Title: Smashing Blue
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: ?x1, 2x1
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst, Dark, Language, Lemon, and Violence
Archived: Yep! Thanks Lev :) and TK's Violet Haven - http://tkmaxwell777.fallenweb.net
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. I don't own 'Smashing Blue' by Kotani Kinya either, but it inspired this fic, so I hope he won't mind... it was in 'Gravitation', after all ;)
//Japanese// = original lyrics, ~English~ = translation, both acquired from www.animelyrics.com
//OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!//
//kawaita tsumori ame ga tsuzunaku katari kakeru
[namida wa seijaku ni...samayou yoru ga akeru]
KARADA o tsutau ame ni furueru awai omoi
[guren no yuuwaku ni...samayou yoru ga akeru]//
~Love like the rain, let's talk about this relationship
[Silent tears...wander from evening to dawn]
Your body shivers as we walk through this fleeting, heavy rain
[Crimson lotus tempt me...wander from evening to dawn]~
Duo watched in disbelief; there was no mistaking the identity of the person out on the dance floor. He'd know that hair, and that body, and those eyes - that person - anywhere. He let his eyes roam over the barely covered form as it gyrated to the beat. The song was a familiar one, a dark feel to it even though it was typical J-pop dance music. Black leather pants that looked like they'd been painted on and an iridescent blue crop top graced the lithe figure, working to the boy's advantage... the advantage of attracting the type of man who was dancing with the boy at the moment. Duo's eyes narrowed; he knew that type of man. He'd seen that kind on the streets of L2, looking for young boys for a quick fuck. They were predators... and they all wanted the same thing...
To hurt, to demean, and to use.
Duo started to waltz out onto the dance floor, to rescue the boy from the obvious danger, until he noticed the boy moving closer to the man, inviting him into his personal space. The man took that invitation, grabbing the boy by his hips to pull him completely against him in a purely lustful fashion. The boy just smirked and swayed so his body brushed the man teasingly. Duo gasped. Didn't the idiot know that he was playing with fire? Duo watched as the man buried his hand in dark chocolate hair, pulling back forcefully to make the boy bare his throat to him, which he attacked with barely restrained bites. Duo couldn't believe it when the boy not only allowed this treatment, but also seemed to thrust his lower body closer to his tormentor. The man released the boy, and Duo was stunned as the boy leaned in to whisper something to his older partner. The man gave him a calculating look then nodded before the boy began to lead him off the dance floor. Duo watched them walk out the back door... toward the alley.
"What the hell are you doing, Heero?" he growled as he walked out of the front door of the club.
"I thought you were coming back tomorrow?"
"Sorry, Hilde. Something has come up," Duo explained as he fiddled with the tight beam transmission, trying to maintain their connection for a few more seconds. The satellite was experiencing problems, and the rest of the colony communications were down. It was only from his hacker abilities that he was able to get through at all. "Listen, I gotta go. I'm losing signal. I'll try to call you later this week."
"Duo... what's going on?"
Duo felt his heart twinge. "Nothing I can't take care of, Hil. Talk to you later. Bye."
The fire of Shinigami filled his violet eyes as the transmission went dead.
//Mabushii kiseki o irodoru SMASHING BLUE
hajimaru MAKE ME TRUE kieyuku tsuki wa SILENT
kimi no koe mo iranai SMASHING BLUE
Suhada ni nokoru kiramekimaru de TWILIGHT//~Dazzling wonders in this color SMASHING BLUE
Begin to MAKE ME TRUE the departing moon is SILENT
Your voice isn't there SMASHING BLUE
Naked bodies left to glisten in the TWILIGHT~
"Do you like that, you little slut? Is this what you want?"
Duo shuddered as those words drowned out the song that was still playing in his head from the night before. He watched from his hidden spot as the same scene played out that he'd witnessed last night. Heero was thrown up against the alley wall, face forward as his pants were pulled down to his knees, baring his ass. The man pulled his erection out of his pants, not even bothering to undress. Duo wanted to kill the son-of-a-bitch as he reached to spread Heero's cheeks apart.
"Use this or you'll get no farther," came Heero's low voice - a voice Duo almost didn't recognize.
