15-May-2001
Category: Angst, shounen-ai, yaoi
Rating: R
Pairings: Ralph x 3, 1+3, 1+2, potential 2+5
Warnings: Angst, heavy lime/light lemon moment, language probably
Feedback: C&C
Notes: Hopefully the conclusion to the two fics, Deuce and Hunter which can be read at GW Addiction, Silent Passion or my website. I was going to make it a songfic like the other too, but decided I'd prefer a conclusion instead of a song to fit the situation. For those who want a cliffnotes version of the two earlier fics. In Deuce--Heero leaves Trowa and they have a painful goodbye. In Hunter--Heero obsessively looks out for Trowa, but the one day he wasn't in stalker mode, he finds out Trowa has left with Ralph, an old friend from his Mercenary days who appears in GW's radio play-cum-manga Blind Target. He does look like Heero, but I don't know from eye color. I made his eyes brown so they could be different from Heero's.
'--denotes thoughts--'
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
Trowa woke up that morning feeling better than he had the day before and the day before that. He decided that his depression must have been lifting. He found that he could smile for Catherine without prompting from her. This made her even happier and even more fussier over him.
He dodged her attempts to celebrate the lifting of his spirits by escaping to his friends--the lions. As he went about feeding them, a familiar voice said to him, "I believe I owe you a coffee."
Trowa stood and turned towards the voice. He knew who it was but he wanted to be sure anyway. "Ralph?"
"Yes, Nanashi," the man said. He noted the pained look on Trowa's face at the name he used. "I mean Trowa. Sorry. How about that coffee?"
"Yes, it's Trowa now. Coffee? Why are you planning to start a war somewhere and need my Gundam? It doesn't exist anymore," Trowa said calmly.
Ralph laughed. "No, nothing so drastic. I recently discovered your circus was here in town and thought I'd visit an old friend."
Trowa smiled. "Why not?" he shrugged as he headed for his trailer. "Just let me tell Catherine where I'm off to and I'll change."
Ralph nodded. "Shall I wait here?"
"Yes, that would be fine."
They took Ralph's car to a small diner on the other side of town. Once seated with their orders taken, Ralph couldn't stop staring at Trowa.
Unnerved, Trowa asked,"What?"
"I just have to ask," Ralph smiled, "Why the name Trowa Barton? History has proven he and his father Dekim were hardly saints."
"Trowa may have been an egoist with megalomaniacal aspirations, but he was kind to me," Trowa shrugged. "When he died, I figured taking his place I could make up for the misery that could have resulted if he were alive and went through with his father's plans."
"So the name Trowa Barton is now associated with heroism and being a great Gundam pilot," Ralph smiled.
"We're not going to talk about the war, are we?" Trowa asked. "I was no hero, just a foot soldier."
"With an indestructible mobile suit," Ralph reminded him. "But no, we don't have to talk of the war. Of course, much of our friendship together has existed in that plane."
"True, but that wasn't why I asked you to coffee four years ago," Trowa said. "So why are we here now?" he asked as he stared at man with unruly dark brown hair and penetrating brown eyes.
"Why did you ask me then?" Ralph decided to answer the question with a question instead.
"Because I wanted to be your friend," Trowa said.
"Just friends?" Ralph pressed.
"It would have been just friends, yes. I wasn't going to interfere with your relationship with Chris," Trowa said, blushing slightly.
Ralph noted the blush and smiled. "I suspect my relationship with Chris is much like yours with Catherine. They are lovely women but will only be friends to us. Do you want to know the reason why I turned you down?"
Trowa nodded.
"You seemed involved and I felt awkward about going out with you."
"I wasn't with Heero then, what are you talking about?" Trowa asked, puzzled.
"Winner," Ralph said. "You two looked rather close to me."
"Quatre?" Trowa laughed. "No, we've never been anything more than just friends."
"Heero? The guy that supposedly looks like me?" Ralph said with a laugh. "That's who you are with now?"
"I know both you and Heero don't see it, but you do look very similar," Trowa sighed.
"We do not! I'm taller!" Ralph said indignant.
Trowa laughed. "Well, it doesn't matter ultimately, because we're not together anymore. He left."
Ralph put his coffee cup down to look at Trowa. "He left you? Then he's a fool."
