Title: Between
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai
Pairings: 1+2
Rating: PG/PG-13?
Disclaimers: I don't own them; I just love them.
Warnings: Intense Sap, possible OOC-ness, Lime?
Synopsis: Heero and Duo learn to express their feelings for each other through their own artistic talents.

Between by tkmaxwell777

Heero heard Duo enter the room. He expected the braided baka to begin his inane chatter any minute. No matter how busy Heero always appeared to be, Duo could never keep from bothering him. It was annoying, yet something Heero found to be slightly comforting; at least, Duo was consistent.

An hour later, Heero saved the file he'd been working on and shut down the laptop. It then occurred to him that Duo had never spoken to him, and that he'd only heard the other boy rummage around his bed. Heero wondered if Duo had walked out of the room without Heero hearing him. When Heero turned to the window, he was amazed to see Duo sitting there on the window seat with a sketchpad and case of colored pencils... drawing... quietly. It was such a shock that Heero closed his eyes, thinking he was hallucinating and that Duo would be gone when he opened them again; Duo was still there.

Heero watched the braided boy, completely stunned that he had been quiet for so long. 'Obviously, he is completely absorbed in what he's doing,' Heero thought as he allowed his gaze to wander over the other pilot. Duo was sitting there with his knees up, his paper lying on his lap, his pencils on the windowsill. He had an expression on his face that Heero had never seen before; it was peaceful.

Duo seemed to be completely unaware that Heero was looking at him. Heero began to wonder what Duo was drawing, and his curiosity got the better of him; he quietly got up and walked over to the other boy. He didn't want to disturb Duo; he just wanted to find out what Duo had found so comforting. Heero carefully leaned over Duo's shoulder to peer at the paper.

Duo had been outside when he'd seen it; the sunset was going to be beautiful tonight. He knew he had to capture it, even if his skills weren't what they should be to truly do the scene justice. His paper and pencils were located under his bed, which was convenient since it was very close to where he knew he'd have the best view - the window seat in his and Heero's room.

Heero had been typing furiously on the computer when Duo had entered their shared room, so Duo had decided to leave him alone. Normally, he would have teased Heero in order to get him to talk to him, but Duo knew he needed to draw what was going on before it slipped away. It would be almost as fulfilling as talking to the wing pilot. It was strange to think that; Heero had become the most fulfilling thing in Duo's life from almost the first time he'd met him... and shot him. Duo had known then that there was a kind of chemistry between them, but he'd also known that Heero would never let something like that happen; Heero would never give into desire or love.

Duo thought many times that he would see the glimmer of something in those cobalt blue eyes, but those hopes would be dashed immediately by Heero pushing Duo farther away. Duo had accepted the fact that they would never be anything but friends, if even that; it wasn't a happy thought, but it was all he had. He had learned a long time ago to not wish for things that would never be; you should just be grateful for what you have.

For the next hour, Duo looked out the window and drew with the emotions that filled him. It was even more beautiful than he had thought it would be. The colors were brilliant, blinding even, in their hues. Duo fought to translate them to paper, feeling inadequate yet satisfied at the same time as he swirled the pencils together to form the intricate shadings and contrasts. It had been too long since he'd drawn anything like this. He was just finishing his signature when a voice startled him.

"That's absolutely beautiful."

Heero didn't mean to speak out loud. Duo jumped about a foot and a half.

"Heero! You scared the hell out of me!" Duo shouted as he looked up.

Heero stepped back, feeling his face color in embarrassment. He felt the urge to just turn away, angry with himself for letting emotion overtake him. He shouldn't have let the drawing make him feel; but something deep inside stopped him from dismissing it.

"I'm sorry, Duo. I just wanted to see what you were drawing. You've never been this quiet before. I didn't even realize you were still in the room with me. I didn't mean to..." Heero faltered as he searched for the right words. He felt like such an idiot.

Duo looked at Heero trying to fathom that the other boy had been interested in what he was doing. Heero was never interested in what he was doing unless it pertained to a mission. Duo felt a twinge of guilt for yelling at him when Heero had just complimented him on something that was not even closely related to their work. His violet eyes softened as he tried to apologize.

