Jiyuri gets credit for the suggestion. This is set before the war, when Zechs and Noin were in class together.
Zechs Marquise looked through the wings of the stage. Even through the thick fabric he could hear the murmurs of the crowd settling into their seats of the auditorium of Lake Victoria Military Academy. The incoherent babble did little to settle the young graduate's stomach. He had more than stage fright to deal with.
"Hey Valedictorian." Noin wandered up behind the tense blond haired man. Leaning against a support beam, she playfully drawled out a greeting. "How's the crowd out there?"
"Big." Zechs turned away from the curtain to face his classmate, his arms folded across his chest. "Important too. I heard that General Khushrenada is in attendance tonight."
Noin's eyes widened slightly. "Is he recruiting already? The Specials have just gotten the permission to form."
Zechs shrugged. "He moves fast I suppose."
Noin leaned over and pulled open the curtain a bit, staring into the sea of backlit faces. "What do you think he looks like?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen him since I was a child."
"You mean you know him??"
"I wouldn't say that." Zechs brushed a stray lock of platinum hair out of his face and eyed his longtime friend and classmate warily. "So, Noin, what are you doing up here. You're not set to give your speech for another half an hour."
"Oh," She grinned up at the taller boy, a mischievous glint coming into her eyes. "Looking for you Zechs."
/Here it comes. I should have known she wouldn't forget./
"A bet is a bet." Noin practically purred, handing Zechs a worn sheet of paper. "Here's your new speech."
Zech's raised an eyebrow and took the sheet, giving it a quick once over. For a moment, he lost is famous composure as he choked over the "speech" written on the page.
"You can't be serious," he asked, with desperate hope. Noin smirked and set her fist on her hips. No luck. "This... Masaka! It's graduation night!"
"That was the terms of the bet, wasn't it? Or are you intending on honoring it?"
At the challenge to his honor, Zechs immediately straightened up, his face taking on a resolute and iron cast.
"Very well."
From the other side of the curtain, the cue was called.
"And now the graduating speech of 187's Valedictorian, Zechs Marquise." An anonymous, although certainly important up the wazoo speaker announced. Zechs straightened his uniform, gripped the papers in one hand, and strode out to the podium.
Noin's lips quirked up as she watched from the protective shade of the curtain. "Whaddya know. He's really going to do it." She stared after him a moment before breaking for backstage. "I need my binoculars for this one!"
On stage, Zechs stared nervously out across numerous faces, even though his many childhood lessons on composure kept it from passing across his sharp features. Most of the audience, if even looking at him, were showing vague boredom and disinterest.
/Well, this should certainly get their attention./ Zechs thought wryly, before clearing his throat.
"Dear honored guests and esteemed officers." Zechs began, his voice carrying to every part of the large auditorium. "It is my privilege to welcome you to Lake Victoria Base Academy. On behalf of the graduating class of 187, I would like to say..."
Zechs shuffled his papers, bringing Noin's little addition to the forefront. He closed his eyes for a moment and steeled himself. /I will go through with this. My word of honor depends on it. On the bright side, at least 90 percent of the audience is men./
His cornflower blue gaze swept the crowd, just as a few were beginning to cough politely at his extended pause. His lips formed something of a smirk.
/Ah, well, if I'm going to do this, damn it. I'm going to make the best of it./
Zechs draped his arm across the top of the podium and said in almost a casual, conversational tone. "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?"
Immediately, programs were dropped and all fidgeting stopped, as at once, over five hundred heads snapped up in unison, trying to divine if they really heard what they thought they did.
/No turning back now. Speech Making and Stage Presence 101 never quite covered THIS./
Zechs pushed himself off the podium with almost a lazy sway and drawled, "Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?"
A few gasps and muffled chuckles rippled through the audience. If Zechs looked hard enough, he could fancy seeing the blood drain out of the faces of the bigwigs on the balcony.
With a measured stride, he brought himself to the front of the stage. "It's swell to have a stiffy. It's divine to own a dick." His voice became more jovial and more forceful. The muffled chuckles were becoming outright giggles and laughs from his fellow graduates.
With an even more daring move, he leaped from the edge of the stage to the floor below, and made his way up the isle, speaking in the tones and presence of a true inspirational speaker.
"From the tiniest little tadger," He wandered over to a handsome aristocrat in the front row, picking him randomly out of the crowd.
"To the worlds biggest prick!" He scooped up the rose from the man's lapel and twirled it around one finger. The man regarded him calmly, but the faintest twitch of a smile was tugging at his lips. The woman next to him, with two cute curled braids, was veritably shaking with rage and indignity at the implication that the blond man was making.
He gestured to the bemused man eloquently, with the rose and a smirk. Turning on his heel sharply, he strode up the isle, working the crowd.
"So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas!" A few ragged and laugh riddled cheers welled up from the male attendance. "Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake!"
"Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend! Your Percy or your cock!"
/I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this./
Zechs made his way back to the stage, he could see the security guards coming to take him away. Instantly his mind for strategy and timing kicking in. He leapt up so that he was sitting facing the audience right at the edge of the stage.
"You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can slip it in your sock."
He angled a disapproving finger at the audience, as if a scolding mother. "But don't take it out in public."
The security guards were only ten feet away and closing, but no tension shown through Zechs' frame. "Or they'll put you in the dock."
Both burly guys lifted Zechs clear off his feet and "escorted" him off the stage. He had just enough time to shout, "And you wont come back!"
Cheers filled the auditorium, speckled with calls for an encore.
Later that night in the brig, Zechs was stretched out on the cot, lamenting what was surely the end of this military career.
"Honor be damned." Zechs sighed.
"Oh I don't know about that." A familiar voice called out, and the last one Zechs wanted to hear at the moment.
"Noin," he said in greeting, sitting up. "How went your speech?" He asked without interest.
"Heh, they booed me right off the stage. Your a tough act to follow."
"I wouldn't suspect anyone will be following me now."
"Oh I don't know about that." Noin repeated as she passed a card through the bars of the cell.
"What's this?"
"It's from General Khushrenada. Just read it." Noin grinned, fishing out a key and unlocking the cell with a flourish. Insatiably curious, Zechs turned to the note.
Elegant and long handwriting filled the gold gilt note. It had the vague essence of rose scent drifting up from its surface and a few of the same flowers were embossed along the edges. The note itself read.
To Zechs Marquise,
My friend,
It is good to see that you have lost none of the impetuousness of the boy I once knew. Although, I must ask that if you wish to compliment the length of my roses, that you should do it in private. Offering you that opportunity, please report to the Specials' Barracks Section 3Ab at 0600 hours for duty.
Yours Most Sincerely,
Treize Khushrenada
"The World's Biggest Prick"
Zechs: I can NOT believe you did that.
Nixers: What?? It was fun!
Duo: Get used to it blonde, Heh maybe now she'll leave me alone.
Nixers: ^_^ Don't count on it braid boy.
::grins:: In case anyone didn't recognize it. It was the Penis Song from the album Monty Python Sings. Once again, I apologize for my utter lack of taste ::giggles::
Owari
Nixers
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