Trowa stared at Ralph for a minute. Then he smiled, "You know what? You're right. He is a fool."
"So to recap, four years ago, if I hadn't thought you were with Winner and you hadn't thought I was with Chris, this would have been more than coffee?" Ralph asked with a smile.
Trowa had to think about that for a moment. "Maybe," he answered with a small smile and a slight flush.
"Would you like to see where I live?" Ralph said staring at Trowa.
Trowa thought about the implications. He couldn't help but think it was a bad idea on so many levels. Then he wondered to himself, 'Why hold back? It's not like I'm saving himself for Heero.' That ship had sailed without him. 'Why not see where this could lead?' "Sure," he said.
The apartment wasn't far from the diner. Ralph appeared nervous.
"This is the first time I can ever remember being settled in one place. Our former life was a rather nomadic one," Ralph said, as he gave Trowa a brief tour.
The apartment was sparsely furnished. A futon that acted as a sofa. A small television sitting on top of some boxes. And books laid strewn everywhere.
"I don't remember you being much of a reader, Ralph," Trowa said as he picked up a book to glance at the title.
"Wasn't like we had much time for it, Nan-- Trowa," Ralph smiled. "I figured if I had to live in a peaceful world, I'd better learn a few things about it."
"That is very admirable," Trowa said before Ralph walked up to him and kissed him. Trowa responded to the kiss hesitantly.
Ralph pulled away. "I'm sorry. I've wanted to do that since I saw you this morning. If you--" Trowa cut him off by kissing him, with a little less hesitance.
"There's nothing to apologize for," Trowa whispered in his ear before latching on to an earlobe and gently sucking it.
Ralph groaned at the sensation. "I can't believe I'm going to ask this but ... are you sure?"
Trowa let go of the lobe to gently kiss Ralph again. "Very sure."
As Trowa laid on the futon allowing himself to be awashed with sensations that Ralph was giving him, he found he hated himself. He hated himself because try as he might, he couldn't help but compare this man to Heero. Ralph was making him feel great, his body was responding to the light touches and sweet caresses, but his brain how Heero's touch was different. Caring but primal.
Physical similarities aside, Ralph and Heero were quite different. People sought out Ralph because he was friendly, nice and looked out for everybody. He befriended everyone he ever met. Trowa looked for his friendship in the past because Ralph didn't seem to mind the cold, quiet nature of the boy who made for the 'perfect soldier' among the mercenary ranks. People sought Heero out for different reasons. They admired his strength and leadership. That initially drew Trowa to Heero before seeing the cracks that made the world's 'perfect soldier' human.
"Nanashi, you're so beautiful," Ralph murmured as he kissed his way down Trowa's body.
Trowa forgave the slip of name this time, because he managed to make the name sound sexier than it even had been. He seriously thought to himself, 'I wanted this from him four years ago. Would I have been happy then?' He gasped as he felt Ralph's mouth take him in. Trowa smiled, 'Well, this would have been very good. But would I have been happy? Would I still be happy?'
Ralph was back to giving him deep, slow kisses while he gently stretched Trowa. Joined with delicate care, Ralph began moving in and out of Trowa with a careful pace that was sweet, but Trowa wanted more. "Harder," Trowa moaned.
Ralph did as instructed. Trowa's eyes closed to enjoy the sensations. He wasn't Heero but he certainly wasn't bad. Trowa's approaching orgasm made it tougher to concentrate. He had nearly slipped and called Ralph 'Heero' but masked it with the command to go harder. As he body stiffened, Trowa's eyes opened to stare into dark brown rather than deep blue ones. He screamed for gods, he didn't believe in, as his seed spilled over Ralph's hand and his own stomach. Ralph cried out Trowa's name and quickly slipped into the oblivion of release.
Ralph pulled out and held him close. Trowa found himself shivering slightly. He couldn't understand why he wanted to cry.
Ralph broke the silence. "This was the first time for you. Since he left, I mean," the man asked.
"Yes," Trowa answered.
"Are you mad at me?" Ralph asked. " I did get you here under the false pretense of coffee?" Ralph tried to joke.
Trowa laughed before turning subdued. "Not mad at you at all. Just mad at myself."
