It was past noon when Wufei returned, but he'd managed to get everything they needed. For about a week, at least. He wasn't sure how long they were going to be there, but he had a feeling it would be a while.
This was both a good thing, and a bad thing.
On the one hand, he'd be alone with Duo the whole time. On the other hand... he'd be alone with Duo the whole time. Talk about your mixed blessings...
He carted some of the groceries inside, then crossed to the bedroom, after dumping them on the kitchen counter, suddenly anxious about his patient. One of Duo's proudest claims was that he never lied, but Wufei wouldn't put anything past him in his unbalanced, irrational state. And, as proved when he'd tried to self destruct, one moment of madness was all it took.
Duo was stretched out on the bed, lightly sleeping. A dark eye cracked open when Wufei peered through the doorway, and his lips curved sleepily. "Home?"
Wufei smiled in return, feeling relief wash over him. "Home." He also felt foolishly delighted that Duo was pleased to see him, and tried to squelch that inappropriate reaction; with a decided lack of results.
Duo scrunched his face up, and rubbed an eye. "D'dja bring any aspirin?"
Wufei nodded. "Hang on." Ducking into the kitchen he grabbed the bottle of pain pills -- stronger stuff than aspirin -- and broke open the box of bottled water he'd... "acquired".
"D'dja contact th' others?" Duo queried, still half asleep, as Wufei shook out a couple of pills and opened the water for him.
"No. I told you, not until you're stronger."
"But..."
"No 'but's. Here, take these." Duo accepted the pills gratefully, washing them down with a grimace. "I told you, we're hiding out here until you're healed up."
"B't... what 'f the others need ya?" Duo queried, blinking sleepily at Wufei, his brow creasing. "Wh't 'f they need Shenlong?"
Wufei shook his head, then scowled as his hair fell in his face, and he realized he'd forgotten to get anything to tie it back with. "You need me more," he stated absently, wondering if he'd gotten any twine or *anything*. Or maybe he just ought to cut it all off... No.
"Huh?"
He looked sharply at Duo, who was staring at him in confusion. Whoops. Had he said that out loud? Well, there were worse things he could have let slip, and Duo was already fading out under the influence of the drugs.
"Just get some sleep while I bring the rest of the stuff in," he commanded, rising to his feet.
"Un." Duo turned his head on the pillow and quietly fell asleep.
Wufei stood and watched him sleep a while, watched the slim chest rise and fall under his dark tank top, watched the thick lashes fluttering on the pale cheeks.
Then, cursing himself for a fool, he left the room to go finish unloading the Jeep.
"Duo, wake up."
"Nm..."
Wufei debated with himself, then decided against trying to shake Duo awake. There didn't seem to be any area of the American boy's arms, shoulders, or chest he could grasp hard enough to make a difference that wasn't too near a cut or contusion.
OZ's soldiers hadn't been very kind. Wufei scowled. True, much of the damage had come from the hopeless battle they been caught up in, but there were several bruises and scrapes that were clearly the result of blows from fists or thick army boots, not from being slammed around inside Shinigami's cockpit.
"Duo..."
"Hmm..." Duo shifted, then slowly awakened. "Itai! Wu-ch'n, w'd y' wake m' up f'r?" he slurred, scowling. "H'rts t' be 'wake."
"Sorry," Wufei apologized. "But it's time to eat."
Duo made a face. "M're soup?"
Wufei grinned, and gave in to the urge to brush back Duo's tangled bangs gently. The boy was too out of it to really notice... or so Wufei sincerely hoped. "Hai. Tonight. We'll try something else for breakfast, all right?"
Duo grunted some sort of answer and his eyes slid closed again. But he seemed to be struggling to stay awake, so Wufei went tothe kitchen for the soup.
He'd gotten some deep bowls and some spoons, so at least they could pretend to be civilized tonight. And there was bread. Hemade three trips, placing everything on the tiny table. Soup, bread, cheese, and some decent tea in the mugs. Duo had managed to lever himself into a sitting position, though it had obviously hurt him a lot. He smiled wanly at Wufei, sweatbeading his pale brow. "Got any more of those pills, Wu-chan?"
