When last we saw the group above at the gates of hell:
//"Aw, that's too bad." she said in a mock-sad voice, "Then, my KENSORED pets will just have to punish you! Ohh, and I can't forget the flocks of fangirls just WAITING to glomp you you and have you hold their purses in the mall."The group eeped.
"By the way, my name is Wolf, goddess of Angst, Agony, and Anguish," she chirped happily.
"W-what is the fee?" Trieze ventured. She grinned, leaned forward, and said- //
. . . in a watered-down, fiendish drawl that made even Heero squirm, "I think that plateful of spaghetti will do quite nicely."
Wufei gasped! Or, he would have, had he not been the plateful of spaghetti in question.
"But you can't have our spaghetti!" exclaimed Treize. "For this is no average sphaghetti! This is our honorable friend and fellow heavenly host, Wufei!"
"Um, honorable? Heavenly?" Zechs chimed.
"Well . . ." Treize considered, "friend at least."
"OHHHHH!" Wolf cried. "But I'm so hungry! It really is a tough job guarding the gates of hell! I used to eat barbecued kensored signs on break, but lately the buggers have gotten clever and steer clear." She wailed in wide-mouthed complaint, "Pleasee! Spaghetttiiiii!"
"Oi," Heero remarked, "what big teeth you have."
Wolf grinned slyly in reply. "The better to eat you with, my dear."
"Er. Yes. But I thought you wanted Wufei--I mean, spaghetti?"
"Oh, yes," she seemed disappointed, "that."
"Well . . . " Treize began, doing his best to ignore the indignant sputtering that emitted from the delectable plate of Italian cuisine . . . "no holy figure ever minded a bit of martyrdom, right 'fei?"
"Splusck joo!!" 'fei replied, spaghetti spittle smacking Treize between the eyes.
"Yes, well, that settles it," Treize said, handing over the offending plate. "He's all yours, eat hearty."
Wolf squealed in culinary delight and produced a large fork from Treize knows where, and attacked the protesting pasta with no little vigor.
"Oi. Look at her go!" Legolas exclaimed, singing now a lament on the recently departed and beloved . . . well, at least departed, Wufei.
The group watched a moment longer, facinated at the sight, and then Treize motioned that perhaps they should leave while the wolf in question was otherwise engaged.
Just as Legolas and Zechs crept by, being tail-end of the party, a hand with a wolf's claws darted out to seize Legolas's leg.
"Wait one moment!!" Wolf shouted and Legolas squealed in fear, particularly when the wolf-girl started to . . . to change.
Or not "change" exactly. She was still a wolf, she was still a girl, but she was . . . becoming different somehow.
"ACK! Get her off me! I'm going to wet my--"
"Silence!" Wolf shouted. She then began to convulse just slightly, tremors shook her wolfen frame, causing her to release Legolas who promptly ran to the cover of Zechs's willing--er, hard--er, tight--ER >.<, shielding, yes, that's it, shielding body.
They watched the spectacle as Wolf fell to her knees, then the tremors slowed and stopped altogether.
Heero smirked. "Must have been something she ate."
Zechs smirked better. "Talk about bad chinese."
Treize knew better. "Quiet. It's moving."
And, indeed, it was. Wolf regained consciousness and rose to stand, a little shaky on her leg-paws.
"I--I . . ." she managed.
"You--you . . ." Heero encouraged.
Wolf looked down at herself for a long moment. Notably female human body with wolfen attributes, legs and paws, breasts and tail, jeans and t-shirt that claimed "I heart bishonen", then she looked, horrified, at the rest of the party.
". . . I'm a Wolf!" It cried. "I'm a girl." It wailed. "I'm a FANGIRL!" It screamed.
This might have been a perplexing revelation had it not been for her last words, which echoed loudly over the landscape, and the onlookers realized that their party was once more complete.
"I N J U S T I C E !"
And below:
//The three went into a huddle as Duo explained how to use the "Get Out of Hell free" Card.//
"Ok, listen up guys," Duo began once in their huddle and the other two waited with bated breath. "The way you use the card is . . . it is . . . well, that is to say . . . you see, first you . . . and then, uh . . .
Trowa sighed. "You don't know how to use the card, do you Duo?"
"Of course! Er. Not exactly. Er . . . not at all."