"Are you regretting it?"
Trowa leaned back to look Ralph in the eye. "No, I don't regret it at all."
Ralph kissed him. "More importantly, am I four years too late?"
Trowa stared at him. "To be honest, I don't know."
RING.
"Chang Wufei's residence."
"I hate you Wufei," Duo said into the telephone.
"What do you hate me for this time, Maxwell?" Wufei answered in his usual calm manner. A many a conversation he ever had with Duo Maxwell seem to start off in this manner.
"For being right, of course," Duo sighed.
"About?"
The silence made Wufei stop what he was doing and flip on the visual to his videophone. Duo looked miserable. He could only imagine it was something Heero had done. "Do you want to talk about it? Where's Heero?" Wufei asked, the playfulness gone from his voice.
"I kicked him out," Duo said.
"YOU? You kicked Yuy out?" the Chinese man sputtered in surprise. "What did he do?" Wufei asked.
"I told him that he needed to get the Trowa situation figured out. He said something incredibly stupid that pissed me off, so I kicked him out. I think he's living in his truck, if he hasn't already found Trowa," Duo said sadly.
"What stupid thing did he say?" Wufei was now curious.
"That's why I hate you. He said what you thought when he came back."
Wufei had to think back. He and Duo had begun to spend more time together as friends. He joked to Duo that they should be careful in case Yuy thought they were a couple. "I was joking, Duo," Wufei said.
"You want Heero back, nothing will get him back quicker than to think that you and I are together. I believe that's what you said Wufei," Duo quoted. "So what does he say when I tell him to talk to Trowa? Why? So you can go run off with Wufei? Can you believe him? I wanted to thrash him for saying it and to thrash you for joking about it. Oh God, Wufei, what the hell am I suppose to do?"
"There's nothing you can do, but wait it out Duo," Wufei said sadly. "Once he works it out with Trowa ..."
"Maybe he'll figure out that he's loved Trowa all along. I thought they were happy together, didn't you? Trowa told me that Heero never told him that he loved him. How sick is that?"
"When did you talk to Trowa?" Wufei asked, surprised.
"A few days ago. I wanted to see how he was doing. He's miserable. I've never met a man with such a defeatist attitude. And he's as pigheaded as Heero!" Duo huffed.
"Okay, now I'm confused. You want him and Yuy to get back together?" Wufei asked.
"God, I don't know anymore, Fei. Before Heero decided to woo me back into his life everything was just great. Trowa was still my friend, we were all having fun. Now everything is painful. Heero's gotten colder over the months, Trowa is sad. I'm miserable Something has got to change, don't you agree?" Duo asked staring at Wufei.
"Yes, something has to change," Wufei agreed. "So what happens if he decides Trowa is the one he wants?"
Duo laughed. "This sounds horrible, but I think that would be just peachy with me. Maybe we were both trying to capture something we lost long ago? Maybe we were both too blind or just too plain stubborn to see it?"
Trowa had packed a few things and moved in with Ralph. It was their concerted effort to see if it really wasn't too late to begin again.
Chris had come by a few times to grill Trowa. After a session of 'what are your intentions towards Ralph', Ralph apologized once she left.
Trowa only laughed. "You're just lucky that Catherine was happy I was out of my depression, or you would have gotten the same treatment only worse. I'm sure she'll start up real soon."
The taller man wrapped his arms around Trowa. "Oh goody," he laughed.
There was a knock on the door. Ralph walked to the door. As he opened it he said, "Okay Chris, what did you forget this time?"
A man with dark blue eyes stared back, emotionlessly. "Is Trowa here?"
Trowa felt a shiver go down his spine as he heard the voice. He walked up behind Ralph to answer. "Heero? What are you doing here?"
Heero covered his sadness well. He had been hoping that Catherine had lied about Trowa being with Ralph. "I want to talk to you. Alone," he added as he glared up at Ralph. They may have had similar facial features and builds, but Ralph was several inches taller than both himself and Trowa.
Trowa's voice got cold. "There is nothing to discuss Heero. Go home," he said as he started to close the door. Heero stopped him.
"I think there is plenty to discuss," Heero said angrily.
