Title: Unresolved (sequel to Uninhibited)
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2/1x2, (1x2x1 and 3x4x3 implied), 1+4, 2+3
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimers: They don't belong to me, but I want them to be, free, free, free, to love, to laugh, eternally... okay, so I need professional help, just don't sue me for being obsessed with Gundam Wing :)
Warnings: Angst (a lot), Language, Lemon, Plot (yes, this is a warning), Possible OOC (Heero and Duo)
Archived: Yep, yep, yep! Thanks Muchies, Lev :)
Synopsis: After a couple of months with Duo as his lover, Heero wonders what's missing from their relationship. Is Duo only using him for sex? Or is love something within their reach?
Heero watched Trowa lean over and whisper in Quatre's ear, causing the other boy to laugh and blush. He quickly averted his gaze so as to not intrude upon their private moment, even though that moment was being exhibited at the breakfast table for any and all to see. Heero stared into his bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios and felt his own heart clench in his chest. He and Duo had been together for almost three months now. It had been the most intense and wonderful days of his life, but Heero couldn't help but feel like something was missing; the two boys gazing lovingly at each other across the table just made it more obvious to him what that something was.
Duo was an incredible lover. There was no doubt about it. He voiced his pleasure at Heero's ministrations every time they had sex. They had tried many positions, both of them taking the other at various times, even using different sex toys and bondage materials. Heero certainly was not complaining about the appetite of his lover for a varied sex life. He was glad that Duo was adventurous and trusted Heero enough to indulge in his most explicit fantasies with him. Heero had discovered so many things about his own sexuality that he never would have if Duo had not been his partner. There was just one problem; Heero had fallen in love with Duo, but Duo...
"Mornin' all," Duo said happily as he walked into the kitchen. He went over to the counter and began pouring himself a bowl of Frosted Flakes.
"Good morning, Duo," Quatre intoned just as brightly. "Did you sleep well?"
Duo turned and gave Quatre a huge grin. "Yep. How 'bout you guys?"
Trowa spoke up, a gleam in his green eyes, "We did after you finally quieted down. May I suggest ear plugs as a gift for the rest of us for Christmas this year?"
Quatre chuckled at his lover's joke, but Heero noticed that Duo was not as amused; Duo was embarrassed.
"Sorry, guys. Guess I'll have to keep the porno flicks turned down from now on."
Heero looked at the braided boy, not believing that Duo had just said that. Trowa and Quatre both knew that he and Duo were sleeping together, so why did Duo feel the need to let on like that's not what had been going on the night before? Even Wufei was aware of their involvement. Heero felt his heart clench again; it was starting to do it more and more often.
Quatre turned to Heero, apparently noticing Heero's upset. "What's on the agenda for today, Heero? More reports, or are you doing some research for the field agents?"
Heero sent out a silent thanks to the blonde haired boy. Quatre knew something was wrong; maybe it was time Heero talked to him about it. If anyone would understand, it would be Quatre. "Some research," he replied calmly, not letting any of his turbulent emotions seep into his voice.
"I need to go into town," Duo announced, his usual tone back in full force. "I need to get some parts for my motorcycle."
"Do you want some company? I need to pick up a few things myself," Trowa said evenly.
"Sure, Tro!" Duo replied excitedly, making Heero feel even more alienated. Duo used to act that way around him, used to just want to be with him. Now all Duo wanted with him was sex. They weren't even friends anymore, Heero observed silently. Not friends, not lovers, just sex partners.
Heero got up, unable to take being in the room any longer with the object of his distress. "I'll be upstairs," he said softly then left the room.
Heero stopped typing on his laptop as a knock sounded at his door. "Come in."
The door opened and Quatre walked in. "Trowa and Duo just left. I kind of got the impression that you wanted to talk with me."
Heero nodded, not impressed for the first time at Quatre's abilities to understand them all so well. "I think you already know what it's about."
Quatre motioned for Heero to join him as he sat down on the dark haired boy's bed. "Duo, right?"
Heero sighed as he sat down beside him. "Quatre, this is not easy for me to talk about, but I trust you, and I don't know who else I could go to who would understand like I know you will."
