Well... while the beta's away, the writer will play... ;)
Title: Freedom To Feel
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 2x1
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lemon
Notes: This takes place after EW
Synopsis: Duo must teach Heero how let go of the soldier within after the end of the war.
Heero walked out of the hospital room feeling like he'd just blown his gundam apart while still inside; of course, he had. His body ached, but all of the tests done had proven that he hadn't sustained any life-threatening injuries. He had demanded to be released as soon as the last test had been completed, even though he had no idea what he was going to do or where he was going now that the war was finally over. He needn't have worried about that; the sight of one Duo Maxwell met his eyes when he rounded the corner to the waiting area.
"Hey, Heero. Man, do you think they did a thorough enough job, or what? I've been waiting for at least three hours."
"What are you doing here, Duo?" Heero asked, annoyed that the other boy had bothered to wait for him.
"Oh, Quatre got a couple of hotel rooms for us until we all figure out what we're going to do next. I'm here to make sure you don't just disappear before he gets to say goodbye, so don't even try to say no. Quatre made me promise, and I will keep that promise, Heero." The look on the braided boy's face convinced Heero that he meant business. The same light that blazed in those violet eyes during battle was shining there now. Heero scowled.
"Hn. I guess I have no choice."
Duo smiled brightly. "That's right, you don't. By the way, you're sharing a room with me tonight, so no sneaking out either. I may look stupid, but don't underestimate me. You should know better than that by now, but you always seem to land on your head when you tumble out of your gundam after self-destructing, so..."
Heero snorted, but only muttered 'baka' as they began walking down the hallway toward the exit.
The hotel room was pretty standard - two double beds, a writing desk, a couple of chairs with an eating table, and of course a bathroom. Heero took it all in and noticed that Duo's things were already on the bed situated by the window. 'He knew I'd want the one closest to the door,' Heero thought appreciatively. It pleased him for some reason to think that Duo knew him so well. The braided pilot's voice brought Heero out of his musings.
"Well, Heero. I'm not going to give you a worse headache than you already have tonight. I'll let you get some sleep. You sure look like you need it. I'm going to bed too. I'm bushed."
Before Heero could reply, Duo began undressing. Heero just stood there watching, suddenly entranced by the other boy's movements as he stripped down to silky black boxers. Heero shook himself out of his daze and pulled off his own clothes until he was down to his briefs then slipped into bed. Duo was already snuggled down under his own covers in the other bed.
Heero lay there for a moment. It was finally over. They had once again saved Earth. They had once again attained peace. Peace. He didn't have to kill anymore. He didn't have to follow someone else's orders anymore. He didn't have to live to fight.
"Then what will I live for?"
"Yourself, Heero," came Duo's soft reply. "You have to learn to live for yourself."
Heero felt his cheeks flame in embarrassment for speaking his private thoughts aloud; yet something inside reminded him that he didn't have to be afraid of his emotions. He didn't need the soldier anymore.
"How can I do that when I don't even know who I am?" His voice seemed so uncertain, shaming him once again with his weakness.
He heard the other bed shift. Duo was by his side in a fraction of a second, looking down at him as he sat down.
"Heero, none of us know who we are. Do you actually believe that any of us are any less lost than you are? I don't even know if I have enough sanity left to live in this new world of peace."
Heero gazed up at Duo. The joker's mask wasn't there; all Heero could see was a vulnerable and scared boy who knew only death and destruction as a way of life. Was he himself any different? Had he known anything else in his life either?
"You're right, Duo. I guess we all have to find our place. I just wish I knew how to..." Heero stopped and shook his head in frustration.
"How to what, Heero?" Duo asked, his heart aching for the former wing pilot. He knew how hard this was for him. Heero wasn't able to lay aside his soldier persona as easily as the rest of them.
"Allow myself to feel," Heero grated out through clenched teeth. It was the hardest thing to admit to his friend. Even though they had become friends since the first war, they had never been this open before. It was frightening to allow himself to express what he was feeling, even to Duo.
Duo looked at Heero and made a decision. The whole time he had been waiting in the hospital for the other boy, he had been trying to make up his mind about what he was going to say to Heero while he still had the chance. Duo now realized that words weren't enough.
"Heero, turn over."
It was a simple command, and Heero complied without even thinking about it; he was lying on his stomach before he even realized he'd moved. He felt Duo shift again on the bed until the other boy was lying on his side toward Heero. When Duo's hand touched his back, Heero gasped.
"What are you doing, Duo?"
"It's all right, Heero. Relax. Let yourself feel."
Heero heard the soldier screaming in his mind to stop the braided baka, but Heero heard another voice... a small trembling voice pleading with him to let Duo touch him. Heero ignored the soldier and embraced that vulnerable part of his self that he had denied his whole life.