"I kinda forgot you were in here too, Heero. S'okay. Sorry I yelled at ya." Duo wanted to hear Heero say more about the drawing itself, so he added softly, "Do you really like it?" His voice held a wistful quality to it that Heero did not miss. Heero couldn't just walk away now.

"It really is beautiful, Duo," he said as he stepped toward the other boy so he could look at it again more closely. This is what he wanted to do, tell Duo how talented he was. He didn't know why it was so important; it just was. "The way you mixed the colors is breathtaking. The hues are perfect." Heero couldn't seem to stop talking. His next words flew out of his mouth before he could even think about them. "It's like they're making love, intertwining into one shade of passion." He was even tracing the pencil strokes with his finger as he finished his sentence. When Heero realized what he had said and exactly what he was doing, his face colored slightly again before he pulled his hand away from the paper. 'Why did I say that? Why am I doing this? I need to just shut up before I say or do something really stupid.'

Duo gaped at him. 'Heero Yuy did not just say that!' he exclaimed silently, then added out loud, "Okay, who are you, and what have you done with my partner?" His smile was more to reassure himself than for Heero's benefit this time. Duo's mind was spinning. The way Heero was looking at the penciled paper was making him feel warm all over. He noticed that Heero's face was flushed.

Heero looked at Duo and felt his heart constrict at the comment. 'He knows what I mean, but he's acting like he doesn't understand. Damn it, Duo! I'm trying to open up to you. Why do keep shutting the door on me?' Heero didn't realize that the guarded look he usually wore wasn't present at the moment; Duo saw every emotion flash over his face.

Duo knew he had said the wrong thing this time. Heero was trying to tell him how he felt, and Duo suddenly felt inept. For all of the laughter Duo let out, there were thousands of tears he held inside. He wasn't ready to deal with someone else's emotions on this level. 'I know it's just about a picture, but somehow it means more than that,' he thought helplessly as he watched Heero's frown fall back in place.

Heero turned away. 'Never again, Duo. That's the last time I let myself feel anything,' he thought as he felt the disappointment envelope him. He then said over his shoulder, "Sorry to have bothered you."

"Heero?" came a voice that sounded desperate. It made Heero turn back around.

Duo didn't know what to say, but he knew he had to keep Heero from retreating into his silence again, or he may never have this chance again. It didn't matter how afraid he was, he couldn't leave things like this. "I'm sorry. That was a really stupid thing for me to say to you after you said what you did. I just don't know... I just can't... damn it, Heero, I've never heard you say things like that before ...it kinda scared me. I mean, I never thought you felt things like that, you know?"

"Maybe there's a lot of things I feel that you don't know about, Duo. Just because I don't express them doesn't mean that I don't feel them," Heero replied, his voice husky from the emotions he was trying to regain control over. The way Duo was looking at him was making it hard to breathe.

Duo felt the fear being overcome with desire. This was what he had always wanted - to be able to talk to Heero like this, openly without the masks they always hid behind. "And just because I express one thing doesn't mean I can express everything I feel either, Heero. There's a lot that I keep inside too."

Heero's eyes widened at Duo's admission. 'He doesn't express himself completely either? Maybe we're not so different after all.' It was that realization that began breaking down a barrier Heero had been building ever since he'd met the braided pilot. He looked at the sketchpad again and a thought occurred to him.

"That's why you draw, isn't it? So you can express yourself in a way that everyone will interpret differently. Only you know what it truly means. Only you can see the hidden feelings in it."

"How... how can you... know me like that?" Duo asked, amazed at Heero's insight. Duo hadn't ever even admitted that to himself.

"Because that's what I do when I write," Heero replied without thinking. He hadn't meant to reveal that to Duo. The look on Duo's face told him that he had just crossed a bridge that was burning behind him.

"You write? What do you write? Can I read it?" Duo was excited. He'd never imagined that Heero could do something so emotional in nature. It was a completely new aspect of the wing pilot, and Duo wanted to see what the other boy wrote, wanted to know how the other boy thought, wanted to understand how the other boy felt. It was the opportunity he'd been waiting for since they'd met over two years ago.