Duo saw a condom being passed back to the man, who took it grudgingly, but complied nonetheless. He watched as the man slipped it on, a sneer on his face as he mumbled, "Wouldn't doubt you have some kind of disease anyway. All you whores do."
"I'm a slut, not a whore," Heero's voice rang out, the warning tone more familiar to Duo. "I don't get paid. There's a difference."
The man laughed cruelly. "I don't care what you are so long as I get what I want."
"Just do it," came the reply, the voice reverting back to that low tone from before.
Duo wanted to close his eyes, but he couldn't. He'd already seen what was going to happen... why turn away now? He watched at the man thrust into Heero's unprepared body, the boy crying out in pain. Duo wanted to run from his hiding place, stop this from happening, but Heero would be livid if he found out that he was being watched. No, Duo had to endure this... one more time. "Only one more time, Heero," he whispered as the man pounded into Heero mercilessly. It didn't take long for the man to spill himself inside the condom. He pulled out quickly, letting Heero crumple to the ground. The boy hadn't even been aroused, and Duo knew that Heero had made sure this encounter offered him nothing but pain in order to keep him that way... to keep him from the possibility of achieving climax.
"I'll have to keep an eye out for you. Wouldn't mine having another piece of your ass."
Without another word, the man zipped back up and walked away, leaving Heero collapsed against the alley wall. Duo watched, his heart breaking, as Heero began laughing. It was like the laugh the boy had indulged in during the war, only worse - cold, mirthless, and completely empty.
"And a fine piece of ass, I am," Heero mumbled as he struggled to get up. He pulled his pants back up and made his way out of the alley.
Duo followed him all the way home... to just make sure he made it there.
"Duo! It's good to hear from you," Quatre's voice rang out over the line.
"Hey, Q. It's been a while," Duo replied, truly glad to hear the blonde's voice.
"What's up?"
Duo took a deep breath. This was going to take all of his 'telling a lie without telling a lie' skills. "Have you heard from Heero lately?"
"Not really. Why?"
"I was just curious. I... saw him the other day... and I just wondered if you guys had seen him recently. He looked... different."
There was a moment or two of silence before Quatre sighed. "You're not going to tell me the whole story even if I ask, are you?"
Duo sighed back. "No. Sorry. I really don't know what's going on yet, but I just wanted to see if you guys knew anything."
"Heero's in self-destruct mode, isn't he?"
"That obvious?" Duo laughed.
A chuckle came over the line. "I just know you, Duo. You wouldn't be this worried if it wasn't something serious. I wish I could give you some insight, but Heero hasn't been in touch with Trowa or me in the past six months. I don't think he's contacted Wufei either." There was another silence and then Quatre's worried voice asked, "Duo, is there anything I can do?"
Duo closed his eyes. "I wish you could, Q-man, but I think this one is up to me."
"All right... but just remember, Duo, you're not alone... even if you feel like it sometimes."
Duo smiled. "Thanks, Quatre. I'll remember. Take care of yourself, buddy."
"Take care, Duo... and tell Heero that goes for him too."
"Will do. Later."
Duo ended the call and looked at the clock... nine sharp... time to dance. He'd followed Heero all week, learning his schedule, where he worked, and the places he frequented. The Japanese boy only went out on Friday and Saturday nights. Tonight was Friday, and Duo had decided that it was time to end this destructive cycle. Quatre's words echoed in his mind, and he found himself saying softly, "I'll tell him, Q, but I don't know if he'll listen."
//OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!//
//GLASS no shareta uso ni nanika o hoshigaru MY HEART
shien no sono yubi de wazukani sasoi kakeru//~Stylish lies like glass, something wished for IN MY HEART
With the aid of your fingers you invite me to only run~
Heero frowned when the bell chimed. Who the hell was that? None of his neighbors ever bothered him, and his associates at work didn't even know where he lived. He stalked to the door, yanking it open in anger without even looking to see who was on the other side. His eyes widened in shock when he saw someone familiar standing there.
"Hey, Heero. Long time, no see, buddy."
