The sequel to "The Blood I Have Shed" It's a bit more Dorothy-centric, though.
Quatre turned off his computer and sighed. I can't seem to find the flaw in the images no matter how hard I look, but I know Relena wouldn't do such a thing. I wonder where Heero is. He should be back by now unless she told him to leave... He sighed. If only Heero would open up his eyes, he'd see how much she adores him. They would make such a sweet couple.
He sighed then got up for some coffee. But in the meantime, Dorothy has that disc. I have no idea if she has copies all over the place, but she must have a master somewhere. There must be a way of finding out. Where are you, Heero?
Heero got up on the diving board and executed a simple but perfect drive into the unheated indoor swimming pool. Once in the water, he stayed near the bottom, looking up at the surface of the water. Drowning, he thought. Physically quite simple, but my body's survival instincts would kick in. I wish I could stay down here where it's quiet and serene, but it's impossible.
Slowly, he began floating to the surface and took in a lungful of air once he'd reached the surface.
He laid on his back and looked up at the ceiling. Why? Why do I feel hurt?
A little voice replied, You know the reason why. You feel betrayed. It's just like that time Treize manipulated you into shooting down all these doves. You feel manipulated by Relena, tricked into fighting for Sank and for her cause of peace. No, her desire to be the representative of peace. In the end, she is just like the rest of them, pushing her own agenda and her desire to keep what she has. Perhaps this is all a trick where she gets vast amounts of influence and parlays it into a deal with Romfeller.
She's not like that. The girl I met on the beach and stepped in front of Duo's gun didn't know she was a princess.
You didn't think she could kill, but she did. She may not have known then who she was, but she knows now. You have not seen her for quite a while, she could've changed. Or perhaps it was hiding underneath the surface all the time. Look at Trowa.
What about Trowa?
He didn't think Quatre was capable of hurting him... but he did.
That was the Zero System.
OK, what was Relena's excuse?
Revenge for her father.
Perhaps... You came here to fight for the colonies. You didn't come here to fight for some other cause. You don't have to stay here. You know Sank will eventually fall. It was... a nice vacation, a nice place to wait while figuring out what to do.
...
You still feel guilty over that small girl, huh? Well, Relena is not that small little girl and she never will be. She may not be much better than the enemy.
Heero Yuy continued to look up at the ceiling.
"Would you like to fence with me, Dorothy?"
Dorothy turned to see Quatre standing behind her, dressed formally. "Oh, I didn't see you as the fencing type. But it would be an honor to test my prowess against that of a Gundam pilot's. I already know that I fall well short of Heero Yuy's. Where is he, anyway?"
They both started to walk towards the fencing room.
"He went to ask Relena about that disk you gave us."
"Oh... "
Quatre saw no nervousness, just a careless acceptance of what he just said.
"You're not worried."
"Hmmm... when one has the truth on one's side, why should one be worried?" said Dorothy.
Quatre frowned. "You are so sure of yourself."
"And you are not? Quatre Raberba Winner... how delightful it must be to be you."
"Please stop mocking me."
"I'm serious. It would be nice to believe in goodness and beauty and justice... " Her eyes and voice took on a sad tinge. "Somehow believe that if you just pray hard enough that... " Then her eyes went hard, "But it's all a fairytale that adults tell children because they can't admit to themselves that it's a lie!"
Quatre looked at her with concern. "Dorothy?" I've never seen her like this, so unhappy... so...
Dorothy threw open the doors to the fencing room. "Go change. I'll be waiting for you!"
Noin looked down at the sedated Relena, then sat down on a chair next to the bed. She sighed, I wonder if this was such a good idea, making Relena Queen of Sank. But there was no other heir.
No other heir? said a voice in her head. There was one other who could've sat on the throne.
Yes, but he felt that his hands were too stained to do so.
Yes, but the present Queen's hands... they, too, are stained.
Noin shook her head, exasperated. All this thinking leads to nowhere. I'm not her mother or a politician. I can't even say that I'm her friend. I'm just a soldier. She needs more than I can give. I wish that I could be of more use to her than I am. If Zechs were here, perhaps... But no, even though they are family, he only knew her when she was just a little toddler. Despite the fact that he cares for her, I doubt he would know what to say to soothe her mind.