Ralph was also not very happy about this situation. He knew Trowa could take care of himself but that didn't stop him from wanting to throw Heero out of the nearest window. "Look, if he doesn't want to talk to you, he doesn't have to. Now get the hell out of my house!"
"No," Heero said glaring. "Not until I've talked to Trowa."
Trowa sighed. "Ralph, we may as well let him in before he breaks the damn door."
Ralph looked over at Trowa, noting the sad resignation in his voice and complied. "Okay, since I don't want to replace a door, come in Heero."
Heero walked in, his eyes never leaving Trowa's. "Are you going to leave now, so I can talk to him?" he asked.
"Look you--" Ralph blustered before Trowa interrupted him.
"It's okay, Ralph. I'll be fine. I don't imagine this conversation will take very long," Trowa said never flinching from the steely gaze of his ex lover.
"Alright, I'll go for a walk. When I get back, he'd better be gone," Ralph hissed as he grabbed a jacket and left.
As the door closed behind Ralph, Trowa said in an even voice, "So talk."
"Why are you here?" Heero asked.
Trowa looked at him like he was crazy. "Why am I here? You mean staying here, or why am I with Ralph?"
"Both. You have a perfectly good apartment. And why him?"
Trowa shook his head. "I can't live in that perfectly good apartment anymore. And as for why Ralph--what the hell business is it of yours? Why aren't you at home with Duo?"
"You haven't answered my question," Heero argued.
"And you haven't answered mine. Why aren't you with Duo. What does it matter to you what I do or whom I'm with?" Trowa yelled.
Heero stared. He couldn't remember the last time he heard Trowa yell at ... anyone. "Duo thinks you and I have to resolve some things."
"What's to resolve? You dumped me and went to him. Now I'm trying to move on and you're giving me grief. What is this really all about Heero?"
"I don't know," Heero said truthfully. "I want you to be happy. Just not with him. Why couldn't you seek comfort in someone else like Quatre or Wufei? Why this guy?"
"Ah, I see," Trowa said. "I'm not following the Heero Yuy script of how my life should be. Quatre and Wufei are my friends Heero. Ralph is a friend that I've always cared for. We want to see if we can give it a go. Is that too difficult tocomprehend? Didn't all those hours you spent watching me teach you anything?"
Heero jumped. "What do you mean?" he asked.
Trowa laughed, "Heero, I think I know when I'm being watched. I was too depressed at the time to really care that you wanted to waste your time watching me mope. I hope I gave you a good floor show, you coward."
"Coward?" Heero asked.
"I kept hoping you'd come down from your spot behind that tree and talk to me but you never did. I saw you in the audiences sometimes also. Why didn't you talk to me then? What were you afraid of?" Trowa asked quietly.
"I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Heero said, staring into green eyes that made his heart race.
"You can see for yourself that I'm alright. Ralph is good to me," Trowa said sincerely. "You can go back to your happy home. All is fine."
"Duo threw me out," Heero said, gauging Trowa's reaction. "He didn't seem to think I was over you. He was right."
Trowa held his breath for a moment before releasing it. "So what is that suppose to mean? You want to get back together? I'm suppose to say to Ralph, gotta go, Heero wants me again?"
Heero grabbed Trowa and pulled him close. "Tell me you don't want me. You say those words and mean them--I'll go away."
Trowa's mind and body were warring with being so close to Heero at that moment. "I don't want you ... to hurt me again," Trowa gritted out. "Can you understand that? I don't want to be hurt anymore. Can you promise that?"
Heero released Trowa and took a step back. "I don't know if I can promise that. I would like to think I wouldn't hurt you again. I... I've missed you."
Trowa's eyes glistened. "I've missed you too. But I refuse to have you crush me again. I couldn't take it a second time. Do you understand?"
"Hai," Heero said quietly, feeling his own eyes stinging. "I promise not to hurt you again. Will you come back?"
Ralph returned to the apartment with a sense of dread. Trowa was sitting on the futon, staring into space before his eyes tracked over to Ralph.
"So it really was four years too late, wasn't it, Nanashi?" Ralph asked.
"I'm sorry Ralph. I'm an ass. I should have never moved in. I didn't want to hurt you," Trowa said in a low voice.