Duo Maxwell. Heero could only stare at him, dumbfounded. The boy was even more beautiful than the last time Heero had seen him. That long hair was pulled back in the confining braid as usual, and those violet eyes were flashing with mischief. He was wearing a pair of well-worn blue jeans that fit in all the right places, and a red tee shirt that said, 'Not from around here'. Heero felt his heart whisper its want, but he drowned it out with thoughts of other things... things that he had learned to use to help focus the pain into something more manageable.
"Aren't you gonna invite me in?"
Heero realized he was still standing there with the door wide open. He decided he couldn't very well make Duo stay in the hallway. "Sure," he replied softly, moving to allow Duo entrance.
Duo walked into the small apartment, taking in the surroundings. It was decorated with a mixture of Japanese and American styles. He was surprised; he'd expected a Spartan living space. Although far from cluttered, Heero's apartment definitely looked 'lived in'. It gave him hope.
"What are you doing here, Duo?" Heero asked, annoyed to be kept from his planned activities.
"I was on colony and thought I'd visit," Duo said nonchalantly, noticing Heero's aggravation. 'Well, aren't you going to be even more aggravated when I completely upset your little apple cart?' he thought derisively, even as he smiled. "Hey, you look like you're dressed to go out." Heero was wearing vinyl pants this time with a black mesh top.
Heero scowled. "I was getting ready to leave actually. Maybe we can get together tomorrow..."
"Oh, man! If you're going out, you've just gotta show me the clubs around here!" Duo exclaimed, cutting Heero off in mid-sentence. He refused to be put off, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let Heero do what he knew the other boy had been intending.
Heero clenched his fists. He needed to get out tonight... alone. He couldn't do what he needed to do with Duo there. He tried to think of an excuse, but just couldn't come up with anything. He felt the ache throbbing inside him... the guilt demanding an outlet. His heart whispered to him again, pleading for one night when it didn't have to weep bitter tears of regret for his actions. He looked into violet depths that spoke to his pain, easing it slightly. He sighed and nodded.
Duo smiled. "Great! Let's go!" He replied enthusiastically as he followed Heero out the door.
//Towa ni hirogaru sekai wo SMASHING BLUE
kioku no MAKE ME TRUE usureru kimi wa SILENT
koware souna SPEED SMASHING BLUE
subete o kakete kake agaru toki wa TWILIGHT//~Eternity spreads like the universe it's SMASHING BLUE
Remembering can MAKE ME TRUE you fade out SILENT
Break through this disaster SPEED SMASHING BLUE
Chase in whole splintered fragments of the hours of TWILIGHT~
Duo hummed the song still playing in his head as he watched Heero turn around to put the key into the lock. It was after one in the morning, and Duo had escorted Heero home, ignoring the Japanese boy's protests that he could find his own way back just fine. Duo could see the tension in Heero's back as the other boy opened his apartment door.
"I had a good time," Heero said softly, not turning to look at Duo.
The evening had been an enjoyable one. Heero hadn't taken them to the club Duo had seen him go to the past two times; the place they'd ventured to had been more... respectable. They'd danced together, much to Duo's delight. In fact, they had been on the dance floor almost all night, but Heero hadn't danced nearly as provocative as Duo had seen him the other two nights, much to the braided boy's disappointment. If Duo hadn't seen the other boy in action with his own eyes, he wouldn't have believed it possible that Heero could even be like that, but he had, and Duo couldn't understand why Heero was holding back. Duo hadn't, and he wasn't going to either. He stepped closer to the other boy, his breath stirring the hair at the nape of Heero's neck.
"I was hoping you'd invite me in," he almost purred, his voice low and husky.
Heero turned around, surprise and then fear flashing in those blue eyes for a moment. "It's late."
Duo grinned; trying to not let those words hurt him. "It's not like either one of us has to be up early."
"Maybe... maybe tomorrow night," Heero offered, obviously refusing what Duo was offering, even as he spoke those words.
Duo forced himself to keep from frowning. "Okay. What time?"
Heero looked away. "Just give me a call," he replied evenly.
Duo took that as the dismissal it was intended to be and leaned forward. "Good night then," he whispered as he brushed his lips over Heero's lightly. "Pleasant dreams, Heero."
Heero quickly pulled away, turning to go inside the apartment, shutting the door firmly behind him. Duo sighed.