There's only one person who could say anything that might help her, thought Noin. The question is would he know what to say and would he say it? Then she shook her head.
Dorothy was ready with her mask on and sword in hand when he went into the fencing room. "En garde, Monsieur Winner."
As they fought, Dorothy began to argue. "You despise me, don't you, Quatre?"
"No, but I disagree with you."
"What about?'
"Everything, especially Relena."
"A ruler... " said Dorothy. "Must be willing to lie, cheat, do what it takes to make his subjects safe. A ruler not willing to wallow up to their knees in a sty or lie like a harlot is not someone who can beat the world at its own games. A true leader has to taken on the burden of multiple sins if it's that what it takes to bring their vision to life. The Relena you dream of doesn't have the stomach for it. The Relena I know isn't allowing herself to use those methods and that is why she will fail."
"Not if I have anything to do with it!"
"Quatre, your unwillingness to believe in Relena's guilt... is it because of your own guilt?"
"Own guilt?"
"I know what you did to the colonies and one Trowa Barton," said Dorothy.
"What? How?" Quatre temporarily lost his concentration and barely missed dodging her lunge.
"I have my sources. Why did you shoot him, Quatre?"
"It was the Zero System."
"And that's why you shot the colonies as well? You liar! What the Zero system did was uncover what was already in your heart. Hatred, anger, loathing, ruthlessness. You want to believe in Relena's purity because it gives you hope that someday you will regain yours. But it's just an illusion like the ones you see in the desert. The more you walk towards it, the more lost you become. You wanted to punish the colonies, kill all the people who hurt you, your father, your family. Your fond feelings for Trowa was nothing compared to the fury in your heart! He had to kill himself to get through to you!"
Quatre winced before the verbal onslaught. "I regret everything I've done in this war, even before I piloted Wing Zero. I feel remorse for the killing, the pain, the unhappiness I've caused along the way. Destroying the colonies and hurting Trowa are only the worst of what I've done. If I didn't believe that Trowa somehow survived what I did, I don't think I could go on living, not after killing the one person who believed in me. But Dorothy, you say all this because you have no idea what the Zero System is like. You have to experience it in order to understand how utterly warping it is. It's nothing like you can imagine."
"And were you under the influence of the Zero System when you created that Gundam? Human nature needs no Zero System to warp it. It is warped by design." Her blue eyes blazed. Disgust was etched in her face.
Pain shimmered in Quatre's eyes. "Why? Why is it that you like to inflict pain on others? Is it because it makes your pain less? Is that why you showed Heero and me that disc? Answer me!"
She disarmed him, her thrust sending his foil off to the side. She pointed her sword at his throat. She looked as if she was about to say something but then she lowered her sword and simply smiled. Her eyes went back to normal, shutting him out with an amused look. "It looks as if you should be taking some pointers from Heero. People may tease you if it gets out that you got beaten by a girl." With that, she turned around and walked away from him. Quatre closed his eyes, feeling defeated.
In his room, Heero was lost in the arms of sleep, tired from running, swimming and jumping for hours. A weariness wrapped itself around his muscles and let him plunge deep into the dreaming.
Heero dreamed that he was lying on the grass underneath a warm sun.
"You've lost your way again, neh?"
Heero found himself staring into the purple eyes of a young girl he'd seen only once. "You... "
Then he paused because he didn't know her name. "Why are you here?"
She sat next to him. "Because you needed me to be here."
"I... " He looked away.
"Heero, you're afraid, aren't you?"
"Ah. I'm not afraid of death, but... failure."
"You've had things go wrong so many times that now you're afraid to act. You're afraid that anything that you do after this will just get twisted into something else."
Heero nodded.
"But not doing anything won't help things either. I know that you didn't mean to kill me."
Heero closed his eyes.
"I saw you bury my puppy and the little grave marker you put up. I saw you put the gun to your head before he talked you out of it."
He opened his eyes and looked at her. He saw the tears coming down from her eyes. "Why... why are you crying for me?"
"Because you're so sad. Because there's a lot of things left to fight for and just because the enemy is almost unbeatable doesn't mean you can give up. There's still people depending on you."
