Heero tells Fuyuka about Odin Lowe, a very sad story
"Dad?" said Fuyuka.
"Yes?" Heero said, reading a book about new developments in cosmology, the study of the universe.
"Why is it that I don't have grandparents?"
Heero looked up, startled. "Why do you ask?" he said as he closed the book and put it aside.
"Mulan said that she went to Sally's parents' house and they gave her a doll and said how pretty she was. She also said that they told her funny stories about the stuff Sally did when she was small, too. She asked me if I had grandparents and I said no. Then she asked me why. I told her I didn't know."
Heero closed his eyes for a second then opened them. "Come up here, Fuyuka." He pulled his daughter unto his lap and said, "Duo and I never knew our real parents, but there was a man who raised me until I was a little older than you. He was the only real father I ever knew. His name was Odin Lowe."
"How come you don't know your real parents?"
"Well, because that's just how things turned out." He gently patted her on the head. "My first memory of him was riding on his shoulders while he was walking down the boardwalk. It was warm and I remember something about him asking if I wanted an ice cream cone."
"He must've been a very big man."
Heero laughed. "No, I was about your size back then, but he was a bigger man than I am now."
"Ok."
"I remember him as a big tough man. Sometimes, when he was lecturing me, he'd point to a scar on his arm or leg or chest and say, 'You listen to me. You see this scar, I got it because I was stupid enough to... ' Then he'd tell me what he didn't want me to do, and conclude with 'So don't do that!'"
"Did he yell at you a lot?"
"Not really. When he did, it was because it was really important. From the beginning, he taught me all he knew about being a soldier. I was taught how to hunt, shoot, set up camp. He made memorize what to do in any circumstance including what to do in quicksand, in a fire, in a blizzard. He wanted to make sure that I could survive through anything."
"But why?"
"Because he was a hunted man. You see... " Heero looked down at those blue eyes with flecks of violet looking up at him, full of innocent curiosity, and wondered whether to tell her. I'll tell what she can understand, he thought. "When I was your age, he told me a story. I'm going to tell you that story."
"When I was your age, I asked him what had happened to my real parents. I'd sometimes watch TV and there'd be shows about kids with a mother and father. I didn't understand. He had never spoken of them before. He asked me to sit down next to him on a beaten-up couch, so I did. He told me that he had known my real parents and that there was a reason I was here."
Heero sighed, then continued, "He told me that when he was young, he had a very bad father. His father was the type who would demand that you do whatever you say and if you didn't... "
"If he didn't?"
"Fuyuka, a lot of those scars that Odin showed me were from being a soldier, but a lot of them... were from his father. He said that once his father hit him across the face so hard, he left a hand print."
"But why?"
"I don't know, Fuyuka. Odin said he didn't know himself except that maybe he was bitter that he didn't get all the things that he thought he deserved and took it out on him. He said that his father would say that a guy had to be tough and that he was going to teach him. He said that he didn't dare cry because his father said, 'I'll give you something to cry about.' He said that his father demanded absolute obedience and that any time he got 'sassy,' he would get it. When he was old enough, he ran off and joined the army because he knew that if he stayed, he'd do something horrible to him. He said that he never came back to see his father even when he lay dying in the hospital from liver cancer. He said that he didn't know whether it was out of hatred or whether it was because he was still afraid of that man, despite the fact that was a thin wisp of man by this time. But that because he'd never dealt with him, he always carried a little of his father inside of him."
"I asked him why he was telling me all this. He said that he needed to tell me all this so I'd understand the rest of the story. He did really well in the army because he knew how to fight and shoot. Those were the two things that his father taught him that were worth anything. Because he did things without question and knew how to ignore pain, he attracted the notice of his superiors."
"The mission he had been handpicked was to somehow insinuate himself into an organization devoted to uniting the colonies as a power bloc to force the Earth government into lifting its oppressive rule. He was to act as a spy for the government and follow any orders that it may later have for him. The person being targeted was Heero Yuy, my uncle, head of the Pan-LaGrange Point Alliance party or PLPA for short."
"You had an uncle?"
"Yes. I was named after him. That's why our name is the same. Anyway, he pretended to quit the army and went to L1."
"He said that when he set foot on that colony, he felt strange. All his life, he'd known only what it was like to live with his father and then to live under the thumb of the army. He was alone for the first time in a long time. He felt the sudden urge to run for as far and as fast as he could, but kept himself from doing so. He didn't know what this feeling was as he had never felt it before. It was later that he realized that it was joy."
