29-Mar-2004
Title: Of Pink Lace, Spandex, and Things That Go Boom
Author: Kierendral
Genre: Humor, Contemplated Shonen-Ai, Almost-Spoof
Parings: 5+1, 1+R, 2+1, 3+4
Rated: PG-13, maybe R for talk of sexual content and swearing.
Warnings: Silliness, pink-lacy underwear, swearing, stalking, guessed
and implied shonen-ai
Feedback: PLEASE! *sobbing* I just want to get -better-...
Notes: Sorry, sorry, I was in New York! I might be transferring to
NYU, but they needed to interview me, and they did, and I'm in! *is
going to go to film school* Whoo hoo! Anyway, since so many people
actually want to find out what happens in this fic, here's the second
installment. Have fun, kiddos, and don't do anything Mama Kier
wouldn't do! *winks roguishly* ;) - Kier
- 5:09 a.m. Sunday -
*click*
Both boys turned, Wufei blanching a little, while Duo's hand, which had instinctively gone for the knife that wasn't there, halted, as both pilots recognized the boy on the other end of the unflinching, intense, annoyed, cobalt glare.
"Chang," came the clipped, though somewhat confused and weary, nasal tone from the Japanese boy. "Explain yourself."
Again, with an eerie confidence that Duo was finding very unsettling, Wufei bowed slightly and addressed the sleep-tousled Heero. "My apologies, Yuy. I completed my mission a half-hour ago, and, when looking for my personal belongings, apparently mistook your duffle for my own. Duo," Duo watched the Chinese boy make a slight flicking motion towards him, "was simply explaining where he put my bag, since mine was in close proximity to yours when I left, hence the confusion."
Duo was amazed at the quickness Wufei rattled off his lie, as was Heero, or so Duo assumed at the slightly astonished look that crossed the other boy's face as his sleepy soldier brain tried to process Wufei's much more awakely-delivered speech. The one sign, Duo mused, that might've given away Wufei was his sudden frantic addition of, "Isn't that right Maxwell?" as the Chinese boy mistook Heero's silence as an indication of disbelief.
(I wonder if Heero'll catch that-)
Wufei nonchalantly elbowed the American boy in the side, covertly enough that Heero in his half-asleep state missed the actual action and only frowned slightly at the forthcoming cough from Duo. Duo glared at Wufei, barley managing to cover up a grunt of surprise/pain with a cleverly placed cough. His sleep deprived mind straining to remember the reason Chang had hurt him, Duo suddenly remembered the last line the other boy had spoken.
"Uh, yeah..." Duo grunted out, slapping on the false cheer which inadvertently turned his fake grin into a cheesy grimace. "I moved his bag because it... was in my bag's spot... or rather, the spot I'd chosen when scouting this house for us to use in this set of missions..."
Heero blinked at the pair, not quite able to decipher what his fellow pilots were hiding from him. He lowered his gun, as his fellow pilots were obviously not a threat, and decided to try and make sense of what Maxwell had just said to him.
"You chose a spot for you bag when you scouted this safe house."
Duo fought not to flinch at the question that had obviously turned into a disbelieving statement. (Real goddamn genius, that sentence was, Maxwell, sheesh... like Yuy'd ever let that slide, sleepy or not.)
"Yeah, well, it's a fucked-up American custom, alright Yuy? Besides, weren't you yelling at -Chang- for rummaging?" Duo said, opting for belligerence as a last ditch effort for the other pilot to give-up the line of questioning.
(No way in hell would he EVER buy that fully-awake. American custom, Duo? Good one, you fuckin' idiot.)
Heero raised an eyebrow at the tone change and the other boy's ridiculous antics about the nonsensical drivel he'd spouted just before being part of his customs. Duo must really think he was a moron, Heero thought quizzically, to buy that excuse. It was unlike his American comrade to underestimate his opponent this easily.
Duo prayed to every God he knew that Heero wouldn't ask him anymore questions to a heist he knew nothing about. This -was- Wufei's fault after all, and he still wanted to know what his fellow pilot was doing with the undergarment he had stuffed up his sleeve.