Images began to show up in front of him. Duo dribbling the basketball and talking about the sweet science of slamdunking. Then an image of him lying in bed recovering from being in prison. An image of Trowa bringing him soup and Catherine bringing in the medical supplies for all his wounds. An image of Quatre insisting that Trowa was still alive. Then an image of Wufei calm but determined as he sat in the prison cell, simply waiting for a chance to appear so he could fight again.
"And then... there's millions of girls like me that you've never met," she said. "They're out there on Earth and on the colonies. Their fate depends on what you do now."
"But how will I know that what I do will be right? Won't you tell me what to do?"
"I can't tell you what to do but someone once told you to follow your feelings. Sometimes, that's all you have to go on."
"It was Odin Lowe who told me that."
"He was the one who killed your namesake. You know that right?"
Heero nodded.
"But he tried to make things right after that. After he realized that he'd killed the wrong person, he worked as hard as he could to redeem himself."
"Are you saying that I should trust Relena again?"
"I'm not saying that. But I am saying that perhaps she might try to do what Odin Lowe did. It's up to her to show you how sincere she is. At least then you will know what to do. But even if you don't believe in her any more, there're others who are still struggling just like you for the same thing. Think of it that way."
"Will I see you again?"
"I don't know, but I think you'll see the other people that you care about very soon."
"Why did you give me that flower in the first place?"
The little girl blushed. "Well, I thought you were cute."
"Cute?" Then he smiled and laughed at that. He felt it shake away some of the heaviness in his heart.
"A smile on your face... is a good thing to see." With that, wings suddenly burst from her back and she flew up into the sky.
Relena woke up, feeling tired and heavy instead of feeling refreshed. I can't go on like this, she thought. I must talk to Dorothy and see what she has in her mind.
She got dressed, combed her hair and plaited her braids before tying them behind her. The ritual of getting ready calmed her a little and she thought about what to say. She wants something from me and it's not simply power or money. There must be a reason she keeps contradicting me in front of everyone and mocking me. She wants me to do something but won't tell me what. The way she calls me Relena-sama and acting so polite... but behind those manners is something else not so pleasant...
She got up and walked to Dorothy's room. "Dorothy!"
"Come in, Relena-sama."
Relena walked in only to see Dorothy standing next to laptop, much like Heero's. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, I'm done for now. What did you want?"
"I know you have the disc."
"The disc?"
"The disc that shows me shooting Une. What are you going to do with it?"
"It depends, Relena-sama."
"What does it depend on?"
Dorothy smiled a cool, brittle smile. "What do you want me to do with it?"
"I want you to give it to me." Even though I know you won't, she thought.
"So you can destroy it?"
"Yes."
"You hate the sword of Damocles hanging over you. I won't simply give it to you, Queen Relena of Sanc."
"What do you want?"
"I want you to answer a question, a simple question. Why should the strong die to protect the weak?"
Relena frowned. "Why should the... I don't understand the question."
"The question is simple. Why should the strong die to protect the weak, who won't lift a finger in their own defense? It makes no sense to me, Relena-sama. I challenge you to make it make sense to me."
Relena hesitated then said, "Because it's their responsibility to help others."
"Responsibility!" spat Dorothy. "People should take responsibility and fight for themselves, but they won't! They always expect saviors to come and lead them to the promised land. They want simple solutions and a strong hand to show them the way. That's why you will fail and people like my grandfather and Treize-sama will win because they know that people are like this. Since people desire it so much, I say that they deserve every ounce of what they get. Your blindness to this fundamental fact of what people are is what infuriates me."
"Why, Dorothy, do you hate people so much? Everybody has weaknesses. Nobody can be strong all the time no matter much they try. Even Heero can't. They are only searching for an end to their suffering. How can you blame people for clinging to hope?"
"I hate them because people like my father died for them."
Relena widened her eyes.
Her eyes looked sad and soft. "I remember him as a giant of a man, taller than all the men under his command. I remember him teaching Treize the finer points of swordplay. He was like some Norse god come to life, but he was more like the god of spring than the god of war."
"What happened to him?" said Relena.
"My father had gone off world to a colony because there was terrible unrest there. He thought he had gotten it under control because after eight months, he asked that I come for a visit. We were going to have a birthday party. But there must have been a spy on base because that was when they decided to attack. I had just blown out the candles when the first bombs started to fall."