"He signed up as a volunteer with Heero Yuy's political party. All political parties like volunteers, Heero's party was no exception. Even though Odin had signed up for the army, that raised no suspicions as many soldiers had quit the army in disgust to join. After several months of working, he heard that Heero Yuy would be speaking at a nearby auditorium. Without hesitation, he relayed that information to his superiors on a scrambled frequency transmission," said Heero, occasionally forgetting that he was using words that were going right over his daughter's head. Seeing the blank look on her face, he said, "He told his bosses what was going on."
"They told him that a colonial separatist, someone who believed that the colonies around each LaGrange point should only care about their own problems and not unite, would be in the audience. It was his job to prevent the assassination of Heero Yuy as they still needed information about his network of supporters. They also wanted to see what price a man like Heero Yuy could be bought. He was given the information and was told to act how he best saw fit."
"At the auditorium, he quickly seated himself next to the would-be assassin. There had been a metal detector, but Odin knew that a trained assassin could easily break down a plastic weapon into innocuous looking parts and put it back together again once he entered the building. He waited patiently for the speaker to show up."
"Odin told me that once Heero Yuy showed up that the auditorium became still. He was a tall, wiry man with dark, intelligent eyes and black hair. He was the type of man that you could see negotiate a complex corporate merger and chop his own wood. He was strong yet refined. And when he spoke, he had a deep, distinctive voice that made his words resonate. Something about the man seemed to pull him closer to him. He felt a sense of admiration."
"Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the assassin start to stand up and pull out his weapon. Odin yelled, 'Get down!' and knocked the assassin's aim off course. He then turned and broke the man's wrist before he could shoot again and knocked him to the floor. He turned to look at the stage and saw that Heero Yuy had already been hustled off stage by security. Strangely, he felt both glad and disappointed, glad that he had completed his mission and disappointed that he wouldn't be able to hear the man speak some more."
"The incident was in the newspapers and the satellite feeds that spread it all across the colonies. The assassination attempt was used by the Earth government to show how much intervention the colonies needed in their affairs. Odin had already given a statement to the police and was at home, watching the news when there was a knock on his door. Surprised, he reached for his weapon under his jacket, looked through the peephole, and then opened it."
"Standing there was a young, petite woman with long black hair and brown eyes and a man with wild brown hair and clear blue eyes. 'How can I help you?' said Odin, hand still in his jacket."
"The woman smiled at him and said, 'You are Odin Lowe?'"
"'Yes, I'm Odin."
"I am Fuyuka Yuy, Heero's sister. And the gentleman standing next to me is Shinobu Arisugawa, my brother's assistant. I wanted to thank you for saving my brother's life. He would've come himself except his security forces are trying to find if there were any fellow conspirators and they told him that he shouldn't be going out for a while."
"Sensing that she was telling the truth, he asked her to come in. "Come in," he said, releasing the grip on the weapon."
"Fuyuka and Shinobu sat down on a couch. She said, 'I was told by James, the manager of the nearby campaign headquarters, what your name was and where you were. 'I was wondering if you could have dinner with us after everything's calmed down. Heero's gone off-colony at this time and I can't tell you where he is for obvious reasons. But when he comes back... It's not much of a reward for all that you've done, but Heero said he wanted to thank you personally.'"
"He hesitated than said, 'I would be honored.'"
"As Fuyuka and Shinobu were maintaining things around the L1 cluster while Heero was shuttling between colonies and Earth, Odin observed things on the peripheries and funneled information out to his superior officers. He began to feel guilty and some regret at hurting these people who cared and trusted him, but reminded himself that all his previous missions had casualties. But his heart knew that this was different."
"It wasn't just because he knew them, it was because what they were saying made sense. Being on L1 and watching what all the other people on the colonies went through... It made him realize that what he'd been taught wasn't always the truth. As he continued to send information back to Earth, the guilt began to weigh on him. The one thing that kept him going was the voice inside of him telling that it was his duty as a man to follow orders."
"It wasn't only guilt that he was feeling. He started to look forward to working at campaign headquarters like he was missing something until he got there. He began to feel a giddy nervousness that made him lose his grasp on words around Fuyuka, especially if she was teasing him about the fact that he didn't get out much. 'What are we going to do about you?' she'd say, then tap him on the head with a report she had in her hand. However, Shinobu would show up before anything much would happen and distract her with some bit of news or an 'urgent' message."
"Dinner finally took place several months later. It was a quiet affair, simply Shinobu, Fuyuka, Heero and Odin. It was raining that night."
