16-Jun-2004
This is dedicated to Mookie and Natea for the SDHE... because Heero needs a little emotional breakdown too sometimes!
Title: Had A Bad Day Again 1/1
Author: tkmaxwell777
Blood Type: Amaretto Sour
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Hopeful Angst?
Archived: Yep!
Disclaimer: I dont own Gundam Wing or its characters. Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise, and the original Japanese creators do. This story is a parody of their defined universe and is in no way an official continuation of the original story. I consider all underage characters engaging in sexual activity to be Emancipated Minors or the social equivalent under military service. This story is for entertainment purposes only. It is a fantasy and should not be read as a realistic representation of actual romantic relationships. Content is not intended to condone or condemn any of the lifestyles or viewpoints portrayed through the characters. I make no money at this. I write only for the pleasure of feedback! The song 'Bad Day' by the group Fuel inspired this lyrics are used without permission.
Duo stuck the key in the ignition, feeling the tension fill the car as his partner slid in beside him and slammed the door shut. Two years ago, he would have started interrogating Heero, trying to get him to open up to him, only causing the Japanese man to close up even more. A year ago, he would have allowed Heero to sit there in silence for the drive home, calling the Preventer every kind of fool for trying to work out his own problems. Six months ago, he would have just asked Heero if he was all right, expecting a quiet 'Fine' in response before he told his friend that he was there to listen and let it go. Today... today he reached over to the CD player and sorted through the tracks in the changer until he found the one he wanted while Heero looked out the window.
"I had a bad day again. She said I would not understand. She left a note and said, 'I'm sorry, I... I had a bad day again'. She spilled her coffee, broke a shoelace. Smeared the lipstick on her face. Slammed the door and said, 'I'm sorry, I... I had a bad day again'... "
Duo watched Heero tense before blue eyes flashed in his direction in shock. The song had a message, albeit odd in its nature of delivery, and from the way Heero flushed, Duo could tell his partner heard what he was trying to say.
"And she swears there's nothin' wrong. I hear her playin' that same old song. She puts me out and puts me on."
Duo didn't say anything, just drove the car out of the garage to head home. He felt eyes on him and knew there would be wary longing in their dark blue depths if he looked. He waited, but Heero turned to look out the window again. Duo sighed mentally and just kept driving. Waiting was the hardest part.
"I had a bad day again. She said I would not understand. Left a note and said, 'I'm sorry, I... I had a bad day again'... "
The braided Preventer knew the Japanese man needed to know he wasn't alone in how he felt. Even if it was little comfort, it was what Duo had to offer. He'd learned over the years that subtlety was his best ally, and Heero responded to overtures of friendship if they were given gradually, rather than forced upon him.
"And she swears there's nothin' wrong. I hear her playin' that same old song. She puts me out and puts me on."
Once Duo was off the interstate, he reached over and placed a warm hand on Heero's surprisingly cold one. He thought for a moment that his partner was going to pull away and felt disappointed that they hadn't gotten past this like he'd thought, but then Heero moved his fingers so that they interlocked with Duo's, holding on tightly. It was more than Duo had hoped for.
"Oh and I had a bad day again. She said I would not understand. She left a note and said, 'I'm sorry, I... I had a bad day again'. She left a note and said, 'I'm sorry, I... I had a bad day'... "
They were home a few minutes later, and Duo felt Heero hesitate to let go of his hand. He started to tell Heero that they could sit there for a while, but his partner had obviously become uncomfortable with the intimacy. His door was already open before Duo could even speak, and Heero was in his bedroom before Duo even made it inside the house. Standing in the living room for a moment, the braided man debated what to do. Making a decision, he went to his own room to change into his tee shirt and pajama bottoms. With that done, he headed straight for Heero's room. He anticipated being ignored for the next few hours while he sat on Heero's bed and watched him write his mission report. He anticipated silence that would be harsher than words as Heero berated himself for what had happened. He wasn't expecting what he found.