"Dorothy... "
"My father immediately ran out and got into his mobile suit after he ordered one of his soldiers to take care of me. Some of the rebels had intercepted a shipment of mobile suits a while back and this was what they had been saving it up for. Lieutenant Dominguez hid me away in a bomb shelter while everything was going on. I hated myself because I couldn't do anything, just wait and wait. When I came out, the base was in ruins and my father was dead. He fought very bravely though, the remains of a dozen mobile suits surrounded him."
"Because of that attack and because my father died, the colony was severely punished. But the thing was that the colony quickly gave up the rebels in order to save their own lives, claiming that 'oh, noooo, they didn't condone their horrible action.' This despite the fact that the rebels were their own people and that they knew their punishment would be execution after a long and brutal interrogation. I hated the rebels but I ended up hating the people who turned them in more because they didn't even try to protect their own but turned on them the minute it was inconvenient. They refused to accept the blame, their role in what happened and used the people who fought for them as human sacrifices. The colony then moaned about how our base was the source of the trouble and either complained at how harsh we were or how we weren't doing enough. My father and a lot of the people I knew died because of them. What more did they want? How can I have compassion for people like that?"
Relena said nothing, hoping that if she let Dorothy talk, somehow there would be an opening that she could find in that coldness she had around her.
"When I was sent to live with my grandfather, it was so strange... I was living with people who had never seen war, never felt its effects... The girls my age... they didn't want to talk about such things. They wanted to talk about lipstick and boys and parties... They didn't care about it because they couldn't feel it. Their parents were just like them. The war could go on forever as far as they cared. There was really nobody else I could talk to. It was like I was in the middle of some sort of vast mirage, a fever dream. That's why I liked Heero and the rest of the pilots for bringing the war to the Earth. I wanted the war to spread so everyone would have a stake in ending it. There would be no way that anybody could ignore it. Relena Peacecraft, I know Romfeller. There will be peace but it will always be on their terms, no one else's."
She tossed something at Relena. Relena caught it by reflex. It was a snub-nosed pistol. Relena stared at Dorothy in shock.
"It's not a very good weapon but it can kill quite efficiently at close range. Don't drop it!" Dorothy said, pointing her own handgun at Relena.
"How did you get it in here?"
"Both guns are made out of plastic and easy to assemble. It's amazing what one can get if you're rich and determined."
"Why, Dorothy?"
"I want you to prove to me how strong your beliefs are," Dorothy said, the aim of her gun pointed right at Relena's forehead. "In my laptop, I have the master disc that you so desire. Come and get it, but it'll have to be over my dead body. However, if you don't kill me, I'll transmit the contents over the airwaves. Tell me, Relena, what are you going to do? Shall I show people the truth and destroy this glass kingdom or will you kill me and save Sanc and continue to lull the world into believing in the ways of the Peacecraft! This is a true test of your leadership!"
Relena's mouth suddenly went dry.
Dressed up, Heero went to Quatre's room, but found it empty. I wonder where he went, he thought. I really wanted to talk to him. He saw Noin carrying several folders and stacks of paper. Another person I want to talk to, he thought. "Noin, may I talk to you privately about Relena?"
Noin nodded, then opened the door to her office.
Once the door was closed, Heero said, "You know what Relena did and you know that I know."
Noin nodded and said, "Yes."
"Why do you still support her?"
"Because Zechs wished it and at the time I thought it was a good idea."
Heero frowned.
Noin sighed and said, "You have to understand that when I signed up with the armed forces, it was because I wanted to pilot, to fly. Actually, I don't care much for fighting. It's something I can do and do well, but my soul isn't into it. It's the way that some people can play all the notes on a piano like they're using a typewriter. They may be excellent keypunchers but they will never be concert pianists. That's what I am. Zechs was ahead of me in school not because he was the better pilot but because he was the better fighter. Even though he comes from the Peacecrafts, there's something about combat that excites him and makes things more intense. If there is truly a man born to be a warrior, it is him. I've never really felt that rush he talked about so I became an instructor. After many of my students died, I really wanted to see the war end. All those handsome and strong boys... dead. It was such a waste of their potential. I thought my teaching would protect them but they weren't fighting when they were attacked. They trusted me but I couldn't even avenge their deaths."
