it, then widened her eyes when she saw who it was. "Quatre?"
"Yes, it is me. The project to replace the colonies I destroyed took much longer than I thought it would, but they're done. I wonder... "
"Trowa's under the circus tent, practicing his new act with a new member of the circus."
Quatre smiled at her and said, "Thank you, Catherine." He headed towards the circus tent, just in time to see the both of them swinging back and forth on the trapeze. He opened his mouth to shout, but then decided he wanted to see what this act was. He saw that both of them had finally started to slow down the swinging and was about to say something when he saw the girl lean forward and kiss Trowa on the mouth.
"Midi?" said Trowa. He heard a strangled cry come from the ground and looked down to see Quatre running out of the tent. He immediately let go of the ropes and jumped straight into the net below. After a couple bounces, he swung himself out of the net and ran after him.
After a few seconds of wondering what was going on, Midi jumped into the netting below and ran after the both of them. However by the time she got out of the tent, they were nowhere to be seen. She then ran to Catherine's trailer and knocked on the door.
Catherine opened the door. "Yes?"
"Have you seen Trowa?"
"I thought he was with you under the big top."
"Well, he was but he ran off chasing this guy... "
"Oh, that must be Quatre. He... Is something wrong?" Catherine noticed the shortness of breath from running and the distress on Midi's face.
"I... never mind. If Trowa comes by, would you tell him I'm waiting in my trailer?"
"Sure, but I don't understand what's going on... "
"I'm not sure I do, either."
One month ago
"Something on your mind?" said Midi as she saw Trowa looking off into the distance instead of eating his stew. They were sitting outside in the artificial sunshine of a colony in the L3 cluster.
"I got a message from a friend of mine. He says that his project should be wrapping up in a couple months and that he'll be coming to see me."
"That's great news. But... " Midi paused.
"But?"
"You don't look too happy about it."
"Well, I haven't seen him in a long time... "
"Worried about what will happen?"
"A little. He's repeatedly asked me to leave the circus and come live with him in his colony in the L4 cluster."
"L4... Is this friend of yours Quatre Winner, one of the Gundam pilots?"
Trowa looked a trifle surprised.
Midi caught that look and said, "Oh, please, I do watch the news and you forget, I've had contacts with people inside the military for years. Quatre Winner is the pilot from L4. I didn't get to live this long without learning how to connect a few dots. I've read about him in the Colony Business News. They say he took over his father's business dealings at age 18. I can't imagine what that's like."
"I visited him almost eight months ago. He was busy... Rashid and the others were helping him put the framework for a new colony. He was working 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. I didn't get to see much of him during my time there... "
Midi frowned. I wonder if I'm not picking up on something, she thought. It's almost as if he's leaving something out. "Perhaps he wants to see more of you. Since the project is wrapping up, he should have more time. I wonder if he's like Mikhail."
"Mikail?"
"He keeps dropping hints how it's OK for me to come back if I want. I think he misses the way things were even though they were hard. He doesn't miss the hand to mouth days or the times we trekked in the sewers to keep from being executed, but he misses how tight we all were with each other. I wonder if that's what your friend is feeling... "
Trowa simply smiled and shook his head.
Present
Midi sat waiting in her trailer when her videophone rang. Who could be calling me now, she thought. She turned it on and saw a familiar face. "Mikhail?"
"How's circus life, Midi?" he grunted.
"I'm working on a trapeze act. Right now, I swing by my ankles and twirl around. I then climb a rope and support myself by wrapping the rope around my ankle and holding unto the rope with one hand."
"It reminds me of the time we sneaked into enemy headquarters. I remember having to lower you down. We had to run for our lives that time," he said. "How's the woodpecker?"
Midi scowled at Mikhail's nickname for Trowa. "I told you to quit calling him that."
Mikhail shrugged. "It's not my fault that he combs his hair that way. What does he put in his hair anyway? He looks like he eats like a bird, too."
Midi snapped, "I told you... "
Mikhail raised an eyebrow. "Fond of him, huh?"
She was about to say something then turned a little red. "Mikhail... "
"Well, anyway the reason I called was that Johnson and I have a four day weekend coming up later this month. We've decided to spend it seeing how you're doing. Do you know where you'll be?"
"Oh, we're going to be in L3 colony #12983."
"Mmmm," said Mikhail. He then narrowed his eyes and said, "Midi, your eyes... "
"Huh... "
"They're a little red. Something wrong?"
"How... "
"I was a spy for crying out loud! You've been acting funny since you got on. It's the wood... er... Trowa Barton, huh?"
Midi didn't see the point in denying it. "I kissed him."
"And... "
"I really don't want to talk about it."
"He didn't get all grabby, did he? If he did, well, I... "
"No, nothing like that. It's just that he was about to say something when an old friend of his interrupted us."
"Someone more than a friend, huh?"
"So, it appears."
He grunted. "I could take the next shuttle out there."
"No. Thank you, Mikhail, but I really want to talk to him first. I want to know how things stand."
"If that's what you want... Well, if you do change your mind... "
"I know the number."
"Then why don't you use it more often then?" he said.
