11-Jan-2004
Title: Points Of View
Author: RurouniTriv
Disclaimer: Not mine. No profit, no money, no sue.
Warnings: Angst. POV. Spoilers for EW.
*** = change of POV. Should be fairly obvious, but figured you'd like the warning. ;)
Note: Um... well, it kind of rose up and hijacked my brain last night, demanding to be written.
I hate these Peace Day parties. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that my former profession is well on its way to becoming extinct, and I've learned to relax enough that being in a crowd isn't the nerve-wracking experience that it once was, but I still hate them.
The reason I hate them is standing next to Commander Une, as she does every year. Tall for a girl her age and willowy, Mariemaia Khushrenada looks like an ordinary, intelligent, attractive fourteen-year-old. She's charming, confident, and poised - just like her father - until she sees me.
Then, those pale hazel eyes darken and her face freezes over into a polite mask. It hides her feelings from the casual observer, but the tension in her body, the slight quaver in her voice, the way that she avoids looking at me, they all scream out the truth: she is frightened of me.
She has every right to be. That day, years ago, when we stopped her grandfather's mad scheme to conquer the world in her name, I shattered everything she'd ever known. I revealed her grandfather's callous disregard for her safety, I tore the Presidential Palace down around her ears, I tried to shoot her as she lay wounded by her own grandfather's bullet - oh, yes, she has every right to be afraid of me. To hate me, as I know she does.
For an instant, that day, I had looked at her and seen another little girl, with dirty-blond hair, wearing a sundress instead of the hideous pseudo-military uniform that Mariemaia had been dressed in. A little girl who had given me a flower and asked me if I was lost.
And then, that moment had passed, and I had seen only Khushrenada's heir, a pawn for the next mad schemer who wished to destroy the peace that I'd thrown my soul onto a sacrificial altar to create, and I'd pulled that trigger, even as I heard that little girl's voice again, begging me not to kill her. Only chance had saved her life, only the fact that I'd run out of bullets and strength and will.
Oh, yes, I deserve her fear, her hatred.
I hate these Peace Day balls. Oh, not that I begrudge the people their need to see that I'm still firmly on Lady Une's leash, that I have no desire to take up where my father and grandfather left off. It's perfectly justifiable, given my family history. My own history.
No, the reason that I hate them is standing on the sidelines, dressed in a dark blue tuxedo, watching me with cold, deadly eyes.
He hates me. He's always regretted not being able to complete his final mission. The other pilots - Trowa, Quatre, Duo, and even my unofficially-adopted big brother Wufei - tell me that he doesn't really hate me, that I just bring up bad memories, but I know better. They're just trying to reassure me.
He looks at me, and I see the same expression that he was wearing That Day, when he stopped Grandfather from taking over the world, using me as a figurehead. Cold, hard, ruthless - I think he'd kill me right here in front of everyone for my sins if he thought he could get away with it.
I avoid him whenever possible. I don't want to push my luck any harder than I have to, with him. He was a trained assassin, after all, there's no sense giving him any more motive than he already has.
I wish that someday he'd find it in his heart to forgive me for being what I was, but I know it will never happen. Heero Yuy is an implacable enemy, and the moment that I step out of line, he'll be waiting to kill me.
He doesn't forgive and he doesn't forget. And he'll never, ever, let me forget either.
The End
(:./rt/points)