Heero winced, but felt an odd longing inside to share something with Duo since he'd shared his drawing with him. "I do have a poem that your sunset reminded me of, if you want to read it. I don't think it's very good, but..."

"I want to read it!" Duo exclaimed, trying to put the other boy's fears to rest. 'Anything to keep us like this.'

Heero hesitated for only a moment then walked over to his desk. From one of the drawers, he pulled out a spiral notebook. When he seemed to find the page he wanted, he turned and walked back over to Duo, handing it to him.

Duo saw the fearful look on Heero's face and marveled at it. 'Who knew a simple drawing could unlock all this?' he thought to himself as he took the notebook eagerly, flopping down on his bed. Before he began reading, he motioned for Heero to join him. Heero went over to the window and grabbed Duo's sketchpad before sitting down. Duo was already reading to himself.

'I am the steadfast and uncomplicated day
And you are the mysterious and shimmering night
Different in nature, yet in origin the same
We only can touch between sunset and twilight

Dancing on the wind as our laughter paints the sky
My sienna gold surrendering to your indigo violet

Caressing me with the breath of darkness
Bathing you with the warmth of light
Tempering us both into one bright likeness
An eclipse of shadows and rays in delight

Held by the bond of unknown understanding
Bound by a promise made silently unaware

Fear disappears in the colors of love
We are free to give into the feelings we share
Embraced by the clouds of peace above
We forget about all of our worries and cares

Casual affection melts into burning desire
As day and night passionately intertwine

I give you the strength to steadily shine
And you give me the will to quietly rest
I give you the calm light glowing inside
And you give me all of my darker depths

In each other's arms we find ourselves
We are one; we are eternity'

Duo was stunned. In fact, he was speechless, which was an amazing feat within itself. He turned his gaze to Heero, unable to say a single word. Heero looked up from the sunset drawing he had been studying again while Duo read his poem, an expectant expression on his face. Duo knew he had to come up with words to tell the other boy how good his writing was.

Heero had surreptitiously been watching Duo as the other boy read. He'd seen the emotions dance across Duo's face, a breathtaking mixture of wonder, surprise, and awe. Heero felt his heart leap as Duo looked at him; Duo's eyes spoke volumes. Heero almost smiled at the fact that Duo couldn't seem to speak with his mouth. That didn't last too long.

"I can't believe you wrote this," finally came out, and Duo wanted to kick himself in the head for it as soon as he said it. He didn't mean it that way, and he hurriedly added, "I mean, it's so good, Heero. Not that I didn't think what you would write would be good, I just... k'so, I can't say anything right tonight!"

Heero did smile then at the American pilot's use of the Japanese equivalent of 'shit'. Maybe he was rubbing off on the braided one as much as the braided one was rubbing off on him. He knew what Duo was trying to say. He didn't want Duo to feel bad.

"I understand what you mean, Duo. Thank you."

Duo shook his head. "No, I'm going to tell you exactly what I mean if it's the last thing I do." Duo took a deep breath and forged ahead. "The references to light and dark... I can actually see why my drawing made you think of it. The way the colors are shaded, the way I used light to bring out aspects of their hues, all of it. The poem was a perfect representation of it."

It was Heero's turn to be stunned. He felt a spark of something... could it be joy? "It's more than that, you know. It's about two people who seem to be so opposite of one another, yet they are really different sides of the same thing."

Duo nodded. "You are the day. I can see that perfectly the way you described it. Who is the night?" Duo had read the references to 'violet', but he had forced himself to ignore the implications. There was no way Heero had meant him. He would not get his hopes up to only have them dashed to pieces; still, he felt his breath catch as he waited for Heero's answer.

Heero looked at him, afraid to tell him. He had denied his increasing attraction for the other boy, but writing had made him accept his feelings, even if he couldn't do anything about them. He'd never thought Duo could feel the same way, but suddenly, it didn't matter what Duo thought about the truth; Heero knew he had to tell him. Even if Duo didn't feel that way about him, Duo would understand.

"You are."

"What?" Duo gasped in disbelief. 'But we were intertwining...' he thought vaguely, trying to comprehend the fact that Heero Yuy had written a poem about them... together.

