05-Jul-2001
Flames to: anakerie@cinci.rr.com
Warning: Hard to describe; not for kids.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. So there.
"You broke it!"
Duo stared sadly at the limp flesh between his legs. He gave it a poke, but nothing happened.
Heero sighed. "I did NOT break it. You've just been under stress lately. It happens to everyone."
"Yes, you did. You broke it! It wasn't meant to take that kind of abuse."
"I didn't hear a whole lot of complaining at the time..."
Duo was tapping it with a pencil. "Come on, Alice. You can do it. Wake up."
"I won't even say how strange it is that you named your penis after the housekeeper on the Brady Bunch."
"Alice was cool! You watch your mouth!"
"Okay, okay. At least you didn't name it Cindy."
Duo sniffed. "What if Alice never wakes up? What if I can never make donuts again?"
"Lover, most people poke out the center with their fingers."
"But it's not as much fun."
"One day, Wufei is going to find out how you make them and go through the roof, you know."
"Yeah, but until then he's sure scarfing them down." Duo stood up and bent over as far as he could. "RISE AND SHINE, ALICE!!!"
Alice flopped against his leg.
"Do you want me to try again?"
"Nah, it's okay. Let your jaw rest a little bit. Let's face it. I'm no longer a man. I'm going to have a floppy dick for the rest of my life."
"Shh, it's okay." Heero hugged him. "It'll get better." He started kissing Duo's neck.
"Oh, no you don't. You broke it; you don't get any until I can enjoy it."
Heero paled. "Tell me you're kidding."
"I'm serious."
"Duo, I can't LIVE without sex. I'll snap. I'll end up joining a cult or something. Please, baby, don't put that ass under lock and key."
Duo folded his arms. "Then you better figure out how to wake Alice up."
Heero hit the off button on the disk player remote.
"Anything?"
"Nope." Duo sulked.
"Weird. 'Fight Club' always turns you on." Heero sighed. "We'll make you a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I tried to get one for you tonight but they were booked solid."
"I'm going to bed." Duo announced. "Oh, no. I don't trust you. You. Couch."
"But what if Alice wakes up?"
"Oh, believe me if Alice wakes up you'll be the first to know!"
Ringgggg.
"Hello? Maxwell? WHAT's broken? Who the hell is Alice? Oh, that's just DISGUSTING! How the hell would I know how to fix it?? No, it has NOT ever happened to me! Don't call again!
Ringgggg
"Hello?"
"I see."
"Sounds like a problem."
"Not a clue."
"Bye."
Ringggggg
"Oh, hello Duo. Oh no! You poor thing. That's terrible! Have you tried oysters? Hot baths? A massage? Good, maybe a doctor can help. I'll see what I can find out on my own. You just keep thinking happy thoughts, Duo. I'm sure it'll be better soon. Bye. *sounds of gut-busting laughter* "Hey, Rashid, you've GOT to hear this..."
Ringggggg
"Duo? What's happened? GOOD! Serves you right for dumping me for that walking bad hair day! *phone slams down*
Ringggggg
"Hello. Who is this? Duo? Your WHAT isn't working? Have you asked Heero to help you? I see. Can I speak to Heero? Is he there? What is he wearing? Can you send him over here? Hello? Hello?"
Ringgggggg
"Oz Headquarters."
"Look, you little shit. I've had enough of your boys and your obscene phone calls. The next time I WILL tell Mr. Treize and have him put a trace on it. What do you mean "You're serious". Why are you calling US? MOBILE DOLL IMPLANTS? No, we do NOT manufacture anything like that!"
Ringgggggg
"Moshi moshi. Yes, Duo, I KNOW it's broken. You're sitting in the next room, baka! How could I forget??
"Hello? Look, my aide told you before, WE DON'T MAKE THOSE! No, I am NOT going to come over and give you an estimate! Because I'm a busy man, that's why. NO I AM NOT A VICTIM MYSELF!!!"
Heero and Duo lay tangled half-way off the bed. Clothes were thrown all over the room, a lamp was broken, and a pair of boxers waved like a proud flag from an open window.
"I guess Alice was just tired." Duo said happily. "She needed a vacation."
"Well, she's only entitled to one a year. Otherwise I expect her to keep working."
"You and me both."
The phone rang.
"Hello. This is WHO? Ummm, okay, if you're sure."
"Who is it?"
"Someone named 'Rosebud'. He wants to speak to Alice.'" Duo shrugged and help the phone to his groin for a while. "Okay? Sure, no problem. Bye."
500 miles away:
"Rosebud? Please wake up for Daddy. Please? Look what I brought!
Yummy Zechs! Come on, Rosebud. Be a pal..."
The End
(:./lasha/alice1)
