17 Jan 2001
Category: Shonen-ai/Yaoi, PWP-ish
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Mild violence & lang.; lemon; slight OOC
Disclaimer: I don't own the GW boys. Please don't sue. Don't get pissy
about the yaoi, either; pretty boys kissing makes me happy. And as John
said, All you need is love.
//=thoughts-emphasis
When the fight began, the old fight, both boys experienced a sense of déja vu. Each felt he'd lived this moment a hundred times over: the subtle jabs, the bitter accusations, the swift declension of civility into primitive rage.
Heero and Duo circled each other like wild animals.
"Angry now, aren't you?" Duo spat, taking the offensive as always. "Little hot under the collar there, Frosty? Gettin' your spandex in a bunch?"
Heero smiled unpleasantly. He shrugged his shoulders, telling Duo without words what he thought of him, what he thought of the whole situation: //Nothing. Not a bit, who cares, who gives a shit about you, what do you matter to me--//
Duo's palm cracked over Heero's cheek.
Heero's head turned slowly back around to face Duo, the red palm-print livid on skin gone rage-white. And Duo was glad in his heart. He grinned fiercely and told himself that whatever happened, it was worth it-because now he'd get a reaction. Now he'd get what he'd longed for: a glimpse beneath the frigid mask Heero showed to the world. //Yeah, now we'll see what's what.//
"Duo," Heero articulated coldly. "I don't want to hurt you. But if you hit me again, I will break every bone in your hand. Then I'll move on to your wrist. And if your mouth is still moving after that, I'll break your arm at the fucking elb-"
Duo's palm cracked over the other cheek.
There was no transition, not a second of it. One moment Duo was upright, arm still cocked from the blow; the next he was pinned under Heero on the floor. The Japanese pilot had him on his stomach, the offending limb twisted behind his back. It was a moment of exquisite agony and fear.
Even as he struggled and cursed, a sense of nightmarish unreality washed over Duo. The two boys had had innumerable arguments, but they had never gone this far-had never tried to hurt each other after that first violent meeting. //It's okay,// he told himself, //this isn't real, he isn't actually hurting me; this is the same old dance, this is just me pushing Heero as far as I can before he makes me pay...tomorrow I'll try again, I'll dig deeper, draw a little blood...Eventually he has to... he... he wouldn't...//
Suddenly Duo wasn't struggling anymore. He went limp beneath Heero, who barely even registered the change; he was too intent on teaching the stupid, infuriating, loudmouthed American a lesson. Heero's lips split in a nasty sneer as he twisted Duo's wrist back, waiting eagerly for the abuse the smaller boy was sure to hurl at him. //Give me an excuse to make you bleed, baka. I want you to. Come on.//
But there was no more noise, no foul language. Duo was quiet and still. For some reason, this made Heero even angrier. At the same time he grew dizzy, disoriented. //Is this happening?// he wondered. //Am I about to break my best friend's arm? Because that's what he is, isn't he--? My best friend. And he hit me. The little bastard, he called me inhuman. He made me feel-//
Heero wrenched Duo's arm in its socket.
And finally Duo made a noise. It was a soft keening sound, the kind of wail you'd hear from a child too harshly punished. It startled Heero into releasing his arm. Duo pulled it back, cradling it against his body, and said: "I'm sorry Heero, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me... don't hurt me..."
That voice was like a physical blow. It attacked Heero from fifty different directions, assaulting him in the gut, the heart, and the conscience all at once. It constricted his throat. Finally it reached his brain and he rolled off Duo, who still lay motionless.
"Oh no," Heero said shakily, crawling backwards. "No, you can't do that. It's not fair-"
Duo trembled.
"Who was hitting who?" Heero demanded. "I-you were..."
His voice trailed off. The Wing pilot ran a hand through his hair, then rubbed absently at the still-warm splotches on either cheek. //Say something, Duo. Call me a frigid prick. Remind me how the dance is supposed to go. Because I think these are some new moves, and they feel-they scare me-//
"Would you really have done that?" Duo asked quietly, forehead pressed to the floor.
There was a long silence. "I don't know," Heero admitted. Then: "Maybe. Sometimes I think you could..."
