Title: The Light in Your Eyes - Part 2
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai, Angst
Pairings: 1+2
Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing... Please don't sue me for being obsessed with it.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Heero may still seem OOC, but he's just continuing to defrost :)
"So what you're telling me is that even though you care about Relena, it's just because she reminds you of that little girl you couldn't save, right? Kinda like getting a second chance?"
Duo and Heero had been walking all day, talking more in the past few hours than they had in the past two years; Duo was thrilled. Heero had answered every question the braided pilot had asked him, even surprising Duo with a few questions of his own. In fact, Duo was so involved with the current topic that he failed to see the large tree root in his path before it was too late.
Heero was about to reply when he heard Duo let out an expletive. He turned to see Duo pushing himself up from the ground into a sitting position. "Duo?" Heero walked over to him, noting a little blood coming from the other boy's mouth.
"Damn it!" Duo yelled as he ran his finger over his bottom lip. "I guess that'll teach me to watch where I'm going next time. Man, that hurts." He said the last statement as he touched the bruising flesh tenderly.
"Are you okay?" Heero asked as he raised Duo's chin to look at his injury. It wasn't bad, just a cut really. The more he looked at the distress in Duo's eyes, the more he wanted to...
Duo stiffened as watched Heero react to his plight. It didn't make him feel any better. Heero was holding his sides he was laughing so hard. Duo flashed him an annoyed look, and Heero knew he needed to explain.
"Gomen... sorry, Duo. It's just so..." Heero couldn't continue. Duo was trying to fathom what was so humorous about a busted lip, but he was clueless. Heero tried to catch his breath.
"You're supposed to be the master of stealth," he finally managed to say, still chuckling, "and you just tripped over a tree. It's just so funny sometimes how you're a completely different person when you're not in the midst of battle. You hardly ever act like the 'God of Death' anymore." Heero finally noticed Duo's disgruntled look. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." Duo got up, brushed himself off, and then walked ahead of Heero without saying anything else. Heero didn't miss the change.
"Duo, I didn't mean anything by that."
"No, you're right, Heero. I don't act like Shinigami anymore," Duo said coldly. "I've allowed myself to enjoy living too much to be the kind if soldier I used to be. I guess I should become more like you instead of you trying to become more like me."
Heero stopped dead in his tracks. "Don't ever become more like me, Duo. Do you hear me? I don't know why what I said upset you so much, but I'm sorry if it made you feel like this."
"Oh, come on, Heero. Wouldn't it be easier if I became like you? Wouldn't it be better to have two 'Perfect Soldiers' for our missions?"
Heero gritted his teeth. "No, it wouldn't be. You should know by now..."
"I know that you think I'm a complete screw up and probably wish you could be partners with Trowa. At least Trowa won't get you killed. You wouldn't have to talk to Trowa either, would you? You could just keep on being the silent bastard you've always been without worrying about hurting your partner's feelings. Wouldn't that be better in the long run for both of us?" The words came out of Duo's mouth before he realized how they sounded. 'That isn't what I want. What's wrong with me?'
Heero grabbed Duo's arm and spun him around to face him. "What has gotten into you? You're not a screw up, and you're not going to get me killed. It wasn't your fault that this mission didn't go like we thought it would. As for Trowa, I like him a lot, but he could never be my partner the way you are. And I like talking to you!" Heero felt so... hurt? 'Wonder if this is how he feels when I go off on him?'
"Yeah, sure," Duo replied, obviously not convinced. He shook off Heero's hand and kept on walking. Heero wasn't about to be put off. He'd spent all day talking with the other boy, trying to let Duo get to know him better so they could be friends, and now Duo was shutting him out? 'I don't think so,' Heero thought angrily. He walked in front of Duo to block his path.
"Duo, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but I want to make one thing really clear: I depend on you in more ways than I can even explain when we're on a mission. It's second nature now. You are always there when I need you. If I thought I couldn't depend on you, I wouldn't be here."
