18-Jun-2000
Title: I Try
Author: Lanjelin
Pairing: 1+2/2+1
Notes: Songfic, yaoi, sap, TWT. Heh, I ran across this on a site somewhere,
and I though it would be appropriate... all my fics should be marked with
it.^_^ (For those of you who don't know, it stands for: Timeline? What's
That?)
Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, as you all
realise, and I am not making any money from this. I am so broke it is
pathetic, so suing me will not get you anything but my unpaid bills!
//Games changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop//
Heero watches Duo as the braided boy talks to Quatre. They both laugh at something the Arabian boy says, and Duo then answers with a joke of his own. Then he gets a strange expression on his face, and turns around to meet Heero's eyes. The Wing pilot quickly looks away, hoping he's not blushing. He sighs and wonders if he ever will have the courage to end this game. Surely Duo must begin to suspect something by now...
//I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But we're not//
Duo turns back to Quatre smiling to himself. Heero had been watching him again. Could it mean something? Maybe he could tell the taciturn Japanese boy how he felt... To Duo this felt so right, like it was meant to be, like they belonged together. But what if he had been mistaken? Heero might not feel the same after all. He sighs. If he cannot somehow gather the courage to tell the other boy how he felt, they would never be together.
//I play it off but I'm dreaming of you//
Duo is joking around, pretending not to notice Heero's coldness. He sneaks some touches while trying to loosen the other boy up a bit, and hides the pain he feels as Heero pushes him away. Later, when he is alone, Duo thinks about how things could be if Heero would open up to him...
//I keep my cool but I'm feeling//
Heero feels as if his body is set on fire by Duo's touch, and it takes every ounce of his self-control to keep his true feelings hidden. Finally he has to push the other boy away, not being able to stand it anymore. Later, in bed, he allows himself to briefly consider how things could be if Duo wasn't just joking when he touched him like that...
//I try to say goodbye and I choke//
Duo has to leave on a mission, and turns to say goodbye to Heero. Suddenly he can't seem to find the words, or any words for that matter, afraid that if he actually says it he will never see his beloveds scowling face again.
//I try to walk away and I stumble//
Heero watches as Duo turns to him, knowing that he might never see him again. He knows that he should not be here, he has other things to do, reports to write. But even though he tells himself this, his feet will not obey. So he remains, waiting for Duo to speak.
//Though I try to hide it
It's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
They stand there for a few seconds, frozen by their hidden emotions. Afraid to speak, afraid not to.
//Goodbye and I choke//
Suddenly Duo turns away and runs to his Gundam, not speaking a single word. He *will* see Heero again.
//Try to walk away and I stumble//
Heero stays where Duo left him, watching the departing Gundam until he no longer can see it.
//Though I try to hide it
It's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
Duo in Deathscythe, and Heero on his way back to the computer, both curse themselves for not saying anything. What if Duo doesn't come back? Heero quickly pushes that thought away. He's not sure he can live without the vivacious boy calling himself Shinigami... He would not *want* to, that much he knows.
//I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner
Of your love//
Duo returns from his mission, tired but unharmed. Heero doesn't seem to notice, but later comes into Duo's room and look at him sleeping. Without telling the other pilots, Heero leaves on a mission. Everything he does indicates that he doesn't consider himself part of a team, and that he doesn't need them at all. Secretly though, he is using his hacking skills to make sure that he always gets the missions where he has a chance to meet up with Duo.
//I may seem allrigth and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front//
Carefully observing, Duo searches for any hints that Heero might be happy to see him, but sees none. When the cobalt-eyed boy is about to leave for another mission, Duo keeps his smile and pretends to be unaffected by the lack of response, making sure that the deep worry he feels doesn't show.
//I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I keep my cool but I'm feeling//
Once again they have to part ways, still showing nothing but their masks. But this time *something* is different...
//I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
Simultaneously they turn around and their eyes meet. Recalling how they regretted their silence last time they parted, the two pilots hesitates and wonders if it might not be best to let the other know of all the hidden feelings. After all, with the kind of life they are leading, they might never meet again.
//Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
Unaware of the other's thoughts, they both strengthen their resolve and gather courage to speak. Surprisingly Heero is the first to break the silence.
//Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny//
Slowly and hesitantly he forms words of the feelings he has denied for so long. Eyes downcast, sure of rejection, he tells Duo what is in his heart. When he has finished talking, he waits for Duo's answer. When he, instead of the cold words he had expected, feels a soft caress on his cheek he looks up and almost drowns in Duo's deep violet eyes where he finds, instead of rejection, a love as great as his own. Then his eyes widen in amazement as Duo captures his lips in a tender kiss.
//I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I keep my cool but I'm feeling//
They still keep their masks on for the rest of the world, but when they are alone they share more and more of themselves. Without anyone else noticing, their love grows stronger with each passing day.
//I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
Every goodbye is now filled with a different kind of fear. Neither would want to live without the other, and still they know that each time they part might be the last time. But now, at least, they don't have to mourn any lost chances. Finding happiness in the middle of a war, and holding on to it is not easy. Living on the edge, they have to live each day as if it will be their last... because that might very well be the case. But one day the war will end...
The End
(:./lanjelin/itry)