"What?" Duo still wouldn't look at him. "I could what?"
"I think you could--make me do anything," Heero said tightly. "Anything you wanted. I mean," he exhaled noisily, exasperated, "that's what you wanted, right? A reaction? For me to lose control?"
Duo said nothing.
Still nervous, and eager to steer them back to familiar territory (however frustrating), Heero knelt by Duo. He laid a tentative hand on the prone boy's shoulder. Duo didn't flinch away, but he didn't acknowledge it, either. Heero squeezed lightly, then ran a comforting hand down Duo's arm-the one he had treated so roughly a moment before. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Guess so." Duo still didn't sound like his usual cocky self. Heero's discomfort grew. He was torn between the urge to walk away, to flee before anything more was asked of him, and the need to set things right with Duo. //Can't leave him like this.//
Risking more than he ever had with another, Heero moved his hand in small, soothing circles over Duo's back. Gradually the black-clad pilot relaxed; the silence grew companionable. But the repetitive motion of Heero's hand on Duo's body stirred them both somehow, reminded them that something was different today. Unreality still lapped at their heels-but the deja vu was gone. Some fine balance had shifted, leaving them in uncharted territory.
"You make me so angry, bakayarou." There was more sadness in the words than hostility. "We should be friends, but friends don't hurt each other like that, do they? I don't know much about friendship, I guess. But I know when something feels wrong. Hurting you feels wrong. What are we doing that we shouldn't, Duo?"
Slowly, Duo rolled onto his side, Heero's hand still resting comfortably on his shoulder. He looked very solemn as he gazed up at Heero; there was an odd, intense light in his eyes that Heero didn't recognize. It attracted and unsettled him at the same time.
"Maybe," Duo whispered, "we //aren't// doing something that we //should//."
Heero just shook his head, confused.
Duo sat up slowly, facing Heero. But when Heero tried to remove his hand, Duo's slid over it and held it in place. He said, "Maybe we're like puzzle pieces that fit, only we don't know how. You turn and turn them around trying every angle, but they just don't form any kind of picture. Until you try a new way, and suddenly..." he bit his lip. "They, um. They fit. And everything else falls into place after that. You know?"
Heero didn't know. But he liked the cool, smooth weight of Duo's hand over his own; it felt unfamiliar yet right. So when Duo leaned forward, pressing his own cheek lightly to Heero's, Heero didn't protest. He just enjoyed the sensation of being close to his friend, his dearest only friend, Duo. Who was brave and kind. Who was full of life. Who in spite of his loudness and recklessness and bravado was really...actually...very...
//Beautiful.//
"We fit, Heero," he murmured. "Everything will be okay."
Heero's hand lifted of its own accord to stroke Duo's cheek. His fingers trailed over the American's jaw, traced his lips. Slid into the soft mass of hair gathered at the nape of his neck. Duo's breath caught, then came faster. He moved his face against Heero's, drawing back to look into the other's cobalt eyes.
"Heero," he said.
And just like that, the pieces fit.
Everything made a kind of terrifying sense. Understanding flooded Heero's eyes; his hand tightened in Duo's hair. Two bodies lit up like fireflies as a wave of pure desire broke over Heero. Helplessly he buried his face in Duo's neck, needing the contact, needing to feel the only person who had ever truly seen him. The only person who had ever cared for him. Wanted him. Touched him....
He jerked away from Duo, both of them flushed and trembling. There was a suspicious bulge in Duo's pants; it matched his own. Heero's palms were damp. Avoiding Duo's eyes, he wiped them on his shorts. He crawled backwards. He struggled to his feet.
"Heero, what--?"
"I can't do this."
He took a step backwards.
"No." Duo was shaking his head. "Don't go."
He took another step back. He balled his sweaty hands into fists.
"Don't do it. Don't you walk away."
He turned around.
"Heero! Don't you fucking walk away!"
Shaking with anger and fear and lust, he started towards the door.
"Heero! You bastard!" The American was on his feet, trembling just as hard. "Don't you leave me!"
"I'm sorry-I can't-"
"Stop!"
"Duo, let go-"
"HEERO!"