Duo just looked away, unable to deal with the emotions churning inside him. 'Why am I acting like this? Why am I doing this to Heero? He wants to be friends, and I'm being such a jerk! I can't let myself be happy no matter what. Why couldn't that explosion just have killed me?' That thought brought to the surface all the other thoughts he had been trying to ignore all morning, the real reasons why he was saying all of these horrible things to Heero.
Heero looked into violet depths that were dark again. There was more going on here than just the remaining effects of a nightmare. Something was really bothering Duo.
"Duo. Just tell me what's wrong. Please don't shut me out just because you're afraid I won't understand."
"You could never understand!" Duo yelled as he pushed Heero away, anger permeating every word. "No one will ever understand, not even me. I don't know why God would leave me alive when all the others are dead. They didn't deserve to die; I did. Why, Heero? Tell me why!" He was shouting in a voice filled with unrestrained anguish. Duo felt like he was going to collapse from the sheer intensity of it. He had fought with this for so long. The nightmares were only making it worse. He couldn't fight this alone anymore, but he was too afraid of losing Heero to let him get this close.
Heero was completely out of his element. "I... I don't know why, Duo. All I do know is that I'm glad you didn't die. I need you... to be my partner... and my... my friend."
Duo just stared at the other boy. Those cobalt blue eyes asked him for more than he had bargained for. It was one thing to be buddies. It was quite another to open your soul to someone and let them see all of your demons. That's what those eyes were asking of him. He didn't think he had the strength to do it. "You don't know what you're asking of me."
Heero took a step closer to Duo. "Yes, I do. I'm asking you to trust me the way I trust you."
Duo felt his heart constrict. 'It hurts too much!' His mind screamed at him, but Duo saw something in Heero's eyes that made him want to do the very thing he swore he'd never do again...
"I know it won't be easy for either one of us, but I can't go back to how I was before, Duo. I don't want to." Hero could see that his words were having an effect; he just hoped it was the right one. He watched as violet eyes struggled with emotions that Heero knew he wouldn't have had the ability to withstand. They stood there in silence, one wrestling with demons that had tortured him long enough, and the other praying for a miracle from the God he knew his friend still believed in.
Duo finally took a step forward, then collapsed into Heero's arms. Heero held him while Duo let the tears fall down his face. They were silent tears, but Heero knew.
When the crying stopped, Duo pulled away, wiping his eyes. He knew he had to say something. "Thanks, Heero. Sometimes I just can't handle it, and I... sorry 'bout all those things I said. I can be... difficult sometimes."
"It's okay, Duo. I'm sure you'll return the favor. I have a lot of baggage too, you know. And I can be way more difficult than you ever thought about being." Heero's words made Duo feel better, but he desperately wanted to see Heero smile again.
"I guess being alive to be your friend isn't too bad a penance." It was an attempt at humor. Heero recognized it as such and decided to follow his friend's lead.
"Hn. Now I'm penance. Maybe I should just stick to being a 'cold-hearted bastard' instead.' He smiled as he said it to make sure Duo knew it was a joke. It worked; Duo smiled back. Heero felt himself relax, as he thought, 'What I don't do for you, baka.'
"How did you know 'cold-hearted bastard' is my favorite endearment for you?" Duo asked, still grinning.
"Just a guess. Sounded about right, considering how you think."
Duo tried to look offended but failed. "And what makes you think you know how I think?"
Heero grunted. "I'm very observant."
"Oh, how could I forget that?" Duo asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Heero smirked. "Besides, you talk in your sleep." With that, he turned and began walking ahead, leaving Duo to stare after him with a shocked expression on his face. It only took a moment for him to recover, but by the time he caught up with Heero, Duo's smile was in full effect... lighting his eyes.
An hour later, they were almost to the safe house. They hadn't talked much, but there was a sense of calm that both of them accepted. Heero happened to look over at Duo as the other boy rubbed his finger over his lip again.