"I wish you wouldn't call me that," Wufei said, folding his arms and glaring, taking refuge behind indignation with the ease of long practice, when all he wanted to do was go over there and wrap his arms around Duo and make the pain go away. But the one wasn't any more possible than the other...
"I'll get you some aspirin, then, once we're done eating, I'll give you something to knock you out tonight," he relented, as Duo winced when he accidentally moved his broken leg.
"Arigatou, Wu-chan."
He glared silently.
"Wh're you g'nna sleep, Wu-ch'n?" Duo slurred, pain, a full stomach, and the stronger medication all conspiring to fog his senses and send him swiftly toward slumber.
"I got some more blankets while I was in town today," Wufei replied, fussing with Duo's pillows. "I'll be all right."
"S're y' don' wanna sleep w' me?"
Wufei almost jerked the pillow out from under Duo's head. "Um... no. I might accidentally aggravate your wounds," he managed to choke out.
*And I don't want to wake up to find your arms around me while you whisper someone else's name in my ear...*
"Oh... 'kay..." Duo was rapidly succumbing to the pills.
Wufei sighed and brushed Duo's bangs back, wincing at the knot he discovered on the boy's skull beneath the thick hair. Duo blinked sleepily at him, eyes heavy-lidded, and smiled sweetly, not really aware of anything, then slowly allowed himself to relax into senselessness.
Wufei stared down at the soft face, tracing a finger over one bruise-darkened cheekbone, then bending to press a light kiss to the pale brow.
"Sleep well," he whispered, his voice strangely husky. He cleared his throat and blinked rapidly a few times, then pulled himself away from the bed and went to get the extra blankets he'd be using for his cold, lonely, *hard* bed tonight.
"Should've stolen a futon..."
"Ne, Wu-chan!"
Wufei cracked open one eye, irritably. Duo sounded his normal, cheerful self this morning. That was an improvement, to be sure, but Wufei was *not* in the mood.
"Mrrgrf..." he grumbled incoherently into his blanket.
"Wuuuu~uu-chan!"
"What?" he snapped, sitting up, then sputtering as a sea of black fell in his eyes, tangled strands of hair tickling his nose and getting in his mouth. "Gah!" He sneezed violently, then wrenched his hair out of his face and glared at Duo, who was rolling around on the bed, laughing like an idiot, even though it obviously hurt him like hell.
"It's not funny!"
"Itai!" Duo tried to get his gasping breath under control, holding his sides in acute pain. "Oh... oh... that was priceless!" He went off on another gale of mirth, despite the agony it caused him.
Wufei scowled and staggered to his feet. "What did you want, Duo?" he asked, trying not to sound as pissed off as he felt. He failed.
"Whoo... Whoo..." Duo got himself back in hand. "Don't do that to me, Wufei, man!"
Wufei gave him a disdainful look, to hide the part of him that was admiring the warm flush laughter had brought to Duo's full cheeks, and the bright sparkle that had been returned to his wide eyes. "Hmph! This is your fault, you know!"
"Mine?" Duo clutched at his chest in horrified indignation, even though he was still grinning like an idiot. "How so?"
Wufei sighed and shook his head. "Never mind. It's my fault for forgetting to get rubber bands while I was in town."
"Oh." Duo blinked at him, then released a long sigh and scrubbed his eyes. "Ohayo, Wufei."
Wufei stretched, trying to ease the catch in his back. "Ohayo. You ready for breakfast?"
"Mmmm..."
"Ne, Wufei..."
"Hai?" Wufei looked up from polishing his sword. Duo looked extremely sober. Not a good sign.
"Are you really serious about everything? You know, staying here and me healing and shit?"
"Since when do I say anything I don't mean?" Wufei grunted, turning his attention back to his blade. Or, at least, appearing to.
Duo was silent. After he nearly took a finger off for the third time, Wufei finally risked a glance. Duo seemed to be lost deeply in thought, his face blank. Wufei grimaced and put the sword away, then moved to sit on the edge of the bed, facing the silent American boy. He considered what to say, but Duo spoke before he could make up his mind.
"Why?"
He blinked at Duo. "N-nani?"
Duo stared over Wufei's left shoulder, his indigo-blue eyes wide and empty. "Why do you care? I'm useless without Shinigami. Useless with this broken leg. Useless without any will left to fight or even survive. What do you care whether I live or die?"