Duo let his hand slide over Heero's soft skin and hard muscles, kneading them as his fingers traveled across his back. He had longed to touch Heero this way for so long. He felt Heero tense and relax at each touch, almost as if the dark haired pilot was battling with himself; Duo knew it probably wasn't far from the truth.
Heero tried to let his self enjoy the feeling of Duo's hand on him, the roughness of fingertips, the softness of palm. It was something he had never done before. No one had ever touched him in such a gentle way just to make him feel good. For Duo to be touching him like this defied everything Heero had ever done to keep from letting someone get close to him. He wanted to let it all out, to let Duo know how good it felt. Before he could stop himself, he let out a small moan. It was cathartic.
Slowly, Duo let his hand wander the expanse of Heero's shoulders, rubbing and caressing every inch of it. He heard Heero begin to moan in response, the other boy unable to contain the pleasure of Duo's touch.
"Duo... that feels... so good," Heero mumbled then groaned as Duo's hand massaged his lower back.
Duo felt himself harden at the sounds Heero was making. 'Don't get too excited,' he told himself as he moved so he could rub the backs of Heero's thighs. 'He might not let you do what you want to do, Maxwell."
"Oh, yes..." Heero moaned as Duo's calloused fingers touched his silken flesh with just the right amount of pressure. Heero felt like he was in heaven, and it felt so good. 'How did I ever live without this?'
Duo was beginning to feel his control slipping. Up until now, the touches had been completely innocent and platonic; he knew that couldn't last for much longer. He worked his way up Heero's other thigh until he reach the soft roundness of Heero's buttocks. Only hesitating long enough to remind his self that Heero could kill him at any moment, Duo let his hand come to rest on one of the perfect spheres, flexing his fingers around it as it tightened.
Heero had given his self over to the amazing feeling of Duo's hand, closing his eyes in acceptance of whatever the other boy wanted to do to him; but when Duo's hand strayed to unfamiliar territory, Heero's eyes flew open, his breath catching. That one touch went straight to his groin. It was completely unexpected, and Heero didn't register the groan he let escape until it was too late.
Duo moved to the other round globe, grasping it firmly, eliciting the same response as before... a low groan of something that could only be defined as extreme pleasure. He decided to take it further. Taking a deep breath, Duo leaned in and lightly moved his mouth over Heero's shoulder blade. A quick intake of breath and another groan came in response... no words. Duo smiled as he began tracing Heero's back with his mouth. 'Just wait, Heero. I have so much more planned for you to feel if you'll just let me.'
Heero felt himself trembling with each caress from that seductive mouth and that wayward hand. He could do nothing more than moan, words unable to be formed to either stop or encourage Duo's actions; all he could do was feel. The floodgates had been opened, and he was helpless in shutting them again. The fact that Duo was touching him in a sexual way only seemed to make the feelings better.
Duo let his fingers begin to trace Heero's cleft, rubbing the firmness of his buttocks then running between them. Duo was so hard already, his erection straining against its confines of silk. He continued to move his mouth over Heero's back; Heero was soon moaning loudly and openly. 'Yes, Heero, give in to it,' Duo thought hazily.
Heero felt Duo pulling him onto his side. He willingly complied, no longer in control of his emotions. All he wanted was for Duo to make him feel. When Duo's hand brushed against his brief-clad erection, Heero cried out, arching himself into the other boy's hand.
Duo pressed himself against Heero's back, reveling in the hardness of the body against him. His hand quickly pulled down Heero's underwear to his thighs, releasing the gasping boy's erection. Duo took Heero's arousal in his hand and began making long and firm strokes. It was what finally broke all of Heero's self- control.
"Duo!" he cried out, pleasure engulfing him as Duo's hand caressed his length. Nothing had ever felt so good. Heero no longer cared what Duo did to him as long as he continued to stroke him like that. He had never imagined it would feel like that.
Duo moved against Heero, his own erection seeking friction. 'Just a little longer.' He sped up his hand on Heero, bringing the boy closer and closer to the edge.
"Oh, yes! Faster, Duo! Yes!" Heero pleaded, the intensity building with each stroke. He thrust into Duo's hand wildly, no thought except that of release. Then it was happening. Heero felt warmth spread though his body as he tensed and screamed with every pulse as he came, covering himself and Duo's hand with his creamy seed.
Duo didn't give Heero a chance to regain his composure. He moved his coated hand and gently inserted a slick finger into Heero's tight channel, earning another moan from the dark haired boy who was still riding the waves of orgasm.
Heero felt Duo's finger enter him and tensed. Then Duo begin to move it in and out of his body, and the pleasure began to overwhelm everything else again.
"Duo... please," Heero whispered, not even recognizing his own voice, not even understanding what he was begging the other boy for.