"If you've reached this number intentionally, you already know who I am. I'm either out or unable to answer your call. Leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can."
Duo hung up the phone. He knew where he had to go... and what he could expect.
//OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!//
//DRAMA shitate no FAKE IT MOON
kodoku o seou STORY TALE
sameta hitomi de MAKE IT BLUE//~DRAMA making a FAKE IT MOON
Burdened with loneliness STORY TALE
Shark's eye MAKE IT BLUE~
"That's right, pretty boy." Hands roamed over golden skin. "I'm gonna fuck you like the good little slut you are. You want that, don't you? Huh?"
"Just do it... "
A condom was passed. A zipper was undone. A barely audible gasp of pain was heard as hands grabbed hips roughly.
The man didn't get any farther. Duo hit him from behind, knocking the guy out cold. He used his foot to roll the man away and turned his attention back to the reason for him being in the alley. Heero was standing there, his pants around his ankles, looking over his shoulder in a mixture of fear and anger.
"You wouldn't have sex with me last night, but you come to this place and offer yourself like some damn piece of meat?" Duo asked harshly. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Why does it matter to you?" came the cold reply, and Duo knew those blue eyes were flashing challengingly even though he couldn't see them in the dark.
Duo took a couple steps forward. "Why does it matter to me? Why shouldn't it matter to me?" He stood in front of the other boy, shaking his head in disbelief. "Heero, we've been through a lot of shit together, but we made it out alive. Why are you letting people use you like this? Why didn't you come to me? If you needed someone so badly, why couldn't you just fucking come to me?"
"You can't give me what I need, Duo."
Duo felt anger surge through him. He stepped closer, shoving Heero to the brick wall as he pressed against him from behind. "Is this what you need? A quick fuck in an alley? Someone shoving his cock up your ass without prep with only a lubed condom to keep it from tearing? You think this is some kind of retribution? Of penance?"
"You wouldn't understand..." Heero began, but was interrupted by Duo's mirthless laughter.
"I wouldn't understand?" Duo reached into his pocket to pull out a foil square. "You think just because I can smile means I don't know what guilt and remorse feel like?" He pulled down his zipper, releasing his hardening erection. "You think because I allow myself to enjoy the peace I fought for that I have no shame for some of the things I've done?" He put the condom on himself, using one hand to spread Heeros cheeks. "You think that I haven't let guys fuck me until I couldn't cry out anymore? That I haven't let them use my body because I thought I deserved the pain?" He positioned himself against Heero's opening. "If you do, then you're the one who doesn't fucking understand!" he growled as he penetrated the other boy completely with one forceful thrust.
"Duo!" Heero cried out as the other boy entered him. He'd endured this before, wanting to feel the pain, but because it was someone he knew, someone he trusted... someone he loved... it hurt in an entirely different way. It hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt before... because it reached his heart.
Duo held himself still, waiting for Heero to relax around him. He didn't want it to have to come to this, but if it was the only way to get through to the other boy, then so be it. "The only absolution you will ever find is in living," he explained as he began pulling out and thrusting back inside Heero's body steadily. "To laugh, to cry, to even love, knowing we don't deserve it is the only true sacrifice that will cleanse us." The tempo increased, Heero's harsh breaths accentuating Duo's panted out words. "Pain can never give you forgiveness, Heero." He reached around the other boy, grasping his neglected erection to begin pumping it. "Only finding reasons to live can."
Heero closed his eyes, trying to keep Duo's voice from getting through to him, but the truth of those words and the feel of Duo's body thrusting into his was just too much to fight against. No one ever touched him while they did this. No one ever gave his needs a second thought. No one ever wanted to give him pleasure. He made sure he chose the kind who didn't, because he couldn't afford to enjoy this, couldn't let himself feel anything but pain and shame, or it would defeat the purpose in him doing it to begin with. Apparently, Duo knew that. Heero wanted to beg the other boy to stop, but even though his mind was rejecting this as what he needed, his heart was crying out for more. As Duo sped up their pace, Heero listened to the braided boy's voice continuing to plead with him.
"Let me be one of those reasons, Heero," Duo said huskily, close to release and wanting Heero to go over the edge with him. "Let me help you learn how to forgive yourself and live. I know what you need. Let me give it to you, koibito. Let me be what you need."