Quatre blinked at the long string of words he'd just heard out of the normally quiet pilot. "I'm glad you feel that way, Heero. What's going on?"
"You know that Duo and I are sleeping together, right?"
"Yes," Quatre replied simply, wondering at the openness of the other boy. He knew this had to be extremely difficult for Heero to even think about, let alone talk about.
"You saw how he acted this morning too, right?"
Quatre nodded. "Yes, I did. I thought it was rather odd that he said what he did."
"Me too!" Heero exclaimed, standing up to begin pacing. "That's the problem. We have been having the best sex of his life, according to him, so why is he acting like he's ashamed of it... of me?"
"Heero," Quatre began, "I don't think it's that he's ashamed. I think he doesn't know how you will take it if we tease you, like Trowa tried to do this morning. I think Duo is afraid that you'll get angry and end it."
"No," Heero replied sadly. "I thought that at first too, Quatre. I made sure that Duo knew that I didn't care what anyone thought about us being together. He knows that it doesn't bother me. In fact, if he hadn't said what he did this morning, I may have even joined in and teased Trowa back. He can be loud too, you know."
Quatre laughed. "Oh, how well I do know." They both shared a small smile then Heero sobered again.
"I watched you guys this morning," he admitted to the blonde. "The way Trowa whispered to you, the look of joy that lit your eyes, the smile he had as you laughed. Quatre, I want that with Duo, but he doesn't even talk to me anymore like a friend. I was so jealous when he acted happy that Trowa was going with him into town. All he wants with me is to fuck me."
"Heero!" Quatre exclaimed, shock on his face.
Heero turned serious eyes to the other boy. "It's true, and even worse, that's all it is. For once, I'd like to make love, not just have sex."
Quatre reached out and took Heero's hand, pulling him back down to the bed to sit. "Do you love him, Heero?"
"Yes."
"Have you told him?"
"No. What's the point, Quatre? He doesn't even want me as a friend. How could I expect him to want me for a real lover? It hurts to think that he's using me, but what other way is there to see it?"
Quatre frowned. "You need to talk to him about this, Heero. I know Duo is capable of great emotion. Maybe he's afraid to love you because he doesn't know that you love him."
Heero sighed again. "I have a feeling it's not that simple, Quatre. I just wish I knew what to do."
Both boys sat on the bed in silence. Quatre put his arm around Heero and pulled the dark haired boy towards him until Heero's head rested on his shoulder. They stayed that way for a long time.
"So what's up with you and Yuy?" Trowa asked casually as they pulled into the parking lot of the junkyard in town. He'd noticed Duo's odd behavior that morning and decided to find out what was going on. He was sure his blonde lover was doing the same with Heero.
"What'dya mean?" Duo replied, his voice a little unsteady.
"Duo, we all know that you two are together, so why did you act like you weren't this morning? You hurt Heero. Didn't you see how upset he was?"
"Heero and I are just enjoying each other sexually, Trowa. There's nothing more to it. Heero needed someone to teach him about sex, and I happened to be the lucky one to get to do it. It's been incredible, but that's all it is. Heero could never feel more than attraction for me, and we both know that."
Trowa stared at him for a moment. "I never thought you could be so emotionally unattached, Duo."
Duo bristled. "Listen, Tro, Heero knows what we have, and I don't need for you to try to make it into something it's not, okay?"
"Heero wants more, and you know it. If you were being honest with yourself, you'd see you want more too. Do you know how you've been treating him lately?"
"Treating him? I haven't been treating him any differently than usual. Trowa, I think you're imagining things." Duo began to feel really uncomfortable.
"There was a time you would have begged Heero to come into town with you. Instead, today you practically jumped at the opportunity for me to come with you, and you and I aren't even that close."
"Yeah, and I wonder why that is?" Duo asked sarcastically. He looked over at Trowa to see the other boy give him a level look and sighed. "Heero and I are fine. We still talk and do stuff together."
"When was the last time you did something that wasn't sex related?"
Duo opened his mouth to answer then paused. Suddenly he realized that he couldn't remember. His mind went over the past three months, and he couldn't recall one single normal activity that he and Heero had been involved in together. He felt anger at Trowa's interference and turned his raging violet eyes on him.