Noin paused as if she was about to cry, but she shook her head. "I wanted to do something in their memory. I can't bring them back to life but I don't want to see any more of my students die in this war. Even though I know what Relena did, who else could take the mantle of the Peacecraft? I may be wrong in doing what I'm doing but my priorities are taking care of Relena and helping anybody who wants to stop this war."
"And helping Zechs... "
"Yes, Zechs."
"I did not come to blame you for your actions. I just wanted to know."
"Go see her. I think she needs to be cheered up."
"Yes, but I have to see Quatre first."
"I saw Quatre and Dorothy go into the fencing room this morning. I saw him rush by just now. Perhaps, he's gone to her room."
Heero nodded, then left the room.
I have to delay her, thought Relena. The only thing I can to do to delay her is to argue with her. "Dorothy, nothing can come from death but more death. All you're doing is making things worse by spreading the chaos and the terror that you saw that day. Do you really want to inflict the pain you feel on others?"
"Not when their ignorance lets it continue to happen. And it will continue for years and years until something is done. You may hate my methods, but I'd rather have one final war than decades of low-level strife. The price of peace may appear extremely high when paid all at once, but the alternative is much more expensive over the long run. What makes you think that you will succeed where the King of Sanc, the original Heero Yuy, and your foster father Mr. Darlian failed? It strikes me as hubris, especially coming from you." A nasty smile punctuated the last sentence.
"Dorothy, I have felt the pain of war. I have a father and brother that I don't know. The father that raised me is dead. I've had to become a Queen when I don't know the first thing about being one. I have taken someone's life because of it. At night, Dorothy, I dream of her. I don't think I'll ever stop having those dreams as long as I live. It's not worth all this."
"But you wouldn't even care about any of this if you didn't see it first hand, is that not right, Relena-sama? You would still be at school with your followers and living a boring but pleasant life if the war hadn't dropped into your lap. It's strange that you would be the one who's taken a life while I've only seen others do so. Relena-sama, you are not the only one with bad dreams. I see the burnt out shell of my father's mobile suit, the ruins of the base and the rebels twitching as they sat, dying in the electric chair. What life did I take to deserve THAT!?" Tears of rage finally fell down Dorothy's face and she was no longer smiling, but a look of absolute fury distorted her face.
Relena thought to herself, This is the real Dorothy, the one that nobody has seen ever since the night that the bombs fell from the sky. This is the Dorothy that doesn't hide her pain behind a smile. She closed her eyes and thought, No, I won't have her visit me in my dreams. I refuse to take another life and have her on my conscience as well. She put down the gun on the floor. "Dorothy, I'm not going to kill you. But you're going to have to kill me to prevent me from taking the disc from you!"
"What makes you think I won't simply blow your head off?" Dorothy said.
"Because you hate killing as much as I do. No, maybe even more," said Relena, taking a step forward.
Dorothy narrowed her eyes and took off the safety. There was a trembling in the way she held the gun that betrayed her nervousness.
The door opened violently, surprising both girls. Dorothy's gun went off, barely missing Relena's head. Quatre immediately dived for the gun on the floor and shot Dorothy in the chest before she could shoot him.
The bullet knocked Dorothy off her feet. She looked down at the wound in her chest and started to laugh before finally coughing blood. "It's just like you, Relena-sama. A true leader knows how to get someone else to do their dirty work for them," she said before she closed her eyes.
"Somebody get a doctor!" screamed Relena. "Somebody!" Oh, my God, she's dead and after all she told me... No, it can't be! Somebody do something! I can't have any more on my conscience.
"Relena, are you OK?" said Quatre. He reached out a hand to her shoulder.
She reached out and slapped him. "Don't touch me! She wouldn't have killed me! I hate you!" yelled Relena.
There was the sound of running and the door opened to show Heero staring at the tableau of Relena crying, Quatre holding the gun, and Dorothy lying pale and still in what seemed a lake of her own blood.
Heero picked up the phone and said, "Noin, please come to Dorothy's room. It's an emergency. We need a doctor now. Dorothy's been shot." Then he put the phone back on its hook and tried to revive the dying girl.
The End
Moral: It is always the pure ones that are disappointed.
(:./mk/blood2)
