Duo finally managed to convince Wufei and Quatre after a long and very tiring debate that there was no reason for him to stay at Quatre's apartment with them when he had a perfectly good hotel room with all his already stuff carefully set up in. The thought of having to endure the constant staring and spontaneous bouts of emotion if he stayed with them was going to be too much for his poor nerves to cope with and he really hadn't figured on staying more than a few days on the resource satellite anyway.
He resigned himself to meeting them all for dinner at Quatre's insistence; and was pleased that he remembered that Quatre always seemed to be able to push him to do things like that when no-one else could. He had to stick with them anyway until they sorted out their next move. He really didn't have anywhere else to go and certainly wasn't up to a confrontation with G over the details that had been left out of this little reunion with the other pilots. And there was always Oz to worry about even at this very secure and out of the way resource satellite owned by Winner Industries.
He dug his hands into his pockets and walked the last few blocks to the hotel. It was nice to be out and even the tinge of staleness in the circulated air made didn't bother him. It sort of reminded him of L2 in a detached way. His hotel room was small, but comfortable and even had a mini fridge that he could stuff a few pieces of fruit and a couple of beers in. His stomach had been growling on the walk back to the hotel. He hadn't the nerve to eat before the meeting so now that he had some time alone his appetite had returned somewhat and he was looking forward to getting back into his own space to collect his thoughts and put some food in his belly.
Ever since he saw Heero at Quatre's office something had been gnawing at him. It was like catching the end of soft whispers, or the scent of something he couldn't quite place and when he closed his eyes he had flashes of memories. Trowa leaning over him and saying something softly while he lay on a shuttle floor, Heero's finger bleeding as he sat in bits of broken glass around him, a coffee stain that spread on a carpet like oozing blood, images, sounds, but nothing coherent and it was beginning to set off another headache the harder he tried to make sense of them. He stopped in front of the hotel and blew out a shaky breath and shook his head. "I'm running." About to pull his hair out at the roots he paused in his maddening pursuit of the past and hailed a cab. He needed to talk to someone and it just couldn't wait until dinner.
The bay was quiet and dark with a few windows at the very top of the building near the ceiling producing small white shafts of light as he walked over to where Deathscythe stood. He ran his fingertips over its smooth, black, metal surface and sat down and leaned against one of the massive legs. "I don't think you'll be able to answer me any more than Wing, but I don't quite know what to do."
/You need to tell him how you feel./
"The look on his face... it hurt. He didn't have that look." Heero let his eyes slide shut and the ghost of a smile played across his lips. "The one he had only for me." He remembered how Duo looked bounding down out of his Gundam, battle fury still making his eyes bright and wild. His laugh that seemed to go on forever, or the way his face looked after they made love. And then he frowned. "I don't think I'll ever be able to get that back."
/You need to tell him how you feel./
"I feel like a part of my spirit has been ripped away."
/You need to tell him how you feel./
"I've lost him."
The soft approach of footsteps and the unique scent hit him like a punch in the gut. It was Duo.
"Heero? Is that you man?" Duo approached carefully his hand moving automatically to his gun as he walked closer to Deathscythe and the small figure sitting in shadow. Heero stood abruptly, his eyes flicking to the gun in Duo's hand and stepped into the patch of light in front of them.
"Sorry man. I thought it was you, but I couldn't be sure in the dark." He tucked the gun back into his holster. "Didn't mean to disturb you."
"You didn't."
"I... uh... I'm sorry I took off at the office before I got a chance to see you." He dug his hands into his pockets and looked up at Deathscythe. "I thought I had upset you enough by the way you bolted out of there like that." Duo bit his lip softly and glanced to see that Heero still hadn't moved a muscle.
"I was caught off guard."
Duo smiled and scratched his head a bit. "I'm sure. I think the guys tried to track you down before I showed up. It was a big surprise for everyone."
Heero frowned and spoke none too gently. "I thought you were dead, Duo."
Duo glanced back up from where he had been studying the worn fringe of a quickly unraveling lace on his boot to meet Heero's eyes. They were shadowed, but he still caught flecks of blue in the low light. Duo found his stare unnerving. It was as if Heero was trying to look right down into his soul. "I-I... damn it!" He stammered and then abruptly turned away throwing his hands up in frustration. It took him a minute to gather his thoughts, but they weren't anything he wanted to express just yet. "I don't know what to say, Heero."
Heero just tilted his head and frowned deeper. "I don't know either. You were dead and now you're alive. When I walked into that room and saw you sitting there, I thought... I had finally lost my mind. I thought... I'd never see you again and then there you were; standing right in front of me." He shook his head and sighed. Duo had taken an interest in the floor again. "You don't remember me do you?"
Duo brought shocked eyes up to meet the tormented ones. "I-I can't lie to you, Heero."
"I didn't ask you to. I just want things to be the way they were before you left." Heero turned away and rested his hand against Deathscythe's leg. "You loved me before... "
The last words hung in the tense air between them and Duo found he was at a loss as to what to say to the profession. Heero loving him made his heart trip and his head swim. He had torn out his heart and lay it in Duo's hands and Duo didn't have a clue what he should do or say next. He wanted to cry out his frustration at the whole damnable situation. "We aren't going to be able to get past this, are we?"
Heero felt the knot in his stomach tighten as his mind screamed out in pain. "I-Is that what you want? To move on?"
"Heero... I don't remember... falling in love with you." He watched Heero's shoulders slump slightly and heard him take a long, deep breath. "I respect you, and always wanted to win your respect back, I just need time to get my bearings."
Heero balled his fist up at his side and tried to will tears to his eyes to show him his bleeding heart, but none came. Instead bitterness filled his voice. "You always had my respect. My love was much harder to give you."
Duo moved to where he was just inches behind Heero and saw the tension in Heero's whole body as he kept his back turned and his head bowed. He reached out a tentative hand and lay it on his shoulder, feeling him almost crumble from the touch.
Heero turned enough to look at Duo's expression and saw only remorse and pity for him. There was no love in those deep indigo eyes, and it wasn't something he could force him to feel, or convince him to remember. There really wasn't anything he could do.
Duo tried to smile finding it hard to do so. He was confused and could see the hurt and rejection flitting across Heero's face. He wanted so much not to cause him any more pain but he just couldn't tell Heero what he wanted to hear to spare him. It wouldn't be right, or fair. Maybe with time he'd feel differently, but right now he could only speak the truth. "I-I care for you Heero. I've always cared about you, since the first time I met you and I know we've been through a lot together but... "
"Don't." Heero whispered as he lay his hand over the one Duo still rested on his shoulder.
The heat of Duo's body was so close to him that he could barely keep himself from grabbing him and pulling him close. Heero turned and put both hands on Duo's shoulders and locked eyes with him. "I don't think you realize the affect you have over me." He shook his head sadly and gave him a tiny smile. "Please Duo... don't say it... I don't think I could survive hearing that you don't feel the same for me. Those words would touch me much too deeply."
"I don't want to hurt you, or promise you things I may not be able to give, Heero." Duo softly said back.
"I know. You being alive is enough, and more than I ever thought possible." Heero very gently brushed his lips over Duo's then walked past him out of the bay and into the early evening air not once looking back. Duo didn't follow him.
Heero realized he was just running away from hearing the inevitable. Duo didn't love him. Didn't remember ever loving him. He let out a bitter laugh. Duo had returned from the dead and killed him with just one look.
End Part 6
(:./ebony/red6)