A feeling of desire welled up inside of Heero, pushing beyond the walls of indifference and despair, to open up the channel of Heero's emotions. The raw intensity of reconnecting those long-dead pathways tore through the dark-haired boy, and a sound unlike anything he'd ever uttered echoed in the dirty alleyway. It was between a scream and a wail, as one word was uttered. It was his last attempt to hold back, but he also knew it was a cry of surrender.
"IIIIIYAAAAA!" tore from Heero's throat as his orgasm hit him like a lighting bolt. Every single nerve ending seemed to tingle as he was filled with an incredible feeling of release, his seed pouring out of him all over Duo's still pumping hand. He heard Duo yell out in ecstasy and felt warmth fill the condom within his passage. His last conscious thought was that he wished he could have felt Duo's essence marking his body the way the other boy had already marked his heart. Then there was blessed darkness.
Duo let the euphoria overtake him as Heero came. Knowing that he had given that to the other boy, had broken through those barriers, brought on his own completion as much as the tightening of Heero's body around his shaft. He had to close his eyes as waves after wave of sensation coursed through him, pleasure filling him as his semen filled the condom inside Heero. His voice filled the night air, and he was still shaking from the intensity of it when he felt Heero go limp in his arms. It was a struggle to hold onto the other boy since Duo was weak physically and emotionally from what they'd just done. He managed to balance them enough to get their clothes back in place, and then picking Heero up, made his way to the curb to hail a cab.
The first thing Heero realized when he awoke was that he was naked. The second was that he was lying down. The third was that there was someone with him. Dark blue eyes opened... to meet violet.
"Why?" Duo asked softly.
Heero took in the other boy lying beside him. Duo was naked as well; his long chestnut hair down for only the second time Heero had ever seen it. He didn't have to wonder what Duo was asking - he knew.
"Punishment," he replied evenly.
Duo reached out and caressed his face. "But there's more, isn't there? Tell me, Heero. Tell me all of it."
Heero closed his eyes. "I... I can't..."
"Tell me, Heero," Duo said again, his voice steady. All of the anger from before had long faded.
Heero took a deep breath. "Relena."
Duo frowned. "Relena?"
Heero opened his eyes, a hard glint to them. "She can never have what she wants so why should I?"
Duo was stunned. "What does she want?"
"My heart."
Duo narrowed his eyes. "And you don't want to give it to her?"
Heero sighed heavily. He didn't want to talk about this, but he knew Duo wouldn't leave it alone. "I can't give it to her."
"Why?"
Blue eyes gazed into violet, amusement tinge with - bitterness? - Filling them. "Because a little thief I know stole it already."
Duo felt his own heart skip a beat. He had never known. "So why aren't you with this 'little thief' then?"
Heero's eyes hardened again. "It's my fault Relena can't be happy, so why should I be?"
It was Duo's turn to sigh. He quickly rolled over on top of Heero before the other boy could react. He looked down at Heero, saw the uncertainty in those blue depths, and smiled. "Relena needs to learn that she can't always have what she wants... and you need to learn that sometimes you can."
"Duo..." Heero began, but the longhaired boy put a finger over his lips, stilling his argument.
"Relena is alive, Heero. She can find her own happiness. You do not owe it to her to make her dreams come true." He saw Heero begin to struggle again and decided to try something else. "What about that little girl?"
Heero stilled. "What?"
Duo continued, "The little girl with her dog, Heero. She will never grown up, never know what it's like to fall in love. Why can't you live for her? Why can't you love me, because she never will be able to love someone like that? Why punish yourself for something you can never change? Make amends by not letting something bad keep something good from happening. Learn how to live for those who died as well as for yourself."
Heero thought about it for a moment. Could it be that simple? Did he dare try? He looked up into shining violet and knew that he wanted to. "I'm... afraid."
Duo leaned down, brushing his lips softly against the other boy's. "So am I, but fear is part of living. You have to face it in order to conquer it, but you don't have to face it alone. I'm right here, Heero. I won't let you down. I want to be one of those reasons for you to live. Please let me be."