"WHAT?" Heero spun around. "What do you WANT, Duo?!"
Duo just stood there, panting. And slowly, very slowly, he smiled-a smile that told Heero he'd asked the jackpot question.
He took a step closer to Heero. Their faces were inches apart. Heero's eyes widened, then narrowed as the tip of Duo's tongue darted out to moisten his lips. His full, rosy lips. Which were parted ever-so-slightly, his breath escaping in a soft rush that tickled the hairs on Heero's neck.
"Duo-" he began nervously.
"Stay," Duo whispered. "Ask me that question again."
"Nani...?"
"//Ask//," Duo hissed. His hand shot out, hooked the waistband of Heero's spandex shorts, and yanked the Japanese pilot up against him.
"W-what do you want?" Heero gasped, more from shock than anything else.
"Ask again." Duo bent his knees and straightened them in a smooth, undulating motion, rubbing his hot arousal up and down Heero's thigh.
The short-haired pilot's breath caught. "What do you want?" he whispered. Duo's electric violet eyes pinned him, bound him in place, even as his lower body ground helplessly into the smaller boy's. He watched, heart pounding, as Duo's cheeks flushed and his head tilted back, exposing his throat.
"Ask again," Duo demanded. Shamelessly he rocked against Heero, the friction of cloth and Heero's heat against his cock driving him out of his head. He moaned, then gasped, his hands clutching at the Wing pilot's hips. "Again."
"What...do you...Ahh-ah! Duo! shimatta-what do you want? What-" Words failed him as Duo's fingers dug into his ass, pulling their erections so tightly together he forgot where he ended and Duo began. And all the time the beautiful American squirmed against him, his chest heaving with pleasure, his huge eyes pleading and commanding at once.
"More," Duo said. "Again."
"What do you want?" Heero thrust his hips into Duo's, then lowered his mouth to tease the long column of his partner's throat. His lips moved against the soft, sweet flesh, eliciting a musical little whine. "What do you want, Duo?"
"Again!"
"//What do you want, Duo?//"
Duo arched against him, crying,"//Again!//"
"Tell me what you want!"
"I-ah-ahh-Heero--!" Duo was almost sobbing now, violet eyes feverish, stray wisps of golden-chestnut hair pulsing in and out of his mouth with the force of his breaths. "I want..."
"TELL ME!" Heero's contol snapped and he threw his partner back against the wall. He was crushed against him the next second, his fist tangled in the honeyed silk of Duo's hair. Heero ripped at Duo's shirt with his free hand, and buttons skittered across the floor in counterpoint to the tiny obscenities flying from Heero's lips. "Come on Duo, tell me, tell me what you want, talk--that's it, open that smart mouth-beg me to fuck you, beg me-"
"Do it," Duo rasped. Heero's fingers closed on a tight nipple, rolling it. "Do it, fuck me, fuck me right here, take me-"
The spill of words flowed straight to Heero's groin and he rocked, reflexively, into the smaller boy's pelvis. "Oh god you're incredible," he moaned. "You're so hot, Duo, I want you so much-want to be inside you-"
"I want you inside." The American reached up to pull back Heero's head, so that their gazes locked. "That's what I want too, Heero..." Duo's eyes were slitted as though in agony, but the light in them was something not-pain. Heero almost came right then, falling into Duo's half-closed eyes, reeling from the heat--//It's like looking at the sun in eclipse.//
"...and I always have," Duo breathed. His eyes filled with tears and he closed them completely, leaning in to brush his mouth against Heero's. "Do me, please, lover," he murmured. "Do it to me now. Make me yours."
And that was it, that was all it took. Heero became Duo's completely; forgot his own name, forgot the war and the missions he had accepted that tore the two of them apart. Nothing existed for Heero in that moment except the delicious tang of Duo's tongue against his own. No logic accounted for his overpowering need to caress every inch of that supple, shaking body. And no mission was more urgent than the single, driving directive: Go Into Duo. Fill him, fuck him, claim him. //...what I've always wanted...yes...//
In the span of a heartbeat, Heero lost his clothes. Duo slid slowly down the wall, strength oozing like warm molasses from his knees as he took in the sleek stark beauty of Heero's naked body. "This can't be real," he whispered over and over. "Can't be, can't be...I never get what I want..."
