12 March 2001
Ok, controversial topics (religions), darkish themes, etc all lurk within. This has no relation to Enigma's Secrets Arc/Saga (whatever). All three will be sent out. Now on with the fic (notes are located in part 3).
Rating: PG-ish
Pairings: 2+3 (hinted at), others yet to be revealed.
Type: series, POV, angst?, shounen ai (hinted at, but
not blatant, could be there, could not *shrugs*, next
chapter though..... *grins*)
Disclaimers apply, don't sue.
Note: Ok, this idea was from reading Firelight and my
own discovering. A lot (not all) of the happenings
herein happened in RL (within the last 3-4 years)....
^_^ Nothing too dark (actually just kinda angsty-ish).
Have you even been so lost that you just had to find something to believe in? Most people believe in one all powerful Deity; God, Iehovah, whatever you want to call Him. And they believe, on blind faith, that He created everything and has all the power to manipulate it as He chooses. This isn't a bad thing, for those who can afford to believe this way, blindly scouting the world for the meaning of their life while unconditionally believing in something that cannot be proven through any means what-so-ever. But for me? A person who, at any moment, could die and what if... just what if I didn't believe enough for aforementioned Deity? What if I die and didn't believe enough? The punishment from Him, the Almighty, is Hell. Eternity in a flaming pit of brimstone and fire. Do I want to believe in, blindly guessing and structuring my life around, something that is so harsh?
I tried that venue, I tried to believe in the Almighty, the "One True God." Didn't work for me. I went through all the rituals of Baptism and being saved in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost and thought, at the time, that I believed and was saved. Boy, I sure got my mind change on that one. I had this friend, he was a great guy. Street smart, a good Christian boy (as good as a street rat could be).... well, let's just say he met an untimely death. A gruesome one at that. That made me stop and think on this subject of God. Did I want to believe in something that I had no knowledge of? Or did I want to understand that something that was greater than I? Of course I chose the latter.
So I abandoned the ways of the Christian, at least in most ways. I don't go to church and humble myself before something I know not of. I do wear the priest-ish clothing, but not for the reason of religion.... no it deals with something else, but again, 'nother story... I don't believe in the story of the Bible, although I do read said text. Hey, where there is knowledge there is power and this book is full of knowledge, not just of that religion. No, it teaches lessons that every person, no matter their religion, should know and follow. I could name one off the top of my head; "love thy neighbor." Great words to follow.
Ever noticed that the Christian religion has become more of a corporate conglomerate? I mean, look - they have all these churches with offices, you give them money, they 'lead you to God'... yadda yadda yadda. Christmas, for example. Toy companies own this holiday now. You can't even hear the whispered rememberance of the Christian Savior over the noise of the cash registers! Easter! And then, they go and take our holidays (I'm getting ahead of myself, but all shall be explained in due course) for celebration and they turn them into money funnels for their greedy hands. All while destroying the Earth!
To get back to subject on my looking, my search for something to believe.... I met this guy at a school I attended briefly and he was giving this 'lesson' (some assignment in the class where you had to teach the group about something, silly activity, but I did learn something) on his religion. Now, I'd heard about the stuff, but this was the first time I had a name to put with the practice. Wicca, he called it. Wicca was a religion based in nature and the Goddess and the God that represented the twin aspects of Her (Nature). It was a very enlightening lesson.... later I talked to him about it and told him I was interested. He really couldn't help me much, but he did tell me of some places and articles of research. So I looked, the internet is vast and hard to browse when you know not what you truly seek. Thus my search was practically fruitless. This did not abate my curiosity, nor my desire to learn more of this religion.
In the time I spent at that school I learned of others that shared this practice with him, but none were inclined to enlighten me further. Sad really. Here I was, very interested, very willing.... but they, like me, were mere boys and were learning themselves.
After I left, I just sat dormant in my religious search because I had no means of finding anything out. I was constantly on the move, hence looking for a teacher to guide me into the Craft was impossible. Once things settled down a bit, a nice lull in the war, I began to search out information again. I happened across a book in a store (I was actually looking at the science fiction and fantasy when it struck me and I felt a sort of pull, drawing me to something). I picked up the book, it was on Wicca. 'Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner' it read on the cover. I flipped through it and it appeared very thorough (well, for a beginner's guide). So, I took it up to the cashier and bought it. The guy looked at me and asked a few questions. "You a beginner?" he asked. I nodded, whispering a yes (ok, I don't deal with sales clerks very well.... I hate using the phone also, so sue me!). He smiled and told me it was a very good book. That it would help me to start and that there was a follow-up that I should get when I was ready to further my 'education' on Wicca. He was really nice about it and I sensed a bond, well more of a rapport.... you know, like minds/souls linked in understanding and comradery?