"I am the day, and you are the night."

"Me? But... but why?"

"Because you are the mysterious night to me, Duo. I don't understand most things about you, and I actually admire how you are able to be wild and free like the night. Yet for all of your recklessness, you hide yourself so well. Sometimes though, I can just barely see the things I'm searching for in you."

Duo swallowed. "What are you searching for?"

"I don't know... sometimes... sometimes I think... it seems like I see part of me... inside you."

Duo didn't know what to say to that. He too saw glimpses of himself in the other boy, which frightened and delighted him at the same time whenever it happened. "Why haven't you ever told me, Heero?"

"Because I'm the steadfast day, Duo. I can't let you know what I see, no matter how much I want to. It would be so tempting to be lost in your shadows myself, never able to separate myself from you. I have to be strong and resist giving into your dark embrace. There's too much at risk." Heero averted his eyes as he felt his face flush again.

The scary part was that Duo actually understood him. Since the moment they'd met, they had unknowingly been sustaining each other. Duo always tried to tempt Heero into giving into his emotions, like the exotic and enticing night, and Heero always tried to be the voice of reason to Duo's excessive behavior, like the calm and steady daylight.

"Yeah, but don't you see? We balance the other, Heero. Just because we let ourselves open up to each other doesn't mean that we'll lose who we are. We would just be able to understand each other better."

Heero thought for a moment. Duo's reasoning was actually logical for once. Maybe they could...

Duo didn't give Heero a chance to respond. "We just have to meet halfway, Heero. It's not easy to do, especially since both of us are afraid of what could happen, but... I... I want to, Heero. I want to really know you and let you know me."

Heero frowned, feeling helpless for feeling at all. "I... I want that too, Duo... I just... it's so hard."

They looked at each other for a while, trying to determine what to do. Heero wanted to believe in his poem, wanted to think that they could share themselves with each other without getting lost. Then again, maybe getting lost is what they needed. Maybe they would find the missing parts of themselves. Heero wondered. It was possible, but could he do it?

Duo suddenly remembered part of the poem. "Touching between sunset and twilight, Heero. Capturing the moment between. Learning to see it for what it is, then letting it happen. We don't have to force it. We just have to recognize it and reach out instead of pushing away from each other."

Heero had never thought of it that way. His earlier thoughts came back to him, and he knew what he wanted. "Even though we were supposed to be apart, we can be together in those moments, if we let the edges blurring until we are one... until the colors are all that can be seen." Heero suddenly thought of where that could lead, but somehow, it didn't bother him; in fact, it made him want it even more. "Maybe losing ourselves in each other is the only way to find what we're looking for... completeness."

Duo wasn't blind to what was happening any more than Heero was; they were falling...

"What you're asking for, Heero, isn't just friendship. You know that, don't you?"

Heero lowered his eyes to stare at his hands in his lap. "Hai. I know," came the soft reply.

Heero then looked back up, meeting Duo's gaze. Heero's eyes were no longer the cold indifferent blue that Duo knew so well; a light of desire burned brightly in them, trying to help Duo see in the darkness of doubt what was waiting for him if he had the courage to embrace it... love.

Duo slowly leaned forward until his lips gently brushed against Heero's. It was the bravest thing he'd ever done and the most wonderful thing he'd ever felt. He let his mouth move over the other boy's, hearing Heero moan as he plunged his tongue into the wing pilot's mouth, savoring the taste and feel of it.

Heero thought he was flying. Duo's mouth was warm and soft. He moaned as the braided pilot's tongue invaded his mouth, plundering it, conquering it. He surrendered completely, letting his arms pull Duo even closer as they continued to taste each other's sweetness. When Duo pulled away to let them breathe, Heero gazed into the violet his gold had surrendered to a long time ago.

"Is this what you want, Duo?" he asked, just wanting to make sure he wasn't imagining the love he saw in those beautiful eyes.

Duo smiled at the boy he had loved for so long. "Yeah, Heero, one of many. Is that okay?"

Heero nodded then said softly, "Between is an incredible place to be with you, Duo."

Neither one objected when they claimed each other's lips again. They found the colors waiting for them.

The End

(:./tk/between)