"No, it's my fault for not taking you up on your offer long ago. Do you think we would have been still together?" Ralph asked, as he sat next to Trowa.
Trowa was quiet for a moment before staring into warm, brown eyes. "Hai. I think we would have been."
"Well, if he treats you like shit again, you know where to come, ne?" Ralph said with a sad smile.
"I thank you for the offer, but I'm sure you'll find someone else," he said.
Ralph leaned in and kissed Trowa softly on the lips. "Don't be so sure about that, Trowa. Do you need for me to help you to pack?"
Trowa shook his head. "No, I'll take care of it. I ..."
"If you apologize again, I'll scream," Ralph smiled and kissed Trowa's forehead. "If you want to come back, you only need to invite me for coffee, okay?"
Trowa hugged Ralph. They stayed locked in the embrace for a moment before Trowa got up to collect his things.
RING.
"Yeppers?" Duo said into the phone.
"Duo?"
Duo flipped on the visuals and stared into Heero's face. "Heero?"
"I found Trowa," Heero said.
"Did you convince him to take you back?" Duo asked calmly, although he was feeling anything but calm.
"Yes. We're going to try again. I'm sorry, Duo," Heero said mournfully.
"What are you exactly sorry for, Heero?" Duo asked as he felt his heart break for a second.
"I went about everything all wrong. I hurt you and Trowa. I didn't mean to. I love you Duo. I always have. But Trowa ..." Heero hesitated.
"You love him."
"Yes."
"Have you told him?" Duo asked.
"He knows," Heero responded.
"Not good enough. Say the words to him, Heero. He needs to hear them. We all need to hear them at some time. Trust me," Duo said.
"Okay, Duo. I'll tell him. I'm sorry."
Duo smiled. "It's okay. Goodbye, Heero."
"Goodbye."
Duo stared at the blank screen, trying to figure out what he was feeling. Strangely enough on some level he felt glad that Heero and Trowa were going to try again, but it still hurt. A knock on the door shook him out of his thoughts.
Wufei stood on the other side of the door. "So what is this so called movie I have to see?" he groused in Wufei-like fashion until he looked closer at Duo. "What's wrong? Is it Yuy?"
Duo nodded. "Just got off the phone. He and Trowa are together again."
"Is this good or bad?" Wufei asked.
Duo shrugged. "I don't know. Let's skip the movie, ne? Do you mind if we just sit and talk for awhile?"
Wufei took off his jacket and walked into the apartment. "I don't mind at all, but let's have some tea, shall we?"
Ralph helped Trowa gather most of his things. Considering he had been living there for weeks there were surprisingly few things there.
Trowa shrugged, "We were nomads, remember? We like to travel light."
A knock on the door, halted their conversation. Ralph looked closely at Trowa. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
Trowa hugged Ralph. "Yes." He walked to the door and opened it. Heero smiled at Trowa nervously before noticing Ralph lingering in the background.
"Are you ready?" Heero asked as he walked in to pick up the bags.
"Hai. Let me just look around once more," Trowa said as he headed to another room.
"You hurt him again and I will be looking for you," Ralph said none-too-friendly. "Nanashi is special. Remember that."
Heero nodded. "I know he is."
Trowa returned and picked up some of his bags. "Let's go Heero." Heero gathered the heavier suitcase and headed out the door. Trowa turned to Ralph to say, "I'm sorry."
"Just make sure he treats you well, Trowa," Ralph said as he kissed him.
"Hai. This time I'll kick his butt if he tries anything stupid again," Trowa smiled then walked out of the door.
Ralph stood alone in his apartment, sighing softly to himself.
Heero drove them back to their old apartment. "Trowa."
Trowa, trying to block out the sad look that Ralph had as they said their goodbyes, turned his head towards Heero. "Yes?"
Heero drove in silence for a while longer. "Ai shiteru."
Trowa stared at Heero in shock. "Good. I would hope so," Trowa smiled. "Now next time try telling it to my face and not to the road ahead."
Heero snickered. "Hai, I'll try that next time."
"How about we stop somewhere and get some coffee?" Trowa asked.
"Coffee sounds good to me," Heero said. "There's a coffeeshop a few blocks up ahead. Is that good enough?"
"I think so."
OWARI
(:./babaca/toolate)
