18-Feb-2003

Title: Budget Cuts
Author: Lasha Lee
Pairings: None
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Email: anakerie@cinci.rr.com

Budget Cuts by Lasha Lee

From: thedoctorisin@resistance.net

To: gpilot01@resistance.net
CC: gpilot2@resistance.net; gpilot3@resistance.net; gpilot4@resistance.net; gpilot5@resistance.net

Subject: Changes in Policy: Please read.

Greetings! Last year was an exciting one for our organization, and I am pleased to tell you that we more than surpassed our goals for the last four quarters. Civil suits were down from previous quarters, while capture of enemy soldiers is double our forecast.

However, hard work aside, the economy has put a strain on our organization as well as so many others, so the purpose of this email is to inform you of several changes in the company personal and expense policies that you will need to be made aware of. Please read the following memo carefully, and then direct any questions to your own Doctor, Professor, etc...

• Repairs: This is an area that needs immediate attention. While some wear-and-tear during the course of duty is normal, you are responsible for keeping your Gundam in good working condition. We will no longer be reimbursing repairs that occur outside of work-related incidents. A recent example would be a Gundam that suffered structural damage when it was rewired to perform "The Chicken Dance." Another example would be unwarranted use of the self-destruct feature. While self-destruct is allowed and encouraged to avoid capture, use of the self-destruct feature to protest your favorite contestant on L1 Idol being disqualified is inappropriate.

• Travel expenses: Again, normal reimbursement for travel will be made. However, it is your responsibility to determine which trips are necessary and to avoid unauthorized travel whenever possible. An example for this would be 35 visits to Bermuda during the last six months to track Oz activity, when there is no indication that any member of Oz even knows where Bermuda is. We also cannot authorize use of the company credit card to pay for luxury hotels, mai tais (None of you are old enough to drink, as a reminder), and exotic massages. Please think carefully before making any purchases with the company credit card.
• Clothing expenses: Clothing damaged in the line of duty will of course be replaced. However, please be advised that line of duty does not including being overwhelmed by hormones while sharing a safe-house or luxury hotel room with another pilot.
• Destruction of businesses: We trust your judgement, of course. If you feel that destruction of property is needed to capture members of Oz, then we know you will take appropriate means. However, please be aware that just because Treize enjoys Starbucks does not mean that he is in every Starbucks in the world at exactly the same time. The owners of Starbucks have asked that we contribute funds to rebuilding the stores that have been destroyed, now totaling close to ten thousand.
• Ransom/Kidnapping: This is not permitted. Any member of Oz captured will be tried and convicted/released according to the law. We will not negotiate the release of any captive no matter what price is offered. All captives must be turned over immediately, and may not be kept for personal use. We have concerns that at least one of you is not taking this policy seriously; that Milliardo Peacecraft has been captured at least 20 times so far, and yet has walked free each time wearing nothing but hickies. This must stop.
• Pet Policy: You are permitted to own pets, but all pet-related expenses must be paid out of your own pocket. Also, care of your pet and the pet itself must not interfere in your duty as Gundam Pilots. While a small cat or dog would in most cases not present a problem, a non-deodorized skunk is another case. We will no longer be paying for any fumigation of Gundams.
• Overtime: When needed, we will be happy to pay overtime. However, our expense reports show that some of you have been working 40 hour days, and 20 day work-weeks. Please be advised that there are only 24 hours in one standard Earth day, and that the maximum any pilot will be paid for in the course of one day is 24 hours. Please also note that changing time zones to get in more hours is not acceptable.
• Personal Appearances: Please. Your identities must be kept secret. We are hearing very disturbing reports of talk-show appearances, book deals, and movie rights. Any pilot appearing on a talk show from this point on will be immediately stripped of his Gundam. You should all know better.

We hope this year will be another great one for all of us. Good luck, and go get um.

Dr. J

The End

(:./lasha/budget1)