(Told you he wouldn't buy it... Shit... shitshitshitshit... Please, god, let Yuy give-up on it... let it be too moronic for him to continue probing...)
Heero's snort and muttered "baka yaro" were enough to cover Duo's small exhalation of relief. Heero turned to look at Wufei.
"You and Maxwell have identified your bag, I assume?"
Wufei nodded curtly.
"See to it that the confusion doesn't happen again," Heero said, bristling slightly. Then, allowing himself to let up a bit, explained his last statement: "Too much noise wakes me up. I'm a light sleeper, and anything that wakes me up becomes the enemy." With the short admission, Heero stuck his gun into his ever-present spandex, and walked quickly and lightly back to the room.
Duo didn't miss the way Wufei's eyes light up when Heero slipped the weapon into his pants, and followed the Japanese pilot's rear out of the room.
(I wonder why-)
A very, very wicked thought occurred to Duo, and a grin normally only associated with piloting the Deathscythe startled to form on his lips.
(I wonder...)
"So, Wu-man, care to explain..." Duo failed his right arm about in a flamboyant gesture to capture the entire scene before him, " ...this?"
The Chinese pilot regarded his American counterpart coolly. "You heard my explanation to Heero, Maxwell. This was a mix-up, and nothing more."
"One that I had no part in, which makes the whole scenario a wee-bit less credible, Wu," Duo said, regarding Wufei shrewdly. The other boy was beginning to squirm, though Duo was only able to notice it having grown use to the Chinese pilot's varying levels of stoic composure.
"That part was merely to explain your presence, which, though I haven't had the chance to ask, -you- still haven't explained," at which point Duo started to splutter indignantly about his stomach and Snickers bars, but Wufei cut straight through and continued on, "But even if I was interested, it wasn't pertinent to my mission out here. You have no reason to doubt my mix-up. Both Yuy and myself haven't attached any identifying mark to our standard issue duffle bags, and I am naturally quite tired after my mission."
Wufei began to look around the pile of duffle bags near the doorway for the other unmarked bag which would indicate the presence of his belongings. Duo couldn't argue with Wufei's logic, though it wasn't like the boy to lie unnecessarily. That coupled with the way the Chinese boy had watched Heero's ass as he left the room left Duo suspecting a lot more of the boy's supposedly "innocent" run in with Yuy's bag. Not to mention-
(-the thong.)
"That still doesn't explain why you have that damned piece of underwear up your sleeve," Duo's wickedly accusing tone stopped Wufei dead in the middle of going through his bag. The other picked the offending undergarment out from his sleeve and held it by one pink bow, outstretched to the American pilot. Duo noted with a barely suppressed amusement the look of total abject disgust on his fellow pilot's face.
(Well, at least it doesn't belong to Wu. Jesus, the images that brings up...)
Duo allowed himself to shudder briefly before Wufei's voice cut into his thoughts.
"This... this... -thing-," sneered Wufei, his voice dripping with distain, "most -certainly- does not belong to me. I found it in Yuy's bag, which is part of an ongoing..." He stopped, seeming to be searching for the most appropriate word, " ...investigation I have of Yuy. Don't concern yourself with it."
And with that, the Chinese boy tossed the thong into his duffle bag, and, having everything he needed from it, zipped it back up, and stowed it under the pile of bags.
Duo's eyes narrowed again at Wufei's slip-up. While he most certainly didn't doubt Wufei's denial ownership concerning the effeminate underwear, the boy had unwittingly contradicted his earlier proclamation of "innocent" error in searching through the Japanese pilot's belongings.
However, before Duo got the chance to ask more, Wufei abruptly excused himself and went back to bed. Duo, at first annoyed, finally shrugged, and followed Wufei back to the makeshift bedrooms.
(There's always tomorrow, and I need to eat if I want to get any real sleep tonight. Besides, I have a distinct feeling this one's not gonna get solved overnight, especially if it has anything to do with what I -think- it does...)
The last thought forced an amused snort out of Duo, barely audible, before he softly shut the door to the room he shared with Trowa and Quatre.