Now that I think back on him, he was also like me in more than our religious beliefs, but that's another story. Maybe I'll get to it later.
Like I said, I bought the book and took it back to our safehouse. I say 'our' because it was not just me who was staying there. It was the whole group of us; all four Gundam pilots under one roof. I made the trek up to my shared room without incident, clutching the book to my chest. Lucky for me my roommate was away that day (and that night) and I got to indulge myself in the book. I discovered many new and fascinating things about myself and the world around me through reading it. I was so entranced with it that I didn't notice my partner when he came in the next morning. I was to the section titled 'The Standing Stones Book of Shadows,' which is fantastic and a great way to begin your own Book of Shadows, when his cough startled me out of my 'trance.'
I looked up at him, a bit surprised, and almost forgot to hide the book. Not that I was ashamed of it, but that I didn't know how the others would feel about such a topic. I remember this one girl that was super touchy on the topic and I had to hide all evidence of my religion when I was around her. But again that's another story.
I stuffed the book under the pillow nonchalantly, kinda like hiding a porno mag, and smiled at him. "Hiya, Heero! Welcome back!"
He just glared at me and went over to his precious laptop and began typing away. I just grimaced and pulled my book back out and began learning again.
I'm not sure how long I got away with my learning and attempts at practicing before they found out. But everything has a time and I guess that it had come. So I sat down and talked to them about it.... Heero didn't seem to care. Trowa was.... even more closed in around me than before, if this were possible. Quatre was in shaky acceptance. I figured he'd be the most accepting, he's an empath and understands some of these mysterious workings. But it was Wufei who accepted me outright, no questions asked. He just nodded and made some comment about the varied beliefs in our small group. I had to smile at that. But, too, it made me wonder. I was Wiccan, Quatre was Muslim, Trowa was Roman Catholic, Wufei was Buddist, and Heero.... I seriously didn't know. I guess I figured him for an Atheist. But later I was to find out different, much to my amusement.
I figured since I seemed to have hit a nerve with Trowa that it would be a good idea to try and... um, patch things up between us? So, I began making breakfast in the mornings, before everyone had gotten up. This didn't change my routine much, just meant less time in the morning for me to commune with the God. Not much less, just a little. To adjust for this, I spent more time in communion with Him later in the day (like taking a break from working on my Gundam to bask in his radiance and meditate). So, there I was, 7 a.m in the morning, chipper as can be, bouncing around the kitchen on silent feet and making blueberry waffles (which just happened to be Tro-chan's favourite, hence the reason I was making them), when a near-silent padding of feet drew my attention to the door.
There in stood Trowa, hair mused from sleep (he's so kawaii when he wakes up!), blinking sleep out of forest green eyes. I grinned at him, "'Morning, Tro-chan! Want some waffles? They're blueberry!" He raised an eyebrow at me and I scowled at him. "It's not like I'm gonna poison them! Gee, Tro, lighten up!" Since when did I learn to read his gestures? Or gestures period for that matter? Must been that what I'd been learning was sinking in. Gestures play a big role in Wiccan rituals, usually directing energies. I smiled at him as he took a seat at the table, a little reluctantly, but that's to be expected. You gotta start somewhere.
I handed him a plate of the crispy waffles, setting a syrup bottle on the table in case he wanted it, then sat across from him. I decided since we were alone that it was the best time to talk with him. I began to talk, telling him about how I came upon my chosen religion and why I believed what I believed. I told him about my friend and the people who'd been my first 'teachers' (of sorts, they got me started on the path didn't they?). I explained as much about the Craft as I could, what I felt was required to gain his trust, mainly the laws and beliefs (you know, the Three Fold Law and the 'Creed' I follow) and some folk lore about how the religion came to be and the like. Eventually, I think I gained trust in his eyes.... I think it would have been enough if he'd just not thought I was wicked and evil, but I like what I got better.
Later, sometime around ten to judge by the sun, the others ended up in the kitchen and I whipped up some fresh waffles for them. We had an enjoyable breakfast and the day went about as if I'd never even brought up the subject of my religion. So they took it well, I was not pestered when I wandered off to meditate or whatever I chose to do, sometimes I would cast a circle and would end up out there for hours.... but they still didn't pester me (not unless it was of the utmost importance and that only happened twice.... seems I know when a mission is soon to be issued and do not usually cast something that could cause such a long lasting ecstasy until I was sure I wasn't going to be interrupted).
All was peachy.... until some other shit hit the fan.....
End Part 1: Religion
(:./willow/reveal1)