"This really is none of your business, Trowa."
Trowa took the deadly tone of Duo's voice and the fire blazing in his eyes in stride; Shinigami didn't scare him. "Heero is my friend. He needs someone who will want him, not just his body."
"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Duo yelled, Trowa's words hitting a little closer to home than he liked. He was shaking he was so angry.
"Duo, if you can't give Heero the love he deserves, then you need to walk away. Class dismissed."
With that, Trowa got out of the car, leaving Duo to fume alone.
Quatre heard the front door close. He knew it was Trowa because he could feel the other boy's upset as clearly as if it was his own. He looked up as his green eyed lover walked into the living room where Quatre sat with a book he'd been reading. "Hello, love. I take it things did not go well?"
"No. How's Heero?"
Quatre motioned for Trowa to sit with him on the sofa. Trowa reclined back against his blonde lover as he listened to Quatre speak softly. "Confused and hurting. Basically, he's in love and miserable."
Trowa turned so he could look into aqua blue eyes that held part of his soul in their depths. "In love?"
Quatre nodded. "Yes. I'm afraid so. Where's Duo?"
Trowa turned back around to hide his frown. "Out in the garage working on his bike."
"What did you find out from him?"
Trowa sighed. "He thinks that Heero is fine with how things are. He thinks that he's just acting as a teacher for Heero's sexual experiences, and he's quite pleased with it only being that. I think he's lying to himself, but then again, I don't know him as well as you and Heero do."
It was Quatre's turn to frown. "There's more going on here than what meets the eye, love."
"I know, but I just don't want Heero to end up being the one with the broken heart. He's just now starting to open up to everyone. If Duo hurts him like that, Heero will never recover."
Quatre smiled gently as he turned Trowa's face to look at him. "Heero is stronger than that, Trowa. Even if this ends badly, Heero will be okay."
"I just hope you're right," Trowa replied as he leaned back into the security of his lover's arms. "I just hope you're right."
"Hey, Heero. Wanna see my bike? I finally got it running."
Heero turned from his laptop to look at the braided boy standing in the door to their room. He was covered in grease, his face smeared, his hair partially loose, but Heero thought he was as beautiful as ever. He felt his heart do that clenching thing again before he realized that Duo was asking him to do something other than screw like rabbits. He smiled.
"Sure. Let me power down."
Duo waited quietly. Even though Trowa had pissed him off, Duo had thought about what he'd said about he and Heero not doing things together anymore. 'Well, this will show him that Heero and I are still friends,' he thought angrily..
"Okay. Let's go," Heero said as he walked up to him.
Duo smiled brightly. "You're going to love it, Heero. All that power between your legs is such a rush!"
Duo turned and bounded down the hallway towards the stairs. He didn't see the frown his remark had caused on the dark haired boy's face as Heero followed him.
"Oh, yeah, Heero!" Duo cried as he pushed his body up to only plunge himself back down on Heero's arousal. They were on the motorcycle; Duo was riding Heero like there was no tomorrow. They had taken turns driving the bike around the grounds, only to end up back in the garage where Duo promptly straddled Heero and began removing the other boy's clothes. Heero had protested at first, but Duo was persistent, and the braided boy had finally won out over Heero's resistance.
"Nnn... Duo!" Heero moaned as he grabbed Duo's hips to pull him closer. Part of him was dying with each thrust while the other part, the part that loved the feel of Duo's body surrounding his, was pleading for more. Heero felt tears forming in his eyes, the feeling of helplessness in his need and want driving him on yet denying him what he sought.
"Heero! Yes... Heero!" Duo came violently, throwing his head back as his seed poured out of him onto Heero's chest.
Heero felt Duo tighten around him, and he gave into his orgasm with a shout. "Duo! Ahhhhhhh!" He felt his passion pump into the violet-eyed boy as he thrust inside him deeply one more time. Heero could still feel Duo trembling from his own release. It had been intense for him as well, but Heero still felt empty.
"Oh, Heero. That was incredible," Duo breathed as he kissed the dark haired boy's neck. He stilled when he felt Heero shaking. What was wrong with him? Duo pulled away to see something that shocked him; Heero was on the verge of crying.