"You've never had me to give it to you," Heero said, voice husky with promise. He knelt, pulling Duo into his arms, then eased them both to the floor. He kissed Duo deeply and passionately as he unfastened the braided boy's pants; and, with a whisper of skin against fabric, thrust his hand inside. "Does this feel real?" he murmured into Duo's mouth. Duo could only moan and squirm in reply; the sensation of Heero's hand between his legs was-oh it was--
"Stop, Heero," the American begged brokenly. His slight frame was drenched in sweat. "If you don't stop, I-I'll-" But there was no mercy in the Prussian blue eyes, only greed and purpose. The hand in Duo's pants moved faster. Duo began to lift his hips off the floor, rocking in time with Heero's strokes, groaning and tossing his head back and forth.
Suddenly Heero's mouth was on his ear, carressing the hollow with his tongue and nibbling at the lobe. "Come," Heero ordered. His hand moved in longer, rougher strokes; through the haze of mounting ecstasy, Duo felt the taller boy's heat pressed against his hip. Heero rubbed it there, growling tenderly as Duo thrashed. "Come for me, Duo. I need to see you come."
The sound of Heero Yuy //ordering// him to climax struck Duo like lightning. He came with a startled shout, frightened by the intensity of his orgasm even as Heero whispered soothing encouragements into his ear. It seemed to last forever. His hips rolled and rolled, the Japanese boy's hand working ever more gently, coaxing the last waves of pleasure from his pulsing cock. Duo cried out as helplessly as a child.
After a few minutes the shockwaves subsided. The Deathscythe pilot lay shaking in his stickiness and sweat, stunned to feel tears rolling down his face. Still gasping, he turned his face up to his lover's. "Heero, how..." The question died on his lips as he saw the expression on Heero's face. The wet, half-opened lips. The golden-brown skin suffused with heat. The blue eyes glittering with starvation. Heero was shaking and panting, too; and some wondering part of Duo realized that his partner had gotten swept up in the climax with him. Only Heero wasn't finished, not by a long shot.
With agonizing slowness, Heero coiled his body and swung over Duo's, straddling him on hands and knees. Though they were very close, Heero's hand on Duo's penis was their only point of contact. Heero did two things simultaneously: he withdrew his hand from Duo's pants, reaching beneath himself to slather Duo's seed over his own aching erection. And he slowly lowered his face to Duo's, closer and closer until their noses almost brushed. He didn't kiss Duo. He simply stared at him. Their breaths mingled. The smaller boy felt himself begin to harden once more. They stayed that way for an eternity, not quite touching, Heero's head tilted at exactly the right angle to take Duo's mouth. Between them, Heero's hand caressed his own member with slow strokes. And he waited, staring at Duo from an inch away, drinking him in. Then suddenly, shockingly, his lips ghosted over Duo's. Both bodies jolted with pleasure at the feather-light contact.
And Heero whispered: "Oh Duo... what I'm going to do to you..."
Only two parts of Duo's body responded to this erotic threat. The second was his mouth, which curved into an obscene smile. "Go ahead," he said throatily, "if you think you're up to it."
Heero was never one for witty repartee. He simply threw himself into his work, sliding off Duo's pants and unravelling his braid with a graceful economy of motion that made Duo tighten even more.
Duo lay there as Heero's hands whispered all over his body, loving the feel of them. He was laughing and crying at the same time, still grinning his filthy grin, murmuring to Heero, to himself, to no one in particular. "Oh god... this doesn't seem real, Heero, what is this? Is it a-"
"It's real if we want it to be." Heero stretched out over Duo and plunged his hands into the loosened mass of hair. He ran his fingers through it, rubbed it against his cheek, inhaled its clean sunny scent.
"Are we doing this?" Duo wrapped his arms around his partner's lean form. He crooked a knee, caressing the backs of Heero's calves with his own. They both began to breathe harder, shifting against each other. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to fix us," Heero answered. He snaked a hand between their bodies and fondled Duo gently. "I'm going to find out how we fit."