"Did you really hurt yourself?" Heero asked, his voice low, not wanting to bring up the subject, but wanting to make sure Duo was okay.
"I just bit it when I fell. Believe me, I've suffered worse." He'd suffered much worse.
They fell into silence again, but Duo didn't let it last for long this time. "So, about Relena... was what I said earlier right?"
Heero looked over at him, surprise clearly showing on his face. He had forgotten all about that. "Yes. I think what you said pretty much summed up the whole situation."
Duo's smile grew as he said, "I don't think she'd be too happy to hear that, Heero. Somehow I think she still believes that you'll realize you love her."
Duo's smile increased when he saw Heero nearly stumble over a rock. "Well then, she's in for one hell of a disappointment, because that'll never happen," Heero said simply.
Duo laughed. "Maybe you should send her a little note, just to be nice."
Heero rolled his eyes at the braided boy. "Let's just leave well enough alone. I'm sure she's too busy to worry about me right now anyway."
"Now how could anyone be too busy to think about their obsession? Believe me, she'll find the time."
"I just don't understand why she's so fixated on me. It's not like I'm anything special."
It was Duo's turn to almost stumble. "You're kidding, right? You mean you don't know how irresistible the strong silent type is? Come on, Heero. Even you're not that naive."
Heero frowned. "I haven't done a single thing to make her think I'm interested."
"Exactly," Duo said smiling. "That's the point. Haven't you ever heard of wanting what you can't have? Believe me, it makes attraction even stronger when you think the other person doesn't feel the same way."
"Why? Why would you waste your time on someone who doesn't want you?"
Duo chuckled at that. "Heero, there's always the possibility that something will change. A look, a touch, a kiss, a... well, you get the idea. It only takes one defining moment sometimes to turn your world upside down when it comes to love. Some people can't bring themselves to do anything but wait."
Heero gave him a look but didn't comment. The safe house came into view, and both boys sighed in relief.
"Fish sticks and Mac & Cheese!" Duo exclaimed gleefully from the kitchen.
Heero shook his head. Duo loved fish sticks almost as much as he loved hamburgers... and pizza... and... well... the list was almost endless when he really thought about it. Fish sticks were near the top though. They had found a fully stocked pantry upon arrival, and Duo had wasted no time getting something ready.
"Come on, Heero. There be food in here!" Duo shouted. Heero sighed and shut the computer down. He hadn't received Quatre's confirmation of pick up yet, and he was a little worried, but he could check it later. His stomach needed the fish sticks almost as much as Duo's did.
He walked in to the sight of Duo stuffing macaroni and cheese into his mouth. Normally, he would have commented about Duo's obvious lack of manners, but instead, he found it endearing at the moment. Duo's eyes were lit with joy as he devoured the food in front of him. Heero begin doing the same with the food on his plate.
"I'll have to thank Quatre for the grub when we get back. He knows I love fish sticks."
Heero grunted then decided to actually say something in reply. "They are pretty good. How'd you get them so crispy?"
Duo smiled. "I used the broiler. That's why the Mac & Cheese is nice and browned on top too."
Heero nodded appreciatively. "I didn't know you could cook." He hoped Duo wouldn't take that the wrong way. To his great relief, Duo just laughed it off.
"I know. Most people try to keep me away from kitchen appliances. I have to admit that I've ruined a couple of toasters before, but I'm not as dangerous as everyone thinks I am. I've only burned water twice."
Heero stopped his fork in mid motion to give Duo a look. Duo began laughing, unable to keep the serious face he was wearing on for very long. Heero shook his head at his partner, his eyes softening when Duo met his glance with one of understanding.
They finished eating then cleaned up the kitchen together. "I think I'm ready for bed." Heero said as he placed the last bowl in the cupboard.
Duo felt fear grip him. "Yeah? I think I'll stay up for a while."