"This is all I am to you, isn't it?" Heero asked, his voice broken with unshed tears. He watched as Duo realized what he meant then continued. "I thought we were friends, Duo. I thought I at least meant that much to you, but all I am to you now is a means of sexual gratification."
"Heero, that's not true..."
"Don't fucking lie to me, Duo!" Heero snarled, pushing Duo off of him as he got off of the bike.
Duo just stood there staring. He had never seen Heero so angry. Tears had been replaced with rage. Duo didn't know what to say. Heero didn't wait for him to figure it out.
"This may have all been a game to you, Duo, but it wasn't to me. I trusted you with more than just my body. I trusted you with my heart. You took me, you used me, and now you ignore me unless you want me around." Heero straightened, his nakedness becoming a witness to his words. "I've had enough."
Duo felt his own anger rise within him. "Heero, I never promised you anything but what I've given you. I never said that we were going to be more than what we are. If you thought that, it's your own fault."
Heero felt like he'd been slapped. Duo was right. He had never promised him anything at all. It had all been sexual, nothing remotely romantic except for Duo calling him 'koi'; now Heero felt as though that had been just another word with no meaning. "I guess you're right about that. I should have been more careful. I never should have entrusted that which wasn't asked for. I'm sorry, Duo. It won't happen again."
Duo saw the hurt in the dark haired boy's eyes and felt a pang of guilt. He hadn't promised Heero anything, but still, he'd known that Heero was innocent when it came to emotions. His conscience whispered to him that he'd had a responsibility to make sure Heero didn't get more involved than he should have since he'd had no intention of making it into something himself. Duo winced at the way that sounded even to him. Trowa was right; he had become emotional unattached about it all.
"Heero, listen, I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I never meant for this..."
"It doesn't matter," Heero cut him off as he picked up his clothes off of the garage floor. "It's over. If you come near me again with sexual intentions, I'll kill you." Heero looked into Duo's surprised eyes. "Understood?"
Duo saw the cold expression of the 'Perfect Soldier' in those blue depths. It was something he hadn't seen in the past three months, and it hurt so much to see it there now, but what could he say? "Understood."
Heero nodded then turned and walked away. He didn't look back, so he didn't see Duo collapsed on the floor, his face in his hands as sobs began to wrack his body. He would have kept walking even if he had.
Heero moved into a room by himself that same night he ended it with Duo. The other boy had returned to find all of Heero's things gone, sending him into another round of tears at the loss. By the next morning, he had convinced himself that it was a good thing, showing up for breakfast with his usual grin in place... until Heero had walked in. The other boy had looked like he hadn't slept, but he talked with Trowa almost pleasantly, making Duo even more miserable when he'd give him curt responses to any question Duo would ask him. Duo had left right after finishing his Froot Loops that morning, claiming he needed to go back into town for some more parts; no one asked to go with him.
Weeks went by, and the four of them, five when Wufei wasn't on assignment with Sally, settled into the new routine: Duo trying to get Heero to talk to him, and Heero ignoring him as best as he could. It was familiar in some ways, but Duo's smile faded more everyday. He began to eat less and less. The worst part was that Heero didn't seem to care at all that it was happening.
Quatre finally knew he had to put a stop to it. They needed to resolve the problem, not ignore it, and he was going to make sure they did if he had to tie them together to do it. He found Heero working alone on his laptop in his new room with the door opened. Without knocking, he walked in and sat down on the single bed. Heero's typing continued. Quatre refused to be ignored.
"Heero, if you don't turn around here and talk to me, I'm going to throw your laptop out the window."
Heero's fingers stilled. He then turned and faced Quatre, his face telling the blonde boy that he didn't like being interrupted. Quatre didn't give a shit. It was time for this stupidity to end.
"What do you want, Quatre?" Heero asked calmly.
Quatre narrowed his eyes. He and Trowa had discussed what he was going to say, but looking at Heero's cold expression just pissed him off to the point that he decided to speak his mind instead of try to be understanding. Heero was being an ass.
"I thought you said you loved Duo."
Heero flinched. "We've already had this conversation, Quatre. It's over."