Duo's neck arched. He moved in tiny, jerking motions; then his head started to turn back and forth again as he whimpered his pleasure; finally, he writhed under Heero, hips bucking off the floor with abandon. Heero released his cock. "Turn over," he whispered, and Duo obeyed helplessly, still squirming.
//Shimatta.// The sight of Duo like this made Heero's mouth go dry. The American was pressing his length against the hard floor, rubbing and stroking himself with long rolls of his hips, his fingernails digging into the wood by his head. For one moment Heero felt forgotten. Then Duo sent a hot, sly glance over his own shoulder, and Heero suddenly realized that this little show was for his benefit. //He likes me to watch him...God...// The knowledge hardened his erection painfully.
Heero stilled Duo's hips with strong hands. Ignoring the violet-eyed boy's mewls of torment, Heero held him firmly in place, then began to caress the firm, smooth lobes of his buttocks. Suddenly Duo wasn't complaining anymore. The Japanese pilot increased the pressure, massaging and kneading the pale flesh until Duo's entire body was humming with gratitude. When he sensed his long-haired one had relaxed enough, Heero slid a cautious finger between the lobes, parting him, teasing the tiny entrance. Duo made a funny, high-pitched noise of arousal. The side of his face visible to his partner was suspiciously red.
Heero worked a finger into Duo very gently. Duo drew a hissing breath. "Heero-oh God oh God-that feels-" his hips jerked.
Finger moving softly, Heero bent to speak into Duo's ear. "Don't come yet, baka. The next time you come, it'll be with me inside you."
Duo's hips moved back harder. "That doesn't help!" He gasped. Heero smirked and inserted a second finger. Duo was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm, but his cries spoke only of pleasure.
Finally Heero poised himself above Duo, drawing his fingers out and gently lifting the other's lower body to his knees. Duo knelt back, straining his hindquarters into Heero's heat. Heero's breath snagged, then released in a tiny chuckle. "Want me, don't you?" he teased.
"Yes," was all Duo said. But he had never sounded more serious.
"Good," Heero told him quietly, leaning in to stroke Duo's lower back. "Because I..."
His hand kept moving, but his lips stilled. Reality seemed to flicker and dim around him.
"Heero...?"
For a moment he was beyond the sound of Duo's voice. He suddenly found himself back where he'd been half an hour ago: too far from somebody he loved. He knelt over his best friend and said, //I know when something feels wrong//. And Duo said-
"Heero?"
The timid voice of his partner brought Heero back to himself. Blinking, he looked down at Duo only to find the other's face averted. But a slight tremor ran down Duo's back; Heero felt it beneath his palm and heard Duo's thought as plainly as if he'd spoken it: //Heero has changed his mind. He's going to leave me//.
"I know when something feels wrong," was all Heero could say. "Turn over again." Then he swallowed and told Duo, by way of explanation, "Nothing we do matters if I can't see your eyes while we're doing it."
An enchanted snow began to fall around them. As Duo sat up and turned, looking at Heero with an expression the other had never seen before, flakes drifted into their tousled hair and lit on their eyelashes. A sweet fragrance mingled with the smell of desire and Heero thought, //sakura//. He raised a hand to brush the petals from Duo's cheek, but there was nothing there. Only warm skin made damp from tears.
"Come into me, Heero," Duo begged. "I've waited fifteen years for you. I can't wait another minute."
They fell back. Heero settled onto Duo like a feather, whispering and caressing and feeling his way inside. Duo's limbs tightened around Heero with every inch until finally, after an eternity, the Wing pilot was completely sheathed within him. The fullness of the sensation stunned both boys.
"Duo," Heero said. His voice was hoarse and his blue eyes were overflowing. "This feels like coming home."
"We don't have a home," Duo managed between soft gasps.
Heero's head dipped to nuzzle Duo's neck. "Then it just feels like coming." Both boys giggled helplessly, still leaking tears. Duo lifted his hips in reply, pulling Heero deeper in. They cried out together.
"Ah! Heero!" His fingers curled in his partner's dark hair. "Don't go slow, please, Heero, don't hold back."