"I care," Wufei whispered, mostly to himself. He restrained himself from reaching forward to clutch at the hand lying limp on the blanket over Duo's good knee. Duo didn't need anything like that from him.
"Why?" Duo asked again, but he didn't sound as though he wanted an answer.
"Because you're my friend."
Duo's eyes flickered over to Wufei's face, a small frown creasing his brow. "Honto ni? Didn't think I had any of those..."
"What's Quatre then?" demanded Wufei, stung. That hurt, and he wanted to hurt Duo in return, wrong as that was.
"Quatre's... like everyone's little brother. He'd be friends with Treize. He doesn't count."
Wufei felt like hitting Duo. Instead he stood abruptly, and crossed to stare out the window. It was a perfect, early autumn afternoon, the air crisp but not cold, filled with golden sunlight, the trees green, red, orange... It was beautiful outside, but Wufei couldn't appreciate the view. His stomach was clenched in knots.
"I may not be your friend, Duo Maxwell, but I consider you one of mine," he gritted, wrapping his arms around his aching chest and scowling. It had only been an implied rejection, and had mostly been Duo feeling sorry for himself, but it had *hurt*, far worse than it should have. He was shaking, and he couldn't figure out if it was anger or pain. He hadn't thought Duo had so much power over him, didn't think anyone in the world could affect him so strongly.
Shit...
"You do?" Duo sounded like a lost little boy, but Wufei couldn't turn around. Not and risk letting Duo see the raw emotion on his face. He leaned his head against the side of the window sill.
"Yes."
Duo was silent for long moments, and Wufei was beginning to get himself back under control. He'd overreacted and he knew it, but he just couldn't help it.
"Wufei?"
"Ne?"
"You're my friend too."
Wufei closed his eyes, resolutely telling his heart to stop that idiotic pounding. But that meant so much, little as it was. "Arigatou, Duo."
After a few more minutes of silence, Wufei was finally able to trust his face. He might not have the cool expression he usually wore, but at least his emotions weren't blazing from his eyes anymore. He turned and looked cautiously across the room.
Duo was lying back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling, unmoving, barely even breathing, only blinking occasionally.
"Duo..."
"Ne, Wufei. You ever... you ever get tired of being who you are?" Duo asked hoarsely.
Wufei grimaced. "Hai."
Duo jerked, as though he hadn't been expecting an answer. His eyes darted over to Wufei's face and he looked confused. "You do?"
Wufei nodded somberly, moving back across the room to sit next to Duo again. "Hai. I think everyone does. Well, except maybe Quatre." He smiled slightly at the thought of the boy, then sobered in remembrance. "But maybe even he does, occasionally."
Duo turned partly onto his side, though he couldn't roll over all the way with his broken leg. "You're the only one who hasn't tried to self destruct, Wufei," he pointed out. "I thought..."
Wufei cocked a brow. "Getting tired of one's self-imposed mask does not always result in suicide, Duo," he said wryly.
Duo blinked at him, then frowned. "Mask?"
Wufei's mouth twisted. "You don't think you know the real me, do you?"
"Nani?"
"Not any more than I know the real you."
Duo was quiet. "Most of the time..." he finally said softly. "Most of the time that's the real me. But sometimes I get fed up too. Sometimes I want to hurt people I care about for no reason. Sometimes I get tired of giving and giving and never getting anything in return..."
Wufei growled under his breath. Here it was. He'd known there was one cause and one cause only to Duo's sudden desire for death.
Heero...
He realized he'd said the name aloud when Duo started, all color draining from his face. The American boy's mouth opened and closed a few times, but he couldn't seem to force any sound out.
"K'so! Gomen, Duo! Gomen nasai!" Wufei felt like shit now, worse than he'd felt yet. "I didn't... I didn't mean to..."
"S'okay," Duo managed to choke. "S'not like it was any big secret, ne?" He tried to smile, but it was a pretty sickly attempt.
Wufei felt like crying. "I'm sorry, Duo. I didn't mean to--"
"Forget it." Duo rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling again. "I'm quite the idiot, aren't I?" He laughed mirthlessly, mockingly.