Heero was standing in the middle of his room, stripped down to his boxer-briefs, clutching a tee shirt in one hand like it was a lifeline. His eyes were clenched shut, and his body was shaking. Duo could tell that his friend was trying to hold onto his control with every ounce of his strength. He knew how that felt. He knew what Heero was going through right now. Feeling responsible even though it wasn't your fault. Knowing that a different decision might have still had bad results, but maybe not as disastrous. Duo knew what was going through Heero's mind all too well, and he couldn't stand by and let Heero deal with it alone, no matter how difficult it might be.
He walked up to the Japanese Preventer, pulling him into a fierce hug. Heero tried to fight it at first, probably seeing where it would lead, but Duo didn't care. They had been through hell together, and sharing the pain of it was all the heaven they would ever hope to have. Duo let his hands smooth over Heero's back, feeling the scars that marked the body that had fought for peace more than once and lived to protect it everyday. He knew his own skin held the same witnesses to his part in defending what he'd believed in. They both tried so hard to do the things that no one else could, but sometimes... sometimes it just wasn't enough.
"It wasn't your fault," Duo said softly. "The intel was wrong, the ship was late, and the contact wasn't really on our side. You couldn't have planned for that, Heero. No one could have."
"I should have at least... " came a hoarse reply, but Duo cut him off quickly.
"I should have too. Mullins should have. Peters should have. Hell, Une should have. No one person can take the blame, Heero, and I'll be damned if I let you try to do it."
There was a shuddering breath, and then Heero just seemed to collapse against him. Duo held him close, feeling Heero finally surrender to his pain. The braided man quickly maneuvered them over to Heero's bed, allowing them both to fall onto it together so he wouldn't have to let Heero go. It didn't take long before he felt the silent sobs wracking his partner's body. He wrapped Heero tightly against him, giving him the shelter of not just his arms but his whole body as well, as Heero hid his face in the crook of his shoulder.
"So many p-people... " came a choked voice full of anguish.
Duo nuzzled the thick brown hair with his face. "I know. I know."
"I didn't even have time to... "
"There was no other way... "
"I just w-watched! I couldn't even... "
Duo pulled away to look down into tortured blue eyes, his own violet ones shimmering with grief. "Me neither."
Heero gazed at him for a few moments, his ragged breathing evening out a little, even as he continued to let tears course down his cheeks. "You still... believe in me... trust me... ?"
Duo closed his eyes, feeling his heart break at the implication of those words. When he opened them again, he saw Heero still looking at him hopefully. He reached down and wiped the tears away from his friend's face. "Always," he told him, his own voice wavering slightly at the emotions he felt. He waited for Heero to nod and pull away. He waited for Heero to take a deep breath and push him away. He did not expect his partner of two years, and friend for even longer, to lean forward and brush a soft kiss to his lips.
His violet eyes fluttered closed for the briefest of moments before flying open again. What he saw staring back at him took his breath away. There was no soldier's mask there, no training to hide behind eyes soft and incredibly lost begged him for some kind of answer to where they both suddenly found themselves. So many things flitted through Duo's mind what this would do to their partnership, how the guys would take the change, if he'd brushed his teeth after lunch, whether or not Heero was just seeking comfort but in the end, none of them mattered. What mattered was taking away that stricken look that had been on Heero's face ever since the mission had fallen apart.
Leaning forward, Duo initiated their second kiss. Soft breath met his lips as they touched Heero's, and he could have sworn someone moaned out 'yes', but then warmth and pressure and motion overtook everything else. His purpose had been to reassure, but that purpose changed as quickly as the velocity of a shooting star. His lips were suddenly roaming over Heero's hungrily, and the Japanese Preventer responded with just as much ferocity. Duo's hands went to Heero's face without him even realizing it, as he let the pain and anguish, the guilt and remorse, and even the relief and need flow between them. No words were needed; it was all there in moans and whimpers, a language of regret that they understood too well. As they wound themselves tightly around each other's bodies, mouths still offering them a retreat from their failures for a while, Duo grasped at the thought that they just might be able to make their bad day go away.
Even if they found themselves weeping in each other's arms later cursing those who conspired to take life instead of live it and begging each other for reasons why they should fight when they were so tired of dying inside he knew he was damn well going to try.
The End
(:./tk/badday2)