"Oh, so you just shut off that emotion once you realized that it hurt too much. How convenient, to just be able to forget that you ever had someone in your heart, that you ever felt anything for them, that you wanted to be with them. That's one hell of a defense mechanism, Heero Yuy."
"Quatre, you of all people know that it isn't that easy," Heero ground out through clenched teeth.
"Sure could have fooled me," Quatre countered. "Have you actually looked at Duo lately?"
Heero turned his head away, refusing to meet Quatre's eyes with his own. Quatre nodded as if he had verbally answered him.
"As much hurt as he caused you, Heero, if you really loved him, you wouldn't want him to hurt that much."
Heero's head snapped back around to look at the blonde. "I can't be with him if he doesn't love me, Quatre, and he made sure I knew he didn't."
"Did you ever think that there might be a reason why he did that?"
Heero snorted. "Because it's true maybe?"
Quatre shook his head. "No. Because he's afraid to."
"Quatre, we've already been through this. I don't want to drag this all out again. Please just let..."
"No!" Quatre said loudly as he stood up. "Listen to me, Heero. What happened to all the people that Duo loved?" Quatre watched Heero as he thought about it for a moment.
"I don't know. I never knew he had anyone."
"Exactly. Do you know why that is?" When Heero shook his head, Quatre continued. "Everyone that Duo ever loved died, Heero. His best friend, Solo, the people who took care of him at the church, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. He's often said that no one survives the love of Shinigami. He thinks that if he loves you that he'll lose you too."
"Did he tell you that?" Heero asked, his voice harsh and angry.
Quatre frowned. "No, but after seeing him these past few weeks, Trowa and I believe that's why. I only wish we could have seen it sooner so you could have confronted him about it."
"Confronted him? Quatre, I don't want anything to do with him!" Heero yelled as he stood.
"Heero," Quatre said as moved to stand right in front of the other boy. "Please don't deny your feelings. I know it hurts to love sometimes, but if you hold onto it, it's worth it. It may be the bravest thing you ever do, but you have to try."
"I can't!" Heero choked back a sob. He felt the tears threatening, and push them away.
Quatre closed the distance between them. Gently, he placed a hand on Heero's cheek and pulled him closer until their lips brushed against each other's. It was a sweet kiss, chaste and tender, and it broke down the final barriers of Heero's self control. When Quatre pulled away, Heero collapsed into his arms and wept. Quatre held him in a comforting embrace, whispering soothing words to him as he let go of all of the bitterness and pain he'd been holding inside ever since the night in the garage. When Quatre left him almost an hour later, Heero was tucked into his bed, having cried himself to sleep.
Duo sat on the garage floor, staring off into space. He was leaning back against his motorcycle, wishing that he had never asked Heero to see it weeks ago. Of course, he knew that Heero would have eventually told him the same thing he had that night anyway. It wasn't in the grand scheme of things for Duo to ever be happy, so why should he have thought it would've been different this time? Duo pushed away those bitter thoughts, trying to get a hold of himself. There was no use wishing for something that wasn't meant to be. Hadn't he told himself that many times before?
"Then why the hell can't I let it go this time?" Duo asked out loud, angry with himself for wanting something he could never have.
"Perhaps because you know that you shouldn't this time," came Trowa's voice from the door.
"Go away, Trowa," Duo commanded hotly. "I don't want any company right now."
"Too bad. You need it. Why don't you quit beating yourself up and just make things right, Duo?"
Duo stood, his eyes flashing like lightning. "Oh, you think it's that simple, do ya? Huh? Well, for your information, Mr. Perfect Soldier has told me if I approach him about it, he will kill me. You get it? Is it clear enough for you now?"
"That's not what's stopping you, Duo, and you know it."
"Oh, well, since you're so knowledgeable, why don't you enlighten me? What's stopping me?" Duo folded his arms in front of him, acting as if he was getting ready to refute whatever Trowa said.
"Your fear of losing another person you love."
Duo's reaction was immediate and violent. "I do not love him!" he yelled as he stalked towards the other boy. Trowa barely had time to dodge Duo's fist. He pushed Duo off balance, causing Duo to hit the floor. Duo growled and got back up, lunging at Trowa. They landed on the floor, Duo straddling Trowa, Trowa fending off Duo's punches.