Heero started to answer, but moaned instead as Duo began licking a path down the Japanese boy's body, finally engulfing Heero's awakened arousal in wet warmth. All thoughts left the dark-haired boy as his new lover began showing him what would be waiting for him if he could just let himself believe it.
Heero moved against his dance partner seductively, his body pressed closely as the pounding rhythm of the music filled the club. The song playing was familiar, one he requested every time he came there. Hands rested on his hips suddenly, pulling groins into contact. Heero rubbed himself against the answering hardness, enjoying the feeling. Leaning forward, he whispered sexily into his partner's ear, then began leading him to the back door once a nod of approval was given.
Moments later, Heero was pressed against the wall, warm hands moving over his body. He felt heated breath on his neck and shivered as bare skin made contact with his own, a throbbing shaft rubbing against him. His head fell back, lying on a strong shoulder, as a hand came down to his entrance, a slick finger penetrating him.
"Damn it, Duo, that lube is cold!" he complained with a growl.
Duo snickered, his mouth coming to Heero's ear. "Get over it. I'm not using a condom."
Heero couldn't help but smirk at that. They had been together for almost four months now. Duo had helped him to begin to overcome his sense of worthlessness and self-loathing by being there for him... by loving him. Heero sighed as Duo stretched him and then slowly entered him. No pain... only pleasure. Duo would sometimes take him roughly if Heero asked, but the braided boy still wouldn't go so far as to hurt him.
"Oh, Heero. You feel so good, baby."
Heero pushed back against his lover, relishing the feeling of the other boy inside him. He was living... for all of those who couldn't... and for himself. "Duo... kudasai..." And for Duo.
Duo smiled as the words echoed in the alley. Heero always begged when they did this. They came to the club often, but only ended up outside when Heero really felt the need to be reminded that he didn't have to be with anyone else but Duo anymore. It hadn't been easy showing Heero that he deserved to enjoy life, but Duo had been patient. Moving the Japanese boy to L2 had been a good idea; the change in scenery had helped Heero to forget some of the painful memories of those six months on L1. Now, they shared an apartment, and Heero worked at a local computer company. They made love every chance they could; sometimes Heero took him, and sometimes Duo took the other boy. Either way, Duo still found that it filled him with joy every time Heero climaxed. The dark-haired boy's face would light up, and those eyes... those eyes would look at him with such intense fire.
"Take me over the edge, Duo," Heero pleaded, their motions becoming desperate with need. Duo immediately complied with the request, his own control slipping away as he thrust into his lover with abandon. Both boys were lost in each other for the moment... giving and taking... living.
Heero felt his groin tighten and cried out in pleasure as his essence erupted from his shaft, spraying the wall in front of him. He felt his body squeezing Duo's length, and when the other boy yelled out his own completion, pumping Heero with his seed, the Japanese boy smiled. Warmth filled his passage, and he sighed in contentment at being claimed by the person who had become everything to him.
After a few breathless minutes, Duo turned his lover around, pulling up the other boy's clothes, and readjusting his own. When they were both decent once more, he gazed into those incredibly blue eyes. "I will never get tired of doing that," he almost whispered.
Heero leaned forward and kissed him passionately. "I certainly hope not," he replied in amusement. "I would hate to have to find ways to motivate you into having sex with me."
Duo laughed. "You never have to worry about that, koi." He gave Heero a heated look. "I could never get enough of you."
It warmed Heero's heart to know his feelings were fiercely reciprocated. "Take me home, Duo. I want to make love to you until we're so exhausted we both can't move anymore."
The song from before echoed through Duo's mind, and he smiled when he saw that intense fire light up his lover's eyes... the passion of life... the promise of love...
Smashing blue...
//Mabushii kiseki o irodoru SMASHING BLUE
hajimaru MAKE ME TRUE kieyuku tsuki wa SILENT
kimi no koe mo iranai SMASHING BLUE
Suhada ni nokoru kiramekimaru de TWILIGHT//~Dazzling wonders in this color SMASHING BLUE
Begin to MAKE ME TRUE the departing moon is SILENT
Your voice isn't there SMASHING BLUE
Naked bodies left to glisten in the TWILIGHT~
The End
(:./tk/smashing)