Heero yawned. "Okay. Just don't stay up too late. We may need to move out early to meet Howard."
"Okay." Heero didn't notice the look in Duo's eyes as he walked away.
Duo ran as fast as he could. They were gaining on him. He had to move faster, but his legs were so tired already. If they caught him, it would all be over. He knew what they wanted. Their filthy mouths had been yelling it out at him ever since they began running after him.
Duo ducked into an alley, only to find himself faced with a dead end. He turned to see them block his only escape route.
'No!' he thought desperately. 'There's got to be a way out.'
"Well, pretty boy, you led us on quite the merry chase. I think we'll have to make sure to take our time with you."
The one speaking reached him first. Duo fought him with everything he had, but the others soon had him restrained. Duo felt cold fear settle inside him. This was it. They were going to...
"Solo! Solo!" Duo screamed as loud as he could for his friend... his only friend... to no avail.
"He can't hear you, sweets. You know he's dead. He can't help you now. No one can."
Duo's heart suddenly remembered... Heero. He could trust Heero. Heero was his friend now.
As they began ripping off his clothes, Duo screamed even louder, "Heero! Please... Heero!"
Heero hadn't heard Duo come to bed. He hadn't seen the fear in Duo's eyes as he faced another night of promised torture. He didn't know that Duo had once loved the night, reveling in the soothing peace of twilight and the beauty of the stars as they twinkled at him, but instead now prayed for morning to come. Heero had only glimpsed a part of Duo's dream world. He was still so unaware... until he heard Duo cry out again.
Heero sat up in bed, looking over at Duo instinctively. It was like the scene from the night before; Duo was thrashing wildly in his bed, crying in terror. Heero was soon standing over him.
"Heero! Please... Heero! Don't let them hurt me. Heero! I trust you. Please!"
Heero didn't hesitate this time. He shook Duo until the other boy woke up, and then quickly pulled him into his arms. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm here, Duo."
"Heero," Duo sobbed as he wrapped his arms around him. "They were going to... they were going to..."
"What Duo? What were they going to do? Tell me. If you tell me, maybe you'll feel better."
"They were tearing... my clothes... saying things... touching me..." Heero tried not to react to Duo's words, but just what the boy had said told him enough about what Duo had been dreaming. It frightened him just listening to it; he couldn't imagine how Duo felt.
"They can't hurt you now, Duo. I won't let them. You're safe."
"No!" Duo yelled as he pulled away. Heero saw the fear as Duo struggled to speak, "I'm not. I never am when I go to sleep. They're always there waiting for me... always, Heero. I can't make them go away. If it's not them, it's everyone lying dead at the orphanage, looking up at me with accusing eyes, asking me why I'm alive and they're not. If it's not them, then it's Solo lying in his own blood, asking me to let him go. If it's not him, it's thousands of soldiers with bloodied bodies pleading with me to not kill them so they can go home to their families. I can't face them anymore. I can't! Help me make them go away, Heero. Please... help me."
Heero reached out his hand to touch Duo's cheek, and then got in bed with him, settling Duo back in his arms again. Duo clung to him like he was his lifeline. All Heero could do was hold him and say, "I will, Duo. Somehow I will."
A muffled voice whispered, "I know you will, Heero... because I... I trust you."
Heero closed his eyes, making those precious words his talisman. As he lay there listening to Duo cry, Heero felt his own tears begin to fall. Memories of a little girl and her dog flashed before him... and a flower. He let the sorrow of loss wash over him, cleansing him as he accepted the pain and guilt. He had been a boy doing a man's job. He would never uphold it, but he knew he had to somehow let go of it, just like Duo had to let go of all the things that were holding him prisoner. Tonight, the cell door had been opened, and he had walked into the place where Duo's soul was being confined. He intended to come back; only next time he was taking Duo's soul with him... to a place where he would be safe in the dark again. The light would be waiting for him there.
End Part 2
(:./tk/liye2)