- 9:47 a.m. Sunday -
"I'm -telling- you Q," Duo whispered fiercely, "No joke, he was-"
*creeeeak*
Brown and blonde colored locks snapped into their owners' faces as the two boys sitting at the breakfast table broke up their conspiratorial meeting to observe who was entering the kitchen.
Wufei Chang, the object of the two boys' discussion, stumbled sleepily into the kitchen. As he opened the cupboard containing the uncooked rice, he felt two pairs of eyes boring into his back. Spinning around to glare at Duo and Quatre, the Chinese boy snapped, "What the -hell- are you two looking at?"
The two boys jumped as if they'd been shot at and began to laugh rather nervously. "Geeze, Wu-man, such a friggin' morning person, aren't we," Duo quipped back, now over the initial shock of being called out on his intense study of his fellow pilot. "What bug crawled up your ass last-"
"-I will thank you -kindly- if you will cut your normal -entertaining- ranting in favor of a more blissful and productive silence, Maxwell. Not all human beings possess the charming -wit- you Americans seem so intent on spreading at ungodly hours of the morning, nor are most appreciative of it," Wufei spat, interrupting the other's comment with a scathing dose of his grumpy sarcasm.
Duo just snickered and added, "You know you love me, Wu-man," while Quatre, less receptive to Wufei's foul humor, frowned slightly, though watched the exchange with interest.
Wufei snorted, though it lacked any true humor. "That'll be the day Maxwell," he sneered, pouring the rice viciously into the rice cooker.
Grinning, Duo turned towards Quatre, though watched Wufei from the corners of his eyes, having led the other boy right into position for his next move.
(I swear, some days, Wu, you're so goddamn predictable.)
"You see that, Q? Someone interrupts his little panty raid while innocently looking for a candy bar, and this is the kind of treatment he gets in the morning!"
*crunch*
The violent slamming of the rice packaging on the counter was hard enough to rattle the entire kitchenette.
"Maxwell," Wufei hissed, his voicing having gone deadly, "though I sincerely doubt that -anything- you do is damned -innocent,- I would expect even you to have the decency not to mention something that you have no true comprehension of at all, and that would make me look like some kind of depraved pervert," he continued, slowly (which added to the menace of the action) turning his head to face the braided pilot, "But apparently, I was wrong in this assumption, and you do, apparently, have absolutely no notion of which lines you should or should not cross, even with your acquaintances."
And with that, Wufei stalked out of the kitchen, and left the braided pilot with a contemplative look on his face, and the blonde pilot with a slightly shocked look on his face.
"Ya see what I mean, Q?"
"He's certainly been much to sensitive about it for it to be an innocent topic, true, but I didn't expect him to react this violently to innocent teasing," Quatre, partially agreed, deepening his frown, "Perhaps it might not be best to continue with this enterprise?"
"Are you -kidding- me, man?" Duo said, turning to look at Quatre as if he'd grown a second head. "Wufei -never- reacts to something that emotionally, not unless it means a whole -hell- of a lot to him. I want to know why he wanted that pink thong, and by God, with or without your help, I will fuckin' find him out!"
Quatre sighed and rolled his eyes, "Fine, fine, I'll help you."
Duo crowed a cheer of victory, and did a small happy dance with his hands. "You won't regret this Q."
"Yeah, yeah," Quatre mumbled, failing to restrain a grin at the other boy's antics, though he added under his breath, "... though I'm doing this more to prevent you from hurting anyone if Wufei does feel the way you believe he does about Heero, because Allah knows Heero's more than an iceberg when it comes to relationships..."
"So," Duo said, stabbing the remainder of the bacon on his plate with enthusiasm, "Let's get cracking with them mission plans, my man."
"What mission?" came a new voice, floating from the door which Wufei had used to make his furious exit.
Duo choked on his bacon, and Quatre nearly spit the sip of orange juice he just took into Duo's face, saved only by his quick hand, as both boys turned to look at a pair of inquisitive green eyes which were now patently waiting at the entrance to the kitchenette.
[To be continued...]
And so, Trowa enters into the madness. I swear, I swear, we'll get to some Wufei-stalking in the next chapter, and more of his intentions will be revealed. ;)
Comments, please! I've been out of circulation for so long, I want to hear how my first fic in two years is doing so far. :)