"What... what happened?" Wufei dared to ask, his curiosity winning out over his common sense. Well, maybe it would help Duo to talk about it...
Yeah, right.
Duo was still so long Wufei thought he wasn't going to answer. Not that he would blame him if--
"I did something stupid." Duo laughed again, the bitter sound tearing at Wufei's heart. "So what else is new, you ask. But this was so incredibly stupid..."
He trailed off into silence, and Wufei could almost hear Duo's sanity shattering. Or was that just the jester's mask?
"So stupid... I told him I loved him."
Though he'd been expecting something of that nature, Wufei still felt his chest clench with an almost physical agony at those words. He could have lived the rest of his life without hearing it spoken aloud. It was one thing to know it, but another entirely to get it from Duo's own mouth.
But his pain was still so much less than Duo's...
"That's not the worst part though." Duo sounded calm. Too calm. Wufei wished now he *hadn't* asked, but it was far too late. "The really stupid thing was when I asked him if he loved me."
Wufei winced. Oh, yes. That was beyond stupidity. But he couldn't blame Duo. Sometimes it was impossible not to do something, no matter how insane.
"I knew... I knew what the answer would be, but I still asked anyway." Duo closed his eyes, his face dead of all emotion, though his pain throbbed through each word he spoke. "It was as though I couldn't stop myself. I know I have a tendency to run off at the mouth, but not usually that bad. I wasn't even drunk." Tears were streaming down his face, tiny hitching sobs shaking his chest now.
"Duo..."
"Do you know... Do you know what it's like... to have someone you love with all your heart stare at you with flat eyes and tell you they never have and never will love you? I mean, I knew he didn't, but it was so easy to pretend to myself..." He laughed bitterly, though it sounded more like a sob. "So all we ever had was sex."
Wufei grabbed Duo's hand and squeezed, hard. Duo yelped in pain and jerked out of himself, blinking in shock at Wufei, who was glaring at him fiercely.
"If you cared, it wasn't just sex," Wufei growled. There was so much he wanted to say; he wanted to reassure Duo, to help him; but he couldn't put any of it into words. He tried to say it with his intense gaze, but he wasn't sure Duo would understand. "If... if *you* loved, then it wasn't just--" He blushed furiously, suddenly realizing what they were talking about.
Gods, this was embarrassing.
Duo's black expression eased a little, and he blushed as well, as he took in what he had been talking about, and who he was talking to.
"Gomen, Wufei." He smiled, a genuine smile, his cheeks still pink, but his expression lightening. "I didn't mean to dump on you."
"That's what I'm here for," Wufei said simply, still holding Duo's hand, but more gently now.
Duo blinked, startled. "You are?"
Wufei smiled a little sadly. "It may be presumptuous of me, but I'm here as your friend, Duo. I want to... I'm not just here to make sure you eat and to be your crutch when you have to get out of bed. I'm here because I want to help you, to help you realize life is still worth living, and that there *are* people who care about you, who love you."
Duo seemed a little stunned by this speech, and lay a moment, just staring at Wufei in confusion. "Ah..."
It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, but Wufei managed to make himself release Duo's hand. He stood, then paused.
"Duo."
"Ne?"
"I know... what it's like... to love someone who I know will never love me."
"You do?" Duo blinked up at him, but Wufei's face was hidden behind his loose hair as he stood, turned partly away from the bed.
"Yes, I do."
Before either boy had realized what had happened, Wufei had bent and pressed his lips to Duo's in an awkward but firm kiss.
"Wu--"
"I-- I must go worship Nataku!"
Wufei bolted before Duo could say another word.
Duo stared after him in shock, fingers brushing over his tingling lips.
"What the hell was that...?"
"Ne, Wufei?"
"Mm?" Wufei looked up from where he was stitching up a tear in a pair of pants, a needle and a few black threads clamped between his lips, his hair falling in his face.
Duo was sitting on the bed, struggling with his wet, unbound hair, hampered by a stiff arm and several cracked ribs. Wufei was seated cross-legged on the floor, in the sort of nest he'd made for himself out of blankets.
It had been almost a week since he'd kissed Duo, and by unspoken consensus, neither boy had spoken of it since. They had mostly reverted back to their former way of treating one another, except that Duo no longer called Wufei, "Wu-chan".