"He could feel the warmth between these people, the warmth that he'd never received from his own family. A part of him wanted to lose himself in this, simply to join them for dinner and not care any more about politics and war. Yet, a part of himself held back, knowing that he could never be a part of this because he was nothing more than a spy, a pretender. Something inside of him started to ache, something he had had to bury in order to survive."
"After dinner, he walked out of the door and was about to walk home when Fuyuka picked up hers and said, 'Let me walk you to your apartment.'"
"Odin looked surprised. Fuyuka said, 'It's on the way to my place and I want to walk in the rain anyway.'"
" 'If you want to,' said Odin. He noticed Shinobu sending him a dirty look."
"As they walked in the rain, Fuyuka said, 'You never talk about yourself, why is that?'"
"He said, 'There's nothing much to talk about. Anyway, I was surprised you're walking with me.'"
"'Why?'"
"'Won't Shinobu get jealous?' he said."
"'Never mind him. Answer the question.'"
"'Because there's not much to tell. It's the truth. I was once a boy, then a soldier.'"
"Fuyuka looked at him thoughtfully. 'I wish I had Quatrina here. She could probably divine your secrets.'"
"'Who?'"
"'An old college friend of mine. Quatrina Winner. She just got married to the head of Winner Enterprises on L4. She's good at figuring out if someone's good or bad and amazing with a set of Tarot cards. I'm sure she could figure you out. Ah, well.'"
"'Why don't you tell me about you and Shinobu? Don't tell me that it's not interesting.'"
"'Shinobu and Heero have been best friends since when we were kids. Heero was always the one trying to get Shinobu to do things with him. He also told him to make sure that nobody bothered me. He's always been over protective. Even though we're no longer children.'"
"He thought, This woman is blind to her own charms. Somehow, he found that rather humorous that she didn't know what the look in that man's eyes meant. 'Fuyuka, I... ' he said. He had no experience with these words, no way of eloquently telling her everything that he felt. He had always been taught what to do, what to think."
"'This is your apartment building, isn't it?' she said, pointing to the building they had stopped in front of."
"He nodded. Fuyuka smiled at him, then said, 'Ja, matta!' He said that he wondered that if he had said the words 'I love you' and if she had said it back to him, if it would've changed the things that happened. He never did get another chance to say that to her."
"Later that week, his commanding officer sent him a transmission that Heero Yuy was going to have to be assassinated because he had become too big to ignore. Without him, they would scatter like birds."
"Dad, what happened?"
"He knew that Heero was going to be killed. He thought of these people as friends, no, family. He wanted to tell them. But then the voice of his father told him that he was weak. The voice told him that he should do as he was told, that he was too stupid to think for himself. Even though the man himself had died, the voice lived on like some ghost, telling him he was soft."
"Dad, he saved him, didn't he?"
Heero shook his head. I'm not going to tell her that he was the one who shot him. Not when there were others who were much more responsible for that act, he thought.
"He should have done something!" said Fuyuka, rather indignantly.
"Yes, he should have. He only realized it after the fact that not only was someone close to him was dead, but that he had destroyed the last chance for a peaceful resolution of the conflict between the colonies and Earth. He wondered what he should do... He could go back to the army and receive the benefits of his traitorous behavior or he could try to make things right even if he became a man trusted by no one, despised by all. It was then that he turned his back on the voice that had haunted him for so long. He began his one-man campaign against the people who had told him to destroy the things that made his life worthwhile, the people he had obeyed. The only thing he had ever been taught was how to destroy, so he decided to do his best to destroy them."
"When my parents were killed by the same forces that destroyed my uncle, he was the one who carried me away to safety. He said that by keeping me from becoming the government's pawn was the only way he had of repaying back for all the misery he had caused my family."
"He said that he was telling me this because he didn't want me to end up like him despite everything we'd been through. He said that someday he would turn me loose so I could find a better way, so I could spend the rest of my life doing something other than spending it regretting what he'd done."
"During a mission, he was wounded. I wanted to find a way to escape, but he knew it was the end. As he lay dying, he told me these two things. 'All those years with you weren't so bad.' and 'Follow your feelings.' When he passed away, I realized I had to run to save myself because there was nothing more I could do for him," said Heero. "Even now I don't know where he's buried. I don't even know if he was buried." He felt her little hand touch his face.
"Dad, don't cry."
His voice shaking, he said, "Fuyuka, he did a lot of things wrong. A lot of them are unforgivable, but I still love him. He knew that he could never make amends, but he did his best. Despite all the things I know he did, he is the only father I remember and I can't bring myself to hate him."
Fuyuka wrapped her arms around her father's neck and gave him a hug.
Heero held her close.
The End
(:./mk/fym13)