"I don't love him! I don't love him! Why can't you leave me alone? I just want to be left alone!"
"No, you don't, Duo," Trowa said as he grabbed Duo's wrists, keeping the other boy from hitting him. "You love Heero, but you don't want to admit it because as long as you deny it, he'll be safe."
All of the anger went out of Duo at Trowa's words, along with his strength. He collapsed against the green- eyed boy, completely exhausted both emotionally and physically. Trowa sat up and pulled Duo closer to him, rubbing the other boy's hair soothingly.
"I've lost him, Trowa, and I didn't even know I had him," Duo said defeated.
"Heero still loves you, Duo. You have to have faith in that. He's hurting, but he will heal. If you truly love him, you will wait for him to realize that you do."
"I'm so afraid, Trowa."
Trowa began rocking Duo as the other boy began to cry. He kissed the top of Duo's hair and murmured words of hope and encouragement to him as the braided boy let go of the last restraint that held him prisoner in his own heart. By the time Trowa lifted Duo to carry him to the house the other boy was asleep.
Heero sat across the table watching Quatre and Trowa as they talked about what color to paint the living room. He was highly amused at the fact that Trowa was the one who was being so vehement about the color-scheme. Quatre was trying to indulge his lover, but Trowa seemed to be completely settled on the light blue, while Quatre wanted it to be beige. Heero was so involved in their antics that he failed to hear Duo enter the kitchen.
"Morning, everyone," Duo said almost tentatively.
"Morning, Duo!" Quatre beamed, glad for a distraction from the color war ensuing.
"Good morning," Trowa added, not the least bit deceived by his lover's tactics to postpone the decision.
"Morning," Heero offered, forcing himself to look at Duo. It was so hard, but he knew he had to try.
Duo whipped around at Heero's voice, his eyes hopeful as he looked at the dark haired boy. "Did you sleep well, Heero?" It was a simple question that had so many complex parts to it.
Heero looked into violet depths. He could see the vulnerability, the longing, and the fear. "Not as good as I would have if I would have been with you."
Duo closed his eyes at that confession. Did he dare to believe what it sounded like it meant? He opened them to look into blue eyes that were no longer passive or cold, but filled with the same longing that he felt inside. With every bit of courage he possessed, Duo took a step towards the other boy.
"I lied to you when I said that I didn't promise you anything. Every time I touched you, every time I said your name, every time I looked into your eyes, I told you I loved you, Heero. I didn't want to because I was afraid I'd lose you, but my heart knew that it was true, and it said it to you over and over again without me even knowing it."
Heero stood up, his heart beating wildly at the braided boy's words. "You love me?"
Duo let out a choked cry as he rushed forward into Heero's arms. "I've always loved you. From the moment I saw you, my heart knew. From the moment you said my name my soul belonged to you. From the moment you looked at me with passion in your eyes, my body became yours. How could I not love you, Heero, when you own me?"
Heero tightened his embrace as he drank in Duo's words. They were like a sweet rain falling on his parched heart. He pulled away and gazed into the other boy's tear filled eyes.
"I thought I told you not to make any sexual advances on me, Maxwell?"
Duo felt panic grip him until he realized what Heero wanted from him. "I don't want to have sex, Yuy."
"Then what do you want?"
Duo smiled his first real smile in weeks. "I want to make love to you, Heero."
Heero smiled as he reached out his hand to take Duo's. "I want that too, Duo. Please, don't make me wait any longer."
Trowa and Quatre watched as Duo nodded. The braided boy led his dark haired lover up the stairs towards what would become their room again if either one of them had any say so in the matter.
Quatre turned to Trowa and smiled, tears making his eyes look like the Caribbean Sea. "Oh, Trowa."
Trowa wiped his lover's tears away as leaned forward for a kiss. When their lips parted, Trowa smiled mischievously at the blonde. "I believe we have an unresolved matter to tend to ourselves."
It was the last complete sentence Trowa uttered for more than an hour as his feisty Arabian lover proceeded to convince him that beige was definitely the color they were going to use to paint the living room. They went out and bought three cans of it that same day.
The End
(:./tk/un2)