"I don't want to hurt you-"
"Then take me hard," the violet-eyed boy breathed. "Love me and you won't hurt me."
Heero groaned, unable to resist this plea. He gripped Duo's wrists and pinned them above his head; he moved as they both wanted him to move, forcefully and fast. Duo rose to meet every thrust, moaning his happiness and need. //I want more//. Their gazes were locked. Heero took him harder, faster. //More, more//. It couldn't last much longer...
"Yes-yes-oh God, I'm almost-I'm-Heero-where are we Heero, where are we-"
Heero's hips slowed. He stared at Duo, startled. "What?"
"Where are we? Is this a room?" Duo blurted helplessly. He slowed his rhythm too, searching his partner's face.
"Why did you say that?"
"I don't..." his head tipped back in frustration, confusion and desire. Heero still moved slowly within him, stoking the glowing coals of his pleasure. Why had he asked such a stupid question? But-"I can't tell where we are... mmm... oh, Heero-no! I don't-I've never seen this room! //Where are we //?"
"We're here," Heero soothed, squeezing his eyes shut. "We're with each other, that's all that matters, don't ask that question, don't-"
Warm surf crashed in their ears, stroking their tangled legs and rushing softly around them. Duo surrendered and cried his pleasure, writhing as Heero rode him harder. Strong hands pressed his wrists into soft sand.
//Sand//?
Duo's eyes snapped open. Even as he moved with Heero he bit his lip, staring up at stars that seemed to be moving closer and closer, growing more brilliant with each thrust of Heero's hips. As their ecstasy mounted, the light became dazzling.
"Duo!" Heero cried, half-blinded. Dimly he heard the boy beneath him call his name in return. The stars were enormous, flanking them on every side, dancing, pulsing with the motion his cock inside Duo's body. **Duo**
"Don't stop!" the American cried. "God, don't stop!" He arced tight as a bowstring.
Heero watched him squirm and cry out. Duo was bathed in light, wearing a pristine set of pure-white priest's garments with a notch of black at his throat. Heero bent to lick it and it disappeared. They were both naked again, both moving fast against each other, both nearing the pinnacle of pleasure.
**Heero I'm scared**
"What?" Heero gasped. He gripped Duo's hands.
"I'm scared," Duo cried in English and Japanese at the same time. "Nothing this good can be real, we're off the ground now-"
The stars were gone. The sand and surf were gone. They were floating as they rocked, drifting in the dark, clinging to each other in a cool breeze that was trying to pull them apart.
"Heero-" Duo's hips sped up. **OH HEERO**
**DON'T LET GO** Heero cried. With a final devastating thrust, he spilled into Duo, hips jerking uncontrollably. He claimed Duo's mouth in the same instant, swallowing the longhaired boy's scream of pleasure as his seed washed over Heero's stomach. They undulated against each other, gasping in the grip of pleasure so intense it felt like grief. There was a moment of silence broken only by the sounds of their slowing breaths.
Slowly, Duo said: **I feel strange Heero**
Suddenly the cool breeze turned cold. They were pulled backwards, apart, away from each other.
Two hands shot out in the darkness and clung to each other.
**Heero what's happening**
**Just hold on Duo it's okay**
**No** Duo cried, **It will never be okay not if I lose you**
Heero's hand tightened as the wind howled. **You won't lose me this is REAL and I know this feeling Duo we're falling**
**Can't hold on somebody help** Duo's eyes were frantic. They were all Heero could see in the void.
**We're falling** Heero whispered into the gale. **And you can't fall up Duo only down we can't go backwards from where we are**
**Heero**--his fingers slipped--
**You were right Duo we fit and we'll stay together**
**Heero I lo**
Two boys shot bolt upright in their sleeping bags.
They shivered and gasped on the frigid floor of the safehouse, looking wildly around. The night was calm and still. Suddenly blue eyes met violet. Frozen with shock, their gazes locked over the row of sleeping pilots curled between them.
Duo's mouth opened. His breath escaped in a lush plume, curling briefly into the shape of a question mark before dissolving into nothing, into moonlight and thin air.
~~hajime~~
"Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?" ---Tennyson
(:./hotaru/jigsaw)