"Great! Fan-fucking-tastic!" Quatre groaned and proceeded to once again go about choking the braided demon.
Trowa sighed but couldn't really blame Duo. After all, had the boy known how to use it, he likely would have already. Perhaps he could figure it out himself.
He inspected the card.
"Hey, Duo, you ever actually read this thing?"
"Ech," Duo replied with what little air could escape his throat, "not really, ack!"
"Hmm." Trowa looked at the front of the all-black card, here the red text read "Get Outta Hell Free: Admit One". No help there. He turned it over where the back was plastered in what appeared to be a . . . coupon? "Buy one meatball sub, get one free! At Lucifer's Luncheon House! Where it isn't just the hamburgers that are "char-broiled". Limited Time Offer. Purchase Necessary. Void Where Prohibited."
Geez! No help there, either! . . . but wait, what was this? In very small text, just below the icon of Lucifer's smiling face, read the words "EAT ME."
"Eat me?" Trowa read aloud and, unsurprisingly, Quatre appeared next him.
"I thought you'd never ask."
"Nono, that's what is says here . . .'eat me'."
"Oh . . . well, what are you waiting for? EAT IT!" That was Duo, encouraging as ever.
"Umm," Trowa began, then thought about the day prior to then. What was the harm in eating some paper? He was in hell, with two demons?! "Ok, here goes."
He ate.
Nothing happened.
"Well that was dumb . . .and it made me hungry," Duo offered.
"No," Trowa said, "No wait." He seemed to be waiting for something, pricking his ears as if someone were speaking to him.
"Follow . . . follow the yellow . . . follow the yellow . . . haired monkey?" He recited somewhat dubiously.
"Hey Q, I think he's talking about you. OW!"
"No, Duo, that's what the voice said," Trowa said."
"What voice?"
"It's gone now."
"When was it here?"
"Just now."
"And 'now' it's gone?"
"Yes."
"It was here 'now', but 'NOW' it's gone."
"YES! How many times should I say it?!"
"Well I don't see how 'now' can be 'now' and 'NOW' all at once now."
"Huh?"
"Oh! Bugger!" Quatre interjected. "Forget that! What's this about a monkey?!"
"That's what the voice said--"
"The one here 'now' or 'NOW'?"
"It said 'follow the yellow-haired monkey'!"
"Follow the yellow-haired monkey?"
"Follow the yellow-haired monkey?"
"Yes . . . follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow-haired monkey?"
"Why'd you say it like that?"
"Like what?"
"All sing-songy, like that?"
"I dunno . . . what do you think it means?"
Just then, there came the chiming of tiny bells.
It was a monkey. Curiously, it was a monkey with yellow hair. It pulled behind it a tiny cart heaped with tiny bells. It smoked a tiny cigar.
The two demons and one mortal stared in wonder, then scrambled to catch the monkey up.
"Excuse me, sir," Duo asked, "but are you a yellow-haired monkey?"
The monkey stopped and appraised the group with hard eyes, when he spoke (which somehow did not surprise Trowa in the least) he did so around his cigar, and with a grating, North American accent, possibly Jersey.
"No, slick, I'm the crowned fuckin' prince of Whales, dat's what I am!"
"Oh," Duo said, disappointed, "pardon us, then."
Trowa pushed him aside, "Wait, sir, where are you going, if we might ask?"
"You might NOT!" The monkey said emphatically, and then continued on his way.
"Please, PLEASE, sir! It's a matter of life and brutal sacrifice at the hands of a wrinkly-faced, hippy-pervert!"
The monkey laughed. "You know Quinze? A'ight, a'ight, I'm goin' up," here he pointed (whaddya know) up, and everyone knew what he meant by it. "I gotta shipment of bells t' d'liver. You'se guys wanna tag along?"
Trowa beamed. "Oh, yes, PLEASE!"
"Ok," the monkey said and forged onward, but not without sparing a look at the disheveled demons first, "but no 'funny' business, capiche?"
"Yes sir," Trowa ansered. "Not now or ever."
Duo thought. "Would that be 'now' now or 'NOW--"
There was suddenly a dull, thudding noise and all was silent.
And so they set out, a yellow-haired, monkey, a mortal, a demon and the unconscious demon he dragged behind him.
End of Part 38
Ok, that's all I got. ^ ^
Maynard
(:./babaca/rr38)