"Please what, Heero?" Duo replied as he kissed Heero's neck softly then licked it.
"More."
It was a simple word, but it was all that Duo needed to hear. He added another finger, thrusting them inside Heero, stretching him slowly. When Heero began thrusting back against him, Duo added a third. It wasn't long before he found Heero's pleasure center, hitting it with his fingers as he moved them inside his soon-to-be lover.
"Duo!" was all Heero could manage to bellow out when Duo hit something inside him that felt like pure electricity running through him.
Duo knew Heero was ready. "Turn over. I want to see your face, Heero. I want to see you feel this."
Heero turned to lie on his back, his eyes meeting Duo's for the first time since he'd begun touching him. No words were needed as their eyes locked; they could see all the answers shining in each other's eyes. Duo leaned forward, claiming Heero's mouth in a fierce kiss. His tongue ran over Heero's bottom lip, demanding entrance. Heero moaned then shuddered as Duo's tongue plundered his mouth.
"You're mine, Heero," Duo announced when he released Heero's lips. "From this moment on, you belong to me, and I belong to you. No more denying our feelings. Agreed?"
Heero nodded, a small smirk curving his lips. "Ryoukai."
Duo positioned himself, his erection slick with his own need. Slowly, he began entering Heero. Heero was impossible tight, and Duo held back the insane urge to pound him into the bed; he didn't want to hurt Heero if at all possible. Instead, he leaned forward and took the other boy's mouth in a soft slow kiss as he joined his body to Heero's for the first time.
"Duo... feels... incredible," Heero panted as their lips parted, pleasure overriding the pain.
"It gets... even better... hold on."
Duo finally seated himself inside, forcing himself to wait until Heero was ready. When he felt Heero begin to move underneath him, he knew he couldn't hold back any longer. He pulled himself out of Heero then thrust slowly back inside, relishing the amazing feeling of being joined with the boy he'd wanted since the first time he'd laid eyes on him. "Oh, Heero!"
"Yes! Duo!" became Heero's entire vocabulary as Duo began thrusting into him, faster and faster. It was the most intense feeling Heero had ever known, and the fact that Duo was the one giving it to him made it even better. For so long Heero had denied his feelings for the other boy. As he looked into Duo's passion-filled eyes, he knew he would never have to deny himself again. Duo would help him to feel all he had been missing.
Duo kept his gaze locked on Heero's intense blue eyes, for once not seeing the cold light of the soldier, but the warm glow of passion as he pounded into his new lover with all the emotion he held in his heart. Their bodies moved against each other's in a rhythm of desire, and Duo claimed Heero's mouth again in a soul-searing kiss.
Both of them knew they were reaching their limits. Duo reached between them and began stroking Heero's erection in time with his thrusts. It was only a matter of time now.
Heero felt the warmth spreading through him again, but this time, being stroked inside and out, it was more like a wildfire burning. In one blazing moment, he tensed and climaxed, shouting Duo's name at the top of his voice, spilling his passion all over himself and Duo once again.
Duo felt Heero's release just as his own gripped him. Blinding white light engulfed him. He screamed his lover's name as he filled him with his seed in pulse after pulse of intense pleasure, finally collapsing on top of Heero, unable to move.
They lay there, feeling the moment as it wrapped around them in a way they would never forget for as long as they lived. Finally, Duo rolled off of Heero to lie at his side. He was surprised when Heero rolled over to snuggle against him. A few moments went by before Heero raised his head to look at his new lover.
"Duo," Heero began, unsure of what to say; yet knowing he had to say something. "I... I don't know... how to tell you... I never knew... I could... feel like that."
Duo turned his face so he could look into Heero's eyes. "I've always wanted to make you feel like that, Heero, and I want to always be the one who does. I..." Duo took a deep breath. 'I will not be afraid to tell him.' He swallowed then continued, "You were my reason for fighting this time. I wanted peace so you would be free."
Heero frowned, trying to understand what Duo meant. "Free?"
Duo smiled. "I wanted you to have the freedom to feel, Heero. You've always had to hide behind the soldier. I wanted to win freedom for you so you'd never have to do that again."
Heero felt his heart swell at the braided boy's admission; it made him feel so complete for some reason. He brushed his knuckles against Duo's cheek. "I will always be free so long as you're with me, Duo. I promise I will never hide from you again."
"And I promise to always make you feel what you're feeling right now," Duo said softly, tears filling his eyes at Heero's words. "I... I love you, Heero."
Heero smiled his first smile of freedom. "I love you too, Duo. Aishiteru. I will never let anything take away my freedom to say that to you."
Before Duo could say anything else, Heero rolled over on top of him, his lips meeting Duo's in a deep kiss. Before morning, Heero had proven just how much his freedom had been worth every fight Duo had fought for him.
The End
(:./tk/ftfeel)