Duo gave up with a sound of disgust. He'd finally been able to take an unaided bath, and now had to contend with his unruly hair. He was healing rapidly, but it still hurt him to lift his arms over his shoulders for more than a moment.
He gave Wufei a mournful look through his wet bangs. "Would you... Do you think... Would you mind...?" He gestured helplessly with the brush, obviously expecting Wufei to say no.
Wufei's heart leapt in his chest. A chance to touch Duo's hair with his permission? He carefully removed the needle from his mouth and set the mending aside.
Duo was once again cursing as he struggled with tangles that he was doing more to cause than eradicate. Wufei clambered carefully up onto the bed, not wanting to jar Duo's leg, and still utterly embarrassed that he had given in to weakness and kissed Duo. He was still afraid of Duo's reaction. It was all very good to pretend it hadn't happened, but it had, and Duo hadn't been hopped up on pain killers, had been wide awake and lucid. Wufei still feared rejection, even while he knew he could expect nothing less.
"You'll help?" Duo asked, sounding surprised and immensely pleased.
"Of course." Wufei took the brush from Duo and settled down at his back. He paused a moment, hand poised over the long chestnut locks. "As long as it's all right with you..."
"I wouldn'ta asked you if it wasn't," Duo laughed. "Baka."
"Oi," Wufei protested, though he was smiling as he took over the task Duo had been botching.
Stuck out here, in the middle of nowhere, with no radio, no Gundams, no other pilots, and -- most importantly -- no Heero, Duo was beginning to revive. He was still far too quiet far too often, but Wufei was fairly certain he wasn't suicidal anymore. More and more often he came close to being the old Duo, the boy he had been when they had first met.
They sat in silence for well over half an hour, as Wufei carefully, gently worked all the tangles out of Duo's long, silken hair. Then, once that was done, he took some time to just brush it, even though it was all falling in a smooth sweep down Duo's back, tumbling over Wufei's legs and into his lap. It was a soothing experience for both of them, and one Wufei wished to make last as long as possible. The Chinese boy could almost swear Duo was purring. He was certainly radiating an aura of contentment, and leaning into each stroke of the brush.
"No one's done that since--" Duo broke off, and Wufei blinked, called back into reality. "Since I was a kid," Duo finished, some old pain in his voice. "Ne, Wufei, why are you bothering?"
Wufei decided, regretfully that it was time to braid Duo's hair. He'd already prolonged this encounter past what was practical. "Why not?" he asked simply, nimble fingers dividing the long strands into three equal portions, then deftly weaving them into the familiar pattern.
"Nn. I asked Heero to do it, a few times. But he just said it was a waste of time. Said that long hair was a liability, as a soldier."
Wufei scowled. It was as he'd thought. "You are more than a soldier. And your hair is beautiful. There are too few beautiful things in this war-torn world."
"Wufei?"
Oh no! Had he said that out loud? Wufei grimaced and tied off Duo's braid with the band Duo had prudently wrapped around the end of the brush.
"Ne?"
Both boys sat quietly, Duo's back to Wufei, Wufei holding the end of Duo's braid lightly, twining his fingers through the loose hairs.
"Why did... Why did you... kiss me?" Duo almost whispered that last.
Wufei winced and licked his lips nervously. He'd had plenty of time to consider his answer, and he thought he had the right one.
"Because... because... sometimes I do stupid things too."
Duo was silent for long moments, and Wufei could almost hear his mind working. He hoped Duo would remember their conversation and take the words for what they *meant*, not at their face value. And that he would choose to ignore both the action and the emotions behind them.
"Wufei?"
He stiffened. "Ne?"
"It wasn't... that... stupid."
Wufei's knuckles clenched around the end of Duo's braid as he caught his breath. Then he resolutely told himself not to hope. It was enough that Duo accepted him without rejecting him. It was enough that they could continue to be friends.
Wasn't it?
"Ne, Duo, you hungry?" he asked cheerfully, releasing Duo's braid and scooting off the bed. "I'll go get us some dinner. I'm going have to make another trip to town tomorrow, we're getting pretty low..." He kept up a running monologue all the way to the bedroom door.