"You never stop!"
Mikhail smiled but said nothing.
I know he cares even when he doesn't say so, she thought. "I... I'll be watching for you in the stands."
"I have to get off. I'm using the company videophone. Don't want Une to throw a fit."
"Mikhail!" she said.
"I'm cutting off." With that the screen went blank.
A tear fell down Midi's face.
There was a knock on Midi's door. She opened the door to see Trowa. "Tro... "
"I think we need to talk."
"I've messed up your life again, haven't I?" she said, her eyes downcast. "I take it that your talk with Quatre didn't go well."
Trowa shook his head.
"I see. I should leave."
"Hmm?"
"If I leave, perhaps you can still patch things up with Quatre... I don't know why I kissed you then. I didn't know he was coming... It's just that you were smiling so happily and you were so... "
"Midi, it would've gone badly anyway."
"What?"
"Please sit down."
Midi sat down. Trowa sat down opposite her on a wooden chair. "I really can't talk to you," said Trowa, "If you continue to look at the floor."
"What did you say to him?"
"Quatre, wait!"
Quatre felt a hand wrap around his wrist. "Let go of me!" he yelled. But the grip was firm.
"Not until you stop running."
Both of them looked at each other, unblinking. Quatre's hands curled and uncurled while Trowa simply had his arms crossed. If a stranger had passed by at that moment, he would have thought they were enemies rather than lovers.
"Trowa... are you in love with her?"
"That was the first time she kissed me... "
"That's not what I was asking!"
"I never thought of her in that sense. It surprised me just as much as it did you."
Quatre looked at him as if trying to sift the truth from the lies in his words. "You're... telling the truth." His hands relaxed.
"Yes."
"But what would've happened if I hadn't been there?"
"Quatre... "
Quatre sat down on a dry patch of grass, suddenly looking very tired. "I thought that it would be a nice surprise, coming here early." Then he said, voice dripping bitterness, "I never thought I'd be surprised instead."
Trowa's eyes flashed angrily and said, "Really, Quatre, what did you expect!"
"What?"
"Last time I visited you, I stayed at the house, waiting for you. When you finally did come back late, you were always tired and retired early. Much of the time, I was left alone. Even though your servants were courteous and the food was exquisite, they're not why I came. I realized that this would be what it would be like all the time."
Quatre widened his eyes. "I'm done with the project. It won't be like that now."
"And if there's another project? I heard that Relena was asking for your company's support regarding the Mars terraformation project. Isn't that true?"
"That's true. I haven't given her my decision yet. If it means being away from you then I'll turn it down."
"You're not the type to turn it down. You wouldn't let yourself. Not when it could prevent another war from happening for a long time, perhaps even generations. I know how far they are behind schedule. Besides, even without a project, there're still your sisters, the Manganacs, the business. I know that I would just be one of many who needed your time and energy."
"That girl, who kissed you. What is her name?"
Trowa swallowed then said, "Midi Une."
Quatre gasped. "Midi Une? You... I thought that she was the one who... "
"She is... But she's also the same person who saved me after I was hit by the Buster Rifle. My suit had nearly given out before she found me while scavenging for spare parts. We would never have met again if it weren't for her."
"Are you saying I should be grateful?"
"I'm merely telling the facts. It's also a fact that she helped me realize something."
"What?"
"That it's nice to have someone who's there, everyday. It felt good to share and talk about the little things that happen. The conversations weren't about anything important. I realized that I needed someone who could be there, simply by knocking on the door and asking them if they wanted a cup of coffee. Someone for whom spending time with didn't have to be an appointment on a calendar. I didn't know that I missed that."
"Trowa, I didn't mean to take you for granted."
"I know that you didn't mean to do that. There's another problem. I don't want to leave the circus. It's where my family is, where my home is. And I love what I do. The rush I get from performing... it's like the rush I get from fighting except nobody gets hurt. The applause and the adulation hitting you like a wave of warmth and energy... it can't really be put into words. I don't know what my place would be if I were to leave. Tell me, Quatre, what would my place be if I left this place. Tell me."
There was silence.
"What happened then?"
"He went back to his hotel room."
"So, what are you going to do now?" said Midi, standing up in alarm. "Trowa... If you don't go after him, he's sure to leave!"
"I know."
"You know?"
"Midi... I know what I'm doing. This was a long time in coming. The both of us spent a lot of time avoiding the truth. We pretended that if this project was over or if one of us simply gave everything else, that everything would be all right. But he can't give up his business, not without hurting a lot of people and not without giving up having the power to push the causes he believes in. As for me, giving up what all I have; that was too much of a sacrifice. I didn't want to give up being with my friends, my family and my work simply to be one of the many people that surround him and support him. I want to be much more than that."
Midi closed her eyes and tears fell. "I'm so sorry, Trowa."
"Midi, it's not your fault."
"But... "
"It's not your fault." Trowa got up and held her.
This warmth, she thought. This warmth is the thing I wanted most from this person, yet I am not happy. When Quatre ran out, I saw the expression in his eyes... it was like the expression in Trowa's face that day he found out what the cross was for...
The End
(:./mk/past)