"Wufei--"
"I--" He cast a look at Duo, who was sitting on the bed, eyes wide and confused. His heart clenched. "I'll get dinner ready."
He escaped into the kitchen.
So now *he* was the one wearing the jester's mask?
"Baka..."
"Didja contact them yet?"
Wufei glanced over at where Duo was wavering in the bedroom doorway, as he dumped an armful of laden bags on the counter. "You're not supposed to be on your feet!"
Duo pulled a face. "Tough beans."
"What... what does that mean?" Wufei asked, blinking in confusion.
Duo grinned widely, his mouth curling in real amusement. "Never mind. Did you contact the others while you were in town?"
"No..."
"It's been a week, Wufei, man!"
"So?" Wufei shrugged.
Duo watched him unload the bags in silence.
"Was there any news while you were in town?"
Wufei shook his head. "Apparently the others have been laying low too. After all, the Gundams were pretty badly damaged in our last fight. I know they managed to liberate Shinigami, though."
Duo lurched across the small room and clutched at Wufei's arm. "Liberate? Shit, man, you mean that? You mean they didn't just destroy Shinigami in the OZ bunker?"
Wufei braced Duo, who was faltering on his good leg, then, with a growled curse and a concerted effort, hefted the other boy into his arms. Duo yelped, in surprise and pain.
"Yes, they got Shinigami out. But don't get your hopes up too much." He carried Duo back into the bedroom and plunked him on the bed.
"Itai!" Duo cried.
"Well, stay in bed, then!"
Duo grinned up at Wufei, who was glaring at him. He seemed to be in an unquenchably good mood, now that he knew his beloved Gundam hadn't been destroyed by the others. "Shinigami lives!" he crowed, throwing his arms around Wufei's waist in a spontaneous hug.
"You don't *know* that!" Wufei protested, standing stiff, resisting the urge to embrace Duo in return, but too weak to push himself away.
"Ya can't kill Death, man!"
Wufei rolled his eyes, though he was smiling broadly himself, affected by Duo's good cheer. "Whatever. Now let me go finish unpacking. The ice cream's going to melt."
"Ice cream? You got ice cream? Shit! Could this day get any better?" Duo released Wufei and fell backwards on the bed, his arms and legs - and braid -- sprawled across the tangled blankets, his eyes shining.
Wufei laughed at the blissful expression on Duo's face. "Baka," he said fondly and returned to the kitchen and the languishing groceries.
"Oi, Wu-- uh, Wufei, man!" Duo caught himself, barely in time.
"Ne?" Wufei looked up from the sink, where he was washing the dinner dishes. He sighed in exasperation. "You're out of bed again?!"
Duo grimaced. "Well, it's not so bad now, ne?"
Wufei had picked up supplies while in town, and while neither boy was an expert, between the two of them, they'd managed to manufacture a makeshift cast for Duo's broken leg.
"Is it even dry?"
"Mostly..." Duo hedged.
Wufei stared at him silently.
"Anyway, that's not important!"
Wufei cocked a brow. "Oh?"
"Yeah! Wufei, man, how long you been hiding this?!" Duo waved the bottle of Scotch in one hand, glaring accusingly.
Wufei grinned. "Not long enough, evidently. What were you doing snooping in my bag?"
Duo flushed. "Well, it's not like there was anything personal in there... 'Sides, I was bored outta my mind! We need a tee vee or something!"
Wufei snorted and set the last bowl to dry, then turned, wiping his hands on a dishtowel. "Television--"
"Rots the brain, I know. Come on, Wu-- Wufei! Let's get smashing drunk!"
"And the reason for that?"
"To celebrate... um... To celebrate... 'Cause I'm bored outta my mind!"
Wufei laughed. He couldn't help it. Then he crossed and inserted himself as a crutch, to aid Duo in hobbling back to the bedroom. "You're insane."
"Of course," Duo replied smugly. "That's what you love about me!"
"One of the things."
"Uh..." Duo stumbled, and Wufei bit his tongue. Idiot! When was he going to stop blurting things like that out? He was getting as bad as Duo!
Suddenly, getting drunk seemed like a very good idea.
"Let me get some glasses..."
End Part 2
(:./knm/time2)
